A colonials perspective on Africa

Dear Sup Forums , i come from a European family that has inhabited , South and east Africa for over 100 years, i have wanted to make a post like this for a while but when i lived in Africa the internet would regularly cut out so i couldn't.

the purpose of this thread is to help you guys clear up and understand colonial Africa from a colonials opinion, a large amount of posts i have seen on Colonial Africa make me cringe , and seeing how Sup Forums has shaped my worldview i felt obligated to return the favor.

yes i did have family in Rhodesia

>i have wanted to make a post like this for a while but when i lived in Africa the internet would regularly cut out so i couldn't.

How fucking poor are you?

Also, proofs?

What's your opinion on maoris and cocos as compared to kaffirs?

firstly i will begin with the mindset that you should adopt when observing African politics:

>DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES superimpose European or American ideals onto African politics.

American and European political structures are incredibly simplistic in comparison to African political structures , which are extremely intricate , and although on the surface may present itself in the manner of a European styled system, the closest European political system i can compare them to is feudalism

>telling me about my country
>when my family has been here longer

This guy right?

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i was in a country with bad internet, i havnt met many Boers , but i have never met a bad English south African
old school maori philosophical concepts such as Mana are shockingly compatible with European culture , as for overall fuckery , new zealand criminal incentive seems to be mostly because people are bored which is ridiculous in my mind , african crime is scary as our yarpie can attest

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>tfw ywn wank in Wankie
fug

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my great grandfather and his family left south africa around during the Boer war because both the English and the Boers threatened to kill them

>4444
>44
>What did I mean by this?

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Internet is the only functional thing in Africa. I'm on a phone link in New Zealand which is vastly inferior to the 3G I had in the absolute middle of bum fuck nowhere in Sudan.

I call bullshit.

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>wouldhaveshot/10

also

Check 'em

Moaris are a lot better, trust me.

>i was in a country with bad internet
Where?

I'm pretty much a 50/50 Anglo-Boer mashup so I couldn't be bothered about butthurt from the war.

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many of my friends went to south Africa for boarding school , they were all brutalized by regular savage beatings by the matrics
not where i lived , it was getting a lot better when i left , but the system in the country i lived in was quite slow , and the area where i lived had quite poor reception , on top of that our electronics were regularly fried by power surges

Do you run a dairy farm bru?

This is why I'm suspicious.

I've had connection in all but the most doghshit unmapped rural shitholes. And Sup Forums loves to LARP Rhodesia

I didn`t have my firearm on me, else I might have. I don`t have my licence plate in my bike. All I'd have to do is ride away after picking up my brass.

Does the entire African continent have only one ISP then?
It seems like it, as their internet works, but you still see only very few of them on it.

>they were all brutalized by regular savage beatings by the matrics

They either went to some rural school in buttfuck nowhere, which would make no sense, or they need to man the fuck up.

Fuck off back to Africa we don't want you here. I'm sick of the fucking influx.

i lived in Kenya
i know full well Maoris are a lot better ,
my family does own a farm , we used to have a massive one but then sold it
ever been to Kenya? its much nicer than SA

Holy shit, was that your helmet footage?

>All I'd have to do is ride away after picking up my brass.

Buy a revolver man, .357 is a great round and you don't have to worry about casings.

lol nobody cares that some fag in africa shows his boipussy to bush niggers, we know that cucks exist in every culture

>T-shirt and no gloves
You don't like having skin, I imagine?

>gangs of apes killing eachother over scraps
>so advanced

I've work security in places that make Sudan look good.

>Kenya? its much nicer than SA
That's just a retarded comparison which proves you've probably never set foot in Africa.

>Placing any value in life
>Africa

Pick one man.
I don't think I ever bothered with any plates or helmets innabush.

If you apply this logic you don't get on the bike. Skin or balls Leaf, pick one.

My family history is too extensive to list, suffice to say.
My grandmothers(Dads side) came with Van Rebek. My grandfathers(Dads side) came with Cecil into Rhodesia. My grandfathers(Moms side) came from Scotland in the last 100 years. My grandmothers(Moms side) came from England in the last 100 years. I am more Anglo than anything else, my majority of family history is out of Rhodesia.

Par for the course to get beaten by the older kids.

>???
What did he mean by this?

I have a FEG Hi-Power.

>easily triggered with low speed low hieght wheelie
Don`t look at this WebM then.

