Pentanon

Hey Sup Forums. I posted here a little while ago, talking about my experience with the american medical system and how it's all a giant load of bullshit.

I am a relatively intelligent person, not a super genius or anything but I clearly am somewhat adept at thinking. As recommended in my previous thread I read Aaron Clarey's "Curse of the High IQ" and it does resonate with me quite a bit.

So I quit smoking weed entirely and I'm looking to get my life in order. I've tried both CBT and DBT in addition to traditional therapy and none of them really helped. The psychiatric industry ran me through the gamut, diagnosed me with at least seven individual mental disorders and loaded me up on 30+ drugs. None of this helped.

The fact remains that I'm still just sad. Maybe not sad, more like hopeless I guess. Or I just don't give a fuck. No matter how much I work out, practice meditation techniques, or even distract myself through what Clarey calls "sublimation", I still just don't see a fucking point. I'm trying my damnedest to "man up", I really want to be better and stronger and be able to use what talents I have to better not just myself, but society as a whole.

I'm at this weird stage now where I don't give a shit about things that are just a distraction from live (e.g. video games, TV, even the internet really) because I just see they're all full of dumb fucks shouting about the latest red herring or TV show or whatever. But I don't care about normie shit either - talking about the weather and all that other normie garbage just seems vacuous and I don't care, and social norms say that I can't just correct people on all the shit they are wrong about.

Drugs were my original effort to "lighten up" and "Dumb myself down" but they're no good for me either.

So, what are my next steps? Do I just need to wait longer until all the weed is out of my system? I don't know. one particularly intelligent tripfag in the thread told me to ping him if I wanted to talk so I'm doing that.

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_war
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

If I lived in shitmerica I'd be sad as well.

Move to a better country with less people, better food, more history, where things are more relaxed.

So I guess my thought is that American society seems totally fucking hopeless.

- The medical system is fucked.
- The education system is fucked.
- Politics are totally fucked.
- The idiots have mostly taken over.

I've been trying to remove myself from everything toxic, but if I remove myself from everything toxic there's nothing left. So what the fuck do I do?

I was actually starting to think of something along the lines of . Do I need to pack up and move to another country? Live off the grid? What the fuck is the secret to happiness? Because blatant "man up" doesn't mean shit when the problem is logically and factually there, drugs are obviously no good for you, and running away is never really a solution. It just seems like the state of shit here is totally fucked and there's no way out, but I can't seem to see any viable alternative, either.

For context, I'm 26, live on my own & I have a full-time job, so I'm not a deadbeat or on gibmedats or anything, I'm an active contributor to society. I just think it's all pointless.

Move to Europe. North of Spain or Northern / alpine Italy or alpine France.

Read, read a lot, it's the only leisure that's worth time of your life. Read classic authors and broaden your mind, your sadness comes from the ameriturd prison you're in, it's mental.

Set up a base of operations and travel more frequently. Dont move to a big city, move to a small town next to a city

Fuck it, any book recommendations user?

At this exact moment I can't just pack up and move, but I can start putting finances away. I have no interest in spending money on anything really anyway, I

I'm finally reaching a point where I just sort of have no interest in material shit. *

Read the classics, dont waste time with anything else.

Pascal is good to start, Gomez Dávila if you find it

Stop being a pussy.
Anyone with a crumbling enough confidence to speak of themselves in your manor, really should just kill themselves.

it's pretty hard to have a great sense of confidence when every part of america for the entire duration of your life has told you you were a fucking moron or insane just for realizing that things are the way they are

Why accept defeatism. You know if youre a man or not. Dont lie to yourself user

I don't know what I'm stuck on. I understand the whole "your world is based on your perception" thing or whatever. I can stand up and say "I'm a man, I'm gonna get shit done"...but then eventually it always comes crashing back down again.

I've always thought my problem was just that I thought too much. Every time I end up tanking and becoming depressed/whatever, it's usually because I start thinking about all the logistics of actually making a difference and how no matter how strong and tough and smart I can be, society is still going to be dumb as fuck.

I'm working towards overcoming the inner critic, but even then, when society is so cataclysmically ignorant, what the fuck is the point?

So I can't really put my finger on exactly what thing I need to tweak or change. Do I just stay blindly persistent? Every time I think about what a clusterfuck society is, I just shrug it off and keep "manning up"? Then I'm ignorant to all the bullshit in the world too. I guess for me I've put myself in a situation where it's "damned if you do, damned if you don't", and I can't figure out how to escape from it.

No no no. This is a cultural war.
Society is changing. Everyone has a hive mind, this is closer knit more powerful hive mind. Its concious, it affects the unconcious masses. Keep lurking

I don't understand what exactly you're getting at. What is a cultural war? Dumb fucks vs. people with half a brain?

This is the greatest thinking face ever

Thanks user. have a thinking cake

Get a job you find interesting.

Become a Police officer and climb the ranks and enforce the law of the white man down on them.

Find a wife of the same race as you and have kids.

The biggest reason see "no point in life is because you don't have offspring.

When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was grow up and avenge Jesus.

Then I became an adult and realized, Jesus was a kike too.

