ITT: we pretend to be canadian

ITT: we pretend to be canadian

>wake up
>head to the video store to pick up my daily free BLACKED™ Sponsored by Justin Trudeau™ cassette
>mortgage house to afford 2 steam games
>call plumber to fix my toilet, dont have the 5000$ to afford it
>walk outside to pee in the woods
>burn to death

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cbc.ca/news/politics/gay-men-blood-donations-1.3643761
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maybe some context would be nice you fuckin sexist racist islamophobe

I have a better idea: Lets pretend to be american!

>be american
>get shot

>be German
>get trucked

>Be German
>Get raped

is it mandatory for cucked countries to look out for each other?

>be american
>get planed

>wake up
>walk outside to a peaceful multicultural society
>almost trip on IED on the way out the door
>ak fire in the distance in the direction of slums
>blame gun owners and call them racist
>get fired from job because monthly diversity quota wasn't met
>on the way back trip over same IED
>as the bomb blast rips through my body I say #notallmuslims
>die
>a week later a Chinese family that doesn't speak English takes over my old home

>Be German
>White for thousands of years
>Feel guilty about things you didnt do so ethnically black yourselves in less than a generation

>Be German
>ruin the west four times

Don't throw stones from a glass house, Hans.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Be Canada

I don't know what happens next we just kinda exist... What do we even do.

>Be American
>Get Shot

>Be German
>Get Trucked

>Be Britbong
>Get knifed

>Be Swede


>Be Ruski
>Get bombed

>Be Mexican
>Get beheaded

>Be Leaf
>burns

>Be Korean
>Kill Self

>Be North Korean
>Starve to death building nuke

>Be Chinamen
>Choke to death from smog after failed suicide

>Be Poo
>Avoid Loo

>Be Israel
>Cause all of it

such wit, comedy gold right there.

>be swede

>be german
>get poz'd

you wake up and youre now a girl wat do?

...

>wake up
>drive my ass to work
>roads are filled with potholes
>gas is a $1.20/litre (thanks wynne)
>get some timms
>get fucked in the ass by monsieur Trudeau
>taxes out the ass
>work shitty job
>houses are fucking expensive

I need to get out of this hell. But all my family lives here in shitty ontario. Yes I could get a better job but damn I'm too lazy to commute.

Dis nigga

>Making fun of the Fort Mac fire

Fort Mac is the libertarian/ancap capital of North America, dipshit. Leave us alone. Go pick on Vancouver.

Actually have sex because it's easy as a girl.

EZ mode I wish I was born a girl but I'm not fucked enough to be a tranny.

Ok nigger you win

Become a slut

pls be my ai gf

>I'D KAwkwwKS

lold

how come its exclusively the brits/canadians who spam Sup Forums all day about wanting to be a girl?

hey fuck you... our Blacked™ videos are on blue ray. we're first world here buddy

I hate premier two moms

Who knows I'm happy to be a guy but if I had the chance to be a girl I'd take it...

Life sucks and I want an easy way to live it.

Be american: get mad

overrated post

become turbo lib, grow bug infested dreds and mounds of snatch hair, go to free speech rally, get ktfo

...

When I was an egg I ate 4 dozen lads, every morning to help me get large!

>be american
>sacrifice myself in the name of YHWH

>my daily free BLACKED™ Sponsored by Justin Trudeau™ cassette
Incorrect. The proper video would be BEHEADED™ Sponsored by The Right Honorable Imam Justin Muhammad Castro Trudeau™ cassette

lol i'm happy as a mf. sitting bout to eat my teriyaki chicken, listening to thrash grass. ready for the work week. Also several miles from the nearest ghetto, so I'm good.

>Be burger
>56%

>wow it's fucking nothing

Why do leafs drive burgers so utterly apeshit?

I'm eating some grilled teriyaki bbq ribs myself. Feels great to be free and live in a white suburban neighborhood.

>be american
>get shot
>shoot back because the dumb nigger only shot me once
>get taken care of at good hospital and make full recovery
>nigger is 6 feet under

>american
>put sept 23 prophecies in the sky
>get fat and diabetic
>one million Dollars a reverse mortgage a lifetime of premiums plus 200K left over for one dose of snake antivenom
>get swallowed up by wormwood
That great merchant city Babylon. So proud and never saw it coming until they were gone

>ITT: we pretend to be canadian

*sees dog*

*fucks it*

>Be American
>vote in election
>my candidate wins by 3 million votes
>other guy becomes president

Hey!
75% thank you very much. 65 if you don't count the Spanish portion.

Imagine having to share a border with Sweden and their whole cultural identity is not being British

What about Latvia?

>Be Canadian
>Get shot
>Apologize
>Get blown up

And also act arrogant as fuck they're better than you all the time

>Be German
>Get raped
>Apologize because I don't want to be Islamophobic or homophobic or transphobic or otherkinphobic or racist or biphobic or ____phobic
>Get raped again
>Get driven into by a truck
>Apologize for being in driver's way
>Get blown up
>Say "Islam is a religion of peace" with last dying breath

>Wake up
>My wife goes into the kitchen and begs for breakfast
>Open a can of organic human grade halal grass fed paleo beef
>She makes the cutest noises while eating
>Can't take my eyes off her
>Comb my fingers through her gorgeous mane
>She looks at me and smiles
>She doesn't say anything but I know she loves me
>Tell her I'll be going to work for Shareblue in a few minutes and that I'll miss her
>She saunters over to kiss me goodbye
>Wipe the fur and slobber off of myself so my co-workers don't make fun of me
>Log onto my Sup Forums Premium account
>Tell everyone to calm down and go to sleep because nothing of import is happening
>Ignore the refugee strike outside
>Turn up the A/C
>The windows burst from the heat of the flames but I needed fresh air anyways
>The flames kiss my freckled skin and burn my "Refugees welcome" tattoo
>That's going to be expensive to repair, so I'll have to work overtime tonight
>Drink my ice water
>It's room temperature
Unseasonably warm Canadian days are always a pleasure.
Captcha: Gas station

You and Estonia's flags are amazing and just grea tto look at. I feel happy looking at your flags.. But you really should give more shit to Lithuania. Their shit flag is bringing the Baltic states down..

