>be me, on vacation to America
>at the border, fat redneck border agent
>''Scuse me sir, do you pledge allegiance to the flag?"
>lol, wut?
>"I said, DO YOU PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG?"
>umm okay.
>"Kiss the flag, Sir."
>wut?
>"Sir, I said KISS THE FLAG."
>Okay *kiss flag* Can I go now?
>"Sir how long will you be in the land of the free?"
>two weeks
>"And where will you be performing your daily pledge of allegiance?"
>Oh, I thought only American citizens had to do that.
>"Sir, if you do not have an allegiance flag we can issue you one."
>What if I don't want to pledge allegiance to a piece of cloth?
>"Sir, when your in America, you pledge allegiance to’merica's flag."
>Okay, I'll take a flag and pledge allegiance to it every day.
>"Enjoy your stay in America, Sir."
>Board public transit
>Shuttles me directly to Bible Camp
>bedsheets and pillow cases are American flag pattern.
>camp director arrives: it's Kim Davis
>Leads prayer in the mess hall
>Double BigMacs for lunch, cheesecake surprise for dessert
>Keith Urban leads after dinner hymns
>Go outside, giant American flag spread across lawn
>forced to kneel down and pray to the flag
>this happens five times a day
>Leave after three days
>Get on public transit, shuttles me straight to ground zero
>"Sir, do you pledge allegiance to the heroes?"
>Who?
>"Sir, to the heroes? Have you forgotten about 9/11?"
>no
>"Sir, when was the last time you pledged allegiance to the flag?"
>Three days ago.
>Get arrested, forced to kneel in front of freedom tower
>officer yells at me: "Repeat after me: 'I pledge allegiance. To the flag. And the heroes.'"
>Eventually give in: I pledge allegiance. To the flag. And the heroes.
>start crying
>dry my tears with mcdonalds napkins
>I love the flag
>I love the heroes
>tfw nevar forget.
America Hate Thread
All of this seems perfectly reasonable
What type of fetishistic fantasy are this?
Ignore leafposters. Real canadians looking for discussion will change their flags so they'd have a more honest conversation with the other faggots on this board.
Fpbp
>implying these are bad things
...
thanks for the lols
Ur shit at greentext stories leaf
America has like 5th best party drugs tho. Canada is all fentynl laced shite
>america hate
>posts american GOAT animation franchise (at least the first few seasons)
Things Americans actually believe, vol. 1:
>they live in a free country
>they live in the best country in the world
>their country is, generally, a force for good in the world
>Americans aren't, generally, fat, disgusting, ignorant pigs
>Sequels, prequels, and remakes are art
>black people are tacitly the best athletes and musicians
baka
>Be Canadian
>See neighbor with red and white canadian flag
>Report him immediately to the hate police
>See him carried away in cuffs
>Proudly salute my gay pride maple leaf as they turn the corner
>get shot
You forgot young leaf
>Calls something American the greatest of all time.
>Has to walk his statement back before the end of the sentence.
kek, I will call you the good leaf.
>created by a Canadian
You've been leaf'd
I can't even tell if this a real leaf shitposter. You wouldn't fake being a leaf on the internet right?
Thanks for that user.
Really makes me think.
...
Quit being a pussy and buy some body armor it's cheap
Triggered americans!
Give me an honest guess of how many times you've recited the pledge of allegiance in your life...seriously. 1 000? 10 000? 50 000?
How many times have you pledged allegiance to a piece of fabric that was probably made in China?
fpbp
GODAMN IT"S GOOD TO BE AN AMERICAN!!!!
What's the problem, leaf? You some kinda fag who is too good to pledge your allegiance to the flag and the brave heroes who died in 9/11?
Yes. Everyone knows that forced repetition is one of the most useful tools of totalitarians.
You know you can hide your flag now.
You could've hid your flag with 2 clicks.
A leaf is a man who is neither proud nor ashamed of his identity. He speaks his mind. He admits his beliefs. He stands by his word. A leaf never hides.
Things Americans actually believe, vol. 2:
>they were the main victims of 9/11
>they were the main victims of the war in Iraq
>America is educated
>America is the greatest country in the world (holy shit)
Around 2500
The world consumes American culture like ravenous dogs. Not our fault we are the greatest culture ever.
> not buying a gun and doing the shooting
t.lowT
Some recent examples of American "culture":
>big bang thery
>2 broke girl
>keepin gup kardashins
Kill yourselves
So it's burned into your brain. I feel bad for you.
>Go outside, giant American flag spread across lawn
This is where I realized you were LARPing. We don't let it touch the ground, leaffag.
...
God damn I love America.
The cunts living in the twin towers probablyh deserved it. Bunch of kike faggots.
A FUCKING LEAF.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fpbp
fpbp
>this man is Canada's ruler
>for some reason Canadians feel entitled to mock Americans
FUCKING LEAFS
There is literally nothing wrong with being a snowboard instructor and former boxer.
>wishing you had a competent leader
>wishing you had a tolerant leader
Keep crying burgers. You might get one next time.
change a couple words and phrases and you'd be describing some Islamic shithole
Kind of ironic, eh?
Kek. Your leader literally parades around with sodomites.
>maybe one day you'll get a real leader
>Nog FBI agent knocks on door
>Think it's my mom's boyfriend's nog coworker who sounds the same
>Open door for him, thinking he's having a laugh
>Get gun pointed at me and ejected from house
>FBI flood in and find mom's boyfriend, arrests
>Mom barely cares, guy asked for it
>Mom gets mad at FBI nog for pointing gun at me, keeps calling him "boy"
>I'm like 10 or 11 so I didn't understand what that implied
By default, I hate the FBI even if jack dick happened to me. My entire state literally holds them responsible for burning dozens of people to death. We almost literally embody the "Our local police will get it, we don't need no Fed help" stereotype.
just lol at usa and whoever has to live in that shithole
>mcdonalds napkins
Yes we save them. Specifically in my car
U mad?
>Board public transit
Public transit in America? You lying piece of shit.
Fucking leafs. Day of the rake when?
lets schedule it for tomorrow.
...
...
...
Beautiful story.
If only it was true.
>giant American flag spread across lawn
How dare you defile the flag by letting it rest on the ground. Pray Reagan himself doesn't smite you down for your insolence.
Just don't bring it with you on the plane, ITAR violations and all that jazz.
Excuse for bad english
Where you when twin tower fall
>Be 4
>Mom come into room
>twin tower is kill
>no