What the fuck is going on with American names?

I'm a 30 year old teacher in the US and I've reached the nadir. I now have more students with unfamiliar Hispanic, Middleeastern, African-American, and hipster white person names than I do "traditional" names. I just spent the past 30 minutes googling name after name so I don't look like an asshole on Day 1 when I fuck up a kid's name. It's that extra mile I need to go so that I don't just connect with them, but also don't get a pissed off parent thinking I'm culturally ignorant or a fucking Nazi (because that shit DOES and HAS happened to me):

This year, every student I teach will have been born after 2003, the year I entered my senior year of high school. I grew up in classes where the most common names were Kimberly, Megan, Matthew, John, Eric... Names like Hunter, Race, Jamal, Maria, Juan, Hope, Maya, Ashanti, Diamond... they were around, but not that common. And names like Athena, Dashawn, Elsbeth, Shaniqua, or anything with an alternative spelling from the usual were absolutely rare and exceptional. Keep that in mind when I go down some of the most frequent or strangest offenders I've seen over the past few years:

>Tre'sor (pronounced like you're saying "treasure" with a french accent)
>Cinnamon
>Jada (pronounced "Shotta")
>Sha'diamond (say it like its spelled)
>Budda
>Steevie
>Chayse
>Saylah (pronounced "shaylah")
>Jelissa (pronounced "shelisha")
>Rohaan (pronounced "ruheen")
>Nas'taya (pronounced "Nuh shay uh")
>Ch'zack (pronounced "chuh zack")

What are some of the strangest names you've come across, Sup Forums?

There's also been an increase in people giving their kids "unique" names. Surprisingly, all of the ones I listed above apparently exist in other cultures. But I've seen made up names as well (which I won't post because some of them actually do lead right to the students' social media).

Unisex names seem increasingly popular. I have taught too many Angels of either sex to count, and I am seeing a lot more girls with traditionally masculine names. Some aren't that weird to see, like Alex, but there's also a lot more female Ryans, Connors, Devins, and even a Joey this year. Boys don't have this same pattern; maybe its a double standard?

Meanwhile, more white kids have "retro names." I've seen, over the past couple years, an increase in names like Chauncy, Cyrina, Olivia, Rose, and a lot of shit from movies and books that were popular in the oughties (Twilight, Harry Potter, etc.). I have seen a Katniss, a Primrose, a Harry, a Ron, and there even was a girl whose middle name was Hermione. Oh, and I taught a Shadowfax. That fucking really happened.

Also, I'm seeing a lot more white boys with very "white" sounding names. Names like Hunter and Landon. Also Mason pops up on my roster this year 5 fucking times. The name itself isn't that much a novelty, but if there are 5 kids in a small sampling pool with the same first name it must mean the name became a goddamn cultural milestone when I wasn't looking. Oh, and there's Peytons and Channings in there too.

I think for me the most difficult to pronounce are definitely the hispanic names, though. And the kids get the most offended when you butcher them. I took Spanish for 7 years, but it doesn't help you understand dialect differences between Colombians, Dominicans, and Puerto Ricans (who are the three most common I see at my school). A name like Yismaris or Yudelkis looks easy at first, but depending on where the person is from it can be spoken a least 2 different ways.

>what is orthography

just read it and if they call you a racist for saying it wrong tell them you overcame dyslexia to become a teacher.

>Jelissa (pronounced "shelisha")
nope.
that's jelissa.
gel-iss-uh

call her that.
when her parents complain then tell them to spell it properly next time.

I will name my son Teal'q

I agree OP. Kids today have the shittest fucking names ever. Every edgelord normie names their retarded special kid some bullshit name like hunter, Harrison, jet, kayden etc. fuck I'm mad

Degeneracy and retardation, it's fucking sad that I have no empathy for stupid people who name their children stupid shit.

I bet this is not the case in private schools.

Talking to my colleagues who have been in teaching for much longer, they say it has less to do with orthography and more to do with conceited and dumb parents. They want their kids to have unique names that make them stand out for whatever reason, but they don't think of the ramifications it will have down the line for them. That kid Ch'rick was actually a goddamn genius, but he got so much shit for his name it had to affect his self-esteem. He actually shortened it to Rick and I hope he uses that name on his resume here on out. Kid deserved so much better than to be held back by a lame ass attempt by his parents at "taking back his heritage." Let him surprise people, rather than already being judged before they even get to know him.