This.jpg

>Be Swede

Yeah they should of have chosen there Historical flag, it was better, from the 13th of century.

>be canadian
>wake up for my morning timbits n maple
>see young girl being attacked by flock of geese outside
>honk
>make my dog suck my dick
>go to doctor for weekly aids treatment
>get back 12 hours later
>eat some poutine
>attacked by bed scorpions (still dont know how they got there)

They chose a nigger flag, over that? What happened..?

Leaf afraid of the truth

>YHWH hasn't accepted human sacrifice before

>Be Canadian
>Think popular vote should determine election results

This

No idea, tbqh

>getting butthurt over someone else getting roasted!
This is why your country is failing, Hans.

>Be german
>Go outside
>Get raped 5 times before making it to work but it's okay because I probably deserved it
>Ignore the cries of help from the street since that will only slow me down
>Get to work
>Boss rapes me and refuses to pay me
>I probably deserved that too, so I let it slide this time
>Go home to my 7 roommates
>We fuck all night
>They abuse me for being male and being unable to bear their children
>I blame the patriarchy and America for not nuking us too

>be canadian
>2 commie parties
>one commie party gets 30% of votes
>is majority

Muh Healthcare! Master provides & denies me healthcare as he pleases. I've convinced myself this makes me better than backwards US citizens.

Jesus, when Canada is getting more shit on than I am.

>wake up
>carefully get out of bed as to not disturb muhammed and my wife.
>go to the bathroom
>jerome is fucking my daughter in there
>pee in sink with pajeet
>make some breakfast
>food is all out
>paco and his 20 kids ate everything
>go to work at cucked R us
>sexually satisfy hundreds of black, muslim, indian, and mexican men.
>get paid less than the hookers
>but that's ok since im a white male and shouldn't be making more than our strong independent womyn work force
>wait in line for 3 days at doctors to get my weekly report on my HIV status
>buy what little food i can to support my ethnically diverse family
>eat a stray cat so that way i dont have to eat my family's food.
>go home
>wife and daughter are beheaded
>paco and kids are fighting with jerome
>can't do anything as that would be imposing on their culture
>go to bed while muhammed fucks his goat right next to me.

fuck off go back to reddît goat lover

I'd tell you to go back but I know that would be insensitive to the cartels.

你要一百万美元?
太糟糕了,拿一个炸弹,而不是

>we pretend to be canadian

sorry, eh?

>go back to cuba
no.

>be leaf
>wake up
>check my email
>I'm already over my monthly bandwidth cap

Pretending to be Canadian is pretty much all I do.

We're building a wall over 2,000 miles long and several dozen feet high. Don't make us build a bridge 40 miles to ship your ass back home, sharkbait.

Seems about right.

>Born in TX
>Not going anywhere

>Go bankrupt

>"At least we aren't American. We're really really different...."

>"... Eh, guys?"

...

they do that while watching American sports and wearing baseball hats (in the winter too).

Canadians really disgust me

well watching sports that are all ice based does get boring.

football must look like another planet to your guys

her butt looks edible

>pretend to be everything not American
>dress like Americans
>watch American sports like basketball, baseball, football, but NOT soccer, the sport the rest of the world watches.
>Get beaten by the American team in their own sport: hockey.

Canadians are truly lame.

it's okay, we don't even watch soccer.
only our kids play it.

>Wake up
>Try to get suicided by cops
>Get shot in the leg
>Receive appropriate physical and psychological treatments for free

We actually get a free membership to streaming BLACKED.com content as part of our CBC tax funding now.

Plus with the weed soon, things are gonna be extra sweet eh

please tell me this is true.

She was aiming for his head but women can't do anything right.

Yeah they rolled it into part of "creating Canadian content" by the CRTC, as some of their scenes and locations are in Montreal & Toronto (big places for porn)

They said it's part of incorporating more diversity and multiculturalism into our society.

Our state broadcaster encourages us to have an inferiority complex towards the US.

what's next? everyone has to get infected with mandatory HIV and herpes so tyrone and his hood don't feel ostracized?

>wake up
>attempt to leave bed
>i can't
>theres maple syrup holding me to it
>"eh?"
>remember i slept on a tree because the bull and my wife wanted some alone time

Stupid, didn't even mention the morning Tims run, or the pre lunch Tims run, or the post lunch pre dinner Tims run.

Fucking burger.

>be German
>go outside
>see daughter and mother being raped in the street by Muhammad
>don't intervene because that's racist

>be american
>go to a drive-through
>the medicine dr shekelstein prescribed made my shit so liquid i sharted myself serveral times while waiting for my turn
>the dumb spic serving keeps saying "qué, qué?" when I ask or three bigmacs and some toilet paper
>drive the two blocks home
>too busy thinking aout BASED TRUMP, how the wall will save america, Saddams WMDs and 9/11 too notice a feral nigger walking up behind me
>get shot

Well we have just passed laws to allow more gay blood donation, so if you get into a medical issue you'll get some nice fresh poz blood maybe...

cbc.ca/news/politics/gay-men-blood-donations-1.3643761