Veterans, tell us a crazy war story

LARPing faggots wanna masturbate to this so make it good

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=lksDISvCmNI
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Silk_Way_Airlines_Ilyushin_Il-76_crash
youtube.com/watch?v=UrOsDGBW8U8
twitter.com/AnonBabble

>This one time
>Play too many shitty video games
>Think "I'm going to be le crusader maymay"
>Go sign up for the military
>Get sent to the Middle East
>Kill brown children
>Come home
>Only wake up vomiting and screaming every three nights or so
>Feelsgoodman

>Killing brown children
>Complaining

What are you a fag?

>be burger
>live a shitty life
>can barely pay bills
>eat shitty food
>decides to join the army
>get killed in Iraq
>be respected by all americunts

>join chair force
>drone strikes for Jesus

well, the kikes won't rule the world by themselves, right?

Do you think the impersonal manner of killing someone with say a remote drone strike would make you feel less guilty than you know, shooting someone and watching them die?

Muslims aren't people.

Archaic form of early hominid that should have disappeared long ago, much like their cousin the negro

I got diagnosed with asthma and never was able to deploy, in the end I served out my entire enlistment at one base because I got denied all of my overseas PCS orders due to the asthma.
True story

Theyve done experiments that say absolutely yes

I thought they wouldn't even let you in with Asthma. How did you manage that?

I watched an afghan kid try and plant a bomb in the road. He dropped it and blew his hand off. Then they brought the kid to our camp and we treated him. Mind fuck.

>be
>in marines corpse
>kill towelheads
10/10 experience, was bretty kino overall

Holy shit that is actually ridiculous. Here you go little dune coon see you next week.

50% diesel 50% used oil. That's what you mix into the 50 gallon drums you cut in half to shit in.

I probably have chronic diseases caused by inhaling feces and motor oil smoke, from shit burning detail.

>Join USMC
>every second sucks
>people in charge are meathead asshole morons
>constantly get shit for other people's fuckups
Would not recommend

Wow, I came here to post this.

I watched some sf dudes with a pet monkey kill a few taliban trying to climb the wall at jbad. Apaches flew over and splattered the remains, was a good morning.

Yeah. Yall come back now ya hear?
It's because of the Geneva convention and the pussy ROE.

thank you for your service user

Why mix it at all?

Hearts and minds! But honestly thanks, that kinda sounds like the right thing to do sort of.

I don't care about the the little turd. We didn't have a choice. (((They))) dictate what happens on the "battlefield".

>be me
>stationed on Parris Island as range coach
>it's the summer after 9/11 and there are TONS of recruits in boot camp
>on 200 yard line and I'm clearing my recruit's M-16's after rapid fire portion
>it's very hot and humid. South Carolina in the summer blows.
>range is cold and the line is prepping to move back to the 300 yard line
>my recruits are all clear and their rifles are slung
>"BANG!"
>ohshitman.psd
>range was supposed to be cold
>tower NCO starts going nuts, sounds battalion wide "cease fire" alarm
>Drill Instructors losing their shit about 7 shooting lanes west east of my recruits
>dark green recruit (dindu) screaming bloody fucking murder
>my recruits whisper under their breath "fucking Jackson..."
>recruit Jackson is bleeding heavily from his left hand, clutching it as blood pours to the ground
>two Drill Instructors in his face screaming at him, another one is wrapping the bloody hand in a cammie blouse
>recruit Jackson's range coach (a corporal in my block) failed to ensure Jackson's rifle was clear
>recruit Jackson apparantly put his left thumb over the muzzle of his rifle

Cont.

>Join Army
>11X, get selected to be 11C
>Get to unit
>deploy to goatfuckistan
>spend 9 months on the FOB doing fire missions for 11B's outside the wire
>went on patrol once

Cont.

>recruit Jackson pulled the trigger and shot his thumb off with a 62gr. 5.56mm steel-core round that travels at 3,100 feet per second
>recruit Jackson doesn't have a thumb anymore
>after the ambulance took recruit Jackson to the naval hospital in Beaufort, my platoon was instructed to go down range to salvage what we could find of recruit Jackson's thumb
>we didn't find any thumb
>we did, however, find his thumbnail
>we didn't turn it in
>that night at the barracks
>my platoon started drinking
>drinkingheavily.mp4
>we had recruit Jackson's thumbnail on the picnic table in the quad
>we started playing kings cup
>recruit Jackson's thumbnail went into the cup

Cont.