My friend is a MD and hangs with OB/GYNs for drinks. Believe me or not, but he swears on this story. They were helping to deliver a black baby in the inner city of Philadelphia. The father was not there to see the birth, but was on the phone with the mother. The mom called to ask the father what to name the baby and the father responded:

"Stephen, with a PH"

The mother thanked him and when the nurses recorded the name as "Stephen" the mother blew a gasket. She told them it was Stephen with a "PH," so it should be spelt "Phteven." The nurses basically told her in fewer words she was retarded, but the woman said they had no right to talk back about "her man's decisions" that way and "his word was final."

Kid was fucking named "Phteven."

>Phteven

Kek.

Do you teach in a nigger school op?

>I taught a Shadowfax
They named their little nigga after a horse?

just call them Mohammed, nigger, faggot, or Pedro. That should pretty much account for every one in your class

The upper-class is where the trends start. Brittany, Kaitlyn, Isabel- all those names were started by some snooty jet set mothers before they trickled down into middle class & then lower class.

>I have no empathy for stupid people who name their children stupid shit
So that's all it takes for you to lack empathy, huh?

Something tells me you don't have much to begin with, my man.

I know how it feels
My eldest brother is called spencer
my middle brother is called samuel.
I'm called something retarded and have the 3 middle names Sampson Arnie Curtis.
I'd say what my name is but it'd be ez to dox me.

Know of twins named Arya and Archer (female and male).

Male names for females is a double standard. It has always been so. Ashley was exclusively male until somebody thought it would be cute for a girl.

Once a male name gets claimed by females, it's the end of that name's reign.

I've taught in private as well. The only strange names that you see are either foreign names from Europe or Asia (Xiao, Kai, Sheikh, Natassia, Nicolai), extremely Jewish sounding names (Benyamin, Yeshua), or very upper crust white names (Buffy, Chad, Junior).

However, even with the oddball names, the families and students are very patient, understanding, and "get" that you will fuck up the name. They bend over backwards to be your best friend and help you help them. I just get sneers or snickers if I fuck up a name in a public school, culminating in parental confrontation if it goes on forever.

I get screwing up one kids oddball name for a few months. The mom ultimately called guidance to set up a meeting to ask why I was "bullying" their son. Legit, the kid never corrected me and I had no idea how to say his name. It was something really obtuse like Jamais or something.

Pretty much.

Not really. It's pretty well split. It's absolutely in the city, though. We just draw in kids from all over. Our biggest group is actually rednecks.

Yep. His parents were ultra hippies too and forced him to eat vegan since childhood. They found out he ate cheese at school and flipped their lids. Kid is a mess. I really felt for him.

I've heard that theory before. It is pretty true. I grew up in the 80s and 90s where many of my parents' friends were up and coming Boomers, so a lot of the kids I hung out with had names like Kimberly, Tiffany, Jonathan, Aaron. By the time my younger brother was in high school, the rot had already set in. His best friends were people with names like Aryelle, Amarylis, Cherie, and Ja'quane. His high school graduation spent five fucking whole minutes just naming off all the Asian students with last names toward the end of the alphabet. Scout's honor that really happened.

Still doesn't explain names like Sha'quanda though. I can't imagine any upper class whites with that name.

>Not naming your kids after biblical and historical characters
I'm not saying name your kid Horatio or Patton, but Nickolas, Thomas, George, ect are all solid names.

Those are pretty good traditional names, except Brittany, which isn't too bad either since it's a traditional place name.

Oh, totally. I hung out with a Patrick in college. People would call him Pat and he'd have a goddamn conniption. It took me a while to figure out, but I realized that everyone in my life ever called Pat was a woman. The dude got so sick of being called Pat, Patty, etc. and people thinking he was a chick he started going by his middle name after college.

Now I can't think of Patrick as a very masculine name anymore. It sounds too feminine to me.

Sucks, man. All of my siblings and myself have fairly normal names. My cousins as well. But once my cousins started popping out kids, and them being Millennials, all of the next generation started gaining weird names like Cyrus and Jeannie. My girlfriend is actually talking about naming our kids things like that too. I think her favorite names right now are Olive, Mariana, and Lucian.

How fucking white.

