I'm about to be sent to prison for a long time and I have no idea what to expect. Has anyone here done hard time...

I'm about to be sent to prison for a long time and I have no idea what to expect. Has anyone here done hard time? I need advice

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Obligatory, what are you in for? Thread won't be able to continue until you answer and say what you did. Only a few things can land you "away for a long time".

did 7 years for aggravated robbery and assault with a deadly weapon

what state?

Lots and lots of rape

clench your butt cheeks at all times

Attempted murder but it was a misunderstanding

State of alaska

>for a very long time
Please elaborate more OP. We will definitely not make fun of you for it.
>kek. He probably lives in California and misused a pronoun.

That will only make it hurt more. Relax your sphincter, user. You might develop a taste for cock.

Same advice I'd give anyone, find Christ. Nothing else matters. Get yourslef a KJV Bible and get to reading.

DAILY REMINDER that spherecuckoldry is not tolerated here and all spherefags should kill themselves

How often are you going to keep making these slide threads?

was your lawyer a jew. Was your judge black. Did this misunderstanding happen to a arab trans-female

Day one: Pick a fight with the biggest inmate to earn respect.
Day 2 - 57: Recover in infirmary after getting ass beat by biggest inmate.
Day 57 - ?: Sustain savage ass raping from biggest inmate.

...

>attempted murder
>misunderstanding

So inmates can get TVs but can they get laptops?

Choice of weapon?

I don't know how attempting to murder someone can be misunderstood

did you attempt to murder or not?

You have to either go up to the biggest guy and knock him out or become someone's bitch. Have fun.

Great. You'll fit in well with the other innocent people in prison with you.

Prison is not too bad. dont befriend anyone until you have been around for a while
dont go to canteen or comissary until you have trusted friends
do not befreind blacks
do not befriend blacks
no not go anywhere neaer the blacks
stay away from blacks

>sit down shut up
>don't be a bitch
>don't narc
>don't let people fuck with your food
>everything is a bluff or bullshit everyone is out to get you
>unless you get additional money for commissary you're going to be starving for food
>NOTHING IS FREE

Why didn't they merge assault with robbery? Was it robbery and assault at a separate point in the crime?

Don't let anyone do favors for you. Don't borrow any "money". Don't ask for anything you don't have "money" for. Don't go to the wieghts, and don't run with anyone not the same color as you. Try not to join any gangs if you don't need to. Mind your own business, and if anyone fucks with you throw punches until the guards break you up. Don't let people give you shit, don't let people take your food or commissary. Read, try to get a "job" on the inside, and see if you can get a degree.

What you're in for is going to be semi-important.

>it's a Hillary wants Sup Forums's advice episode

>KJV
Get ESV. Unless you speak 1600s English you're wasting your time misunderstanding the KJV. No point using a translation you can't even read.

He needs real advice, not fairy tales.

youtube.com/user/FreshOutSeries
Watch the videos in this channel and don't get your cheeks split.

You better watch some videos soon, before you're locked up.

Learn how to keep your cheeks from being busted.

youtube.com/user/FreshOutSeries

>get KJV
Assuming by this post your church is probably against you using a computer.

ESV attacks the divinity of Christ.
KJV only.
And the Bible is full of advice that would have kept him out of prison in the first place

lolhivemind
youtube.com/watch?v=1pEzp-Bn1Lk

>asking a bunch of NEETS that barely leave our parents house about prison advice

Hive mind.

DELET

If you can't do 70 pushups you're seen as a bitch

scrape toothbrush handle on floor to make a sharp shiv

What if he's black himself?

>Attempted murder but it was a misunderstanding

nigga what?

A banana

OI, MITE. layke youou wud understand

lift weights, read books, accept you will be ass fucked, don't be autistic, join a gang for protection. Good luck op

>alaska
not sure about alaska but i think they might be 50/50 on either being tough or easy on crime

robbed the store and beat the shit out of the cashier. they let my felony eluding slide since i could have gotten 25 years all together

NABRE or Douey Rheims. Don't be a protestacuck.

Learn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. But if the top dog is going to beat you up - take it.

THIS!! THIS!!
keep your business off the street.
Don't gamble!!
Don't fuck with the fags!!
If someone calls you a bitch, hit them. Doesn't matter who says it.
Work out everyday..upon release, bitches wanna fuck cause you have ripped body

how does ass rape feel like. is being someone's bitch good?

Get a swastika tattoo on your forehead, the lads inside will help you out.

While that may be true, the only good it'll do him now is if he glues it over his ass cheeks. Boy, will he get raped a lot.

You will be raped by a snowman.

Big ice cold white cock coming your way.

...

ESV comes from the same translation as KJV it's just more readable for a modern English speaker. It has footnotes for times when the translation might be off and they give you alternate translations, but other than that it's the same thing.

Go search on youtube: AfterPrisonShow

Not really, it’s like the outside, if you are under 6’3 240 you have female levels of t.

It's really not, they say for instance that the Christ will be conceived of a young woman, not a virgin.

I did three years of a nine year sentence for drug trafficking. I kept my head down and didn't get in any trouble, but I was completely alone for those three years, I didn't make any enemies but I didn't make friends either. Having my freedom taken away was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, I never felt like I was in any physical danger but those three years were still fucking horrible. I will never break the law again.

