Hey Sup Forums.
I seriously have nowhere else to turn to. Nobody else to vent to. Nobody that I even want to talk to.
I'm 26. Australian born shitskin (Fijian Indian). My whole life I've been treated like an immigrant when my parents worked hard for 6 years to LEGALLY come to this country to escape the military coup in Fiji. My culture is very Australian, to the extent where other Indians actually annoy me.
Had a white gf for 4 years. She broke up with me 3 years ago because I didn't have the balls to introduce her to my very Hindu family. Still love her like crazy.
Am unhappy. Am lazy as fuck. Am a stoner. Drink daily, to the point where I am drinking a few strong cans at work even though I tell myself not to do it. Used to do all sorts of hard drugs until I had some acid induced epiphany. Still feel fucked from them even though it's been a year since I touched other drugs than weed. Waste all my good money on junk food and booze. I have 0 expenses, and still end up with barely any $$$ because of my shit habits.
What do I fucking do?
Hey Sup Forums
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Blogposters are the worst
Kys, faggot.
return to your indian heritage, post-modern hedonistic life is an illusion
>Had a white gf for 4 years
>I'm 26. Australian born
I wish Australians had their own internet to fuck up on
I've been telling myself since I was 20 (6 years ago) that I will stop drinking and smoking pot by my next Birthday.. I'm going onto 27 and nothing has changed.
My parents are so dissapointed in me - they don't tell me, but I can see/feel it.
I feel like I don't know who I am as a person - my accent changes when I'm with my friends as opposed to family. Out of 35 cousins from my mums side alone - am the only one without a degree. My sister who is 6 years younger has already paid her car off and lends me money when I need it - I haven't paid back my parents a single dollar in 2 years since they bought me a $15000 car.
I can't look at myself in a mirror any more. I always focus on negative emotions and feelings - I even create fucked up scenarios that aren't even close to being real - this can make me break down.
I lie constantly. I feel like a burden on people. I know the things I'm doing wrong, I know the solution, yet I never apply it or fix it.
I'm a cunt of a person, I've done so many horrible things which I can't even forgive myself for. - Purposely fucking a married women with kids, cheating and stealing just to name a few.
-
Seriously Sup Forums - do I just take a deep breath and build up the courage to just end it all? Sure, there will be some hard times and sad people when it happens.. but as life goes on and time keeps moving and I eventually become a memory - won't everyone be better off without worrying about me/trying to help me?
I really don't know what to do.
Well, I do know how to fix it all, but I won't - and I have no idea why.
All right, calm down. Do you have a decent job, first?
Americans are the cumstain of the planet. Lol.
Kill muslims.
Yeah, I got a job - 40 hours a week guranteed.. I can take home about 1200 in pocket after a hard week.
But since I moved to night shift (60 people in morning down to 2 at night incl me) I've been sneaking drinks every night. I don't get too fucked up obviously, but enough that I'm not walking straight or talking properly. I'm so over it man, don't even know why I do at rhis point haha.
Jump from a tall building and land on your head.
Feels right. Lol. Except where I am in Aus - it's easier to get to the top of mountains than a city building lol. There's this one mountain - Mt Ngungun (Abo name lol). Easy climb - and at the top is a huge face. Considering it.
>tells self not to drink
>ignores self
Jesus you are fucking stupid. What do you think is happening there? Either give in to the destruction and end yourself, or overcome it with an iron will and fucking listen to what you're saying. None of this wishy washy fucking bullshit. "I told me not to but then I did a bad" -- Jesus, get a grip.
If it was that easy to do as it was to type out, don't you think I would've fucking done it by now?
Elaborate on what you're saying.. tell me HOW instead of telling me something I already know and experience.
Don't consider it my man, just do it. Aren't you tired of this shitty world already? C'mon you won't even feel a thing.
>iron will
>listen to yourself
Yes cunt, I get this.
Fucking HOW though
Yeah I am most of the time. But I do have moments when I'm like "Fuck, imagine if you went through with it last time you contemplated it heavily" - in the sense I'm glad I didn't. But fuck that man, it's too temporary lol.
>shitskin
kys
One thing that keeps crossing my mind is to fuck off every person in my life that I'm involved with at the moment - including friends I've had for about 15 years.
Purely because they drink and smoke alot too.
Is this unachieveable? How do I go about doing something like this without hurting the people who matter the most to me? I can't imagine my life without my friends - but when I do, I'm a better person and not partaking in shit "just cause I can"
What do I do to break the norm and start fresh without physcially moving location?
