ITT: Military Stories

>Be me
>19 year old PFC McBootfuck stuck on post
>SEALS rolling through
>Still boot enough to care
>Runfasttogate.gif
>Trip over boots
>Get up pertend it was nothing
>SEAL in passanger seat of MRAP shakes his head and says "Fuckin turd"
>Gives fake call sign (can't remember what it was, inside joke probably funnier to them) to make me look like more of a dumb ass calling to COC
>Finally they roll through
>Fast forward a decade, read book "American Sniper"
>Recognize SEAL who was messing with me
>Mother fuckin Chris Kyle

...

AHHAAHAHAHH as a navy vet I would have loved to see some army boot trip over his own fucking boots to see some SO’s. I remember the first time I saw em roll through, I was with 2,6 as a corpsman with all the guys in the div coming up to me saying “doc look the only other hardchargers in the navy” god damn I miss it

How long ago?

One thing I never got about SEALS is why they are so fat...like not out of shape fat, kind of like a biker gang. Tough dudes, just not really what comes to mind when you think of spec ops.

they waste away on forward operations

I hit a sandnigger with an rg33 in asadabad. he didn't get out of the way fast enough. didn't kill him, just knocked him over and scared the shit out of him.

One thing I never got about CANSOF is why they are so fat...like just muffin tops. Thanks for Kandahar, faggot

You might not like it, but that is what peak performance looks like

I saw this SEAL team in Bahrain that was all crew cuts clean shaven and biggest dude was maybe 5'9 165, Team 3 dudes had beards down to their dicks and I'd say the biggest guy had to be pushing 6'3 240

one thing I never got about the americans is why your ranger school is equivalent to the canadian platoon commander course and ends up being topped by a canadian almost every year

Probably because Rangers are bottom of the totem pole SOCOM, glorified QRF with nice things...also according to who? Leafs?

Evil leaf

i got to go to the px in kandahar, oliver north inline behind me. he is small.

also, did a buncha shit with oda

I got out in 2016, first time I saw them was like 2012, 2013. Hard to believe it’s already been 6 years fuck

>hurr durr chris sniper big dick seal
>turns his back on a spaz with a gun
>dead ginger faggot now
fucking turd

You army fucks all talk like fucking retards
>AUFQ IHQO OIHFIOFHQ HLKANJKDBA
We don't understand shit if you don't explain your retarded dialect. Kys please

It’s time between, they have such an intense training schedule that anytime it stop or has a lull if they don’t keep up the same kind of training then they get chub over the muscle, dont let it fool you, most of the time these guys are fucking hard core killers if I ever seen one oorah

Hahahahha yeah exactly Rangers are barely spec war! Fucking “oh let’s just fucking drive around till some rando wants to get lit up” yeah that’s definitely spec war fucking kek

Quiet. Men are talking.

If you don't understand, this thread ain't for you civifag

Fucking wannabe civi never got selected HAHAHAHAH I can feel your butt hurt from here, always remember though, no amount of air soft, COD, or even pussy will make you a fucking hardcharging warfighter

Rangers do some cool missions, I just don't get why they are in SOCOM. They basically just fuck over the airborne for good grunts

I spent my entire deployment in Afghanistan masturbating to pregnant Anne Frank porn in portashitters, foxholes, and the barracks

>Muh elite circle
You go into the army for three reasons. Either you're too dumb for a real job, you want to spend all your time with other men, making you a fag or because you have to feel like you have some authority.
In any case, you're a retarded faggot. Oh, also, decipher this faggot:
>HDFAIO HIAOFHHN NB NNKANIQ HNITJAN OUOUAJ IQIH KL IOQI KL
I bet you can't, tough luck: you're truly a worthless cunt then.

>be 18
>cod addict, loved shooter games
>go to Army recruiter and tell them I want to be infantry
>take some test and pass it perfectly
>get date to go to meps
>pussy out
>ignore my recruiter and go into hiding

they stalked me for a year and would show up at my work asking questions about me, fucking creeps. Glad I didn't join

Yeah that was basically Iraq for me in 08, weird thing was the army was still getting into tics hajis just seemed to leave us alone that deployment

Their inclusion to SOCOM is, I think, like including the Chair Force as the same caliber as any of us really hahaha if you ain’t a PJ in the AF you may as well be a chick, well AF EOD is alright too but you know what I mean

I can do your job with the same training as you. You couldn't even get through half my training, you mindless ape. Here's the thing: anybody can get in shape and shoot a gun if they want to (unless they're on a wheelchair on some shit). Even if you tried all day for the rest of your life, you couldn't reach my intellect.

How will your intellect matter in 1000 years? That precious smart brain of your will rot someday soon.

I think I would be glad he was dead if he had messed with me

Nobody will ever be as mad as you either

>tfw proud to fight for israel

Congrats on being a pussy

Most of the Afghans kept their distance or steered clear of us entirely.

I think they want us to just fuck off and leave, not that I blame them or anything.

