Sup Forums humour thread

No images for a while so tell a funny joke.

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What is worse than the Holocaust?
Six million jews.

BROKE
EDITION

Hahahahahah

Oh no no no no no-eh-PFFFTPPFFFPPTTTT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH

Knock Knock
>Who's there?
Jew
>Jew who?
Jew Hoo Hoo. I am the Jew.. woe is me.

Here's a good one for you buddy

>At the 1998 World Women’s Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: “At last year’s conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.”
>The crowd cheered.
>The second speaker from America stood up: “After last year’s conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well.”
>The crowd cheered.
>The third speaker from Ireland stood up: “After last year’s conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye.”

On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is french, one is english, one is a turk, and the last one is german. The french walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the english man walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the german's turn. The german walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the turk off the roof.

So bongo, bongo, bongo, I don't wanna leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingo, bangle, bungle, I'm so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don't want no bright lights, false teeth, doorbells, landlords, I make it clear
That no matter how they coax him, I'll stay right here

HAH

Nice one.
My turn
>A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $20 or just steal it!”

You're playing hide and seek in Tel Aviv, how do you find the Jews? Throw a penny down the street
How do you find the richest Jew? Find the one with the penny

haha I get it op it is funny because the dumb boys don't remember what was written on the board.

Classic
>What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
>A pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.

I love hearing this one. Ok here's a favourite of mine.

>What's the difference between niggers and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

>Muhammed to the doctor: ”Each time I have sex with a white girl my eyes hurt”
>Well, the doctor says, that's the pepper spray.

Breddy gud kraut

Das ist sehr gut!!!

KEK

Never get's old.
>A Turkish girl is called to the teacher:
>“That was a really good essay. Now you write like a real German!”
>The girl goes home to her parents: “Mom, mom! I got the highest grade and my teacher now says that I’m a real German!”
>She get’s a slap. She goes to her dad and the same thing happens.
>Next day in school
>The teacher: ”So how does it feel to be a real German?”
>The girl: ”Pretty lame! I’ve already been beaten up by two immigrant bastards.”

What does a native girl say after she loses her virginity? Get off me dad you're crushing my smokes.

sick bants holy shit hahahahahah

Jews rated their stay at Auschwitz.

They all gave it one star.

Select Gender:
( ) Female
( ) Rapist

A gypsy asks his wife:
"Have you been crying?"
"How do you know?"
"Your moustache is wet"

What do you call a gay bar with no barstools?

A fruit stand.

>a lil nigger decides he wants to be white
>he goes gets some flour and purs it all over himself
>he goes to his mom and says "look mom i'm white now"
>his mom says "quit being so stupid" and smacks him
>he goes to his brother and says "look I'm white now"
>his brother tells him to stop being so stupid and gives him a smack
>lil black boy sits down outside and thinks to himself "wow I've only been white for ten minutes and I already hate niggers"

Whats the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family

How do they take the census in israel?

They roll a nickel down the street.

If a nigger and a mexican are in the same car, who's driving?

The cop

That's a belter, never heard that one before

>So a kid just got of school and he got into the car with his mom. The mom asks, "What did you do at school today?" The kid replies, "I had sex with the teacher." The mom was furious. When they got home she told his father what he had done. The dad walked up to his son and said, "Son, I'm proud of you. I'm going to buy you that new bike you've been asking for." Later that day they got the bike and the father asks, "Would you like to try it out?" The son replies, "I can't right now. My butt still hurts."

What's a holiday that excludes black people?

Father's Day.

What's the difference between a gay and a fridge? The fridge doesn't fart when you take a sausage out of it.

checked
>My humour is as black as the guy cleaning my shoes.

niggers!
no, that's the joke.

What kind of pants are popular in the UK right now?

Acid-Washed.

hearty kek

Did you know that the Oakland Bay Bridge is the longest bridge in the world? It connects fairyland to africa

2 polish men walked into a bar
and they bought a drink for everyone in the bar

How did the Grand Canyon form?
>A jew dropped a penny down a gopher hole

I saw a mexican carrying a tv walking down the street. I thought "Hey that looks like mine!" I hurried home and was relived to see mine was still there, mowing the lawn.