>Phteven

The funny part is that this is who we let vote.

my son is Henry, did i do good

Those names are fine. Even Patton and Horatio aren't bad. They sound like they're spelled, and they're recognizable, solid names. They have a legacy and cultural significance.

I just don't see the allure of naming a kid "Treasure" or "Neveah." It just makes your kid stand out in the wrong kind of way. And they either grow up being really resentful or they turn into an arrogant little shit who thinks the world revolves around them and their name ("Fuck you for not knowing how to pronounce my name, you privileged twat!").

I legit taught a kid named "Crystal Rose Fountain." Think about that for a second.

How fucking trashy. Who thought that was acceptable? That kid is spending her entire life as a punchline to a shitty joke.

I'll name my twins Daquay and Daquayquay

I'd say so

THere was some guy in the news named Johnthany bus driving accident I think

shit like la-a (pronounced ladasha) and other nonsensical names like la'queefa are usually from niggers being illiterate and naming their 32nd niglet the first word salad that comes to their mind

your parents probably failed to make a decision

Pretty good, but I worry that male names that end in "y", "i", or "ie" can be a bit effeminate.

There was some dude named johnthany. Bus driving accident I think

>Yep. His parents were ultra hippies too and forced him to eat vegan since childhood. They found out he ate cheese at school and flipped their lids. Kid is a mess. I really felt for him.

Gandalf would be fucking outraged.

Personally I don't want to name my kid something like john or Chris. Seriously there are too many fucking Johns and Chris in this world. Name your kid something unique, but tasteful. That means, Albert, Hugo, Jules, Etc. even Arnold, or CHAD is good. But not Jayden, Brayden, Caiden, aiden, shaniquafanda, or niggerius

>tresor

Literally the french word for treasure kek. Do niggers like french now?

Man.. makes me glad for the school I had. Strangest name I can remember is a girl from eastern Europe with a strange spelling of Alexandra (but pronounced totally normal)

>La-a
This story again? Everyone & my brother claims they met a La-a & frankly you are all full of shit.

Welcome to the future you wanted

>Educated teacher
>"Hispanic"

If you were a teacher you would know hispanic is not a race

You realize spanish names came from europe right?

It's an old thing.

Even Lewis Black made that joke.

Did Gandalf feed Shadowfax meat?

Legit can't remember.

In reality as long as your name isn't flat out retarded like the amazing shit OP has shared, your name isn't going to make you a trap that loves tranny dicks. I knew a Henry in highschool that pretty much grew up to be a mix of Zyzz and Chad Thundercock.

Sha'diamond Longbottom and Ch'zack Abernathy

I wonder if I'll ever be able to escape Burgerland

it's too late for us anymore

>reached the nadir
>nadir
>american names

Atheism happened teacher

Henry is a man's name. A real man's man

Jules?

Shadowfax is the fucking horse lord he eats what he wants

>Jada (pronounced "Shotta")
How the fuck does that work?

Well, yeah, obviously, I was just sharing my opinion. Names that end with an a or e sound are typically effeminate. I mean there's lots of exceptions for the latter, but if the name hasn't already been established as male, it's gonna be interpreted as a female name.

>Ch'zack
sci-fi lizard alien tier name

Then why is it an option on surveys and censuses? It's still a categorical classification for a social group. Regardless, you understood what I meant by using the term.

It's a Spanish name. I think it was meant to be spelt Yada, since some dialects make the Y a SH sound. But then it turned into a J because some dialects interchange J and Y? Yeah. Fuck if I know.

I similarly had a girl named Yarelis who went by the nickname "Shoddy" but spelled "Shorty." Probably a similar origin.

I find it absolutely weird that names, literally the most personal identifier possible, aren't unique to begin with.

Why do we continue to use European bastardizations of Judeo-Christian names? What the fuck retard thought of that?

It doesn't. It doesn't follow the rules of English pronounciation. It's a name that is disobedient.

Holy fuck that list, what happend to naming your kid something normal like John Or Zachary?

yeah, everyone should have the possibility to give themselves a name when reaching the age of 18. until then give them a temporary name. maybe even just a numerical identifier.

I'm having flashbacks to the old client named David
>Dah-veed

>Buffy, Chad, Junior
Muffy, Buffy, Biff, Junior, and I are out for a Sunday drive

>not giving your newborns biblical names

lmao @ your lives

Nothing is worse than retards who name their child Michael but spell it wrong by flipping the a and the e.