I swear there's on stupid cunt aussie that cannot help but mention how she hates Jesus in every irrelevant thread possible

Serious question: Why would I have children in such a shitty world? Isn't having children just so I can be happy selfish as fuck? Lately I have felt that putting children into a world such as this would be totally awful to them, and I think I would love my kids too much to do something like that to them. So I have generally not seen the point in ever having any. What good is it going to do them to have a father who is so opposed to the world/the norm?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_war

>Do I just need to wait longer until all the weed is out of my system?
Sorry buddy, the brain damage has already occurred

>"your world is based on your perception"
Problem identified. God, we should all be so lucky as to believe in something as repairably stupid as that. Ditch the perception = reality bullshit and your motivations will come back.

It sounds like what it really comes down to is "just deal with it". Society is fucked and we just have to deal with it. Is that really the case? If so, how do you just...stop caring? Is it really that simple?

Can you explain in more detail?

Relatively intelligent/ smoked weed damaging his brain, took all types of drugs that pharmacy industry recommends further messing up his body and brain!!

Not intelligent thinking or thinker.
When back was against wall and had no where to turn to and no one to help where i was living, i turned to god and the church. Not drug related or any substance, or any criminal anything or divorce.
God is the only one you can count on.
Grow up and get real and take charge of your life and health faggot. Educate yourself and not listen to mainstream doctors and clinitions and shit. Barnes and Noble, library Now!!!!!

I am in exactly the same boat as you and I can certainly relate

> be me 26
> intelligence, good paying job with a STEM degree
> cant find any reason to live or do what I do no matter how much I try
> redpill myself daily on redundancies of life and everything we daily

I traveled most of this summer throughout Europe, that part was good, living life in the moment so to speak. But it doesn't last long and when you come back, while better for it, shit is still exactly the same as when you left.

I try to deal with it through self medication and drugs, but that can only get you so far but my thinking is that if I self-destruct then my life will be shorter and I will suffer less of this bullshit

Next year, around spring time I am considering camping for most of the summer and being self sufficient and completely off the grid. I think if anything makes me happy that will be it

Until then less us both hope that we have enough strength to survive in this cesspit

>I don't know. one particularly intelligent tripfag in the thread told me to ping him if I wanted to talk so I'm doing that.
friend, i am in the same boat that you are.

>graduate college with molecular biology degree with a 3.8GPA without even really trying
>join the army as an officer candidate, commission as an officer in the top 3 of my class of about 80
>make it through officer leadership course in the top 3 of my class of about 60
>do well in army including deployment but leave because it's a bunch of bull shit
>go back to school for biomedical engineering, am consistently in the top of my class, grade-wise
>conducting research, working in a lab, etc
>try to lift and run as regularly as I can, I'm 5'10, 170lb, and above 1/2/3/4 plates on ohp, bench, squat, and deadlift
>married to a qt traditional girl who wants to breed with me when i'm done with school

... and i feel like a worthless piece of fucking shit. i feel like my life is going to fall down around me and that I'm barely hanging on. I have no interest in anything anymore and I don't know what to do. I've even broken down and cried for the first time in years lately.

Like you, I am no genius but it would not surprise me if i was above 95th percentile in terms of intelligence.

I just want to give up. I don't know what I'm working for. I really just want to die.

weed doesn't cause brain damage

also a note: I don't see tripfag or namefags because i force anonymity but i would like to talk to you guys some time. i would like to talk to anyone who understands--not some faggot psychologist

iktf bro

So what do you recommend that I read?

I don't know if it's so much that I feel like a "worthless piece of shit", I just think that the logical conclusion is that life has no point. I haven't really found any evidence to the contrary.

So I'm looking for a way to find desire to live in a world with no point or purpose, I suppose.

What does your wife have to say about all this? I am single, have been for a while, and probably will be into the foreseeable future because I just don't see myself finding anyone halfway intelligent in the state of NJ.

>What does your wife have to say about all this?
she doesn't know. lately she has been asking me if i'm ok and i just try to pick my face up and say yes. i don't want to burden her but she's going to find out how bad i really feel inside soon enough. i don't want to seem weak to anyone.

>So I'm looking for a way to find desire to live in a world with no point or purpose, I suppose.
I definitely see this from my perspective, too. Working in the medical industry is torture.

>obesity
stop eating fat fuck
>diabetes
we told you to stop eating you FAT FUCK
>smoking
shouldn't be covered
>asthma
because your nigger and beaner parents can't clean their fucking houses so they have mold, cockroaches, dust mites, etc, and they smoke inside with the kids

etc etc. everythign is fucked. education--i dread having children and not being able to afford to send them to private school. then my daughter will just grow up, throw away all my love and parenting and fuck niggers because of kike brainwashing.

politics? fucked. democracy is a failure because 75% of people are mouth-breathing retards

This is pretty much exactly how I feel. I would actually like to talk to you, too, but I don't really have any accounts online that don't have my full name attached to them. Also I'm not great at socializing, but maybe if someone was as bitter and jaded as me I would get along with them.