No cunt, you're an absolute idiot. I'm not killing myself cause I'm brown, are you even fucking reading my posts you wanna nazi faggot? No. You're not. Cause you're a close minded cunt. If I was gonna kill myself just cause I'm shitskin, I'd make sure I raped alot of innocent whites prior to it. Use your head fag, you remind me of the heavy metal band from American History X.
Yes.
go take time off, camp, revaluate urself, realise u need to get clean, eat right, sleep right, excercise. nightshift might be making u depressed take vit d. stop jerking off, weed and alc...have 1 or the other, dont pay ur parents back with money, pay them back by beeing the son they want, oh btw. are u me??
>"How do I listen to myself"
Really? You know how, you fucking worm. You have no practice in denying your baser desires. That voice grows more powerful the more you listen to it. So, you need to listen to it. Start with small things. Decide to take a walk even if it's raining. Stop listening to constant noise if you do that. You must come to consider that voice what it is. It's one who knows better than you do, even though it's you.
I have a holiday coming up next month. I need to make the most of it I guess.
Yeah see, I know what I need to do - but I just can't seem to take that first step towards it. Is it weakness? Is it fear? Is it not knowing exactly what to first?
I tell myself I won't drink or smoke pot.. but I let myself down within hours - am I going about this whole thing the wrong way?
I signed up to a gym last week during a surge of motivation and have not been once since. Why? What the fuck is wrong with me man, this isn't good :(
You're clearly addicted to the virtue signalling intentions, but yet the results you desire flee. Because you have yet to fucking do. Stop discussing it, and do it.
You're not wrong. It just seems to be like a conflict within my own mind.
Example: It's obvious that small steps is the way to go about it, but if I don't see change in a couple of days - I quit. Give me as much shit as you want and call me whatever you feel - but I want to change this and not continue on like a fuckhead who can't even sort shit out with himself.
Am 21 and can relate to this a lot, sit down and write out goals for yourself from now till your next birthday then 5 years from there in major goals and actually do them, I'm serious cunt get up and Fucking write them down before you forget about this thread and continue your shit existence
The worse decision you could ever have made is stopping before a habit is formed. It's like "ugh my muscle is too weak to continue" no it isn't, you just think it's so and so it is. I'm using namecalling to point out the stupidity of your decisions to yourself.
You're still young man, I hope you sort it out sooner rather than later.
I have it written out, I have goals, ambitions, desires... but there's nothing I'm doing to work towards it, even though I have this strong feeling of desire to do so and to be that person I have in my mind.
It kills me that I can't do it and kills me even more that I've been telling myself and even other people for so many years that I will, and I just let myself and others down.
It's never too late to turn it around.
So it's self doubt and lack of self belief? I can understand that. Is there anything you can think of that I can do to try fixing it?
Man it's cool lol, I'm not saying I don't deserve the names. Ha.
You're right. I think it's the family pressure that makes me feel otherwise. At 26 my parents were independant as fuck, married, moving countries permanently.
At 26, I smoke pot publically and my weekends consist of writing myself off for a couple of days.
At 26 - all my cousins and other family members were married, engaged, building a house, investing their money.
I know it's not too late - but knowing I could have been so much more by this point really fucks with me for some reason.
Cheers dude my life's pretty shit also but working on it, maybe instead of flat out cold turkey you could drink lesser alcoholic drinks like you do now, start with one in your routine, and every week replace it, your other self won't hate you for it then take one less drink to work, one less pack a week, it's taken you years to get to this point it won't happen over night, my mate was a full on addict go to alcoholics anonymous dude in person, he was shooting heroin and now he's only addicted to hookers haha
No, you believe yourself, and that's why you feel shitty when you tell yourself what you know you should do and instead do the opposite. Again, listen to this. You have no self control -IN- consistently make a decision and stick to it over time. Anyone can go to a gym once or twice or 0 times. Not everyone has practiced incorporating it into their life. Making it a part of them. To do this you have to practice the consistency. To do that you have to do it at least once, whatever it is. Change doesn't happen after a day or a week. Change happens when you are consistent with it. And there you will one day -not even recognize the changes as they happen to you- but someone else will notice and THAT will feel great. But if you're looking for results, you have to do this results be damned because your brain sucks and you'll still think you're shitty until you realize.
I was in the same boat but I just started living honestly, going to MA a bit to stay accountable, and focused on fixing things. I was 25 so it's not too late. Currently doing well. Good luck bro.
...
Thanks man. The thing is - my life is only shit to me. There's so many people out there that would kill for the opportunites I have. I just take it for granted.
I'm gonna try do that man..small steps without expectations. Thank you.
