I want to join the winning team. How does this sound as a strategy?
>Get in contact with my nearest synagogue
>Tell them I was raised by my goy father
> Tell them my mother died when I was young
>Recently discovered that she was a oven Dodger
>Want to learn more about my Jewish heritage.
What kind of CI do these kikes operate? will they ask for birth certificates etc. before they trust me?
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Oh and the ultimate end goal would be to get a Jewish passport.
...
I can grow an afro and aboslutely have thought about it, only thing, I don't know which sect to join, like which sect is the 'global cabal elite drink the blood of the innocent, mind-fuck the world' sect? I wanna benefit from nepotism damn it.
Just marry a jewess and convert. You may have to ask the rabbi a few times, but they'll let you convert if you're persistent. Just don't expect any mercy when the next shoah pops off.
>You may have to ask the rabbi a few times, but they'll let you convert if you're persistent.
This, they won't readily accept you like most world religion. Being a jew is an exclusive club and that's why a purge occurs every few decades to keep the club as small as possible.
Sometimes it's a few thousands, sometimes its 6 million.
it's irrelevant if you're a Jew or not, all you have to be is a massive zionist shill, that's all that counts. Sell out all the basic principles of humanity, sell your mother, your brother and you will be praised by them more than any basic bitch Jew.
Is it hard to bag a Jewess? I am not exactly a chad but compared to your average inbred Soap ingredient I am not a bad catch.
Are they super protective the way Muslims are with their women?
>you will need to lose foreskin before bending over for rabbi goldstein.
They do DNA tests for Israelis
I am Jewish and what I say to my fellow Jews: we must open our borders and embrace diversity. Judaism has always been about inclusivity and rejecting racism.
>Is it easy to bang a jewess?
It's easier than laying the pipe to a Mexican or a nigger bitch. They're way more kinky too. I wouldn't marry one though. The neuroticism alone is enough to dodge that bullet.
Based Yaddav
For real like 23 and Me sort of thing? How Jewy do you have to be. Isn't your average Jew fairly mongrel?
Oh and living in a country which has racial purity as a citizenship requirement. Incredible
1/8th kike here, I had the same idea after discovering my great grandmother was a chosenite after taking a DNA test.
Figured it'd be worth seeing if I could cash in on my human stain.
Reform synagogues will take literally anyone, and are the easiest st to convert. In some cases you don't even have to get cut if you dick is unmutilated. Just show up, show some interest and you are pretty much in. The Rabbi's usually aren't recognised by Israel though, so it may not help in becoming Israeli. The leftist nature of these pieces of shit is overwhelming.
You will probably be, like me more attracted to conservative or orthodox Judaism. They won;t make it easy. You will have to learn the Torah and some Hebrew, and spend 1-2 years converting, and they will discourage you before you begin. You will need the tip of your dick lopped off, or if already mutilated they will draw blood. Once you have done all the creepy rituals you should be able to get your Rabbi to sign off on you being a real Jew, at which point becoming Israeli is easy.
You can;t just show up in Israel and say you are Jewish, even if you submit to a DNA test. Which sucks. I just wanted another passport for tax purposes. I thought they would appreciate that, of all people.. but apparently not.
Given there's millions of Russians with less Jew blood than me in Israel there must be some crooked Rabbis around. That's probably a decent option if you can find one.
Remember though: You have to see in the millitary if you are under 35 (I think), and you are taxed on your worldwide income.
Hope that helps.
>Isn't your average Jew fairly mongrel?
Completely mongrel, but those mongrels live in isolation in their own communities and inbred heavily making it a population that can be identified though population genetic studies. Nothing to do with purity or linage. Just that you share similarities with others in the same group.
For instance my Ashkenazi maternal line makes me a kike technically, but my mtDNA earlier ancestor is from the U4 which is form the Urals by way of the Baltic. Khazar maybe, but probably just some Khazar fucked my ggggggggggreatgranny.
Yep, sometimes poo goes loo, sometimes it doesn't. That's the way of life pajeet
Come home, yellow man
>jews
>winning
Mämmi!
Become Muslim, you will win in the long run, and you don’t have to grovel to become one
Either way no more bacon - not worth it.
Poo in jew
>Pastirma is better anyway
> selling eternal bliss in paradise for a piece of pig fat
Also bresaola is superior.
>Is it hard to bag a Jewess?
No, just use one of these
FIGHT!
Not all jews are equal, they will fuck each other over hard for a profit and they will fuck you extra hard as a convert. The elite that Sup Forums thinks controls the world does not even equal 0.1% of the jewish population, you sure as fuck are not joining them.
>You will need the tip of your dick lopped off
Fuck me that's actually a requirement for adults?
Damn those entrance requirements are high. It's almost sounds like your Jewishness is more about dedication to a cause rather than any objective measure.
Can you redpill me on those Nigger Jews in Israel? are they actually considered Jewish with full citizenship etc.?
Lol
I am guessing these guys are considered cannon fodder rather than equals
Huh, I wonder why they wouldn't want you to have a passport in their country. Probably because you're a fag.
Are you wiling to serve with and take orders from those "men"? If you are under 35 then Israel will demand you slave for them in the IDF for a few years.
Totally serious about the dick cutting. Not 100% sure if the Rabbi gives you a hummer after - can't get a straight answer on that one. That alone put me off the idea.
