Tfw consumerism

youtube.com/watch?v=-i0UugILBJg
>$120M in investment
>makes a $400 (formerly $699) always online "juice" press, that requires a smartphone app
>it squeezes DRM protected propietary pouches of ground up fruit/vegetables to produce juice that are $7 each for 200gms (8 ounce), the pouches have QR codes and can be disabled remotely
>after a week the pouches won't be able to be pressed as they're expired
>turns out you can get the same results by squeezing the pouches with your hands, quicker than the press
youtube.com/watch?v=5lutHF5HhVA
>environmentally friendly company makes you wash the pouch and ship it back to them in a huge box so they can recycle it for you
>"Inventor" of this bag press is a jew

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youtube.com/watch?v=1rEkowig7-M
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Quote from CEO
>The Press itself creates three to four tons of pressure—enough to lift two Teslas—and enough to squeeze out every drop of organic fresh kale, spinach, apples, and other fruits and vegetables into your glass. We also created a connected system with the Juicero App.

why the fuck do i need an account to use a a fucking juicer?

Because late stage capitalism

>hey Tiffany, you thirsty?
>yes i could go for a glass of water
>no, you have to see this
>turns on machine
>stares in silence for a few minutes
>...
>stares some more
>...
>here's your juice Tiffany!
>t-thanks
>damn Tiffany, now i want a glass of juice
>stares in silence for a few minutes
>...
>stares some more
>...
>ahhh, refreshing

who fucking wants to wait for one fucking glass?

>122432074
>$120M in investment
>jew
Literally all you need to know. No goyim would have gotten that sort of funding.

Idk this seems like a perfect product required in all homes under communism

an actual fucking capri sun squeezer that sells your personal info

>power of a 4 ton press

why?

the more i watch it the more i am confused?

Eh, people probably won't buy enough to make it profitable if it's that shitty of a product.

Sillicon valley has its head up its ass

Somehow even fucking jewgle invested in this shit

I'm still surprised this made it to market.
It is not fast or convenient and it requires smartphone connectivity.
everything about it is a fucking hurdle.

It's because a lot of startups are more tax write offs, laundering fronts, etc. as opposed to actual business ventures. Companies put their money into them to hide it or write it off as an investment that isn't taxable like direct company income. This startup reeks of that to me, it's such an obvious meme.

You guys are looking at this all wrong. This is proof liberals will buy useless gadgets if you make them look hip.

Just take something totally useful and reinvent it into a useless piece of shit.

The juicero is only available in 17 states, mainly the West Coast.

Put the Apple logo on it and it's sell millions

Saw some video about this shit the other day and I don't understand it at all. Why not just sell the juice in bottles like a normal drink?

This is because the other states have laws against selling shit that expires so quickly.

>It's because a lot of startups are more tax write offs, laundering fronts, etc. as opposed to actual business ventures. Companies put their money into them to hide it or write it off as an investment that isn't taxable like direct company income. This startup reeks of that to me, it's such an obvious meme.
Why are they all going through CA? It's suspicious.

The bags have ground fruit in them, so you do squeeze fresh juice from them.
But, why not just sell the fucking bags since you can hand squeeze it better?

You know that if any scientist under communism even suggested this his whole family would be sent to a labor camp.

Also these startups don't have a monetization policy beyond buyout.

Even if it wasnt a scam, why the fuck do I need an app to launch it if I have to put the bag with juice in the machine with my hands?

kek, this

Czech'd

>Need to register an account to make juice.

This is so obviously stupid i'm convinced there's some meta level shit going on.

If anybody's wondering exactly what level of scam they're running and what the CEO is on, here's a side profile picture of him just to give you an idea.

Because they'd be able to squeeze the bags after they expire. It's genius, if you sold someone fruit they might decide that they're happy to use is after the best before date or even freeze it to preserve its freshness. With this level of DRM you can ensure that if they don't drink it within 7 days of receipt, it's rendered unusable (juicer will refuse to squeeze if it's expired).

i just can't understand how they can charge $7 for a fucking juice.

>tons
>of pressure
>enough to lift two teslas
Fucking marketing fags

But you can just hand squeeze the expired bags lmao

We should build something similar except instead of juice it releases cyanide and it's controlled from your phone so you don't need to sit around those cold icky camps anymore.

>Also these startups don't have a monetization policy beyond buyout.

Pretty much the entire startup "scene" is based around being bought up by one of the tech giants.
They have NO idea how to actually make money, but they will certainly hype up the "value" of their company.

This is why, despite being a company valued at billions of dollars, they can't make a functioning mobile application.

This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

Kudos to him if it sells tho.

youtube.com/watch?v=1rEkowig7-M

What a fucking DRM endorsing piece of shit

That's against the ToS. They could sue you.