What do apples and Niggers have in common?
>they both look good hanging from trees

What do you call 2 niggers fucking?
Fucking niggers!

.

Feminism.

Did you know that 75% of Japanese men have Cataracts?

The rest drive Rincons or Chevlorets.

>I was walking down the street and I saw a nigger carriyng a TV

>Then I thought:"That looks like mine"

>But then I remembered that mine was at home cleaning my shoes

A delegation of foreign communists came to see a Moscow kindergarten. Before they came, the kids were instructed to answer every question by the visitors with just one sentence, "In the USSR everything is the best in the world."

The visitors came and asked their questions:

"Children, do you like your kindergarten?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!" the kids shouted.

"And what about the food you get?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

"Do you like your toys?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

At that, the smallest boy in the group started crying.

"Misha, why are you crying? What happened?"

"I want to go to the USSR!"

a niglet goes into the kitchen where his mother is frying chicken. he puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it and says "mama mama, I'm a little white boy!" His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "go show your daddy." The niglet goes into the living room and says "daddy daddy, I'm a little white boy." his father slaps him on the face and the niglet runs back into the kitchen to his mother. "well", she says, "did you learn anything from this?" the niglet answers "i sho nuff did. i'ze only been white for five minutes and i'ze already starting to hate you niggers."

>little johnny goes toward his mother
>"mommy, uncle joes dick is like a peanut!"
>"hahaha, so its that small?"
>"no, its very salty"

it's easy to make a swede laugh

So this guy meets a girl and falls madly in love with her, but she's polish and says that "I can never love anyone who is not also polish" this crushes the man, but he does not give up. He speaks to many doctors and finds one who says he is willing to perform an experimental surgery to change him to polish, but it will require the loss of half his brain matter. The man spends time thinking about this but his love won and he decides to go with the procedure. The man wakes up from the procedure to see the doctor looking sullen "im so sorry. There was an accident and you lost 3/4 of your brain in the operation..." the man shoots up straight and exclaims "MAMA MIA"

Why did the Puerto Rican turn down a blow job?

He was afraid it would stop his unemployment checks.

I'm going to start doing soviet jokes after this one

>A little boy ran up the stairs into his parent's room yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Guess how old I am today!" The father says, "Well, I don't know son ... how old are you?" "I'M SEEEEEEEEVEEN!" "That's great son, now go tell your Grampa." He runs down the stairs, "Grampa, Grampa, Grampa! Guess how old I am today!" The grandfather looks up from his paper. "Hmm, let Grampa take a look." The grandfather reaches down the front of the boy's pants and under his underwear. His hard old hand scrapes over the boy's penis. He rolls each of the boy's testicles between his thumb and index finger. He pushes further and sticks his middle finger nail deep into the boys anus. He flexes his hand. As he pulls his hand out of the boy's pants he pinches the tip of the boys penis to the point where the boy cries "Ow!" The grandfather says, "You're seven." The boy, "Yeah Grampa, how could you tell?" The grandfather said, "I heard you tell your father."

Reminds me of long forgotten times and jokes about Belgians.
>Why did the Jews roam the desert for 400 years?
>Someone lost a quarter.

A gay man goes into a bar, has a few drinks, then walks over to an aboriginal and asks him if he wants a blowjob. Abbo goes crazy and beats the gay guy up and throws him out. The bartender asks the ago what the gay guy said to get him so angry, and the abbo replied ' he tried to offer me some sort of job'

>Why do niggers always always have sex on their minds?
>Because of the pubes on their head

>What's the difference between a nigger and an apple on a tree?
About 6 feet of rope.

>What do you call a nigger with a peg leg?
>Shit on a stick

Where do you send a jew with attention deficit disorder?

Concentration camp.

What Did The Cannibal Do After He Dumped His Girlfriend?
Wiped His Ass.

she's obviously wearing her contact lenses wrong
should have gone to specsavers

How many jews can you pack in a Volkswagen?
6 millions :
2 at the front, 2 in the back and the rest of them in the ashtray.

