I'm a typical, lobbying, shameless, money-grubbing AVP at Goldman Sachs. Did my undergrad at Georgetown and MBA at Darden.
I feel like there's a lot of blind misconceptions about Investment Bankers and Private Equity in general and I'd like to clear up some of the misconceptions about our government ambitions, job responsibilities and what we contribute to the economy (a lot more than redneck gas station clerks)
AMA!
would you rather have pubes for teeth, or teeth for pubes?
>would you rather have pubes for teeth, or teeth for pubes?
I could have both and still fuck your girlfriend because I'm not poor.
>dodging a simple meme question with "muh dick"
Sad!
Nice LARP niggerfaggot
how do u feel about crypto?
>Being really poor and insignificant and commanding absolutely 0 respect with anyone in the world.
Sad!
>AVP
No such title.
This thread reeks of damage control for something that hasn't come out yet. Are you preemptively making this thread to cover your ass?
>how do u feel about crypto?
I think it's fundamentally contradictory. In order for a currency to offer any value as a method of exchange the price must be stable.
In order for crypto to be useful the price must be stable, not going up or down rapidly. Thus the notion that crypto prices go up because it's such a useful asset with any fundamental value, is inherently untrue.
>This thread reeks of damage control for something that hasn't come out yet. Are you preemptively making this thread to cover your ass?
Haha, if I was sitting on a landmine, I wouldn't be turning to Sup Forums for damage control. You fuckers make everything worse.
You're a faggot and this AMA is gay.
>still dodging the question
what are you trying to hide? is it the underground pizza parties?
>No such title.
Love the poor guy from the fucking boonies in Ireland trying to explain to the AVP at Goldman Sachs that AVP isn't a real title.
You got it all goin' on man. Keep it up little buddy.
No. We make everything better. If the truth makes things worse, then it's not us that's the problem. It's you.
Can we get our memes back kike?
How Jewish are you
>You're a faggot and this AMA is gay.
LMAO you are so so so butthurt that you're unimportant, poor and insignificant. Your existence on this earth will be a miserable slaving away while rich people like me reap the profits. You are trash, and you were born into the oppressed working class and there is nothing on earth you can do to escape it.
You will never know how it feels to wash an ambien down with a half bottle of Champagne on an overseas flight and wake-up in Europe, with the whole thing paid for on the company card. Sad!
Other banks have AVP, GS doesn't. Goes straight from associate to VP.
>No. We make everything better. If the truth makes things worse, then it's not us that's the problem. It's you.
The problem with Sup Forums is that you guys are so stupid that you genuinely think that you're right about things that you simply have no fucking idea of.
You reaaallllly thing a bunch of neets with no skills or education are the one group in society who has everything figured out?
>VP
>at goldman sachs
baboon who thinks hes a somebody
why the fuck would you stay at GS anyway you drone,money is at the boutiques
Yes.
>Other banks have AVP, GS doesn't. Goes straight from associate to VP.
A) You're very, very wrong. In America (UK = Gay Faggots making lower wages) we have AVPs. Literally google AVP Goldman Sachs to confirm.
B) I don't work in IBD anymore, I'm on the Private Equity arm
>why the fuck would you stay at GS anyway you drone,money is at the boutiques
LMFAO at the dudes from second-tier schools who don't get interviews with MS/JPM/GS and try to make themselves feel better about working at some shit bank that has to pay their employees an extra $10K at the analyst level to make up for the fact that they'll never move up in the financial world.
Good luck going from Guggenheim to Private Equity, loser.
So I here you guys fuck your customers on the reg, also I work in a field with much more capitalization than your.
>you were born into the oppressed working class and there is nothing on earth you can do to escape it.
>just an AVP at goldman.
>Not a partner.
>Obviously young judging from his posting.
>Is such a busy super rich exec he's on Sup Forums.
K faggot.
>how much do you make a year?
>what's your specialty?
>Where do you summer?
I honestly feel so bad for everyone in this thread whose not me.
>So I here you guys fuck your customers on the reg, also I work in a field with much more capitalization than your.
>Trying to sound like he knows his shit
>Clearly a pleeb
>Really pathetic attempt
I turned down a Goldman position, because I had better opportunities in tech. Seriously I work like at most 6 hours a day and make like 250k+. I didn't particularly felt like working 16+ hours for 100k.