>last Marine that flipped a king had to drink recruit Jackson's thumbnail along with a cup full of warm beer and vodka
>my roommate flipped the last king
>drink up, Marine
>he did
>later that night, my roommate was violently vomiting his alcohol into the toilet. The fingernail never came back up.
>next day, my roommate requested to go to sick call at morning PT formation
>said he "felt sick"
>we all laughed under our breath while standing at attention
>mfw I found out he got scared when he shit blood and it turned out the fingernail cut his colon on the way out
>I miss the Marine Corps

>Pour diesel on top of shit.
>Set diesel on fire.
>Diesel burns off.
>Shit still there.

fucking kek. What happened to Jackson? Is blowing your thumb off punishment enough?

How are negroes on the battlefield? Just like one would expect?

I heard he got a medical discharge. I never saw him again. The worst part? All the fucking safety meetings we had after that.

those meetings are probably still going on. At least the idiot did not hurt anyone but himself.

How many times did you puke? Be honest. Can you ever look at refried beans the same way again?

>it aint me
>it aint me
>it aint me
>it aint me
Thus is life in the USMC

i deployed with a nigger named Jones who fired a 120mm mortar 2000 mils off on his sight. Half a mil off is considered acceptable

I'm sure they are, too. I never saw combat, but, that was pretty crazy. Funny, but crazy. There is a lot of blood that gets pumped into your thumbs.

Do they not let recruits clear their own rifles?

> Attached to Non-combat pogue unit
>Lots of females
>Initial invasion of OIF
>Like 19 hour convoy to Tallil AB
>Tired, dirty, sand blowing everywhere
>Oh fuck, get word some Iraqi unit is moving in
>Everyone gets in position
>One girl freaks out, faints, and pull the trigger
>Misses Top by 2 feet
>No Iraqis came

>cue the "anything you can do i can do better" memes.

To make it clear there are 6400 mils in a circle

The fuck did you think you were going there to do? Keep the peace?

>Everyone rationed their own water
>Two 1.5 liter Nestle each
>Could be four or five days before we get more
>First day the females were using their water to wash themselves

Fug. I thought you'd go full native and just shit in the sand or something.

No, no ...You guys got the end of his story wrong.

Sure, they treated the kid ... with Zyklon B.

happyending.mp4

Oh, god no. Recruits are 17 and 18 year olds who have never handled a firearm in their lives are 90% of who join the Marines.

Ooh rah devil nutz!

>me again
>stationed in Guantanamo Bay, before I went to Parris Island
>in weapons platoon
>weapons platoon is the medium and heavy machine gun platoon
>out in the field for a week on the Leeward side of the base
>6 machine gun positions set uo in a row 2 M240 Bravos, 2 M2 50 cals, and 2 MK 19 auto grenade launchers
>I'm on the 50 cal right next to one of the MK 19's
>line sergeant fails to check the MK 19s for proper setup.
>"fire" call is given
>I light up my target with my 50 cal
>FUCKING BOOM right next to my fighting hole
>MK 19 two spots down from me shot a 40mm HEDP grenade into the ground 15 feet in front of its position

Cont.

Oi right so the Terrorust were all rushing B while we were at A, then the terrorist were Like the BOMB HAZ BEEN Planted, right, so me and my mates are like OH shieet, so we trhow a couple of smokes run to B and mike throws a a double flash and ends up blinding everyone, then we were all like bang bang and I just sprayed with my m249 and ended up killing my whole team and all but 1 of the teRRrurist.. so den I'm all crouchy standy by some boxes looking for where da terrurist should be but I don't see so den I start defoosing the bomb and what do U know da terrurwrist was on da box and Jump down but he was low health break his legs and die.. but I got scared and stopped defoosing da bomb so I just decided I run away back to base and it went BANG and da terrurist 1 dat day and it was worst day of my life I still have nightmare

