London investment banker here

London investment banker here.

Ask me anything.

Is that really you in the picture?

What's are your current buy ratings

Sup kike

Tell me about the Jews

How has Brexit changed your long term investment strategies for domestic projects?

What's the most corrupt dealing you've come across in your career?

20% correction soon?

Did the city want brexit?

Which is better - coke or hookers?

How easy is it to bed the London Whale?

is it true that all london investment bankers have to ride a dildo bicycle down a bumpy hill in order to qualify for the job?

Further, what nationality do you prefer your hookers to be?

why won't you give that kid back his toppins?

American Sell side researcher, AMA

Is crypto making you rich right now

How much would I have to pay you to go fuck yourself?

how long until tesla implodes

How many times a day do you jerk off?

ofc if it was me there would be more money. plus I dont smoke. smoking is highly dilutive to your earnings.
My rating is to wait for the bubble to burst once urope is raising rates
jews are indeed overrepresented in my profession. there are rumors that some of our clients only hire / promote jews for senior positions. otherwise, i like them. they are usually polite, humble and hard working
actually im mostly active in mainland europe. i wont tell too much about what im doing, but once the banks are moving from the city there is going to me mad cash
fuck no, we didnt want it. starts with the reason that its bad for business in the long term and ends with the prospect of having to move to a city like frankfurt. we like our golden getthos in London very much.
That being said, I was trading volatility on brexit day and made the same that day that I would otherwise make in a month
never did coke. I dont really like drugs. its bad for your health and costs you potentially a lot of money if you get caught. by cost a lot of money I dont mean the fine, but rather the lost income from being banned from the city.
hookers, on the otherhand...
The whale was gone when I started. I saw his desk / what used to be his desk, though
I like eastern europeans
lol@anyone believing sellside research

Lloyds? HSBC?

Give us the inside scoop on the globalists

...

What's the best way to get started in investment banking?

how does it feel to be a muddik convert
how many times do you pray a day
do you hold your mothers legs open for ahmed or just your wifes black bulls daughters. or both

hows it being weak and effeminate aka britistanian

you coward punk GET THE FUCK OUT SIDE AND GET YOUR ISLAND BACK FROM THE NIGGERS

wont happen for as long as they can siphon off gov't grants

why is the pound surging

bet your firm pays 600k a year for access : ^ )

So ficc volatility trader on 5th floor ?

>AMA

sorry thought we were on Sup Forums not reddit

Crash in September? Fair prediction?

Is there really a ceremony where the queen has to give away her sword when she enters the city of london?

>I like eastern europeans
Same desu

I dont know anyone there. I met one guy from Lloyds once and was disgusted. They are sort of the kind of people who got shoved in the bin after school when they were kids

Start early. You need to have a solid internship in your first year of uni to get a chance at the summer internships in second/final year.
work your ass of and stay humble but confident. dont be a dick to people, the world is extremly small once you are in banking
get the breaking into wall street guide. it was helpful when I tried to get in.

because there are more people looking to buy sterling than there are people looking to sell

also, Trump (he's a funny guy though and that he brought our people from goldman in the white house makes me very optimistic about the future of investment banking)
have never heard of it but i would say its possible. the city of london is an independent corporation and has its own laws as I understand it

With Draghi doing what he does its likely that it will take some more time I think. But its inevitable imho

Holy shit dude. Nice

>the city of london is an independent corporation and has its own laws as I understand it
Important among these laws is that infinite rehypothecation is permitted.

sorry that you are whiny little faggot who is afraid that people are coming in his safe space

>implying im british

Are you going to stay in banking or move to a private fund ?
Best exit ?

>They are sort of the kind of people who got shoved in the bin after school when they were kids

What you mean by that?

Which bank, no need to give a name, give a hint.
Also which division, which rank, why do you use mouse for your excel and why you haven't moved to buyside yet.

i found out a i have a relative that is CFO in a top 10 bank, how should i leverage this for a sweet gig

What would be good investmnts at this time, such s mutual funds or stocks?

How high are cryptocurrency prices going to go in the next couple weeks? I keep thinking Ethereum is going to fall but it just keeps rising.

How high will Bitcoin go? How soon until the collapse?

What's wrong with sell side research? Why's that bloke a fag?

How does it feel to be a parasyte of society that should have been wiped out in 2008?

The only reason big banks exist today is ol' good government intervention. Socialism if you will.

What are you then?

Because majority of the sell side research is like pic rel, it's to unload inventory from the sell side's books.

Why would you trust someone to give a rating on a stock or other product without puting his own money in it?

He said he saw whales deck when he started so JPM vp1 I would say

something along the big threes gs/ms/jpm

you use the mouse to hit interns with who bother you while you are modelling

im not at the buyside because I actually dont mind the hours and I prefer closing deals to wasting time on researching bullshit projects which are not going to happen / going to lose me money
if your relative is smart, you wont be able to lever that, other than asking him about career advice
I like high yield bonds at the moment. maybe buy a house and lever yourself up on the low rates and hungry banks. have heard that a colleague bought his flat with a 100% LTV

I have no clue what those things are doing. We had a client once who wanted to buy c.20 million euro in options on bit coin. In the end we didnt do it because it was too much of a hassle to onboard the guy


just taking a piss on ss research. they are all corrupt assholes (like most of the people in the city) so you never can trust them what they write. however their reports are useful if you have 30 mins to get a picture about an industry which you've probably never heard before. For more detail they are quite useless though imo
German. And the only reason why I am sort of ok with what Merkel did is because I am making a lot of money out of it. In that sense the German media was right in saying that "refugees are more valuable than gold". Just not for the broader public.

feels pretty good brah

Neat. You at S&T? Which product? Bonds, FICC?

>asks about coins
>I have no clue what those things are doing

That's why I'm getting rich and you aren't faggot.

>the eternal german has infiltrated the UK
Good job

well, getting rich implies that you aren't already rich, so you are right about one thing

how did you get into banking?

I mean really rich, like 10 million to 500

desu britons are the minority on the trading floor. my team used to make fun about the few britons on the floor because of their funny accent. you can imagine sort of like this "Haha look Hans at zis guy "pardooon meeee, could I borrow a cup of teeaaaa?"

come back once you made your first million and kept it longer than a year

hard work, trial and error, taking advice from the right people. In a nutshell, I was working hard on my degree in finance, went to the right university and did the right things during my interviews / summer internship

Bumping the question on products you trade

Can you loan me 10k? I lost my house, my father and have no where else to go and about to lose my job

How many penises did you suck to get where you are?
How many more do you expect to suck to progress?
Family business?

Is it true that Saudi Arabia and UAE own London now?

Do you live in London or a cozy suburb? What part of the city? What do you think about the housing shortage and real estate prices in London?

Kill yourself

You forgot Qatar and Kuwait. They invest more heavily there than us.

Since I dont want to have a chat with compliance about what I did friday night on monday, I wont tell you that
So what you are telling me is that you have no collateral and likely also soon no source of income and you want me to borrow you money?

yeah, lots of arab money coming into london buying real estate. fucking disgusting people, but they just pay insane prices, so I can understand the people selling to those idiots

anyway im off. keep doing what you do. always a pleasure to hear about leftwingers whining about pol

loads of emone!!!!!!!1!!!!!

I don't want to be homeless and I liquidated all my assets. I'm down to my very last dollar.

What's the final solution to the jewish question?

Can you get me work experience plz

Meant internship lol, more seriously do you have any tips/advice on how to get in? all the fuckers rejected me