Same way DeBeers can charge $1000 for a pebble.

Cool. I just bought mine, as a San Francisco liberal millennial I can't be so disconnected as not to have the newest juicer with an iphone app.

The best part is that now I get to have their best organic bag juice!

>there are people out there with this literal mindset

>tons on pressure

Tons, a measurement of weight or force.
Pressure, not the same thing as weight or force.

The CEO did literally refer to someone squeezing the bag as "hacking the bag" or some shit in a blog post.
>So when I saw this week’s headlines about hacking and hand-squeezing Produce Packs

>The value of Juicero is more than a glass of cold-pressed juice. Much more.

>The value is in how easy it is for a frazzled dad to do something good for himself while getting the kids ready for school, without having to prep ingredients and clean a juicer.

>It’s in how the busy professional who needs more greens in her life gets App reminders to press Produce Packs before they expire, so she doesn’t waste the hard-earned money she spent on them.

right, because it involves people having access to food. can't have that

This is part of the App bubble/"tech" bubble in the stock market. These kikes know it's going to collapse, so they're just making as many shit products for cash-fluid middle-class schmucks to invest in. When it crashes, goodbye stocks, goodbye savings, hello washing your hands free of bankruptcy.
This too.

Pretty sure ToS aren't legally binding and the worst they can do is kick you off their service

Unless squeezing the bag is copyright infringement then you're done

People still falling for the fruit juice bullshit....

It's basically just sugarwater with some vitamins and minerals. You'd get the same effect from having a pepsi with a multivitamin.

>DRM on fucking physical products
Oh man this isn't the end of this, is it?
Suicide looks like a better option with each passing day.

>the worst they can do is kick you off their service

That's pretty bad, considering you're out at least $400 on a previously nearly-useless and now totally useless hunk of wifi-connected plastic.

>Pretty much the entire startup "scene" is based around being bought up by one of the tech giants.
>They have NO idea how to actually make money, but they will certainly hype up the "value" of their company.
>This is why, despite being a company valued at billions of dollars, they can't make a functioning mobile application.
Why are the tech giants buying them? Looks suspiciously like a tax evasion scheme to prop up CA at the expense of the rest of America.

No, any scientist suggesting that would be given a pat on the back for being so creative with government resources, everyone gets the machine installed (so now we know how much people are using) and then the elite turn off the machines remotely against all political enemies.

Always since this thing came up i wondered:
Do burgers have no weekly markets in town?
Is it illegal to buy fresh fruits in murica?
Are you not allowed to have an appletree in your garden or some tomatoplants on yout balcony?

>Unless squeezing the bag is copyright infringement then you're done
That wouldn't be copyright infringement, but patent infringement. Copyright only applies to ideas. Good thing patents only last 20 yea-
>Schlomo has an urgent message
>"Hand-squeezing presents MYRIAD health issues for the average American consumah"
>"Therefoah, we propose that our incredibly nutritious and expensive-to-manufacture products be granted full protection by the FDA as a vital medicine"
The Jew always wins.

The best thing is that you have to use their fucking app to work the thing.

>400 dollars for an always online press
>8 dollars for carrots in a bag

>408 dollars to drink some carrot juice

ebin

Cryptocurrency or "alt coins" are also a bubble fad, write some useless feature in the code, hype it up and watch the money flow in. I roll my eyes when people talk about a future where everyone is using Ethereum gas to lock or unlock doors to apartments or whatever, I mean WTF use a goddamn key.

Is this not the worst like/dislike ratio ever?

It's an investment, goyim.

Because once you go public retards and kikes will inflate your worthless stupid shit to billions of dollars

This is a year old...

Well, those people that elected to go get degree in basket weaving failed to get functional knowledge on gardening, ensuring that they would be eternally reliant on the markets that stock produce.They also hate the subsides that make said produce cheap as fuck.

The IOT was a mistake.

It's a joke. Maybe if it made high quality juice at $0.50 a glass would such a buy-in price would be justifiable but it costs more than just going to fucking Jamba Juice.

It takes two minutes to squeeze a glass of juice.

TWO FUCKING MINUTES!

That's so silly...

Doesn't matter. The fact that it existed at some point is a testament to the level of jewry that plagues this country.

It isn't tax evasion (if it was intended to be, it's a shitty method since you can lose everything), but rather the work of (((investment))) analysts at venture-capitalist firms.

>iStartup™ makes some noteworthy crap
>People take interest and gains users quickly
>Say they're "pre-revenue"
>VC firms (((value))) iStartup™ at 11 billion dollars
>Alphabet/Facebook acquires iStartup™ for 11.5 billion
>iStartup™ founder & partners cash out

All summed up by this clip from Silicon Valley youtube.com/watch?v=BzAdXyPYKQo

No dumbass

no, it's insane what lengths some people will go to so they don't have to actually eat healthy foods

youtube.com/watch?v=74k_WuxnnZA

Gotta make sure you're not pirating user.