Hookers at brothos are the best haha, the asian bitches (all fucking named chi chi i swear) that you gotta call up from thier bullshit ads are liars and dead roots aha
Fuck dude..
Thank you.
I prefer Sup Forums desu.
Bro I was an opiate addict and hedonistic loser all-around for years. Pissed away my youth in part. From 18 to 23 I was fucked up every day, getting into fights, just directionless and a degenerate edgy fuck tbqh
Then I joined the army, on a whim really. I'm 25 now and my life couldn't be better srs
Get a job. No matter what, the harder the better. It helps to get out of the hole. And never forget, that there are weekends and state holidays to get stoned and be a degenerate, and with the extra money, you can buy cleaner drugs.
I've considered the army/police to help with discipline and trying to sort some things out..
I got to the last stage of both applications and then bailed on it.. kills me that I have the brain and capabilities for it but don't follow through.
Glad you've stepped up and am doing well man, thank you for the wishes. It actually means alot.
I got one. I was homeless 2 months ago and thought I only needed a job to fix things. Got a job. Paid most my debts. Nothing has changed. Lol. Worst.
a) this thread belongs on /adv/
b) Stop drinking, stop weed; you will never feel happy again until your will can triumph over your habits.
c) Love yourself and your people. You are Indian, so be proud of that. Being annoyed with people of your own race for being of your own race is the most racist and cucked behavior you can exhibit. Learn to love Indian people and learn to love yourself. You can't change your skin or your blood, but you can change your attitude and live honestly and nobly. There are noble Indian traditions, and you need to respect them. You also need to continue embracing Australian traditions, because that is your country if not your ethnic background.
Everytime someone posts an /adv/ blog on Sup Forums, the problem is the same: failure to love oneself, one's family, one's country, and one's race. Those four are inseparable: you cannot love yourself without also loving the parents who bore you, the country that gives you opportunities, and the people of whom you are a part. Sup Forums is love and pride.
>Had a job
Take a harder job, the less you have time to think doing manual labour, the less time you have to be stoned and worry.
But desu, Kind of sounds like a THC induced depression. Get off the drugs for some time, at least regularly taking them, stay away from psychedelics and take a Sup Forumsiday, nothing wrong with seeking professional help if ending the ride seems like an option.
It does belong on adv but I've noticed over the years that people on pol will give you much better advice if they really want to. Just like you did. Thanks bro. This thread alone has made me look at things from a perspective I haven't been able to find over the years. I'm glad I posted on here. Thanks.
Godspeed and fare well.
THC induced depression. Not surprised. Daily smoker for almost 10 years sigh. I got some serious shit to sort out. Thanks for your msg man. Cheers.
try it my man, srs, give it a shot
I had to swallow my pride and admit to myself I needed the discipline to fix my life
need to Sort your self out, mate. Check out www.selfauthoring.com. JP will help.
reported - go to /advice/ or whatever the fuck it is
>Drink daily, to the point where I am drinking a few strong cans at work even though I tell myself not to do it.
You really want to stop that, the amount of brain damage it will cause will only make it worst for you.
Lol sorry for messing up your perfect pol board with adv tier shit sir.
Thanks for reporting me sir, I hope they ban me sir, and you get what you wanted sir.
Fag - I got what I wanted from this post. Report my scrotum cunnnttt.
Yeah dude.. you're not wrong. I feel inferior to alcohol because it hasnt harmed me ( so i think / noticeably ) in years but I know it will kill me if I keep this shit up.
insert daily meditation into your life, keep at it, thing will start changing if you keep it up... daily practice is better but missing a few days isn't that bad.... it can be as little as 1 2 3 min a day to begin with. Just do it.
I love meditation. I should apply myself more towards it for sure, it intrigues me so much.
Thank you so much dude.
First step is deliberately shake up your routine. If you've fallen into a pattern of doing the same shit every day you need to break it up doing anything else. Shake up your mindset.
As far as the drinking goes from personal experience it's easier to eat healthier when you're also working on your physical fitness. Try getting out for bike rides/walks as often as you can. Stay hydrated and get some exercise and you'll be much less tempted because 1) it ruins the progress you made that day 2) Your endorphins will actually be going, you'll feel better and be less tempted to drink to dull the pain.
Just wanna throw it out there - the people that went out of their way to give me real advice, thank you so much. You don't even know me and you can't even see me, yet you acted like the friend I want/need in my life. You spoke from your experiences, your perspective and your heart to atleast try point me in the right way - and for someone like me who feels so alone and like they have nobody there for them, your words seriously go so much further than you think. I can't thank you enough for even replying to my initial post - you guys are legends. I'm really gonna try take in everything that's been said to be a better person for myself, my friends and family, and society. Thanks guys. You helped me so much tonight.
