My Mother was diagnosed schizophrenic when she was 28. When I asked her what had happened to her she said she had lost her soul and she was going to Hell. She died a couple of years ago and I only found out a few days ago. I've been struggling with an inconsistency of Self and I found some solace and substantial grounding in the realisation that Jesus was a real man. I can't explain it other than to say it gave me what felt like a firm grip of reality in contrast to what my perception had been for all of my life up to that point.
It was truly mind blowing.
So a few days before I found out she was gone I had a dream and I want to tell you about it.
I was conscious of being in a dark forlorn open space in the darkest and coldest of nights. It was reminiscent of a grave yard but it was in a kind of valley although the sides of this valley were shear rock faces. It wasn't deep, perhaps 15-20 metres with a large outcrop of rock obscuring my vision and large heavily leaved trees. There was a biting wind blowing through this place and a sound like a forest at night. in the distance at the foot of the cliff face there were two people who seemed to be having a heated conversation. I didn't know who they were but it was important that I reach them. As dreams do it skipped time and the next moment I found myself in the position they were previously in but they had moved down what I now saw was a path that led between the cliff face and the outcrop that had previously obscured my vision. The atmosphere was so drenched in an awful incapacitating fear that I could barely move but I sensed a presence above and behind me. Looking toward it I saw the figure of a man, he was dressed in a robe that seemed to be made of the blackest of night, a colour that matched his head and in silhouette two large growths pointed straight up bluntly from either side of his terrible black head and where his eyes would be two red lights like glowing coal were looking directly at me.
-cont.