JUST CUT THE BAG OPEN AND POUR IT INTO THE GLASS LIKE SHIT NIGGA LMAO

But what motivation does Alphabet and Facebook have for making foolish purchases?

My guess is it's prototype tech for a different product, probably something to do with DRM food packets for businesses.

>it will take a couple minutes for the press to make the juice

why would anyone want this?

It's just another example of how out of touch these tech giants and business kiddies are with the working class.

they make you turn it on so they can "MONITOR YOUR EVERY MOVE" and "WEED THROUGH YOUR SMARTPHONE HISTORY, MESSAGES, CALL LOGS, LOCATION, ETC ETC ETC" because you know, all that data can be used for selling you more shit cause you were the stupid fuck that has enough money to WASTE on this fucking thing and you are such a fucking retard to buy it in the first place they have some more stupid shit to sell you and need as much information about you as they can, oh, let's not forget the fact ITS ON YOUR FUCKING WIFI WITH YOUR FUCKING WIFI PASSWORD SO THEY CAN COLLECT ALL THE DATA GOING IN AND OUT OF YOUR WHOLE HOUSE...

WOW... these motherfuckers deserve it. fuck em.

I mean, you have to cut the bag and remove shit anyway, how does a 7+ day seal up after? Can't you just mail it off whenever?

Thank you for posting this.

Reminds me of Randy and his margarita maker.

this.

We need to design some sort of eugenics for these types of people so they don't reproduce, but we can milk all their money from them. Like a true jewish nazi, like Soros

A more widely used anti-consumer machine such as those Krieger coffeemakers have their very own 'DRM' and will not brew your coffee if inserted with an unidentified coffee capsule.

>how does a 7+ day seal up after?
They have barcodes or some shit and DRM on the press means it refuses to press anything out of date or anything they tell it to refuse!

customer information, can spy on your phone and home internet.

They don't outside of ego and here's a protip: Google is ran by the same dumbfucks who either A) though Hillary actually was going to be a successfully, wonderful president or B) are so fucking evil that they would sell their country down the river for a couple bucks. Yahoo was ran to the fucking ground because their SJW woman CEO kept making fucking stupid purchase decisions.

it doesnt even make any juice
IT JUST SQUEEZES IT OUT OF A BAG

jesus christ, for 400 bucks, I could go over to the grocery store, and buy 360 liters of orange juice

Vegetables taste like shit. You have to cook them in oil and all kinds of flavorings to make them remotely palatable.
Based fruit tastes great raw.

>IMPLYING THE WORKING CLASS IS THEIR TARGET DEMO
ONE OF THESE STUPID SHITS ON EVERY BAY AREA COUNTERTOP IS WHAT THEY'RE AFTER

SELL HIGHLY MARKED UP CRAP TO THE RICH, LOCK THEM INTO YOUR ECOSYSTEM

A COUPLE THOUSAND OF THESE UNITS TO YUPPSTERS IS BETTER THAN 20 CENT MARGINS ON SOME HIGH VOLUME WALMART PRODUCT

Patent, technology and platform acquisition.

These startups DO have value, but they're grossly overvalued due to the tech bubble & unicorn hyping.
Everyone's afraid that one of these startups will become the next Apple or Facebook or Twitter etc.

The tech giants have enough funds to throw around money acquiring these startups, and each acquisition increases their value as well.

eg: Facebook buys iStartup™ for 11.5 billion dollars. iStartup™ is still valued at 11 billion dollars, so Facebook's value increases by that amount.
Note that there's a HUGE difference between "value", and how much money the company actually has/makes.

You think that funding they got wasn't embezzled or misappropriated.

>Not eating onions raw
Faggot detected.

>Introducing the all new iJewce!!!

>It's an investment, goyim.

Thank you, greatest ally

>he doesn't want an app for every minor thing so his data can be sold for good money
do you even hipster?

Oh gawd, 4 tons of pressure turned my grandmother into a bar of soap and flattened my grandfather into a lampshade!

11 billion - 11 billion = 0
Facebooks's value increased by 0.

You are the absolute worst if you actually buy a product like this and it makes me furious that this guy got funding. I understand he is just trying to scam a bunch of yuppies into buying his shit but still, do not fucking act like you are saving the world with your (((juice))).

>"Do people not like me because of my curly hair or that I am vegan?"
>sits in a yoga position

These are the app permissions for the latest version (android). Honestly, I thought it would be worse

>It reads your texts and phone call history

>overhyped sales pitch for bluetooth remotes

>hue
>hue
>hue
And now translate in english

Ops, my mistake. This didn't appear on the browser, I had to access the playstore app.

How many times are you going to post this?