Lol you absolute faggot, I left college to go fight in the wars. 3 guys from my platoon now have their PHD's, one is now in med school. Also when I went back to school I got paid monthly to attend class like it was a 9-5. Stay fat

Same goes for your "skills" as a soldier I suppose.
I'm not really mad, just disgusted by how lazy you cunts are: you can't even speak properly.

Ah yes the intelligence thing, I was an FMF corpsman, so not only was a nurse, a combat medic and a surgical technologist, I was an instructor qualified brown belt in MCMAP, and saved a few people(not nearly enough). So while I was fucking stacking bodies and saving lives, you were reading. That surely makes you better than me! The weak won’t inherit the earth my friend, have fun being someone’s bitch your whole life!

Huh.

You again, eh?

I'm not a soldier ass cunt. You can't read at all for being a smartfag

i was hanging out with an american a few years ago, and someone claiming to be a navy recruiter started fucking stalking us

turns out he was going to become a nuclear engineer or something but backed out at the last minute, and this recruiter was so focused on getting this cunt in that he actually followed him on holiday

Afghan was wild going from Iraq...like no shit, Iraq was eating KBR with more ROE's than US cops, to literally just leveling villages instead of clearing hooches if they took pot shots at us.

Yeah fuck the military though. Hopefully Russia kicks our ass.

Just proud to kill towelheads
But we all know why you wouldn't want to do that

>passanger
hes army alright

OK new thread rules: Only Aussies and American's can post; Bongs Leafs and especially Krauts GTFO

>Be me
>18
>always a NEET, never got permit
>go to get license
>do it at the local DMV, on their machines
>get to the part where it asks if I signed up for the draft
>says it will not initiate the draft registration process if I say no
>say no
>two weeks later
>get my draft number
Where's my purple heart?

Being in the military is LITERALLY the definition of being someones bitch, jughead

Hell yeah fucking proud, I hope they decide to land on American soil or the draft starts, I’d give my left nut to put some more sand niggers in the ground

that's inaccurate, the canadian army doesn't have machine guns

LMAO you realize their GDP is equivalent to like Texas, right? Cold war ended a long time ago dude

>get bullied by some fatass literal cuckold
>brag about it on Sup Forums

Lol. In case you didn’t know, his wife was legendary in Hollywood for fucking her way through every studio exec and producer to get the movie made

Fucking grunts, and you wonder why no one respects you.

>t. Eddie Ray Routh
good riddance though, one less ignorant and arrogant American shitting up the Middle east

>be 3 y RC with my TO over the LEM
>tom & chil go forking over
>raise 13 of them but 2 can't SE until 2
>cape and draft without any 90s
>pick around to the back
>no tags
>pick our way across the tree line
>tap tap job done
>had a pint with the lads

Kek

You forgot Poland

I wouldn't get too upset about a cuckold who had his brains shot out making fun of you user.

fpbp sage

Oh you mean command structure? Like every other job? Ours is just more intense so it has to highly regulated, 1000s of pussies just like you and the other fag try to join everyday, we have to have some way of weeding out the weak. Also you know, fighting wars and organizing operations take a decent amount of people, and a decent amount of people must be lead, other wise we get, well we get shit like you and others, just pussies waiting to be fucked by someone! Guess what, we do the fucking, and we ain’t gentle.

That dude is in a maximum security Texas prison for the crime of killing a native Texan war hero...That's a hell I don't want to know what is like

Like athletes who go to shit in the off season or after retirement, you just get so used to a 5000 calorie diet just to maintain your body mass when training that it feels borderline anorexic to eat a normal amount.

>leveling villages instead of clearing hooches

I didn’t even see any shit like that. I did like 10 seconds worth of shooting a couple times and that was it. Literally the only memorable story I have is getting caught with a laptop of pregnant Anne Frank pics by my SSgt, and he just brushed it off.

Haha did you post that before your superior caught you? I recognize this theme.

Hi I'm a e3 commo guy in the national guard can I into this thread

Yeah but I fuck your wife

So youre saying that
... everyones a bitch and that we all fill different but necesary roles in society according to our interests? Thanks for elaborating! Opened my eyes!

>welfare whores and their secret language.

The fucking "bix nod" is so cool.

You mean why literally almost everyone loves or wants to be us? The pinnacle of manhood? Also I think my fellow brothers would agree that we don’t care about yours or anyone’s respect, we’re goddamn battle harden training fucking killers, a fucking human missile capable of killing anything that walks or runs, or hides. You can’t hurt our feelings. Those died with our lost brothers

