What is prison really like? I'm about to be sent there for a long time and I have no idea what to expect

What is prison really like? I'm about to be sent there for a long time and I have no idea what to expect

Can anyone here give me a rundown of how to survive? i'm scared shitless

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If you cant do the time dont do the crime punk

What'd you do?

Highschool. But every group is a bully

What did you do

just drop everything and skip bail dude. dont be a little pussy, millions of niggers and spics do it everyday. get to a far away state, preferably a rural one with lots of farmland, and get yourself an illegal immigrant tier job. its that or die in the can, they arent gonna just let those people out when SHTF lol. you'll starve to death if the sodomites dont reach you first.

On a scale from one to balls deep, how much do you love nigger cock?

it was basically a prank that went wrong. I didn't do anything and i'm hoping the jury sees that

just a prank bro

The first couple of weeks are the worst. When you get to know the routine it's not so bad. Keep your head down and just get on with it.

If you are black or mexican you should be fine so long as you learn the unwritten rules fast. The problem with being white in prison is that whites are the weakest gang there and the smallest numbers.

you are not going anywhere you fucking liar. sage in all fields.

please elaborate on what it is you did or didn't do. I think we can all give you better advice knowing the full story here.

Prepare your anus, 50 kg of vaseline will get you through the first few weeks.

If you're in a uk prison it's more like a hotel now if you're in an american prison you're going to be raped by american faggots everyday. You'll get used to it i'd imagine.

More details

christ what stupid shit. just drop your fucking load you dumbass attention whore, its already obvious that youre LARPing for (You)s

No they're not. They have the smallest gang, but it is the most ruthless. If you join you can never get out unless you die. Even when you get out of prison you must follow their commands.

Just watch OZ and learn to love dick.

spread your asshole for everyone Eric, you can be the boipussi that unites the prison gangs

I was at a house party with a friend and this guy who my friend hates was also there so my friend decided to fuck with him by beating him up a little. my friend went over to him and said he had weed, so my friend and I went behind the house and started to smoke with him but that's when my friend pulled out a baton and started beating the shit out of the guy. he beat the guy into oblivion and I honestly thought he was dead but he's currently in a coma. anyways, my friend then hit me over the head like five times and fled the scene. I woke up in a hospital, hand cuffed to the bed and told that I had attempted to kill that guy and that he may never wake up from the coma

honestly, I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't know my friend was going to do that and what the fuck is his problem to just knock me out and frame me

You deserve prison simply for being such a dumbshit with fuck up "friends".

Sounds like bullshit

Eat alot of porridge it will give you really bad gas loosening up your poo hole. The BBC bulls in prison love the pheromones of a scared shitless farting boipucci and they will pound one out quick in you filling you up then you just go fart it out in the toilet. Alternatively you can save it for ramen noodles it's a good salt substitute.

public defender? What is charge?

I will get laughed at for this adivce, but watch the thousands of prison documentaries online. You can also look up the state you are specifc ones probably. Keep your head down, follow the rules, but don't be a snitch.

He hated both of you.

that sucks if you really dindu it. sounds like you hung out with a shit crowd though.

let that be a lesson to all the rest of you to embrace the NEET life and avoid humans at all costs.

First day youre there find the biggest toughest guy in the yard...

And suck his dick

You better have someone that is going to put money in for your canteen every week.
Calling cards are expensive and crappy.
How old are you?
50+ is a different space than 20-35...
Federal?

Go and watch shot caller. It's realistic, it's entertaining and it tells the story of a guy who goes into jail after driving drunk and killing a friend of his in a car accident. In order to survive he joins a prison gang, end he ends up doing life.

Don't worry about condoms either. The latex will grip on your ass hairs. You're best to just let your BBC bull pound a huge thick wad of creamy protein enriched syrup up your boipucci.

>what the fuck is his problem to just knock me out and frame me
you'll be fine. They'll see that you were beaten to a pulp with a baton, too.

Framing doesn't actually work, because to frame someone; you need to prove that they did the crime, too.

Don't listen to these teenage fags and basement dwellers who get their prison information from television. Prison is like joining a frat. The more you act like a botch the more they'll treat you like a bitch.

First off, if this is really your first offense and you didn't kill anyone. You're only looking at house arrest or community service. They always threaten you with prison as a tactic to scare little bitch boys like yourself into confessing and pleaing to a lesser sentence.

If you shared with us what you're going to prison for you might get better advice how to avoid prison than how to survive in prison. Get a real good lawyer, preferably someone who used to be a criminal prosecutor (they have all the connections), because spending 10k now could save you from 10 years in prison later.

Hire a lawyer no matter what. Hell get two

Whites have a higher standard.

My family is rich, so I hope to get off but I am mentally preparing for the worst. I am 23 and a med school student. And it is state prison in Tennessee

>he smokes weed
you deserve it

>MUH HIGHER STANDARD OF LIVING
white literally fucking toiled for millennia to give you that standard you unappreciative faggot. learn how your ancestors lived and stop obsessing over consumer electronics and media.

