What would you do if you had a time machine?

What would you do if you had a time machine?

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Go back in time, and kill the person who invented the time machine, which would create a paradox.

I'd create Time Mirrors and sell them to the public. The idea is that at any given location you can look into the mirror and see a reflection of - literally - the past. Tune it to whatever era you like. You can also set location data so you can see more interesting location-based events wherever you are.

Stop Pickett's Charge

go to ancient rome and tower over all of the famous manlets

This.

Anne Frankestien already had a time machine. she went into the future, got a ballpoint pen and returned.

Go back in time and find marx and ask him to cleary up a few things about communism. Then go forward in time by a few years at time to see If I can fine a communist utopia somewhere in the future. If I can stay there untill I die. If I can't go back in time and kill baby hitler.

Kill Karl Marx.

Why are you on here?

Why not?

Become a Sumerian king

You mean like reading books? Or browsing the internet?

How ironic a communist thinks he is just welcome anywhere

1) Stop you from making these threads ever.
2)Ask if I can read her REAL diary (OP pic related)

Go back in time and kill john lennon myself, and yoko, and paul

Murder tha faggot who always makes these threads when he's still just a babby.

>>(Everyone)
What if I told you all that (((their))) plan was to nuke the super volcano in Yellowstone?
I can stop it, but you have to vote for me in 2020.
I am running on a ticket where people will finally get wtf they have been asking for. Everyone tired of getting raped by Muslims WILL NOT be getting raped anymore.
I would also do my best to see that those who want to get raped by Muslims get what they want to.
Happy endings for everyone!!
There is basically gonna be two lines. Rape and no rape. There will be no rape sections in restaurants/beaches/concerts etc...and then there will be the rape sections for everyone else.
Since there is always a risk of being blown the fuck up in the rape sections, the rest of us will be able to view the rape sections from behind bomb-proof glass.
It's gonna be great. Like the fucking Games, in ancient Rome. We're going old school.
"I love Muslims." BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
And we'll just point and laugh.

Go back to 1180 Turkey and build a bridge on the Saleph River.

Go to ancient africa and become the white kang

Stop John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. Also deliver to the fuhrer all of the technology I could in 1926. Lastly kill Frank's father so that he couldn't write ((((her))) diary.

finish the (((job)))

semen stain those mountaintops

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman who light was snuffed out far too early

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her

Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for

Imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink with the setting sun

You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea. But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye.

Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too.

Commies are welcome into my wood chipper

With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

You should write romance novels

its a pasta

Bet on the red sox winning, bet on the cubbies winning, and bet on Trump winning.

Exterminate ze inferior races once and for all

Kill Hitler

Get the latest Powerball winning numbers that no one chose. Go back a couple of days and buy a ticket with those numbers.

Fuck trying to change real history. That's a fool's errand.

Rape Ghandi

>teleport to Richmond, Virginia in January, 1862

Leave a copy of Anne Frank's diary, history textbooks on the atrocities of the World Wars, the Holocaust, and the Cold War, and laptop preloaded with footage of dystopian 2017 America where the "leader" of resistance to leftist erosion of basic morality is literally a Yankee baboon on the desks of Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis. Telling the three of them that only they can stop all of this from occurring but only by doing exactly as I say.

Step one, prevent the capture of New Orleans.
Step two, make sure Albert S. Johnston doesn't die at Shiloh
Step three, send award-winning theater actors to kill Sherman and Grant
Step four, "here's a copy of McClellan's plans for the Peninsula Campaign, make sure that ironclad you're building is there to greet them on the banks of the James."

Go back to before the ride started and just enjoy life.

Better idea. Become Anne Frank's father.

This except instead of being a kang introduce the most virulent eugenics weapon I could get my hands on.

>t. Harry Turtledove

"maybe we shouldn't have 3 religions holy lands in the same place"

Give hitler the vital information required for him to win the war.

Stopmaking this thread every thursday you know the answer.

WE KNOW WHO OUR ENEMIES AAAAAAAAARRREEEEEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHA DA DA DA DADA DAAA

That's where I got the idea from actually.

I'm basically a good guy version of Andries Rhoodie

...

why would you save lincoln? he was a piece of shit who unjustly started a war with the south

the civil war should've never happened, it was completely unjust and infringed on the rights of the state

what lincoln did was just a show of power, big government crushing the rights of individual states

Might want to stop the Battle of Gettysburg from even occurring just to be safe.

...

this

Kill (((Immanuel))) Kant

Go back and start hormone therapy younger and be a trap

>not knowing Unionists and Nazis are basically one in the same because they just off to all-powerful government

States' Rights and Nullification are the Kryptonite to Hitler, not anti-racism or "love and tolerance"

Go back in time with a shot gun and kill Marx, Lenin and Stalin. I'd also convince Hitler to use gay furry porn as the nazi flag because it'd be pretty funny lol

Simple as it comes: alter history in such a manner that's certain to result in the destruction of the time machine in the future, therefore rendering myself either obsolete, nonexistent, or stuck in the past.