Incredible

>be me
>Whitey Muslim
>go to 70% Arab school
>theyll get my name yay
>first day of school
>uh is there a Lutfi here?
>pronounced it Loo-Tii-Fye

if a teacher named Gondor called the register, would Rohaan answer?

Welcome to the fall of western civilization. You should make sure that you teach them about how gender is on a spectrum, that Christopher Columbus was a white nationalist, and that anal sex is healthy for their rectums.

Only in America

>Phteven
jesus

Well, already as an adult you can change your name whenever. It's just strange that I'm named after the "twelfth and youngest son of Jacob and the founder of one of the southern tribes of the Hebrews." when my folks are catholic/secular.

...

says the damn canadian

I'm a fan of Roman/Greek names tbqh.

Named my son after a white professional athlete who openly supports Trump

He will have no friends named jamal.

...

canadians are literally the same

Requesting shay-dash-a the dash is silent.jpg

It happens in europe too, albeit stuff that youd consider normal like zoey would be unusual here.
Either the result of an uprooted lowerclass or "special" academics who got their heads up way too far up their asses, so often isolated to certain areas of town.
From a Tumblr that collects some:

>Bonita Jade Gracias
>Attila Junior
>Noemi-Fee
>Aino-Sky
>Saphira Lolita
>Loki-Gry
>Junia Fiametta May
>Starlisha Sophie

The shaming of such names as lowly cultured in TV doesnt help.

Had some people today with silly names Elana which is e-lah-nah and Mikel, pronounced Mike-el

I am named for my father, who was named for his father, who was named for the Italian Village he was born in, which was in turn named for a Saint as is customary. God willing if I have a son I will give him that name, and that that village still stands so that I may take him there to tell him how our line began.

This is an old joke but I will allow it.

I named my son Francis.

Did I do good Sup Forums?

>Naming your son after a pack of shitty menthols

Drop non-white student grades by 5-10% in an ongoing fashion. It's marginal enough for you not to get caught. This is your contribution to the race war user. From each according to his ability, amirite.

>Patrick
Pat and Patty are an issue sometimes, but what is more annoying is that everyone my age (I'm 20) was raised on spongebob so I get that reference all the time. "omg when you answer the phone do you say this is Patrick" and shit like that. Also get called St. Patrick randomly. I don't think it has been relevant enough to effect my social life very much though, and my last name makes up for it.

My son will probably be named Clark, what does pol think

How much shit would dutch names get in the U.S?
There are still plenty Kees's, Jan's, Bram's walking around here. Although I can't say I haven't met people with 'new' names like Storm, et cetra.

>Muslim
>Not called Muhammad, Mohammad, Moe Hamhead or some other variation

I simply don't believe you.

oh yeah there's also the Pat-rick lol

What was the joke?

Was gonna become a teacher then I got redpilled.

Maybe a little but considering we have a ton of spics and other people giving their kids ethnic names it's not a big deal. I mean Indian American kids still name their kids siddartha or jayachandra so you should be fine with naming him Bram

Top Zoozle

Using written language is appropriating white culture.

Not naming your child after a fictional pony-show, c'mon bro!
I chose traditional names to my ethnicity, sure its sorta we wuz bullshit but I don't want my kids to confuse their culture with niggers or spics.

reported to CPA for using a racist name and also forcing gender stereotypes on a baby

my first name is Willie. I go by my middle name. I hated that name growing up. However, me, my dad, grandfather, and great grandfather all had the same first name.

Those read a lot like fantasy bs GoT tier names lel

is there any history / culture or origin attached to those names, I think not.

>Phteven

Imagine living in Ireland:

Aoife pronounced Ee-vah
Caoimhe pronounced Kee-vah
Niamh pronounced Neev
Muireann pronounced Moor-een
Saoirse pronounced Sheer-shah
Siobhan literally pronounced as She-boon

Just a few I dealt with personally.

he's going to hear a lot of superman jokes, but it is acceptable.. 7/10

This is what happens when you give kids participation trophies, and then those kids have their own kids. What aggravates me about the list is the blatant disregard of phonetics. What the fuck is the point of it all when it is no longer pronounced as it's spelt. Fuckers