tl;dr I feel guilty about everything I do or don't do and how I do and don't do things. How hell do I stop and just start doing what I want? Not even read the fountainhead fixed me for more than a few days and I loved the book.
>wake up >browse internet on my phone for 1.5 hours >start reading a book instead (bleeding edge) >tell myself I'd have read about 50 pages if I hadn't wasted time on the internet >tell myself I'll stop wasting time from now on >tell myself that's unrealistic and wasting time leads to discovery of new things and play is the best way to learn (but realise play and fun will always leave me feeling guilty) >start reading book from where I left last time >start counting down the pages until I've finished half of it >tell myself I should read many pages at once for efficiency to finish more books >tell myself books should be enjoyed, not read for the sake of reading >tell myself I should have started going through SICP (a computer science textbook) as soon as I woke up, reading is not going to make me successful and I'm too ugly to be successful through regular means (in a normie filled corporation) >tell myself that going through SICP is procrastination to avoid actually programming real world stuff >realise that if I program real world stuff I'll feel guilty over not studying enough academic CS stuff and worry I'm just a code monkey >realise I'll always feel this guilt
And now I'm going outside and feel guilty and sad about being an ugly subhuman and how if I had avoided all junk food with an iron will I'd look better. But movie stars in the daily mail are always pictured walking outside looking like shit. Maybe an ugly person who is ripped and has shaved is a more pathetic sight because they look like they are deluded enough to think they can make up for bad genetics?
And so on, but the ugly subhhuman stuff is for another topic.
I know the feeling. I'm not like that anymore. My life is in order. I haven't achieved all of my goals yet, but I have patience. I wish I knew what advice to give you. But I don't know you. I don't know your life. I only hope you will find hope. Your life will be better.
Wyatt Wilson
Sounds like you're trying to make too much of a jump at once.
Do it step by step. You don't get to order yourself like a tyrant would, you have to negotiate. It will take a while to get to where you want, but you'll get there step by step.
Lucas Richardson
Also, what are you reading? I wouldn't beat myself uo about not finding specific books interesting. Not all books are for everyone. I've struggled against classic like the Odyssee and Starship Troopers, while reading Watership Down I was unable to lay the book down. I still think the Odyssee and Starship Troopers were fantastic work, but the writing style and plot structure never caught on to me.
Michael Ross
I was reading bleeding edge by Pynchon
Chase Watson
Just read the plot summary of wiki - it actually sounds like a pretty cool novel
Get audiobook of Xenophon's Persian expedition. There's no clearer example that the ideas espoused in the fountainhead are actually applicable to real life (hard to see it's relevance today).
But that's how you can live life too user, if you have the courage.
(Xenophon was a student of Socrates, Alexander the Great a student of Aristotle)
Aaron Thompson
Don't listen to this guy OP. Read Harry Potter, it basicly sums up everything worth knowing about Socratese.
Asher Brooks
Here's a relevant quote from it (from memory)
"Those who focus on their impending doom will resign themselves to misery and suffering. But some men, recognizing that death and mortality is a burden all must bear, aim to die as honorably as possible. In this way they focus on what they can do, and their next action. But notice also, these men are the most likely to survive and find happiness?"
Aiden Kelly
Yes, that's a great Dumbledoor quote
Christopher Ross
sounds like you have a guilt issue and you need purpose I can help you if you want
Thomas Torres
That's true. Is there anything more inspiring than broom racing and using "muh magic" to solve all your problems?
Good one, thanks based Dane
David Young
sorry for the meme flag I am not a commie faggot
Chase Perry
"What we do in life echoes in eternity" -Maximus "To die would be an awfully big adventure" - Peter Pan
Tyler Evans
You're welcome. Inshallah Adun and Entaro Allah.
Parker Miller
being ugly is really dehumanizing and demotivating. retarded lazy awful attractive people have much better lives than the highest achieving ugly people. maybe a low bodyfat percentage can help you become attractive enough though if you've never tried that.
William Collins
Finally the miracle cure! Go fuck yourself. Op, things don't happen magically. You've got to want it more than you want anything else. In novels, the main character, or the dynamic character always goes through some conflict that changes them (for better or worse). But before conflict can arise, you need an inciting incident that will push you off the edge and into a struggle. Struggle forms us. My parents big thing against millenials is that we're too eager for pain and suffering. They say that life will get hard enough on its own. The fact is we are too decadent. A quick browse through r9k will reveal that these young men would quickly die if they were released into the woods for a few days. Humanity has been brought up, Struggling through the ages. In a day like today, If trouble doesn't find you, you're too comfy. You'll never change if you're comfy. You have to be hard on yourself. It might be a dangerous idea, and in open to critique from anyone. But a life in need of changing is in need of uprooting.
Luke Brown
>being ugly is really dehumanizing and demotivating
Yes, but if you must be ugly, do so in Britain where the girls are perpetually trashed.
Christian Jenkins
All the kids in Peter Pan are dead. Peter is an angel getting them to heaven
Yeah, I'm the same kind of person. "inspiration" makes me want to blow my brains out. I secretly think that Jordan Person fits perfectly into the rest of our Orwellian nightmare. In that he's a psychologist that just make me feel worse and worse about myself. I wish there was a way for people like us to get together and communicate our message to the rest of the world. That there are people trying really hard to improve their lives, but somehow self-improvement has the exact opposite effect on us, and it makes life worse. You probably should concentrate on one specific skill, but I know that exact problem--reading everything at once, filled to the brim with light, always feeling like a complete fuck up. I don't know what to tell you OP, other than you are probably finding your calling because you are an important human, and that is a shitty thing to be as a young man.
Liam White
I tell you kids what, what is your IQ level? Are you really sharp?
Kevin Perry
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It may help to work with a professional or in a group but you can also do it yourself.
I used to experience the same thing. I always knew it was horrible and debilitating but I didn't realize how bad it really was until it stopped. It affected everything I did. My norm was a constant state of anxiety.