Have you already been found guilty

>tries to help a friend beat someone up
>gets beat up and framed by said friend

this
except thats just a story OP is using
no retard would look at two people knocked out with the same weapon & go
>well obviously this one knocked out guy did all this
OP your story is shit

Dope prank bro

i kinda hope they throw you away now. we don't need any more doctors this dumb.

you type pretty good for being a nigger

It is, I remember having seen this thread a few months ago

is there any evidence at all that you would be the perpetrator?
it seems to me all any objective third party observer could say is "you were both found beaten and bloody next to each other"

surely they can't convict you just because someone said you did something?

Are you going to tell us what really happened or do you expect us to believe that bullshit? It's painfully obvious you're the one who beat the guy with the baton, you fucking degenerate. Enjoy prison.

you're a fucking dindu

>all this extremely lewd projection
WEW

I honestly think this is a lie. I doubt police/DA would charge you with a crime of assault when they had to drag you to a hospital themselves when finding you at the scene of the crime.

>Dreddposting
You are in full compliance with the law, carry on.

Do you really think SHTF is going to happen in the next two decades? Because I don't have much faith in that relative utopia ever happening in my lifetime.

>beat him up a little bit.

no logic, you either assaulted someone or you didn't. Stop hanging out with niggers who put their hands on people for no reason.

It's not snitching if he framed you.

>prank
If you're looking at jail, that means someone lost a limb or got killed.
You're going to be big boys' house, and if you're not 6'5" and all muscle, chances are you get passed around till you hang yourself.

Hope the """prank""" was worth it.

It smells like cheap soap & ass.
Stay away from niggers & save your noodles. Munch on them to pass the time.
I only spent a few days in jail once because I refused to pay a fine for failure to stop at a stop sign (I did) and it sucked ass.

If you've got to spend more then a month in jail you should run to Mexico or someplace where they'll never find you.

lots of pretty good prison docs on youtube; go get your binge on. honestly, if you're not a pussy faggot and cool enough to get along ok with the guards and inmates it's probably not that bad. sheer shoul-crushing boredom is the worst part.

I was talking about in jail no snitching, no talking to guards, etc.

The guy should do anything in front of jury to get off for sure though.

>i was dindu nuffin
yea boy, sure of that

>run to Mexico
How would he get across the border with a warrant out for his arrest? Surely that would show up when they scan his passport at the border

Go ahead and have all of your teeth pulled and you also want to start enlarging your asshole. Head on over to the local adult erotica store and get yourself a trainer pack of plugs. If you have money save it for commissary. Honey buns and socks are the best if no cigs allowed. Keep your head down and never say no to daddy. Youll be alright user.

This and I guess just stay away from all the nasty stuff

OP you didn't do shit don't expect to lose already. Get a lawyer. Sell everything pawn everything you have to just get a (((lawyer))) I'm not kidding public defenders are total shit.

In 10 years I will say that to you when you'll be locked up for 10 years, and an mandatory prolonged equity training program after that for not saying "xer" to me.

Your best bet for survival if you don't already know what to expect, is, when you meet your cellmate for the first time, immediately punch him in the face, then turn around, drop your drawers, and grab your ankles.

yes, but it wont be overly hard for an adult man to survive. only problem is that most white males these days are not adults to they will die of starvation in the FEMA camps once the government stops seeing a point in feeding them.

I hope you are one of those fucking sickos that try to justify cp and loli

First off, you probably gave this statement to the cops like a dumbfuck. The main thing you stick with is, "I can not recall what accord." This way you're not lying. Combine that with proof you were assualted and just like that you're not a criminal you're a victim. The guy is probably just in a medically induced coma until the swelling in his brain subsides. If you admitted to conspire with someone else to murder this guy, which is basically what you are saying, then you are fucked. Not because you did it but because you admitted it!

If this is your signed and sworn statement, the best you can get is a plea deal to be a snitch. Hut then your life in prison will be fucking hell when the other prisoners you become friends with check your paperwork. You'll be forced into proctective custody and have to sit in a cell 23 hours a day! All just for being a snitch. The only thing you can do in this scenario is make sure you plea deal doesn't force you into prison. Instead you are put on house arrest. But I would have never snitched not even on myself.

You might find a lawyer that can get your statement thrown out of court if you convince him you were coaxed into saying those while yoi were sufferring from a cocussio n. And the truth is you remember nothing that happened that night. Only that you were also a victim.

Prison will change who you are as a person. Having a felony will prevent you from getting a decent job, voting, owning a firearm, and being treating as a normal citizen. Best case scenario is you fight the case, don't wave your right to a speedy trial because if the victim dies further down the road from his injuries you dont want to be charged with murder. If the victim stays alive through the trial you'll only receive assualt charges. I'm guessing they gave you attempted murder, assualt with a deadly weapon, and a few other charges. But you can beat it if you keep quite and find a way to paint yourself as the victim. Or you could be a snitch

I would rather spend my time in a prison than on the run in Mexico (and most likely end up in a Mexican prison). If you don't fuck up you can get a TV, tons of noodles, and be left alone.