I was asking if it was true, my friends from Wells and JP tell me that.
>>how much do you make a year?
>>what's your specialty?
>>Where do you summer?
Direct Private Investing, specifically Infrastructure. East Hampton but looking to sell my place (for a handsome profit) and move closer to Quogue
You're such a poor larper.
>Seriously I work like at most 6 hours a day and make like 250k+
Is lying on Sup Forums fun for you?
Anyways, the point of working for Goldman isn't the 150K starting salary, it's the exit opportunities. I was recruited internally to the Private Direct Investments arm of Goldman, where I work about 10 hours a day (which I really don't mind - my job is sick), get to travel and hobnob with governors and senators (for infrastructure projects), get all my expenses paid, and should break over a million this year.
As for the Investment Banking arm, if we were fucking clients we wouldn't be enlisted on every A-list deal that went down during my tenure.
>You're such a poor larper.
>Be you
>Gap toothed, UK plebeian
>Two worthless parents that can't even afford to get you a real education
>See a rich person online
>Low-IQ peasant brain cannot comprehend the possibility that anyone in the world might actually be smart and succesful
Anyone wanna know how nice it is to not have to clean my own apartment or deal with public transportation? It's really nice.
Yeah good for you. I get to work anywhere I want and in sweatpants. Such is the life of a Senior App Developer. I also do side contracts to supplement my salary, hence my 250k+. I work for one the big Tech Companies btw.
>move closer to Quogue
?!Quogue?!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Its a town in Long Island, nice place. I grew up in Southampton, so I been there a good amount of times.
Eh you know the rumors of you guys pushing CDOs onto clients while shorting them, basically trying to pass the buck before it blew up.
Weather is always sunny in East Hampton
Jesus christ I know where quogue is. I'm laughing because its shitty.
Whats your current zip goldkike bro?
South of the highway? What section of east hampton?
Let me guess.. you're a jew also, right?
Bullshit. I am from Long Island, its nice most of time, but not always sunny.
This has to be the gayest thread that's active right now.
OP is clearly overcompensating for something, probably several things actually. He turned to Sup Forums so he could get into INTERNET ARGUMENTZ with other faggots he will never know, pretends he's better than all of them because he has more money from all the Jewish smegma wedged between his teeth.
No one really cares OP, at the end of the day you're still a faggot.
Oh I am not Goldman bro. I am just a native.
>Senior App Developer
Which means you're gay and the Aspergers type
>in sweatpants
Working with a bunch of Aspergers guys in sweat pants and cheeto-stained v-necks is not dope.
>250K+
Not a bad salary but if you're a Senior Developer you've already topped out, whereas as an AVP my bonus alone will go far beyond that and continue to rise exponentially.
What undergrad did you go to?
>Its a town in Long Island, nice place. I grew up in Southampton, so I been there a good amount of times.
Less riff raff. Too many interns renting VRBOs in East Hampton now.
are you a kike?
>Eh you know the rumors of you guys pushing CDOs onto clients while shorting them, basically trying to pass the buck before it blew up.
Ah you mean the time all those fucking retards took out loans they couldn't pay back and then blamed the lenders for their piggish financial behavior? This is why I can't wait till Bitcoin and Cryptos all blow up. You sad little kids wont have anyone else to blame for your shitty financial decisions.
Yeah you may be super rich. and you may be banging hot chicks left and right, upside down and every which way. You may have a nice studio apartment and cool friends that you do cool drugs with, and you might be 6'3'' with a natty physique, and you might be emotionally healthy, but you know what you'll never have?
OK but serious question though, if I'm pretty smart, and tryna turn my life around, how do I make a shit ton of money? I honestly think I could do anything I put my mind to, btu what would your advice be?
>You will never know how it feels to wash an ambien down with a half bottle of Champagne
Really shows how you lack taste and how you are a pretencious wannabe. The champagne should be served before take off because otherwise the lowered pressure will alter the taste to the point you basically can't tast any quality anymore. You are an empty suit always trying to impress people, obssed with material goods, your education is limit to a very specific field. Your type isn't uncommon in todays world, but your life is still meaningless and not impressiive at all.
>My name is John and I hate every single one of you
Nice LARP
Also
Drinking while on Ambien, while I would usually say kill yourself; it looks as if you are well on the way
Quogue is nice in a few parts. Too far from the hamptons though.