>Will change
>My whole life I've been treated like an immigrant
A foreigner. You are.
>I can't look at myself in a mirror any more
Because you're trying to lie to yourself. Dulling your senses with weed and booze to try and escape reality. Loaning money from your sister to fund your escapism, to buy booze and drugs, loaning despite having a job. You need to stop lying to yourself. Look at yourself and be as disgusted as you should, you feel it for a reason. If you can't even do that then yes you might as well end it.
> She broke up with me 3 years ago because I didn't have the balls to introduce her to my very Hindu family
Kys. You should never be ashamed of your family
No, the problem is you're a fucking liar. You tell yourself you're quitting drinking to give yourself a little sliver of hope while sneaking in a bottle to your job. You want to convince yourself you're changing, that you're improving more than you want to change. So you lie to yourself so you can avoid the work it would require. You make a little gesture, puff yourself up off the hope it gives you, fail as you set yourself up to and then ignore your conscience that is fucking screaming at you with the piddly excuse that you already "tried". You're trying to escape the feeling of being a useless sack of shit, you don't want to take on the burden of making yourself useful. You're deluding yourself and it is making you weak.
It's not that I'm ashamed man, it's not that at all.. it's the fact that it was drilled into me my whole life that I have to marry an Indian chick and nothing else.. I wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend even after highschool etc.
I couldn't help who I fell for lol, race doesn't matter to me when it comes to that.. but it did to my parents.
Yeah - you're not wrong.
Any ideas on what I need to do though? You're telling me shit that's already been pointed out/obvious.
This.
Also, the reason for your inferiority complex is lack of knowledge and understanding of Hindu Tradition. Read Swami vivekananda's lectures on vedanta, Maya ; it will help you get out of your rut. also there are lectures on youtube by swami sarvpriyananda watch them
Every day, do one little thing that pushes you towards positivity. Start small. If today is all shit, at least eat an apple. Or at least do 30 seconds of exercise. It doesn't matter, as long as you're getting in the habit of doing one positive thing per day, no matter how small. Then do something bigger in the next few days. Go for a run. Cook a healthy meal. Then do two things per day that are positive. Keep going.
Don't kill yourself; that's faggotry. Fight back against the forces that make you feel like shit. Hard to do, I know, but it's possible. One day at a time. Inch by inch, crawl out of the black hole.
follow basic rules of self improvement, don't try to change everything in one go. Clean your room today, repeat it for few days; then start sleeping at right time and waking up early and so on
You stop. Make a schedule if you need it.
>I will go to the gym M/W/F 18:00-19:30
You don't create a routine out of whims. At the very least it'll make you sick with guilt if you don't, and that is a good thing! If you ever fail then don't make excuses, don't waste your effort. Work around your failure. Don't stop going because you missed one day, go the next morning. Don't start drinking because you got wasted one night, don't do it next time.
Sit down and think about where you're headed if nothing changes, write that shit down so you can see the lies for what they are. It should terrify you, the thought of hitting 30, 35, 40 old and alone, ugly and weak, dependent and drunk. An early funeral filled with sighs of relief. Make yourself see it whenever you're about to indulge, to bring a bottle to your job, to waste another day stoned, to ditch the routines you cook up to pull yourself out of the gutter. You will always have an excuse, we're too smart for our own good so if you can't be honest - at least with yourself, there is no fucking way you will ever get anywhere you want to be.
you sound a lot like me.
ive been able to solve the drink/weed/drug addiction problem. prolonged abstinence makes me realize how little i need it, how it makes me life worse.
never really had a problem with eating junkfood because i know how jewish and deliberately unhealthy it is. especially here in the US.
something i use to remind myself is that how you behave when nobody is watching says a lot about you. youve got to try to make yourself want to be you again. no self pity, no bitch shit.
the modern world offers us a lot of (((quick fixes))) and instant gratification which are actually very detrimental. solutions to your problems must be brought about ACTIVELY.
it wont fix itself.
>Lol.
I know this sounds like a great deal of empty fucking talk, because it is. It's like a fat person wanting to lose weight, it's not a complicated problem. Eat less. For you, stop being a jackass. You know what you need to do, you feel it and that is what you're whining about. That you're breaking yourself trying to outrun your conscience. Stop. Don't run. Fucking listen to it. Give an earnest effort for once in your life, not to soothe your conscience but to change.
>military coup in Fiji
wtf? Why not just do a counter-coup with a sharper stick?
Abos invented the stick not fijians. Pleb.
It's real. Thanks.