I call bullshit, I wear a thick jacked at most when riding, and I have fallen quite a few times.
Sure skin gets torn off, but nowhere near as much or as bad as you might want it to be.
Stop being a pussy.

you can be as suspicious as you like , my countries main ISP, used your countries satellites
, Africans would regularly fuck with the cell towers as well , sometimes they would try and steal the generators
they did say that their schools were in rural areas , one of my friends said that on two occasions armed robbers came into their dorms and stole their electronics
i can smell the kiburu through your posts , im trying to be reasonable and provide insight east african mindset , im fully aware that SA and kenya are fucking worlds apart,
our families probably know each-other some how then , my uncle was murdered by a commie in Zim

Kenya nicer than SA? I'v only been to Kenya. Seems like offering a choice between two ugly deaths and calling one nicer.

>jacked
jacket*

How the fuck do I even manage to mix up T with D?
They are not even next to each other.

How do I get into securities work?

>FEG Hi-Power.
Nice.

I'm mostly 1688 Hugunots with a little German (von Hesse) on my maternal side and 1811 English and some Northern Irish (Ulster) on my paternal side.

Hugunots settled the Cape and Anglos settled the Xhosa frontier, Natal and later Zambezia

Don't give a fuck if someone else doesn't wear gear. But let's not pretend that it doesn't help.

i always try to be nice to you lot , but you are all so tense and aggressive, i get it ok , everybody knows somebody who has been robbed raped and/or murdered , can you just chill when having a civil conversation
where about did you go?
know people in private security company or join the army then start a security company with your comrades after your service
my family were poor fishers from Norway that settled in Harrismith in the late 1800's

*Huguenots , long night lads.

>Africans would regularly fuck with the cell towers as well , sometimes they would try and steal the generators

This I believe

>one of my friends said that on two occasions armed robbers came into their dorms and stole their electronics

Sounds like a lie man, unless they were coloureds or black.

Do you have police or military experience?

Explain to me how circumstances exist that can make Sudan look good?

wtf you guys have white robbers in SA?
in Kenya the white community is so small that if there was a white robber everybody would know who did it within two or three weeks
there are lots of business opportunities in security , logging and purchasing land , but it is very risky

Im Kenya? Nairobi. Not that bad, but it has that African hum of mania that makes a Kiwi like me highly on edge. I'm happy in the bush, don't like cities anywhere.

West africa can get pretty bad man. I worked in S.Sudan for a little bit but it was mickey mouse work with the UN, heard horror stories from friends and colleagues though, starving children, mass rapes the usual joys of African democracy.

Don`t have to be nice or even civil on an Finnish Camel cleaners text service, just how it is m8. People are just pointing out a few holes in your story. Remember you have a much chance of telling the truth as I have telling you those WebMs are really me.

>Do you have police or military experience?
Unfortunately, no. I tried for Police reservists but they didn`t call me back. SAPS is never recruiting. The army website says I am too old at 23 because I have no degrees.

>wtf you guys have white robbers in SA?
Didn't really say that at all but I'm sure there are. White robbers tend to do stuff like steal shares and defraud people though.

>in Kenya
Again, utter shithole with some nice touristy stuff. If I can find work there then it's not a good place to live. No where that close to Somalia is a nice place to live.

Those wounds are mostly superficial if not for those two openings.
Would heal within two months or so.
t. Have seen worse.

At least try riding without any helmets and other crap constraining you.
You will never want to wear any of that again.

No FN in SA?

>Unfortunately, no. I tried for Police reservists but they didn`t call me back. SAPS is never recruiting. The army website says I am too old at 23 because I have no degrees.

Hmmm. Depending on what you're doing with your life I'd point you towards the Brits (they're having recruitment problems and now take commonwealth citizens) or the French (Legion is always open to anyone, just be sure it's what you want) pay is good for both and France is pretty much a certainty you'll get to shoot.

If you want to stay here, look at TSU or something called 'Ronin' you'll start with basic stuff but could end up anywhere from ship escort to full on combat stuff.

Again, all of these are pretty serious, make sure it's what you want

There are orginal FN but there are many more FEGs, my was almost brand new when I got it. I'd say it might have been made in the 70s-80s for Sadam based on the research I've done.

>i come from a European family that has inhabited, South and east Africa for over 100 years
You seem like larping 14 year old. What exactly do you know about Africa? Seeing as you don;t even live here anymore.

