Juicero
>$120M in investment
>makes a $400 (formerly $799) always online "juice" press, that requires a smartphone app
>it squeezes DRM protected propietary pouches of ground up fruit/vegetables to produce juice that are $7 each for 200gms (8 ounce), the bags have QR codes and can be disabled remotely
>turns out you can get the same results by sqeezing the pouches with your hands
bloomberg.com
youtu.be
How to use it
youtu.be
Other urls found in this thread:
medium.com
youtu.be
youtu.be
archive.is
twitter.com
it connects to a smartphone though so it's web3.0 which means it is profitable
that is the stupidest fucking shit i have ever seen. just watched the 2nd vid.
>All that shit just to have a glass of juice
Why not just buy a bottle of juice or something at the local supermarket? Hell you could probably buy a cheaper juicer that does the same thing.
>it squeezes DRM protected propietary pouches of ground up fruit/vegetables to produce juice that are $7 each for 200gms (8 ounce), the bags have QR codes and can be disabled remotely
Fucking what
This is the kind of thing you see just before some major political upheaval. People will point to it and say "yea it was THAT bad".
This company is a stupid pump n dump. Anyone owns any part of this company sell. Don't invest. Stupid jews stealing our money again. THE CFO is jewish btw.
Its like a ancap meme came to life.
Is this some kinds of fucking joke, why does a drink have to be so fucking complicated, why is this making me angry
>DRM juice pouches
medium.com
>The first closed loop food safety system that allows us to remotely disable Produce Packs if there is, for example, a spinach recall. In these scenarios, we’re able to protect our consumers in real-time.
It also auto disables squeezing of juice if the pouch is a week old
wat
>i wish my juice had drm
>How to use it
youtu.be
Is this a joke? Belated April Fool?
...That sounds awful. So it just locks you out from squeezing the bag the moment it hits 7 days? Even bottled juice lasts longer than a week.
This fine Gentleman and Scholar speaks the truth, here, we are seeing the last air breath of the current capitalistic system, all boiled down in one machine :
-DRM in patented juice bags : NWO is around the corner and we want to control and know everything about you.
-120 million produces a 400 juice dispenser : The Silicon Valley myth is about to burst, the moment the military show they are the source of 90 percent of the worlds inventions.
-Its connected to the internet!
Finally the days of going to the market to buy some pieces fruit and using my 40 year old lemon squeezer to make whatever custom juice I could possibly want any fucking day for less than 5 bucks are over.
Thank you capitalism.
But seriously this seems like one of these "trendy" venture capitalist ideas from some kid of an already wealthy family to prove the can run a company with their business degree they got through nepotism. The only losers here are the investors.
>remotely "diabling" your food
now this is some next level kikery
you could probably buy the most expensive organic individually bottled juice for the same cost and you get to go out to the store and buy it in public so everyone gets to see you being rich
youtu.be
>this ad
Don't mind me. I'm just pirating this juice with my blender.
Oh god what.
A liter bottle or carton of fresh pressed stuff retails at like $2 for a noname, and $3-5 for fancy name-brand. And that's with the highest taxes in the world.
I expect a business would buy the stuff at 5-25 liters per dollar.
That contraption looks like some bullshit my dad would buy, that would be played with for a week before sitting in a cupboard for decades.
The Juicero merely lets the people who see your kitchen know your rich instead
TRENDIES!!!!!!!!!!
it locks you out from using the machine, but hilariously the machine is completely superfluous and you can just squeeze the bag with your hands
Pirate smoke, don't breathe this
jewcero
and btw, it will sell as crazy, burgers literally are this level of retard
>makes a $400
Or you could buy a juicer. Refills are cheap too!
>Juicero
guess ethnicity of the founder now
hahahaha vcs are so fucking stupid never let someone tell you that someone with more money than you is smarter than you just because they have more money holy shit who the fuck is the target market for this the vcs who invested in it the only real product is the $7 packs of pressed juice who would pay $800 for a smartphone enabled fruit vice
how the hell do you invest in this, is this some sort of thing where a financial manager takes your money and puts it in this because he knows the owners?