This is really a land driven market. Quogue is too far from sagaponic which is central zip for status and price. Though We do a ton in southhampton
T. Private equity and land developer.
>working at a shit bank
I started at MS, went Oaktree, and now ball at nobu after securing deals at Leonard Green you east coast faggot
Goldman Sachs losers dont pull 10s
Computer Engineering. Surprisinlyg my major at my college was pretty much bros. We got fucked up and partied alot.
Yeah there is a lot of Asperger guys in my field. I am not one of them. I hardly do much development work anymore since I am one the few normal people who can be charming. I am most baby sitting them and getting groomed to move up the ladder. For formal meetings I get to I dress up, but when I am doing my Dev work, it doesn't matter.
How many children have you fucked?
>Whats your current zip goldkike bro?
11937. Quogue is the nicest neighborhood of Long Island if you're not some retarded college kid who thinks the Hamptons are all about "turning up".
Poor people that can't actually afford to live anywwhere in NY, let alone the Hamptons, like to rent in East/South/Bridge Hampton and loiter on the private beaches and drive through the roads drunk and making googley eyes at all of the houses and it gets tiresome. Poor people like you, that want to act like you're in on the rich-people games fucking ruin everything. It's annoying as hell.
>Let me guess.. you're a jew also, right?
Nah, catholic Italian. The whole "Jewish Banker" stereotype isn't really that accurate. There's a whole lot of jews in New York but I know way more jewish lawyers than bankers these days. There's a heavy Asian presence though.
pls respond. I basically have no education and am 25 years old. is there any hope for me? All i wanna do is make millions and millions of dollars.
>Bullshit. I am from Long Island, its nice most of time, but not always sunny.
It's a metaphor you fucking moron.
>Ah you mean the time all those fucking retards took out loans they couldn't pay back and then blamed the lenders for their piggish financial behavior?
This a AVP at goldman's breakdown of what he actually thinks happened.
>No one really cares OP, at the end of the day you're still a faggot.
>Calling someone a faggot to rationalize your shitty life and hedge your jealousy.
Sad, I really am fascinated by the schizophrenia developed by poor people.
Goldman Sachs has over 12,000 Vice Presidents. It's not a very prestigious position in banks compared to corporations. A lot of your statements don't really make sense when you consider this, and I doubt you're making anywhere near a million a year.
ROFL. I steal from fags like you on the daily...and you don't even know it. Get some NetSec, stupid bitches.
Let's say we have two individuals with the same innate ability and access to the same opportunities. What leads one to go down the path of being a wealthy banker, and another down the path of obscure mediocrity?
>Ah you mean the time all those fucking retards took out loans they couldn't pay back and then blamed the lenders for their piggish financial behavior? This is why I can't wait till Bitcoin and Cryptos all blow up. You sad little kids wont have anyone else to blame for your shitty financial decisions.
Congrats you described why CDOs blew up, I was talking about you guys selling them to clients as "stable" while shorting them.
>Yeah you may be super rich. and you may be banging hot chicks left and right, upside down and every which way. You may have a nice studio apartment and cool friends that you do cool drugs with, and you might be 6'3'' with a natty physique, and you might be emotionally healthy, but you know what you'll never have?
There's pretty much nothing that I don't have desu. I'm pretty content and fulfilled.
As much as I use the money to bait envious poor people, I really only do that because I know that that's what THEY care about. If anything I'm just grateful I have enough money that I can fill my time with hobbies, adventures and other people that make life fulfilling. When you're working all the time to make minimum wage it's tough to live a wholesome life. It's sad.
>Quogue is the nicest neighborhood of Long Island
No.
>Poor people like you
No.
I think this is almost admitting the LARP.
how do I make all the money then friend? i'm a pretty smart guy and I can work all day on something if it interests me.
Nah hes correct there are shit ton of micks and guineas in finance in New York.
>OK but serious question though, if I'm pretty smart, and tryna turn my life around, how do I make a shit ton of money? I honestly think I could do anything I put my mind to, btu what would your advice be?
1) Everyone in the world thinks they're a genius. Statistically speaking you probably aren't.
2) If you're strictly chasing money blindly you're fucked.
3) Go to a top 10 college, major in something that interests you and be great at it.
The number one reason most people never succeed in life is because they don't have the discipline to stick to anything. They bounce around here and there with half-baked considerations of how they're gonna get rich quick and become a big shot, but never actually do shit to improve themselves.