Two Jews meet on a street, one says to another:
"Moishe, when are you going to repay me those $5k I lent you?"
"Why, sure, Isaac! I was just going to your house to give it back. Here, thanks a lot, you really saved me"
"Don't mention it, that's what friends do"
"Listen, what are you doing on Friday? Let's take our families and go to a restaurant, I'll treat you to a dinner"
"Sure, that sounds nice"
They shook their hands and said "goodbye". Jews are actually nice people.

1 if theyre fat

Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is under way what should be the caption under the picture.

"Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," "Pigs around comrade Khrushchev," -- all is rejected. Finally the editor makes the decision. The caption is "The third from left - comrade Khrushchev."

Nicely done.

Why do niggers have white palms?
>everyone has a little good in them

How do you starve a nigger to death?
>hide his food stamps under his workboots

kek

Y'all hear about Klu Klux Keenevil's next trick?
He's going to try to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

Okay that's funny

>A nigger walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder
>The bartender asks him "Where did you got that animal?"
>The parrot responds "From Africa"

Howlong does it take for a nigress to take a shit?
9 months

>nice reddit spaced century old joke

>Why do niggers have wide noses?
God had to put his foot somewhere when he was yanking out their tails.

KEK

How's the village rapist doing?

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My parrot has disappeared." "That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police." The man replies "I know that, I am here just to tell you that I don't approve of what my parrot has been saying."

hAHAHAAHAHA GOOD ONE just like a dumb feminist would say

What do you call a retarded jew?
>Auschwistic

holy shit when did germs get so cynical

The teacher was leading a spelling lesson for her first grade class. "Can anyone spell 'before'?" she asked.
A little redheaded girl raised her hand and was called on. "Before. B-e-e-f . . ."
"No," the teacher interpreted, "that's wrong. Can you try, Jeff?" she asked, pointing to a blonde boy.
"Before," he said, getting to his feet. "B-e-f-o-u . . ."
"Wrong again," the teacher said. "Can't anyone spell it?"
Tyrone, a young black kid, raised his hand.
"Before," he said confidently, "B-e-f-o-r-e."
"That's wonderful, Tyrone," the teacher gushed.
"Now, use the word in a sentence for the class."
Tyrone thought for a moment. Then he said, "Two and two be four."

What do you call a nigger in school?
Janitor

shieeeet

keked

I'm fine, thanks.

Lmao

>What do you get when you mix a spic and an octopus?
Hell if I know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

How many democrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it gets really screwed.

UGH.
Pay attention Sup Forums. I'm not Irish but I live in Ireland. But this is what most Irish people find funny. Fucking advertisements. Like children.

God damn I hate irish humour.

my nigga

this is dumb but funny

>two black men walk down the street
>see a store with a sign in front
>will turn anybody white for only $5
>first man has no cash
>second pulls out a $10 bill
>i'll go in first and give you the change
>comes out
>100% pure bavarian phenotype
>second guy says, "ayo gimmie the change so i can go in too"
>white man responds with "get a job, nigger"

How many kids does a regular Belgian have?
Five- three in the basement and two on tape

Why do monkeys always look sad?
They know they'll be black one day

A man walks into a store and says to the man behind the counter, "I'd like a pound of cole slaw and half a pound of kielbasa."
The counter man asked "Are you Polish?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"This is a hardware store."

Why don't mexicans and blacks have kids together?
>they would be too lazy to steal

I painted my computer black hoping it would run faster, now it doesn't work

A Russian walks into a food store. "Do you have any bread?"
"No, we don't."
"What about potatoes?"
"We only deal with bread. Across the street there is that store where they have no potatoes."

Similar to being able to hear the ocean if you hold a seashell up to your ear, you can do the same but with a black baby.

But istead of the ocean you hear sirens.

oh please stop,

Can we of start Latvian thread? I will of go first

"Q : What are one potato say other potato?
A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?"

Is very fun.

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