Can I facetime while I'm in the store and stream live on facebook then take photos on instagram later of the juice at sunrise?
Because if I can't, fuck that, its not worth it.
Just buy a fucking orange and squeeze it
wtf
looks pretty convenient desu
>A liter bottle or carton of fresh pressed stuff retails at like $2 for a noname, and $3-5 for fancy name-brand. And that's with the highest taxes in the world.
None of those juicers are fresh though, they're all pasteurized.
Next time get your own homemade coconuts...
This DRM Ruse Juise really activates my almonds
What if....what if capitalism doesn't really just werk? Is the free market a meme?
inb4 it was made by a jew
seriously, no one?
what happened to Sup Forums?
god damn they act like shopping and cleaning are so troublesome, it's not like there's something better to do anyway.
see
That's not evidence of a "tech bubble" that's just an example of one of the many many many retarded products that sometimes make it to market for an hour and a half, only to fail hard.
And by the way, while I don't know the particulars of this specific instance, 9 out of 10 times this just represents a legal loan scam. They make a prototype, get loaned money, make a finished product, ship it to market, all the while paying themselves at every step all while the "corporation" goes bankrupt. The other 1 time is when someone genuinely believes in something but is also genuinely retarded and wastes their life savings trying to make something happen
>when you receive cease and desist letters for manually squeezing a Juicero bag
"b-but copyright is good for innovation! We own the p-patent for squeezing that bag!"
the investors were losers the day they thought its a good idea to create an app controlled wifi scifit fruit press for lohas people
This is hands down the most kikey thing I have ever fucking seen.
every time
BLAME THE JUICE
top kek
We already know
I don't see what the big deal is, except that hte machine should cost 100 dollars max, and drm produce is retarded
It's all buying R&D, they will test the waters with this and then take whatever works and develop it for other products.
They have so much money this is not a big deal for them and I'm sure they have done similar things in the past which worked out like this.
This sort of tech and conteol.Of the market also really appeals to people with scumbag elite mentality which they all have no doubt
>Anyone owns any part of this company just kys already because you are a moron.
Fixed.
>for the times you needed water but also wanted to watch tranny porn on the fridge door
This whole make everything smart meme is getting out of hand.
the entire business model was built around taking the complications away from juicing at home and the only thing worth buying is the $7 juice packs which you can squeeze by hand
how the hell did someone think that vice thing was a good idea
>oh gawd, it's like another holosqueeze
...
>$400 vice with wifi
Expensive.
Wasteful.
Pointless.
$7 per glass.
Weak/no health benefit.
Wasting the planets resources.
You would have to be an idiot to buy such a garbage product.
Aren't the bags superflous themselves since they're apparently just bags of juice already? Why do they need to be juiced at all?
This kike got 120 million from google to make a machine that squeezes juice out of a bag. That is more money than my entire bloodline has acquired throughout it's history.
>pirating this juice
kek
>pressing juice out of a fucking packet
>muh helfff phood
I dont have enough clapping amerigan bears :DDDD to post.
How fucking retarded can you to to even consider buying something like that? This is the most millennial and pretentious thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
Its literally just uncontrolled botnet. Every company just figured out that you can sell always online (((cloud))) listening devices to suckers and sell their info
>Weak/no health benefit.
compared to squeezing your own juice true, but compared to 95% of the shit at the supermarket this is way better for you
It's so 100% expected now that no one reacts. People are genuinely more shocked when someone jewing people turns out not to be jewish, the reverse is blase.
>muh Jewish high IQ accounts for the disproportionate wealth
This is how kikes actually get rich
My uncle owns one of those, it's the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Seriously, why the fuck does someone need youtube and facebook on a fridge, capitalism is cancer.
I'm waiting for the chinese copy of that product.
Great now normies fridges and random other appliances can be loaded down with viruses
>user can you come over and fix my fridge
>i think it has a virus
just kill me now
Never mind the juicer, who would want to buy their overpriced pouches?
