MASTURBATION IS NOW ILLEGAL!

No pun intended, but you conservitards are fucked.

patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2017/04/texas-bill-prohibiting-male-masturbation-moves-closer-becoming-law/

I don't think I have heard of a more unenforceable law.

Good. Masturbating is harmful to young men

We've come full circle. I think this bill was proposed by an extreme liberal.

good.
the bill writer pushed it as a joke but it's a fight against degeneracy

time to break a law

>letting christcucks write laws

JUST

>go to prison for fucking yourself
>get fucked by a guy

4d chess. The women will vote it in then have to do the same for abortion.

Not knowing the difference between gametes and a zygote.

Also are periods now illegal also?

I think it's a bullshit law anyway to force people to accept the "My body my choice" argument. Nothing more and it will never be enforced.

Imagine the wanking protests though.

Just you wait for divorce cases to come into light on this.

Pornography is destroying marriages at an alarming rate.

How are they going to tell?

>old article
>misleading title in all caps

kys nigger

i guess periods should become illegal too

>PROGRESSIVE SECULAR HUMANIST EXAMINER

Just ban porn.

Or just ban abortion or birthcontrol.

I dont care because they will never be able to enforce this law.

>thousands of sex starved betas playing biscuit outside the court house to protest unjust fapping ban
>civil servants forced to watch all of them wank it on baked goods and the biggest losers eating the frosted treats
>so stunningly brave!

Y'all are retarded
It was written by a liberal woman to critique anti-abortion regulations
It wasn't supposed to pass, it was just a stunt

What the fuck is going on over there guys? You burgers seem to be going off the deep end

Psh, no one masterbates anymore...

What if i jerk off but dont cum?

No shit. It's meant to mock pro lifers.

It's a national pastime.

LGBTQ facebook profile.

the same person who authored this bill supports and authored a bill for POST birth abortions

>this is somehow bad

And when I go 2 weeks without masturbating and have a "sexual emergency," I'm free to rape any nearby woman who isn't being escorted by a male relative, right?

tfw jerking off becomes a patriotic act of defiance

Texas liberals. Sanity was never an option.

i kinda wish this was true for some weird reason

Crusty clothes

She sounds like a prime candidate for the application of such a procedure.

I agree with the bill.

lol not at my door, fuckers.

fornication has to be outlawed too though

also being a homo

Checkmate NEETs.

What if you call it having sex with your hand?

Thats good, would actually motivate you neets to get some pussy and in a way theyre right, you kill potential life.

Ok fine with me.

Does this mean they admit acts against unborn children should be illegal?

I'm finally free

You mean it wasn't the black males who were destroying marriages?

Fascinating.

At least we aren't Italy

Upvote

Is masturbating on to a woman still okay?

>Legislative shitpost
>Actual law if enforced would probably improve life greatly
Ironic.

Cool i actually agree with her in some part. blacks should be aborted along with jews

>you conservitards are fucked.

No asshole, you are because now people know the type of disingenuity that the liberals are consistently forced into to justify their sickness.

>Masturbating is harmful to young men

Underrated

NOFAP POLICE FORCE WHEN?

FBI raids are going to turn up a lot of socks.

Hold on, I gotta go jerk off.

If the person looks too relaxed and happy.

Did you even read the post u made? The bill is fucking satire you goonish pixie fuck. Get off my fucking board.

its a fucking onion article OP, relax its a joke

Have a few days without fap.
Notice how you're full of confidence and energy compared to when you fap every day.

Clean your room, sort yourself out.

>you cant masterbate because its harms unborn "life"
>mutilate it as soon as its born

It doesn't even make sense either. Do these harpies even understand basic biology?

>JUST
form the foundation of western civilization?

I would genuinely love to know how they will enforce this.

I personally welcome our no fap police overlords

>sir I'm here to do a semen swab on your hand and computer chair for viable semen samples

>moves closer to becoming law
so its never becoming law, neat.

What are you gonna do when this law goes into effect, being a Texan and all.

No they don't. All they know is feels.

FAKE NEWS. quietly sage and move on please

They'll have to pry my penis from my cold, dead, jizz covered hand.

As long as they make periods also illegal (given that men can't control wet dreams) as it wastes an egg that could have otherwise been a person, then it's fair.

In other unrelated news rapes skyrocket

You're not my dad, Peterson.

Non-enforcable. They can't do shit.

Its true you know. Maybe if you stopped sitting in your room masturbating all day you'd have better things to do than shill Sup Forums.

it's a meme law you retards the writer of the law is a retarded feminist trying to push more abortion in Texas

trump wasn't supposed to win

you need to stop posting plebbit. You just aren't a as funny as you think you are.

You forgot

>in Texas and still hasn't passed

literally who cares.

good

This reminds me of when some anti-war Democrat kept pushing for a draft when Bush was in office and Left media kept screaming "they're trying to start a draft!" without mentioning the author of the legislation.

>thinks this is roddit posting
>being this new