>in Afghanistan
>EOD
>team gets called about some old "shell" in a local town
>nothing else to do so drive out (this wasn't like Iraq with constant incidents 24/7)
>get there
>it's not a shell
>it's not near town
>it's a 500kg Russian FAE bomb from the 1st war
>it's several feet down
>in the courtyard of a mosque
>ask the locals for more information
>an old man that claims to have watched it happen says that it's been there for decades
>they thought that they'd get us to finally remove it
>it's leaked a bunch, but still got some hazardous stuff in it
>make sure the thing is safe (or as safe as can be) and seal it the best we can
>call a wrecker out
>fuckheuge HEMTT wrecker thing comes out in a convoy (pic related is kinda what it looked like)
>with our guidance they use a crane to pull this bomb out, takes for ever
>we transport it in to an unused field not too far away
>blow it, all goes well
>we all have headaches and insomnia for days from the fumes of whatever the fuck chemical we breathed in
>we put the drivers in for ARCOMs with valor and apparently they got them

we told the wrecker drivers not to worry, and that the bomb was perfectly safe lol
also I always wonder if it was just chance that it landed right on a mosque, or that Russian pilot hit what he was aiming for

That's so odd to me. In canada you have to have a very intimate understanding of the weapon before firing it and cleaning it very thoroughly is part of that

>joined marines to lose weight
>lose weight in first month
>have to finish my five year contract

Cont.

>percussion of grenade felt like I got punched in the chest
>Marine who was operating the MK 19 took shrapnel to his chest and arms
>his flak jacket saved his life
>his arms, however, still have small pieces of steel in them
>only one wounded
>fucking lucky

>bagram 2011
>stuck there for training before going out to our fob
>its like 2 am
>outside sitting in the dirt
>giant flash in the sky
>a huge orange fire ball erupts in the sky near the top of a mountain
>what the fuck
>way too huge to be a jdam or a standard ied
>not sure what it is
>leave bagram
>months later while transitioning back through bagram
>talk about it at a smoke pit
>airforce guy chimes in knowing what it was
>says a Russian cargo plane was coming in for a landing and was a little too low and hit the fucking mountain and exploded
>mfw

R.I.P. Russiabros

>convoy
>lead gun truck
>on the strap
>some haji is driving along, has his stereo blaring some haji music and he's dancing while driving down the road
>Lead is telling me to tell him to get off the road
>I crank the saw over on him, and I'm halfway over the weapon yelling and pointing
>He finally notices, his eyes go wide, he jerks the wheel, launches off the road and the shitty little datsun does cartwheels as his body gets flung high up into the air

youtube.com/watch?v=lksDISvCmNI

how often do russian cargo planes crash at bagram?

>man traffic checkpoint in Iraq
>car speeding toward us
>pop flare
>shine laser
>car keeps coming, honking and swerving
>"light it up!"
>50 cal thukathukathuka etc.
>car coasts to a stop
>sand nigger driver jabbering some burka burka burka
>pregnant wife in passenger seat head splattered all over inside of car, foetus hanging out
>driver dies after durkadurka-ing some more
>smoke a cigarette and look out in distance
I have lots more if anyone wants.

Accidents like that are extremely rare. In this situation, it was the Marine range coach who dropped the ball. We were required to make sure all weapons were clear, no matter what. When you graduate boot camp and become a Marine, you have to qualify annualy with your rifle. When you are a Marine at the range, you clear your own weapon. However, the block NCO will double check your weapon when you move to the next yard line. But, when it comes to recruits, it's like they are children and we have to check thier weapons all the time. Mothers in America tend to go ape shit when their babies get hurt or killed during basic training. Lawsuits and shit.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Silk_Way_Airlines_Ilyushin_Il-76_crash

pen flares had the same effect occasionally.

the only thing I remember about Bagram were all the air force chicks
and that fucking Disney lane or whatever it was called where it was long and straight and had so much traffic you were constantly saluting the entire time

Welfare queens telling stories how they wasted tons of taxpayer money on non-productive activities and are proud of it.

oh shit thats it. Jesus I didn't know it had a Wikipedia page lol. It was a huge fucking explosion.

You're just mad because you still aren't a passable trap.