You gotta make sure you're straightforward with your wife, user...that's the one thing I wish I had; a halfway-tolerable girl. I had a decent girl once and fucked it all up because I didn't understand what was wrong with me, since then it's been an endless merry-go-round of whores. So many women in this age range are just fucking disgusting and if I have to meet one more girl who thinks polyamory is morally OK or that cheating is ever justified or that what TV shows you like is the most important thing about you I'm gonna explode. I've given up on dating altogether because it's been too much of a mental strain.

I wish I was friends with you guys in real life

>I don't really have any accounts online that don't have my full name attached to them
steam?

>Also I'm not great at socializing
same. i used to be before i started having these problems, now i simply cannot STAND people. everything they talk about is banal vapid garbage.
>it's so cold outside!
>did you see that niggerball game?
>look at this shitty and incredibly biased article about stupid shit
>how about that latest episode/movie of predictable, shallow, and lowest-common-denominator garbage did you see that?
ad nauseam

>You gotta make sure you're straightforward with your wife, user...that's the one thing I wish I had; a halfway-tolerable girl.
it kills me because i don't want to bring her down with me.

>since then it's been an endless merry-go-round of whores
i rode that train, too. it only leaves you feeling emptier and worse

>So many women in this age range are just fucking disgusting
agreed.

i just want to chop off part of my brain so i can enjoy things again

Read something you are searching for!? Healing, happiness, your purpose in life.
Michael Savages new book will be released I think this week. It is called i believe, God Faith and Reason!
He is the wisest man on the radio and only independent abd not a R or D. Turn your fkn T V off forever. Plus and most internet garbage.
We are all here not for us, you know this, right? We are here for others and to serve.
Make a list of things you are thankful for. Look at other peoples lives which you have no idea how they have to reinvent themself every day just to make it tomarrow. You have no idea how good you have it compared to others.

>God Faith and Reason
into the trash

Maybe try a couple days of juice/smoothie cleanse and detox?

How long have you been off the weed/medications?
That shit dumbs you down and makes you numb. It's no wonder it made you feel hopeless.

>That shit dumbs you down and makes you numb
that's the point. i can't sleep without a little indica. if i try then my mind just races on and on and on until i almost get physically ill and feel like i'm going to vomit

It sucks because I really don't want to subscribe to this kind of talk, or this condescending way of viewing other people. I don't want to be "that guy" or seen as a prick. So I try to only talk this way when I'm with other people who talk this way.

But at the same time I just can't prostrate myself at the foot of "normal people" because it goes against who I am. I don't know.

No, I don't use steam, I have been trying to get farther and farther away from video games because for the most part they are nothing but a pointless escape.

I know I have it "good". And I don't own a TV because it's filled with vacuous garbage.

Also, I do want to improve society & serve others but that's awfully hard when most of the world is too fucking stupid to understand what you're talking about or trying to accomplish. If you are truly of faith, you would have surely realized by now that the world is actively working against kindness. Being a true Christian is to go against what 95% of modern Christians are taught. It's the most difficult path.

I say this as someone who has come to God on his own time and in his own way, and is indeed a believer. It's not easy -- actually it gets even harder. You have God on your side and he really is necessary to accomplish such a monumental task.

In terms of my social life, all becoming a believer has done is get me involved with crazy bible-thumping racist "Christians", and ostracized from my previous social groups because they are all STEM people (like me, I'm a software engineer) adamantly against all forms of religion. They don't seem to understand what it is really about.

So now I'm alone. I still think having God is better than having people but it sure would be nice to have a couple non-judgmental people around.

>I'm trying my damnedest to "man up"
I have identified the problem
your goals are based on a presupposition that does not exist
has no realistic boundaries
your mind can only handle the idea as chaos
the reality of you acting out this idea will destroy you- there is no other destiny.

Medications - it's been a while. Probably over six months. However several of them left lasting physical effects (e.g. a slight twitch from Lithium) which I assume are permanent, so who knows what they did to my brain.

Weed? - It's been a week or two, not sure precisely how many days. However, I started it precisely BECAUSE I feel so goddamn hopeless. So now I'm back to dealing with the hopelessness, the only difference is now I'm too determined to hold on to pot as an escape.

What's the presupposition that does not exist? That I have to "man up"? What's the solution? You guys sure are open to tell me all about my problems, but when it comes to a solution there seems to be a lot of radio silence.

Men need a "mission" in life.
Find yours.
You will have to pee some effort into finding it though.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have it fall into their lap.
Figure out out, and you will be happy and with direction.

I wish I could tell you to kill yourself, that you're a ding dong diddly waste of space, and that nobody would care that you are no longer on this earth, but that's now illegal, so I will just offer no advice.

i guarantee that you're more of a "waste-of-space" than i am, even given how i feel about everything

Fair enough. I fear that if I do find it, my own thoughts will get in the way of bothering, though.

So please enlighten me user. Since your existence is so much more worthwhile than ours, and judging by the way you speak, you must have all the answers. What could make us valuable people, in your mind? What makes you valuable and us a waste of space? Please, expand my mind.

>hay guyz i'm an overcompensating manlet, but i want to die, but i'm worth more than you fagget, wahh
>I will just offer no advice

you have nothing to add besides old memes

Read The Sea Wolf. The ending is lacking, but the characters are worth it.