It's CDN Morning News with your host
Lazurus
>Don Pittis should be crowned King of World
Leaf
and all (you) wonderful people who like reading garbage
Canadians, stuck in 1999.
WHO the fuck still plays with laser pointers like it's cool?
>Pilot blinded after laser beam pointed at plane flying over Bedford: Halifax Police
metronews.ca
Article starts off with
>This is not cool.
See why I don't read them??
Playing with laser pointers in 2017 is for real "not cool"
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Shark "inspired" beer called "tag! you're it!"
Makes sense right..........
>Cape Breton brewery teams with research group to produce shark-inspired beer
Going to donate a whole 50cents per can sold.
WOW
How much does crap, I mean "craft" beer cost?
Is it any good?
I can't imagine so............
Like, all these "brewers" are literal nobodies who never worked brewing beer, or know what they're doing, but somehow got money together for a brewery.
Old People Killing Old People!!!
>Documents reveal two previously unknown N.S. nursing home pushing deaths
>HALIFAX — Two more Nova Scotia nursing home residents have died after being pushed by other residents.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
SEE!!!
Canadians are like the most horrible people alive. If you're Canadian and think you're "nice", you're probably a HUGE asshole
Canadians only rob the old and weak
>Arrest made in robbery of elderly woman at Ontario ATM
metronews.ca
Probably like 40-100 dollars.
WOW!!
BIG MONEY EH????
Get a 2-4 of beer, pack of smokes, a gram of pot
WOOOOOOOOOO
OH NO!!!! Beer tax "leaked"
Whatever that means.............I'm not reading to find out.
They should tax the fuck out of alcohol.
>OMG CIGARETTE SMOKE!!! At the bar!! YUCK!!
*downs 20 shots, gets in his car, drives, kills someone*
>Ahhhh, I'm SORR-EEE eh?? I just had a few too many. At least I'm not a DIRTY smoker eh???
Ya true eh?? At least you don't smoke eh??
>Alberta finance minister to review beer tax trade ruling after findings leaked
Fuck alcohol.
It kills people, it ruins lives, it ruins families, it makes people commit crime and every just sits there going
>darrrrrrrrrrr ya gotta learn to drink right, eh??
Then dickhead gets arrested for acting like an asshole cause he drank too much and he's got excuses up the asshole.
JUNKIE TRASH
life is horrible for old people in canada, they slaved away all their lives and that's what they get.
I know right, my poor old grand parents "slaved" away on the "dirt farm". Farming dirt from June to October.
Then hunkered down for the long winter.
Eventually they became millionaires.
If life is so horrible for them, they should try DYING.
I'm so tired of old people.
Most of them aren't that nice and their stories suck.
Most of you love mee-ma and pop pop cause they showered you with money and presents your whole life.
Mine haven't.
Maybe I'd like old people more, if they gave me shit tons of money and presents.
Help the Junkies!!!
>Supervised consumption site to open in Victoria as opioid epidemic continues
>Ohhhhhhh yaaaaaaaaa eh?? BC is BEAUTIFUL eh?? Highest quality of life in Canada eh??
Everyone is an alcoholic or drug addict..............
I don't "get" drug use. I have no inclination to try them. Never have.
I didn't even like alcohol till I was 21. Then liked it too much. Fuck that shit. Wish I never started with it.
I use to LOVE Canada, as a drunk! Woooo ya!!
5 beers and downtown of my crap town was NYC and I was "Champagne Millionaire"
I read about your illegal old folks homes. We don't stand for elder abuse down here in Texas like how you boys do.
How is Canada going to criticize this???
>Trump has an ambassador to Canada: Kelly Knight Craft confirmed by U.S. Senate
Sending a woman to appease all the loonies here in "TrudyLand: The Most Backwards Place on Earth. Since 1982"
Take em out back and shoot em
I heard elders in the Navajo would eat drugs and wander off into the desert to die when they felt like a burden on the tribe.
Manly as fuck if you ask me.
NAFTA News:
>First ministers present united NAFTA front to defend Canadian interests in U.S.
Killer Air Mattress !!!
>Police looking for air mattress owner after fatal Welland motorcycle crash
>TORONTO — The OPP continue to search for the owner of an air mattress that caused a fatal crash in Welland, Ont. last month.