One such manner would be saving the Confederacy and providing the good Fuhrer each last ounce of information he needs to survive the war and lead his thousand year Reich whilst fostering good relations with the Confederate States, as the obvious Jewish trickery that resulted in the time machine's creation will be destroyed in advance. Destroy time machine whilst fading out of existence in order to ensure the safety of the timeline as the one, true timeline.

If there's enough time to get by, push the Pope to call upon Nazi Germany in order to retake Jerusalem.

>Implying that would change anything
The south was doomed the moment they attacked an actually industrialized nation. The north was mass producing ironclads and rifled Springfields at the end.

lincoln wasn't concerned with freeing the slaves, he wanted to exert the power of the federal government over the south to keep them from seceding

the idea that lincoln gave a shit about slaves is just fiction and not in line with reality

he wasn't loving or tolerant

while i'm not a fan of authoritarian governments that's not the issue with the civil war

as for hitler, the man was brilliant even though i don't 100% agree with his politics, he did have a lot of good ideas and did a lot for germany and his people

the narrative that lincoln was just good and that hitler was just bad is bullshit, just like when people pretend gandhi wasn't human trash

Save Anne Frank, have her pump out at least five kids, and live together on a farm in the Shenandoah Valley.

Maybe help General Lee win the Battle of Gettysburg, but that might put my own existence at risk.

>implying the Third Reich would even exist in a timeline where the Confederates win the Civil War

I'm not even saying you're wrong because I don't like Nazis. I'm saying you're wrong because you're obliterating the entire chain of events that led to the rise of Nazi Germany.

nevermind i read what you said wrong, sorry i'm tired

anyway i agree the union was wrong there, but i don't think hitler was entirely wrong

Good job. Have a (you)

>lincoln wasn't concerned with freeing the slaves, he wanted to exert the power of the federal government over the south to keep them from seceding

Well no shit.

>as for hitler, the man was brilliant even though i don't 100% agree with his politics, he did have a lot of good ideas and did a lot for germany and his people

And promptly undid all of it by starting an unnecessary war that resulted in his country's near-total destruction and becoming a pariah.

Also, Hitler's handling of economic affairs was much poorer than a lot of people realize if you read Wages of Destruction by Adam Tooze. For starters, sacked Hjalmar Schacht, the man whose policies were arguably the most responsible for pulling Germany out of the Depression and later threw him in a concentration camp.

Ohhh good one.

IMO it's worth risking you own existence if it means a better future. No different than a soldier risking his life in battle.

hitler fucked up yeah, but his beliefs themselves were good in many areas

like i said far from perfect, but he had a lot of good ideas and the reason i think he was brilliant was the way he rose to power and there's a lot about the way he thought that i can respect

he could've done better but that could be said about a lot of leaders and politicians

Why do you post this thread every fucking day?

SEMEN STAINS THE MOUNTAIN TOPS
SEEMEN STAINS THE MOUNTAIN TOOPS

Maybe he's building an actual time machine and needs some ideas

Check the time.

this

Underrated

Rommel already warned Hitler that the Allies might come ashore at Normandy and was ignored.

Also, telling the Germans about the atomic bomb (assuming they believe you) wouldn't help at all because there's nothing they could have done to prevent its development. Their sphere of influence was already collapsing by that point.

You wanna tell me there is no original ever found?

shut it

Show King Louis XVI of France that if he doesn't fix his shit then all of Western Civilization will fucking die

>America ceases to exist because he doesn't bankrupt the French treasury helping us against the British

I would go back to 1914 and give Ludendorf and Hindenburg some books on WW1. If Germany wins, fascism and communism will never happen.

Prevent my father from impregnating my mother.

I'd tell Hitler to make friends in America then fund Fascist movements in Britain, France, and other big player countries, then once he has his allies, move into Russia and rid the world of Chinese and Russian pigs. Also for him to do the Madagascar plan rather than a mass eradication.

That girl did not write that book. Was a utter fake. No person that age could have written that. Shakespeare could not have written that at that age.
the whole thing was propaganda.

No it wouldn't. Someone else would create the time machine. Things that are meant to happen will happen.

I would try convincing the Jews to collaborate with the Nazis and establish a NazCap Israel

youtube.com/watch?v=nsom2-aJERI

Redpill me on the nazi party coming to power thanks to Jewish influence.

I mean is there an original of her herself

Can't read lol

too smol like yur benis

Ah...maybe not. Good point.

>go back time
>meet hitler
>ey mann, hier ist ein buch über den krieg
>give him a book about ww2 and all his mistakes, and what the allies will plan
>go back 2 future
>have wolfenstein real life
>???
>profit

I'm talking about the French Revolution dummy.

I'd never let Old Glory die.

seconded.

Visit all the ancient empires

Except the French Revolution was directly caused by the American Revolution because France ran itself into supplying the United States with arms and later soldiers.

*into the ground

Mein neger

Should we try and find a Family Guy writer and get him to insert the Anne Frank copypasta into a time travel episode

Even after and during the war, he could have done more for his people. The dude was a jackass to them.

Kill Karl Marx.