I guess we have a small army so occurances like that really don't happen often. Worst i've seen at a range is retarded recruits turning around with a readied weapon to ask redundant questions about the range practice

Oh and once i got lit up by an lmg during a live fire raid. His sight was unzeroed and he wasn't watching his splash. Freshly qualified privates can be just as stupid

Plz

more please

I spent a good portion of my adult life in Iraq and Afghanistan and only coming to this realization later in life is pretty awful.

We called that "getting flagged." Having a loaded M-16 pointed at you by a confused recruit was an occasional hazzard of the job. I was stationed on that range for 2.5 years and that was the only serious injury that happened during my time. And Parris Island graduates about 17,000 recruits per year.

Was a 0812 for the Navy. What kind of dumbass line coach doesn't brass check a fucking boot's weapon?

Yes, they can.

They don't check for it really and some times it's because of the different type of pollen in different regions people have bad allergies which make minor asma bad

>transporting twall to tikrit for elections
>dead of night
>fucking ghost town
>drive through, hit intersection as we get near the university
>hear weird ass mewling cries, loud as shit
>the zombie apocalypse has started
>slow roll intersection, big donkey is crippled, laying in the intersection, its ass is covered in blood and it's missing a leg
>we never stop
>a minute after we pass an ied goes off behind us, it was the donkey
>they crippled it and shoved mortars up its ass
>must not have been a good lay
>rip in peace ass cannon donkey

That was the question of the day. He got smoked becsuse of that. Lost a stripe, too.

Would love some more, please keep em coming!

>Be me
>Vietnam 1969
>Burn down gook villages
>Rape gook bitches
>Come home after serving my country
>Dirty Hippies spit on me
>Feels bad man

>"user, we're going to pick up some detainees from Iraqi Army"
>thisgonnabegood.mp4
>pull up on scene, see sad sacks of shit detainees.
>one guy's balls so swollen they cut the crotch out of his pants to make room
>one guy's knees drilled out
>one guy's fingers all dislocated with marks looking like he had been hung up by his finger for a while (spoiler: he had been)
>"they were like this when we picked them up!"
>in truck on way back to confinement facility, "durka durka durka durka!"
>hey translator, what did they say?
>"they say 'please kill me'".

I mean you pay a kid 100 dollars for digging a hole and put a few to rocks in certain places and he can feed his family for a while

youtube.com/watch?v=UrOsDGBW8U8

At the COB in Afghanistan where I served some fucking idiot Afghani who I think was a security force PoG of some description got it in his head that drinking petrol would banish some curse placed on him. I watched him try to explain this to the guy on duty at the depot but he didn't understand it and let the guy fill up a jug.

He died. The Lieutenant spent like two days trying to figure out why this dumb dune coon had chugged two liters of gasoline but nobody knew what to tell him and I sure wasn't going to tell him that I knew what was going to happen. I honestly thought the guy was lying and just wanted to sell the gas or something but no, we found him black in the face with his tongue swollen up like a sock in his mouth.

I unironically think that we should just landmine the borders of the country and never speak of it again. Graveyard of fucking Empires.

>one guy's balls so swollen they cut the crotch out of his pants to make room

Holy shit

Why did they wait until you'd passed before activating the donkey? Surely the aim should be to blow you up?

Grenada the biggest clusterfuck of all time "happens". Jump late and it is full on daylight. Hear rounds zipping by. Think;" Those are bullets". A nanosecond later "and they are shooting at me. Dump all the air I can and land hard. Nearly pissed myself.

Haji speed bag.

They're slightly worse at their job than we are.

Signed up to be 35M.

Ended up doing 25 Series work because nobody knew how to work a fucking computer outside of the young NCO's who were hot shit.

I also spent my days catalouging and reading intelligence and sorting them into briefings for the brass, who were just as stupid as the enlisted.

The rest of my day was spent working out, playing some vidya and talking with my fiance back home.

Oh, and masturbating.

I was only outside of the wire a few times. Mostly do to some interviews with some stupid chiefs in idon'tknowwherethehellweare valley in idon'tgiveafuckwhatwe'redoing province.

Pretty fucking boring.