My dad's father's side of the family (German) arrived here in 1681
My dad's mother's side of the family (Dutch) arrived in 1724
My mom's father's side of the family (French Huguenots) arrived in 1689
My mom's mother's side of the family (Dutch) arrived in 1692

I'm in industrial automation and have been to virtually every sub-Sharan African country. They are all corrupt-to-the-core shitholes and the only ones I would ever consider living in is Namibia, Botswana and South Africa.

nairobbery , Mombasa is a lot more relaxed , everybody i know who lives in Nairobi was robbed, the Kikuyu have a reputation for being hard workers but at the same time very arrogant corrupt and inclined to steal

i would have a hard time proving who i am without doxxing myself
you said "it sounds like a lie unless it was coloreds or blacks" , i thought you were implying that whites in SA committed violent commercial crime,
you are talking smack man , i lived on the coast near Mombasa for a really long time, the people who had major problems with somalis were about one or two europeans who lived in malindi or out past lamu , there are usually incidents around Garrisa with al shabab and the refugees in Dadaab and Eastly occasionally cause problems, but nothing the GSU cant fix , a lot of the security companies in kenya get paid really well for basically doing fuck all, however i did meet a guy who disarmed a bomb down at Mombasa port

why is it so suuper important to know where your greatgreat grandparents came from? here in europe noone really cares about these things

I spent a year in the Sudan/Ethiopia border where it meets the North Sudan/South Sudan border. Lots of gold.

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Fuck anywhere called WA in a country that starts with A. Ethiopia is cuddly, I like it there.
I had a visa to go deep into Sudan, but the guys there were following illegal miners. Not my Jam. I was told it was safe by the boss. Decided I did not like the feel of it and did not go and the camp was overrun and fucked up. The company lost all their gear twice in a year.

And look how that turned out.

>here in europe noone really cares about these things

Only a two time loser or a fucking Achmed
would say such a thing.

Brits closed themselves back in 2013, you have to stay in England for 5 years first. They have a few roles open now but they are specialist roles and you need pre-experience.

The FFL takes only 1 in 7 applicants for training, many of these are exmilitary.

As for TSU, I have come across them before but I don`t know if I can afford to be trained by them.

I know I sound like I am whinging but it is tough sometimes, I kick myself for not been born a generation back.

>al shabab

Okay man, nothing better than that vibrant mix of niggers and islam. You're right.

FFL, or come here and join the Marine Corps

the brits dont want anyone who hasn't stayed in Britain for the last three years , i have the same shit here
the entire reason i created this thread was an attempt to provide an insiders insight into east African politics , but then the thread gets hi-jacked by jittery aggressive yarpies, go take a mandrax and fucking chill , "AH VAT BRU YU IS NOT BOER , FUCKING ROINECK" *spits biltong crumbs over the monitor* , holy shit man this is why nobody wants anything to do with you guys in east Africa , you constantly act like you are under attack , even your language sounds like Sylvester Stallone trying to speak dutch , the only African language that i know sounds harsher ears is Somali.

you lot are so fucking twisted with paranoia that you assume that anyone who isnt, has something wrong with them, what the fuck do you want from me? do you want a blood sample to show you that i had malaria ? should i get the testimonials of the two girls in my class who were drugged and gang-raped? what about a phonecall from the rapists who did it who wernt apprehended because our police are fucking useless

the brits dont want anyone who hasn't stayed in Britain for the last three years , i have the same shit here
the entire reason i created this thread was an attempt to provide an insiders insight into east African politics , but then the thread gets hi-jacked by jittery aggressive yarpies, go take a mandrax and fucking chill , "AH VAT BRU YU IS NOT BOER , FUCKING ROINECK" *spits biltong crumbs over the monitor* , holy shit man this is why nobody wants anything to do with you guys in east Africa , you constantly act like you are under attack , even your language sounds like Sylvester Stallone trying to speak dutch through a mouth filled with rusted nails and battery acid , the only African language that i know sounds harsher ears is Somali.

you lot are so fucking twisted with paranoia that you assume that anyone who isnt, has something wrong with them, what the fuck do you want from me? do you want a blood sample to show you that i had malaria ? should i get the testimonials of the two girls in my class who were drugged and gang-raped? what about a phonecall from the rapists who did it who wernt apprehended because our police are fucking useless

Need a Green Card, my burger buddy. Else I would already be a Marine.

>Brits closed themselves back in 2013

As far as I know, laws have changed. If you can get a long stay tourist visa and hang around for about 9 months you can enlist, as soon as you're in training you need not worry about visas.

>The FFL takes only 1 in 7 applicants for training

Yeah Legion is pretty tough out the blocks, I'm tempted to go if this place gets any more shit than it is.

>I know I sound like I am whinging but it is tough sometimes, I kick myself for not been born a generation back.

Don't stress man, just do your research and stay committed to whatever you decide to do. Time is about what you make of it, nothing else.

This is an option

Actually Kenya is a very nice country and the people are very friendly. It seems like their ire has switched from whites to Indians now that most whites are mostly gone.

You get the card by joining up I think. I heard some sharts talking about this once but never paid much attention.