This.

youtu.be/1pEzp-Bn1Lk

binge this channel

All the retards replying to this thread not knowing it has been made before

I work at a State Penitentiary. Hope you do not get sent to a private run prison. They suck. Do not go into debt, do not borrow anything, If someone wants to be friends they want to fuck you (guards also), keep to yourself. If you get a bad cell mate check PC or suicide so you do not get raped. do not gamble, once a hoe always a hoe you will never get your man card back again. If you are in a dorm instead of a cell find a bed in direct view of a camera unless you plan on violating rules. Careful what jobs you get (with some jobs you will get caught up passing contraband, you really have no choice unless you snitch).

I would just find an empty spot in the desert and hike it in during the night. Or hitchhike my way into California head to the Baja peninsula & find a fishing boat to take me into Mexico

Typical backward ass thinking from a fucking douchebag redneck lol

very good movie Jamie Lannister

Just tell the judge and jury that it was "just a prank" in those exact words. You fucked someone up for life at best or got him killed eventually, and you call that "a prank". The jury will love this.

Remember when you got sent to your room as a kid? It's like that. With rape.

So exactly like when I was a kid

This advice.
Lawyer up. Say nothing. The burden of proof is on them.
Always remember that the prosecutors office will always charge high and plead low. I would relax. You are not going to prison, you are going to trial.

Prison rape, though real, is actually a meme. Most sex in there is consensual.

You'll mostly just be bored. Don't join a gang. DO work out if you can, decrease your odds of being fucked with. Read whatever books you have access to. Learn to write well. Have goals for when you get our, however remote they may seem today.

Only if juries gave a fuck about the burden of proof

Oh this is what you did..
Get fucked you deserve everything you get in prison nigger

My fucking sides..you sick faggot.

be friendly

try to make friends but be wary who you try to befriend, you dont want to be involved with any gangs, you can most likely tell the gang bangers from the guys who just want to serve their time in peace, they guy always sitting by himself never talking to anyone is the guy whos going to get pushed around BY EVERYONE

rember to not take shit from anyone, but never escalate a situation (a fine line to walk), the best thing you can do if shit is about to go down is to simply say i dont want to fight and try walk away if they really want to fight you then not much you can do about it, but running your mouth off will never help the situation

rember respect is a two way street

never accept anything from anyone

never give anything to anyone (mabey a smoke or something like that if you already are friendly with them but if someone comes up out of the blue and asks for you fruit cup then you about to become someones bitch)

NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN AROUND ANYONE

>Walk in to Tijuana
T.SanDiegoFag

listen to this man or run away and hope you don't get caught. If your family is truly rich, they can afford to buy a vacation place in a country with no extradition to the US and just let you live there.

I've done some paralegal work for defence lawyers who do murder trials and this user speaks the truth.

TO ALL ANONS OUT THERE WHO EVER GET INVOLVED WITH LEGAL BULLSHIT - NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE A STATEMENT. EVER. THEY WILL SAY THEY WILL HOLD YOU UNTIL YOU GIVE ONE - BULLSHIT. THEY WILL SAY EVERYBODY ELSE ALREADY RATTED ON YOU AND THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO SAVE YOURSELF - BULLSHIT.

>so scared to live life so he acts superior for being a pussy
lol your mom called you """smart""" when you were a kid huh

Never say anything to police.
Jesus, never say anything to police.
Don't even deny anything, just don't say anything.
Then, always get a real lawyer. Never get a public defender.
And, misdemeanors can be expunged.

Don't start any shit cause you'll probably get killed. Don't let anyone disrespect you because then you'll be a known bitch and you'll have to learn to love sucking cock. Also don't let anyone do you any favors. There's no such thing as a favor in prison. Take a favor = learn to like sucking cock

You woke up in the hospital, meaning you both were unconscious, and they assume you're the perpetrator. What exactly knocked you out then or was it the comical double knockout? Smells like a larp to be honest.

That's in part why there is a judge. If you have a decent lawyer, anything is possible.

Yall don't know shit.

It really depends on your area and what jail it is. Places like SoCal and the Deep South are th worst for whites. There you either join a skinhead gang and stay in for years extra from stabbing spics and niggers or you get exploited.

Altho i dont know what its like in american prison

this is the advice i have gotten from a few people who have been to Swedish prison

but then again our prison is like a fucking vaction

homeless people will literally commit small crimes that land them in jail for the winter just cause it beats sitting on the street

got a link?

Aggressively suck the dick of the first guy you see as a warning to the others.

that is seriously nicer than my college dorm room

What probably happened was this faggot OP beat someone with a stick and put them in a coma at a party & then someone at the party knocked him out for doing it & called 911 to save their friend OP then got taken to jail for being a nigger and trying to rob some kid at a party in a drug deal.

>fucking newfags still believe this shit
This is an old copypasta. Fake news.