Here's another.
>Report to brigade that hajji is using rowboats to cross river
>becomes yuge fucking thing all of a sudden
>"Operation Blow the Fuck Out of All Rowboats" has begun
>gunships or space lasers or whatever the fuck they use absolutely BTFO of 7 farmers in their jankyass rowboats while fishing.
>whole village is wailing "durka durka durka!"
>world is safe again from row boat menace, good job user for that hot tip.
>'Merica

To much waste in one place

One thing that surprised me about the stories from the Durkistan region was all the child rape going on over there. National pastime I guess.

The 4chin seems to attract EOD, my bro.

I was dismounted in the north east Afghan for a long time with some chill infantry dudes.

>Infantry patrol finds a "dud RPG" very near the wire.
>Call us
>It's a PG-7v that broke apart and it's just the used up rocket section with no warhead
>Pick it up and carry it back into the outpost
>Infantry dude I know stops me and is like "Hey is that thing dangerous?"
>Put in my best Dumb Guy voice, "I dunno"
>Whack it as hard as I can against concrete wall
>Dude literally jumped over a concrete barrier and went prone
>Look down at him
>"Seems fine"

My dad's dying and told me this story to confess to it (yeah, fuck you I'm old and he's older)

>be in korea
>get stuck with a group of NKA POWs
>officer says all will be present and accounted for
>march the prisoners 15 miles
>hell of constantly watching a group of tiny slants while knowing youre fucked if one of them eats it
>crossing a frozen river
>slant punches through river ice
>ohshitohshitohshit
>bring yellow bastard out of water
>give resuscitation (as it was in the time)
>let the slant warm himself in a vehicle while his compatriots freeze their lemons off
>finally get them to SKA post
>march them in, proud americans winning over the people
>SK officer smiles, counts heads
>"we take vely goo care"
>heading back to the jeep
>happy about doing a go-
>hear the guns
>tfw delivered POWs to disposal

Got him laughing so hard they called the nurse.

My favorite EOD story. Didn't happen to me, but was my division
>find YUUUUGE homemade explosive factory (i.e. a barn full of donkeys and jerry cans full of HME)
>literally a swimming pool worth of the stuff.
>wellshitnowwhat.jpg
>hold perimeter about half click out
>jackasses at division arguing with JAG and EOD about what to do
>hear them jets.. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
>whole thing goes up
>"OCFI" a.k.a. CIA assets sent a plane to drop a JDAM on it.
>crater the size of a football field
>locals complain of broken ear drums from miles away

Sounds like the shit they used to fuel our 48s with so they'd run underwater. Torpedo shop guys would actually get addicted to the smell of it and have headaches from NOT being around it whereas a normal person would be just like what happened to you guys.

>be me
>mcjrotc through high school
>enlist at 18
>deployed to Afghanistan
>patrol empty desert
>shoot at nothing to prepare
>burn shits of officers
>watch home movies of families my platoon had back home
>clean my rifle 6 times a day
>try to make sand castles
>fail
>ride in humvees throwing poptarts at little brown children
>watch insurgents do their thing
>full out reports on what I observed
>sit in the blaring heat in the nest
>have sophisticated personal range markers setup for something that will never happen
>watch bros get into humvees one morning then never come back
>figure a way to get the sand out of your pack
>snip fly aways on my uniform
This is just a small portion.

Almost caught a round to the dome during the live fire portion of my BMQ. Female navy recruit who seriously couldn't handle any situation without having a nervous breakdown
>Every round in each magazine has to be accounted for for testing purposes
>stupid recruit chambers round
>stupid recruit pulls charging handle again for reasons unknown
>starts loosing shit
>instructor comes over to correct stupid recruit
>"remove the magazine and put round back in"
>recruit turns rifle on a 90 degree angle facing lane next to her
>I'm in lane next to her
>somehow squeezes trigger instead of magazine release
>round passes what I can only assume was inches away from my face
>silence all around
>Broken english and french swearing coming from platoon Sargent as he charges at recruit from 100 meters away


She returned to the platoon a day later like nothing happened. Unfortunately she was in my section as well. I don't understand why army, navy and airforce bmq is done together

That's why you go parralel to Disney between the buildings you only see like one or two officers instead of the 20 officers and like 5 petty officer/ ofc 1st class with the bird on their hat

I valiantly defended the jewish globalist regime by helping to take out some of the last few countries free of it.

Lmao