It's why there are so many Mexicans in the Army or something.

> they were all brutalized by regular savage beatings by the matrics

TFW the high school bans the Hazing of new students by Matrics the year you entered high school.

Muh heritage. And u fags' grandpas are all from where u are

I'm just triggering the resident autist.

I reckon it's nice to, lots of touristy places, but some real problems on the borders with Al Shabab. Wouldn't want to be anywhere near there.

Yeah, allot of problems. I would not go there during an election cycle.

How can we deport... Invite our liberals to Rhodesia?

Autism

The double post.

What did I say that was aggressive? Have you become so soft in the head already?
I was merely asking you what makes you so special that you have "unique insights" that no one else has?

Your post are semi-incoherent and have nothing to do with the topic of the thread.

>The purpose of this thread is to help you guys clear up and understand colonial Africa from a colonials opinion, a large amount of posts i have seen on Colonial Africa make me cringe

So why don't you start with "correcting" the cringy Colonial African posts you are referring to?

>An African calling boer "yarpies"

Nice try faggot, you best off grab yourself a six pack of Fosters.

you fucking arrogant pieces of shit just storm right on into any circumstance without a care in the fucking world because you are so convinced that you are going to be butchered in your beds when you finally crash from your fucking tik high
this is partially true ,it is similar to south africa in that we had two main groups of colonials, we had my lot who were poor ass desperate people who came before ww1 , and then after ww1 the british government gave land to a bunch of officers , who settled with their families , it also became a sort of exile for the British aristocracy who disgraced themselves in England by being drug addicts , homosexuals or those born out of wedlock, happy valley is the most notorious spot for that sort of thing, after independence the British soldiers left but the majority of the pre ww1 settlers stayed, my father has an interesting passport its a "british subjects" passport
there was a jewish kid who got caught masturbating and they forced him to wear a latex glove on his head

>there was a jewish kid who got caught masturbating and they forced him to wear a latex glove on his head

This is brutal in New Zealand

>you fucking arrogant pieces of shit just storm right on into any circumstance without a care in the fucking world because you are so convinced that you are going to be butchered in your beds when you finally crash from your fucking tik high
Are you schizophrenic, what the fuck are you talking about?

You literally have to budget for bribes.

>Namibia, Botswana and South Africa.
Pretty much this.

Well to be honest there is certain sections of Joburg where the whites are more violent than the blacks and enjoy smoking speed.

I suppose they have to be.

Have you been to Brakpan man? it's quite something.

yes we do, don't be such a cuck.

Yes, we always have bribe money on hand when going to any African country.

They will often try to arrest you for any made up reason to extort a bribe. One of the things I've noticed is that there are always cops set up a short distance from the border posts pulling people over who have foreign number plates .

That's how it goes.

The money spent on bribes is insane, especially for things like hauling mining equipment up from here.

I got worse roadrash from riding a razer scooter drunk out of my mind down a retardedly steep hill and bailing because of a tar patch that'll heal pretty fast

i thought it was funny , another funny one was my friends rugby initiation , they stapled a paper with a hole in the middle to his ass it read " Nigerians welcome"
i never said i was special or unique , i just wanted to make a constructive and informative thread
bribery isn't so bad, i would prefer to pay the occasional bribe and help keep the underpaid people helping me fed
in kenya you dont run into those sorts of problems unless you are rude or disrespectful to the policeman trying to get the bribe, its always a good idea to smile and ask them how their family is doing and if they have had their chai or soda, if they say they are thirsty , thats when you smile and discreetly palm them around 250 bob .
if you were going to do business in Kenya , i know people who could make it a lot easier

>bribery isn't so bad, i would prefer to pay the occasional bribe and help keep the underpaid people helping me fed

Get your head checked faggot.

Brits only relaxed for a few roles. Might be different there but I can`t say for sure.

Might try signing up for the Green Card Lottery this year at least.

You have to have a Green Card(Legal Resident) to apply for any role. Once you complete your service you can gain Citizenship(voting rights)

>tfw home schooled
>hazed anyway

You could comfortably take every white person in Africa honestly, just trade away a few BLM back to African Kangz.

Why are you so frustrated? No one was attacking, we attacked your lousy points.

WOWIES, a glove on his head?!? Here he would have bee forced to rub Deep Heat on his nuts.

Samahani OP.
If you are Kenyan I expect you speak a bit of Swahili. I picked some up there, I also got some Nyanja in Zambia and Zimbabwae and Setswana to get drunk effectively in Botswana.
Ninaongea Kis-wahili kidogo tu, naomba bwana. Iko wapi bia?

have gun, shoots self, in land of nignogs, fark off