You're chopping some lettuce and suddenly there is a cop at your door saying they're doing a weapons sweep...

you're chopping some lettuce and suddenly there is a cop at your door saying they're doing a weapons sweep. what do you do?

I pull out my dick and cut my foreskin.

What kind of lettuce?

Only answer

What if it's already gone?

Fools on you - I take all my food to the police station to get it cut up.

>stab him in the eye, pull his gun and shoot myself in my asshole

I hand the officer a cold refreshing beverage, everything is then fine.

Hand them a copy of the 2nd amendment.
> calls attorney

It depends on the type of lettuce.

Commit suicide

>Not shredding lettuce legally from the comfort of your home

Tell them to check their cis-privilege. They wouldn't want to turn this microagression into a macro one.

>implying you couldn't shave my nana's face off with that

Bin that shredder m8

I use Sheff knifes (or whatever that in the pic is called), I was actually laughed at in collage for having one.
>Having party
>Open plan so im in the kitchen cutting some snacks
>guy sees my knife
>lol user, whats with that knife!
>Its huge, are you going to slaughter an animal or something!
>half of group comes and laughed at how big the knife is
The fuck? its a standard knife you find in any kitchen you retards. Why the fuck are people nowadays so out of touch with the food making process they cant even recognize a basic tool you use in the kitchen?

Especialy at universaty, some people never even turned on their oven in the 6 years they were there.

surrender my lethal baby-killing weapon and accept my sentence of 100 years in a maximum security jail

>chopping lettuce
Only millennial women and urban retards chop their lettuce rather than shred.

Then you need not worry since you are already unarmed.

I wake up from my Clapistani fever dream and thank Allah for being German.

My brother was killed by a madman wielding a cheese grater.

Inshalla'h, my brother. Möge Allah mit dir sein.

Hide the lettuce

"weapons sweep"?

So, by 'chopping lettuce' what you meant was 'tossing salad'..

'sweeps' are for prisons..

If white act like a cuck and suck the officers dick so he doesn't beat me to death in front of my family and shoot my dog

If black. Tell my dog to attack him and run while he is shooting it/before he can shoot me.

If hispanic. Figure out how to sneak across the border again. Also I wouldn't be eating lettuce unless it was on a taco.

...

>south africa
>college for 6 years
>still spell phonetically "Sheff" "universaty" "collage"
>have to stay out of the black neighborhoods so they don't kill you

YOU!

fpbp

Tell them "That's nice, now go away." If they insist to come in, demand a warrant.

If they come in anyway, you're permitted to use your recreational nukes :^)

Ask for warrant which they will fail to produce after which I wish them a nice day and close the door.

Freedom is a powerful thing. Brits need not apply.

Not use shitty knives.
Wtf is up with the 1830's style ergonomics on that piece of shit, sad.

my personal chef chops my lettuce for me because I'm not some poorfag loser

What fucking language are you trying to spell sonny?

>throw the lettuce at the cop
>stab myself in the asshole
>die
The best way

This is why the post supermarkets sell the salad already chopped. It's ready for when they ban knives entirely and they are no-longer sold.

>college for 6 years
i never said I finnished

I'ma chef, i get a free pass.

i even go to work with my chef knife sitting next to me on the passenger seat like a cute obedient but wild loyal wife.

weapons sweep? THIS IS AMERICA THE LAND OF THE FREE THE HOME OF THE BRAVE DER AINT NO SUCH THANG AS A WEAPONS SWEEP

ask them if they have a warrant

>tfw failed the TV license exam
I fucked up on the TV history essay part, I want to diet

I tell the cop to leave because he needs a warrant and he can't get one since i am not a criminal

>Classic