I refuse to read anything with the word "America" in the title

>State of alaska
Good, thank fuck it's not a state with a large city. Those prisons are overflowing and the friendly urban population ends up scattered to every prison in that state. I don't know too much about Anchorage but you'll probably be in with a bunch of people doing time for drugs/DUI/domestic shit. Keep to yourself but don't act shifty or anything. Once you're not in the green anymore and other guys start flooding in then you can open up a bit more. Don't run your mouth if people try to get you to open up about the "misunderstanding" or anything, being in for attempted murder is enough to get people to give you space so long as it wasn't a woman or a child. Prison gangs are essentially like gangs on the outside world, don't do business with them. At least you're getting free meals and lodge. Take the time to read a lot.

OP,

Do not sweat it. Learn to enjoy it.

Then come to Los Angeles and we can rejuvenate your asshole.
lacolonrectalsurgeon.com/additional-specialties/anal-rejuvenation.php

Enjoy it.

Yet you will read one named after an English King. Doesn't seem biased or politically motivated at all.

Are you Lindsey Preshaw?

What drug and how much?

kjv bibble

is thou speaketh liketh thiseth?
get a fucking modern translation than that 1600s nonsense by a gay king

Is he naked? Why?

You mean one that the Jews altered?

>has never been to prison
Guards lock you up and put you on display like this often. Happened to guys when I was in.

I'm not telling you shit.

>they say for instance that the Christ will be conceived of a young woman, not a virgin
They say virgin. You might be thinking of NIV

It was a misunderstanding because I didn't mean to harm he guy. My next door neighbors have a 17 year old and because they were out of town, their son decided to throw a huge, noisy party with tons of drug use. I had enough of it, went over with my handgun and told the kid to stop the party. He refused and I fired a warning shot but it accidentally hit him in the stomach. I fled and got arrested later but I had a reason for doing it

good riddance. you're an embarrassment to your people and we're better off without you in our communities.

This is all great advice, if I could add one thing it would probably be don’t befriend blacks.

>this fucking guy

Here's an actually useful piece of advice.

Claim to be Jewish/Muslim.

Why? Prison food sucks and there are pro halal and kosher organizations that make sure prisoners cat eat halal and kosher.

It's better then the regular shit although then you have to actually act muslim/Jewish.

I don't know if claiming veganism gets you better food.

Same rules still apply
>implying niggers trust other niggers

I did 4 months in a shit flyover state in the south for marijuana possession
I just do kratom now because I don't want any misunderstandings

You are retarded lol. Let's see where this lack of foresight gets you in prison.

>misunderstanding
>sorry I accidentally totally almost murdered you
my sides
also
>alaska

Youre fucked mate. Alaska no joke. Oregon user here, had plenty of friends that lived up there and they all said judicial system was hardcore. Heavy mexican and black gang presence as well. Believe it or not crips and bloods are huge in Anchorage and Fairbanks.

I stand corrected, at any rate any Bible written after Schoffield is probably jewed. I'll stick with KJV just to be safe.

Also, prepare to be in with a LOT of rapist. AK has highest rape rate in the country.

Use prison as a self improvement place.

Practice long division or other maths until you can do large calculations in your head.

so how long are you in for

Just become a renowned sucker puncher. Whenever you feel threatened by someone just sucker punch them with no warning. People will keep clear of you since there is no defense against a sucker punch.

underrated

Don't use excessive force, get creative next time, like maybe cut the power cable or call the police on them.

So my advice is don't escalate for no reason in prison, they don't like that.

Watch out for your cornhole, Bud.

That's ridiculous. No wonder we get cited by Amnesty International.

This is a slide thread, it's always the same pic and same line of text

>I don't know if claiming veganism gets you better food.

Nope. Not in prison or out of prison.

how did blacks and mexicans get all the way to alaska? they can survive in that cold of weather?

>next time
Hahaha after Jamal gets finished with him, there won't be a next time

Do you honestly believe that all of the parts of the bible, translated through two thousand years, (or even a whole lot more) untold political influence, dramatic evolution in society and nearly all early analysis done only by the church can actually be trusted at this point? The biggest problem with translating old text is the constantly-evolving nature of communication. The language you speak would not even be understandable to those who spoke the languages it evolved from. Furthermore, culture itself has changed so much that we still take much out of context. The "virgin" part is from another older myth, anyway. I think it's the origin story of Horus or one of the other sun gods. Bickering over a single word is like squabbling over the color of one grain of sand when arguing the hue of the beach.

noice

what the fuck part of "only shoot to kill" didn't you get
For fuck sake it's gun safety 101, I can hear /k/'s rage from here

I've never heard of anyone being busted for marijuana possession, but Canada's drug laws are relatively liberal compared to the US, apparently weed is going to be legalized next year.

You're a fucking idiot. You belong in prison. Hope you like being raped.

Wrong. If Mary weren't a virgin where's the miracle? Young women are conceive all the time.

Wtf is wrong with you

Yeah... Don't tell the other inmates this story. You're just a big dumbass party pooper.

dindu is that you?

...