>Sgt. Kerry Schmidt says some motorcycles were riding along Hwy 406 in Welland when they encountered an inflated air mattress lying on the road that had fallen off a vehicle.
>He said the lead motorcycle veered around it, but a second got tangled in the air mattress and crashed.
>A 55-year-old rider from Fort Erie died of his injuries, and three other people were injured.
Sounds like dipshit Boomer tried to run over the air mattress like a boss and died instead.
Also
>He added that police are only seeking to lay charges for having an insecure load.
Even the cops know this guy was a dumbass............
Canadians................
>HEY GORD, Check this out eh???? WOOO!!!
Not 3rd World-ada............
>One in five sausages tested across Canada had meat not on label: study
Other ingredients included
>Gym mats
>rat
>squirrel
>groundhog
>shredded newspaper
I got a bunch of sausages in the freeze too. Had 4 last night...............
Got a family pack on sale for $5.40
Now we know why............
Fuck I hate living here................
BC Wildfire Update-O-Rama!!!!
>B.C. wildfire season worst in six decades, still far from over: Official
>Wildfire closes big stretch of highway through Kootenay National Park
Good thing I have genetics of the Ancients, or I'd be worried.
Or I'm really lucky and didn't have that 1 in 5.
I know they make their sausages in house, so I'm just going to tell myself mine are FINE
IT"S FINE!!!!
WHO CARES if you're eating rat. It's FINE!!! Back in olden Canada, we ate what we found in the dumpster, after a long hard day of dirt farming. Slept on a bed of rock, with a smile on my face, cause I knew I was a CANADIAN. be grateful eh??
It's FINE!
Oh wow!!
>PRESIDENT TRUMP’S CANADIAN CONNECTION
cbc.ca
>The Trump family fortune begins far from the glittering gold letters on the Trump Tower in Manhattan. It’s a wild ride that involves drinking, prostitution and a visit from the Mounties -- and it has a Canadian connection.
I doubt this is true but drinking, prostitutes and a visit from the cops is Canadian as fuck....
HAW HAW HAW
Straight to archive
archive.is
Guy who lived in Canada at one point, who got rich off US Online Commerce, mentioned because of his "Canadian roots"
>How Canadian filmmaker Jeff Skoll is fighting climate change in the Trump era
cbc.ca
Ohhhhh climate change!! So SCARY!!
Ummmm, at one point most of the Earth was water. Another point, most of it was on fire...
Humans cannot affect nature or this planet to the point of it's destruction.
Refugees do not want to go back to Haiti but not allowed to stay in USA running to Canada!
Be proud eh??
At least they'd rather live in Canada, than Haiti eh??
Can always try and sneak back into the USA or something.
Enjoy the new burden, I mean citizens!!!
>Why are thousands of Haitians streaming into Canada from the U.S.?
Why?
>50,000 Haitians could lose protected status in the U.S., but Canada could deport those seeking asylum
cbc.ca
They served our country eh?? Protect our freedom eh??
>National Defence reviewing limits on 'double-dipping' for retired soldiers
cbc.ca
Get fucked losers. You have protected anyone from anything.
Canadian Word Magic time
>Canada adds 11,000 jobs in July, jobless rate ticks down to 6.3%
>Fewer people looking for work pushes jobless rate down two ticks to 6.3%
cbc.ca
Fewer people looking cause they've given up and died of a opiod OD
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
>'The damage is done': Home electricity meters exploding, starting fires in Sask. drought
cbc.ca
The country is literally burning down as we go about our day to day lives like nothing is wrong.
So Canadian.........................
>Fewer people looking cause they've given up and died of a opiod OD
kek. op ur rants are savage.
Granny Robbery Update!!
It was a WHITE MALE. I repeate
>WHITE
>MALE
Grannie "fought him off eh"
>Woman, 81, assaulted and robbed at ATM fought back so attacker wouldn't 'try it again'
cbc.ca
HOW much cash do you think this old lady has?
Canadians, robbing old women for pocket money
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!
>$500
WOW!!
Gunna buy me fancy car, mansion with a cement pond, have a steak the size of my head. Can retire with that kinda money eh??
Cheers m8
K, I'm out for today.
Just Remember:
>If you ever encounter Don Pittis in the woods of the high arctic, stay still and talk parking and cell phones to avoid a confrontation
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