Remember kids, with Jews - you lose!
>buy a juicer
>it can only make juice from juicebags
So it doesn't even juice whole fruits and vegetables? New tech is retarded.
>San Francisco-based company
aren't they overdue for a 9.0 ?
Supermarkets have lots of pressed fruit drinks.
wtf im a commie missile now i'd rather starve in breadlines than have a screen on a fridge
probably makes it seem fresher
They're pasteurized in 9 cases out of 10
juice squeezing is a meme it's equivalent to drinking soda. You should be blending it to get the benefit of pulp which prevents the insulin spike from the sugar.
>Spend 20 minutes connecting it to your home network
>Still have to press a button to turn it on
WHATS THE FUCKING POINT
These IoT devices are usually laughable when it comes to security. Willing to bet it can be logged into with "admin" and "password".
So much better for you. Or I could just drink water and eat my fruit like a normal fucking person
>recycling by mail
tfw even Bulgarians have recycling bins
I hope I don't offend anyone with the picture I have uploaded, but I thought some of you might find it funny.
...
>le sugar is cocaine meme
What about vegetables
We need to end "the Internet of things" before it gets too late..
>cameras and microphones in every fucking appliance in your house. All pushed as progress by the MSM
I'm a National socialist not a communist.
>$400 machine that squeezes bags
>B-but you still need the machine to tell you if the product is expired, because the DRM label won't tell you outside of a barcode!
It's like someone decided to see if they could apply consumer practices from the video game industry to kitchen appliances and food. Silicon valley needs a purge.
archive.is
HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE JUICERO!!!!1
USE YOUR SMARTPHONE TO ACTIVATE THIS 400 DOLLAR PIECE OF PLASTIC TO SQUEEZE ESTROGEN ENRICHED LIQUID OUT OF PATENTED "JUICE POUCHES"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT I BET MILLENIALS CANT EVEN JUST USE A FUCKING KNIFE TO CUT A FUCKING FRUIT AND FUCKING SQUEEZE THEM WITH YOUR HANDS OVER A FUCKING GLASS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
wow and i thought the keurig was stupid
>are you retarded and lazy?
>we got the product for you!
someone's bout to make a shit load of money.
Yes, perhaps in a terrible country like sweden you pasteurise the huge range of freshly squeezed juices....
What the fuck is this? You're just squeezing juice out of a fucking packet. Who would go to all that fucking effort and spend all that money just for a few glasses of juice? Health nuts would know better than to trust some jew named Doug, no last name given. Is it just for fags and retarded soccer moms?
I like how they make a big deal of spending $50 on produce when you'd be spending like ten times that and get less.
here's the rundown.
illegal mexicans on stolen social security numbers in california wash all the produce and use industrial blenders to mix all the produce up. they shovel it into pouches and ship them across the country to hipster juice bars and milf yoga gyms and open in their sleek pouch openers.
wait one pack is $7? and makes one glass of juice?
NEVER EVER smoke weed while investing in startups.
Of course
>pulp which prevents the insulin spike from the sugar
This is why I eat cake. The flour "prevents the insulin spike from the sugar"
lol.
w..wha..what the fuck? How can this be real?
of course the CEO would say something like
>He declared that his juice press wields four tons of force—“enough to lift two Teslas"
it's full blown caricature
Hey! Billy Mays at least sold shit that cost less than 30 bucks, and could be at least somewhat handy. This fucking thing is garbage. Figures some kike out of Silicone Valley made it. California needs to die.
and then you get to clean out the bag and print out return labels and send the bags back. sounds so fun
Yes, but then they would have to handle icky fruit guts! "Ewww gross, I'm gonna barf!"
I mean, you don't chop and grind your own hamburger meat, right? (Never mind that you can actually get sick from germs in meat if you don't handle it properly, goyim.) This just takes it to a whole new pussified nu-male level.
Dont see what the issue is, its a dumb product and will fail. These things happen, wifi appliances are the gold rush right now and with that comes stupid excesses.