I’ve been extremely dismayed to read so much about rape culture, how women and girls are treated, how men and boys are raised.
I’ve read so much about how to teach our boys what NOT to do
vis-a-vis girls and women (which I usually agree with), yet I read so little about how to simply raise them to be emotionally evolved/aware, conscious, respectful of themselves and others,andwell-versed in consent (for themselves and others) that I sometimes feel left in the dark. In the face of that, I am absolutely determined to do my part around raising a boy who is proud of who is he, aware of his and others’ boundaries, curious and questioning about himself and the world.
I think it begins here. Now. One child at a time.
Sometimes one bath at a time.
In the bath the other day, my three year old said, “Mama, if I stretch out, I”ll touch your vulva.”
I said, “I don’t really want you to touch my vulva. Besides, you need to ask. Like, if someone wanted to touch your penis, they should ask, Can I touch your penis?”
“Do it!”
“Do what?”
Three year-old, slightly exasperated, “Say, Can I touch your penis?”
I was slightly slow on the uptake. Suddenly it dawned on me. “You want me to ask if I can touch your penis?”
“Yes.”
It was an unusual request, but I decided to go with it. “Can I touch your penis?” I asked.
“YES!”
I reach over and touch him for about one second.
He pauses. Then, he says, “Mama, my penis is very sensitive.” I nod.
“Yeah. My vulva is sensitive, too. Sometimes breasts and nipples are also sensitive.”
His face lights up. “Do you want to touch my boobies?” he asks. He places his fingers on his little nipples.
“Okay. Actually, those are your nipples.”
“Do you want to touch my nipples.”
I touch one lightly.
“Do you want to touch the other one?”
I touch the other one lightly.
He smiles. I smile. And then he wants to play wrong-way whale and thrash around in the tub.