>be me in 2011
>be in MCT , school after Marine bootcamp.
>on firewatch of makeshift base from 0200 to 0400. Cold as fuck.
>Challenge was "Honor" and Pass was "Courage"
>Two 4th platoon Marines return from portajohns. (Known shitbags and suspected of stealing our platoon's MREs. 4th platoon was always trying to sell candy and shit from the stolen MREs)
> Decide to fuck with them. While guarding the gate.
> Yell "Why does your mom have cum "Honor" face!
> They look dumbfounded. Yell it again. They start to get the joke. Mean while two red cells get out of a van that was parked outside the whole post. Recognize one of them as a Sgt. Don't know the other one. He runs up to me and ask what I said.
> Tell him what I said, before he says something the other one ask me to say it one more time. I do so. He ask who my platoon Sgt is. Tell him Sgt Shook.
> Sgt. Shook is the 'nice dumb' sgt that is part Vietnamese and speaks terrible english. Sgt I recoginize wakes Shook up while the other guy talks to me.
> Other guy explains the difference between "Honor" and " On Her "
> Sgt Shook arrives and snatches me up. Brings me to the Gunnery Sergeant.
>Turns out the random guy was an O-6 and the Company Commander.
> Because of Sgt. Shook's broken english the Gunny thinks I told the company commander that his mother had cum on her face.
> Get fucked so loudly in the center of the fob , gunny wakes up the other sleeping platoons.

>Implying I wasn't fucking your highschool sweetheart in the meantime

>hero
lol, maybe to israelis

>getting caught with a laptop of pregnant Anne Frank pics by my SSgt

You're in the right place, Americabro.

Well maybe first 3 months were balls to the wall like that, by about midway through the deployment they fucked off from hitting us with small arms and just stuck to the Chinese fire cracker of death and IED's

listen guy, if you didn't kill anyone no one cares about your gay stories

How could I know whether or not you're in the army, I simply assumed you were, as everybody replying to me, so far, are fucking butthurt military fags.

How is this politics or news?

Yeah that’s me.

He was a little weirded out but said he had seen way worse. He implied that the Afghan National Army had shit like CP and video of an actual rape but didn’t want to talk about it.

How getting paid for a job/contract and welfare go together I'll never understand.

>Get fucked so loudly in the center of the fob , gunny wakes up the other sleeping platoons.

I don’t understand this part of the story. The gunny raped you at the end? How can you rape someone so loudly that it wakes up the whole camp?

Jokes on you I’m divorced hahahah hahahha fuck her all you want, I’m sure a bunch of other Jodies did! But for real more actual warfighters? This has just become some cluster fuck of faggots arguing with people who literally trained for violence! God damn it I love the internet! Where the weak feel strong because the strong can’t beat em up!

Yes, the pro Iran war in Iraq was totally for Israel. They were all about giving the Shiites a friendly government on their door step. Seriously, can you even think for yourself? Stupid mother fucker

You’re right. My grades were to high to bother recruiting me. Stop being dicks.

If you want the straight dope on America’s wars, this is the place to get it.

Holy fuck. I got in trouble for shit I didn't even do in boot so how the fuck did you get it in your head to try to get cute?

Fucked with*

Enjoy your deployment Cletus while I fuck your wife with the BOC. BIG OFFICER COCK

Because military work is lower than government work especially in garrison

Don't let grunts fool you. They spend a fraction of their time in combat and a fraction of their time training for combat. The rest is made up shit jobs

Lol Jesus Christ dude stop watching so many war movies you tard.

yes, its what the military is all about

Can confirm: the ANA/ANBP have some creepy fucking porn...like deranged would be a better way to put it really

>HURR DURR I WENT TO KILL FOR THE JEW BANKERS, AND NOW I AM AN ELEETEETEE FIGHTER.

I choke faggots like you to sleep at least twice a month at the gym. You cunts can't fight without your weapons, and get your shit pushed in without your air support.

soldiers deserve to be murdered for being murderers

nice cope faggot. whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night

obviously the rape itself isn't loud, the rapee is

>Pro Iran war in Iraq

Lol wtf gas yourself brainlet. Grunts shouldn’t be allowed to talk about anything besides family guy and porn, they’re too stupid for other subjects

I think instead of an eye for an eye, people who have trouble sleeping at night should get therapy, and everyone else gets airdropped in the center of Nobody-cares-istan to live amongst the surviving natives they drone'd.

>
>Oh you mean command structure? Like every other job? Ours is just more intense so it has to highly regulated, 1000s of pussies just like you and the other fag try to join everyday, we have to have some way of weeding out the weak. Also you know, fighting wars and organizing operations take a decent amount of people, and a decent amount of people must be lead, other wise we get, well we get shit like you and others, just pussies waiting to be fucked by someone! Guess what, we do the fucking, and we ain’t gentle.

Youre a welfare queen. Nothing more, nothing less. It doesnt matter how tough, how smart, or how big your baby sized dick is. You and everyone else in the military operate on taxpayer money that has been involuntarily taken out of the productive section of the economy to fund incredibly destructive wars that mean nothing and ruin the planet. There is nothing noble about you, your brothers in arms, or anyone else who "supports the troops". All you do is extract wealth and destroy it like a fucking 5 year old. And no, youre not "keeping us safe", youre making the world a worse place for everyone. Especially normal, productive citizens.

All youre doing is helping flood the west woth shitskins. Thats literally it. There is nothing, NOTHING you can show me that proves the success of the modern military other than massive debt. Youve made the world far more unsafe and hateful.

ANA is fucking trash dude. Fuck em.

>Thinking there is such thing as a just war
Funny, was going to say the same thing to you