You're right, it is about dedication to being Jewish in though and actions. For Reform Jews to be as cunty and liberal as possible, religion itself being a distant thought. Conservitive and orthodox it is absolutely about culture, cause and community, and focus much more on learning.
All of them network hard though, so there's some serious business and social advantages.
Nigger Jews are apparently a lost tribe that went to Ethiopia. And fucked niggers for a few thousand years, but retained some loose semblance of kikery and are an identifiable ethnic group. So they headed to Israel for an upgrade when they decided grudgingly to let them in. No one seems to like or want them much, especially because they breed like rabbits. No clue what kind of hoops they have to jump through to get allowed in though.
Apparently Chinese Jews are also a thing...
Takes one to know one sweetie.
>and you are taxed on your worldwide income
how do the jews of all people, put up with that?
Surprising I know... But gotta keep money rolling in to the IDF coffers, and pay for the welfare system I guess. It might only be those who are resident in Israel. I can't confirm this though.
But yeah.. how it's not a huge tax haven its shockingly surprising given the population. They even committed to reporting to foreign governments on accounts help in Israel for tax purposes...
Mate I am already serving Zog in the British army. At least if I joined up with the lampshades I would know what I was fighting for.
I guarantee they would snap me up, as unlike them I have fought in a variety of theatres, different opponents and most importantly have experience in warfare which is more punchy than brutalising children who throw rocks.
Anyway can I serve if I don't speak hebrew?
Literally impossible
You'll have to learn Hebrew yes. But They will take you anyway and be happy to have you. They would find a place for you for sure.
Genuinely curious desu. The army is really boring at the moment. I joined up when Afghan was in full swing and now we are cleaning landrovers with constant budget cuts looming over us.
You seem like you know your stuff. Is this just things you have read online or do you know anyone who has done it?
You have to change your name to something jewy
My name is Peter Smith* but I tell people my name is Shimon Goldmann* when I want them to think I am Jewish. I also adopt a super Jewy accent. It helps deflect accusations of anti-semitisim.
* Names have been changes to protect the innocent but the principle is true.
Just what I've researched online over the past 2 years. I wanted to claim Israeli citizenship more than become a religious Jew, but turns out it wasn't that simple. If you are serious, do some reading on the various sects, and then go speak to a Rabbi and maybe contact:
Let them know your intents, I'm sure they will be helpful.
The IDF is never short on budget, or action.
It is the ultimate get out of jail free card for racism accusations.
Yell anti-semite and they back right off. Add in a "my grandparents were holocausted, how dare you!" and you are home free.
This. Muslims are winning tbqh, and once Trump's term(s) are over, and the pendulum swings back to another Democrat government, the USA will most likely get enriched, just like Europe. In some cases it's already happened - look at Dearborn, or Minnesota.
Obligatory White Shariah endorsement
>White Shariah
White Shariah
Knowing how to do the Brooklyn Jew accent with the shrug, waving hands, constant tone of having taken offense, so-rapid-it's-nearly-unintelligible speech, simultaneously sounding the tremble of profound insecurity and the unwavering harshness of insufferable arrogance, in a way that isn't over the top but clearly there enough to get the message across really sells it.
Offer the local Rabbi some of his favorite snack, baby boy dick and you're in.
Yeah London Jews have something very similar. You're totally right though.
>Knowing how to do the Brooklyn Jew accent
Means fuck all here, all he needs to do is wear a skull cap and bang on about his granny going up in smoke.
You just have to go to a temple and see if they have any "Learn about judaism" workshops. Go there meet people take notes nod your head. Then when you've learned some stuff talk to rabbi and say you want to become Jew. He will tell you no, it isn't for you. Then you have to ask him again and he'll say no. Then you have to ask him a third or fourth time, and then he'll say yes and ask you why. Just be honest with him and he'll make you a jew.
If you lie to him about your reasons he will know btw. Rabbis can read minds pretty much.
By the end of it though you'll most likely be happy with your choice and want to really be jew.
All of pol should become jewish lol
>Chinese Jews
Holy fuck can you eve imagine.
They are breeding a super jew, throw in some scottish and we are all fucked.
If you convert to Judaism as nonjew, can you move to iseral?
I guess America, being the second Jewish homeland, has Jews who are easier to identify as part of the tribe as they have enough critical mass to isolate themselves and preserve cultural oddities like that.
kek...
>12.5% Jewish
>87.5% Scottish
I had to see it to believe it...
Oyvey!
Yep. My Great grandma was a Chinese Jew. It's a religion not a race so you shouldn't be any more astonished by that than if you encounter a black catholic.
No you don't.
Wow, they have to cut their dick even tho there is barely to cut.. hard life for a chinese jew
Wrong. Being a Jew is determined by matrilineal descent. which means that even if you're 80% Chinese, you still have Jewish blood. Being a Jew basically means that you're part of a fraternal organization that determines membership by blood.
You should learn about your own history. Chinese Jews have a genetic element. They didn't just convert. Judaism is not just a religion. If it were I wouldn't show 12% kike on my DNA tests would I? No one in my family has been religiously Jewish within 4 generations or more.
This
hehe
Sounds like a crazy cult. Wtf is wrong with these people.
Be sure to protect your dick from mutilation (unless it's already too late)