How exactly does one get pussy while living at the white house as a teenage boy?

How exactly does one get pussy while living at the white house as a teenage boy? The secret service always cock blocking you. when you're trying to run game on some foreign prime ministers daughter the news media catches you smiling at her and immediately blows shit out if proportion speculating that you are somehow breaking international law with your awkward teenage flirting, so you have to testify before congress that you didn't give away any top secret documents to her and are made to admit live on C-SPAN that you've never even kissed a girl . Then you get blue balls from some hot conservative girl winking at you and flashing her panties under her skirt and making sexy faces and blow job motions to you while you were going through some airport or public event, and when you passed by and shook her hand she leans in whispering she is going to diddle her clit thinking about you tonight and how much she wants to suck your dick off, just to fuck with you. Then you try to look up some porn when you get home just to relieve the tension but you just know the CIA is monitoring and 3 other govornment agencies are watching you beat off. Then you finally break down and Jack off in the shower which sets off some fucking biohazard drain alarm and the entire place is on lock down until they can find the source of the specimen and you end up getting debriefed by the joint chiefs of staff about your masturbatory habits and how you almost created a national security issue with your dick. Then wikileaks leaks your search history showing you looked up penis enlargement techniques when it was actually just some click bait you'd accidentally clicked and TYT spends all next week talking about your supposed micro penis. So you end up squirming a little since you are so wound up and being judged constantly and now people are saying you look like a fucking mental patient and you start to think you'll never get any pussy.

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Then some foreign noble brings their family over and you start hanging out with their son for a few weeks during their stay because hes the only friend you've had in years at this god damned place the LGBT community starts making posters of you two laughing together and claims that Trumps son is a gay bottom and "there is nothing wrong with that". So uncle Pence has you sent to a "conversion therapy" camp where they electrocute the gay demon out of you night and day with car batteries, and they are pretty sure it resides somewhere in the vicinity of your ass.

A few months later you come back and finally feel like things are back to normal and some Swedish royalties niece is visiting and you two really hit it off and you have your first kiss but then she has to leave and you end up skyping all the time until one day she forgets to turn her Webcam off and you see Ahmed and four of his friends playing Swedish twister with the girl of your dreams and you blow a gasket and leak it online and soon Sweden is embroiled in scandal and you are made to go on C-SPAN in front of congress and basically admit you were cucked while some senator grills you about if you prefer taking it in the ass or in the mouth.

By this time you are 14 and still haven't gotten any pussy and your dad always gives you this (son I am disappoint) look and tells you to just stay home while he's out campaigning for his second term because he can't be seen to support your sort of degenerate behavior.

So you sit at home browsing Sup Forums desperately trying to defend yourself against these wild accusations and wish people would be more fucking understanding of the pressure you are under but there are nothing but aussie shit posters responding to your posts with memes of you getting butt fucked by Marco and bernie.

The Secret Service used to get Bill Clinton cocaine. Im sure they can find a 16 year old hooker

>Herro Plesident Tlump
>We bling you most honolable concubines
>
>Hey, Barron! Get in here! It's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees

if you believe /HTG/, "Finding" one would involve going down to the basement and picking

It's not that serious, dad only has pizza on occasion

All his dates will be arranged with other powerful elite's kids and he'll end up fucking rich qt's until he finds one he wants to stick around with.

The kid genuinely has full-blown autism, so thank God he has billions of dollars and supermodel genes, as well as being the son of the President.

In another, less lucky lifetime, he'd be on /r9k/ complaining about tfw no gf.

The same way 80 year old billionaires get to fuck twelve year old girls. Power.

You dont.

The kid is 11 years old. Probably assembling model cars, not trying to get laid, at that age...

Bullshit. I started my three+ times a day masturbation habit at 11. I'd have absolutely tried if I had billions of dollars and was the son of the President.

You need help, user.

>implying Barron didn't make this thread

Call Podesta and he'll have a few flown in from Haiti.

You sound like you were raised by a single mother.

Rich parents (mothers especially) spend lots of time teaching their kids how to succeed in life.

Nope, had both parents.

why you go and give me a boner like this?

Would laugh again.

Daily reminder that Barron Trump is a time traveler.
He is the true God-emperor

You don't believe in that bullshit do you?

I believe it.

if the clintons have money there, they also have scores of child prostitutes.

i thought this was agiven no?

highly unlikely

The clintons only ties to haiti were through george soros and soros gives money to any country basically so your argument is lacking

archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/133682074/#q133682074

Damn..I was ready to explode before I lost my virginity at 16. I was literally scared to masturbate..I shit you not..Man..Fuck..What a mess..He will be an 19 year old virgin I guess.Damn..

nah it would be way more autistic than this. this was well put together and from the point of view of someone whos been through it.

when baaron does post here im guessing its loads of inappropriate greentext and darksouls memes.

Dude, Barron doesn't need underage hookers. His dad got women to have sex with him willingly and for free. Barron just has to do the same thing, and not even flirt that hard and he'll have a girlfriend.

Barron could get any QT he wants. Women are practically begging for his shota dick.

>"hey baby, want to see my executive action?"

yeah agreed. barron is famous and will lose it at 15 or 16 . latest will be 18 in a frat party of some kind.

>Implying he hasn't already lost it

Yeah. Rich old potato-sack men have sex with hot young women all the time. Barron is rich AND has supermodel genes. He'll be fine. Not /ourguy/

Shills are on fire tonight.

Why do you care?

As a trumpfag, you will never lose your virginity, let alone be in the white house

KYS