>pretencious
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH great spelling
It means almost nothing. While he's here bragging to about of anonymous idiots about how awesome he is there are hundreds of VP's out-working him.
This faggot will never be partner. But he will remind a bunch of people he doesn't know that he's rich. It's really tacky actually. Nigger rich behavior from a low ranking shithead.
Ok, how do i turn all my family land in california into something profitable. I own 300+ acres in wine country tgat my uncles have let sit for 40years with nothing except let cows graze every once in awhike, and another 45 acres with a producing orchard that Also encompasses part of a main river with water rights in northern ca. The land has been in the family for over 200+ years and my parents and uncles have done nothing with it except pay property tax. Its worth millions and just sitting there. It is beyond frustrating. I do also make a nice salary in large agriculture firm but this seems to be a waste when it could be developed into something more useful and income producing
>The champagne should be served before take off because otherwise the lowered pressure will alter the taste to the point you basically can't tast any quality anymore.
I don't care, I'm not a fucking Eurofag, I just want to pass out. Also, after that gay ass ramble, you have lost your right to call anyone else "pretencious". Fucking idiot.
And where does discipline come from? Strength of character?
CDOs and loans aren't even analogous. OP doesn't know what he's talking about.
CDOs blew up basically because people didn't properly consider the risk of multiple constituents defaulting at the same time. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to buy or sell if you want to take a position on correlation, but you have to understand that's the position you're taking.
nah but I took an IQ test in high school and it was really high, I also have aspergers though which is a detriment. I didn't go to a top 10 college and majored in a shit option (computer science). Is there anything I can do now that I'm out?
On a side note, do you really care about banking? You say don't blindly chase money, yet you work at fucking Goldman Sachs.
A vineyard maybe?
Yes, but I was talking about the Ethics of pushing a position onto a client while doing the opposite.
>T. Private equity and land developer.
I have family interest in Quogue, I'm not really interested in "Status and Price", that shit is for wannabees to read about in the paper. I'm just trying to be wherever makes the most sense for myself and my family. My parents are getting older and spend a lot of time at my place there looking after the house for me and relaxing. They really don't need to be looking after a massive house at their age anyway, and we have other family in Quogue.
Single-Family?
What are your thoughts on the sky lobby at 200w?
My wife's family has about just over 1000 acres but it is all in production
No one cares faggot. Your job will be replaced by AI.
tranches. Derivatives. Synthetics, and general over securitization.
Goldmanite bro says: "Hur dur loans they couldn't pay back durr"
>I started at MS
Solid choice if you can't get into Goldman.
>ama
go to /reddit/ where that kinda shit flies
You actualy took the bait; thanks for supporting my argument. I'm now pretty certain either the standards at your institution are ridiculously low or you are just a moron larping. The later seems much more likley to me given the evidence you provided.
>Computer Engineering. Surprisinlyg my major at my college was pretty much bros. We got fucked up and partied alot.
>Yeah there is a lot of Asperger guys in my field. I am not one of them. I hardly do much development work anymore since I am one the few normal people who can be charming. I am most baby sitting them and getting groomed to move up the ladder. For formal meetings I get to I dress up, but when I am doing my Dev work, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, I'm mostly just being a douche. Tech is a real solid gig. I found myself to be too Type A to consider it though. I want to be sourcing deals and flying around the world shaking hands. I enjoy the grind of finance.
>His paren't look after his house.
>He's a major player
hmmm.
>muh dik
I can tell you're a kike because you think like a nigger.
Can you jump out the nearest window you larping kike?
>How many children have you fucked?
The real question here is how old did I have to become before fucking NYU undergrads became unethical? I'm 28 and the answer has yet to be determined. I'd probably piece out a 17 year old if she was curvy, I got no pride. Plus there's less a chance of my girlfriend finding out if she isn't her age.
It's more to do with the way they're structured. The client is basically buying securities issued by an SPV, and the bank buys CDS protection ( i.e. is short) from the SPV. The money from the security issuances are used to cover any defaults on the CD over their lifetime, but if the basket of CDS is highly correlated and your get lots of defaults then the collateral can get wiped out.
didnt apply to goldman since you are faggots, was busy deciding whether to do MS or go with consulting at Mckinsey or bain
have fun never making partner and washing out faster than a saudi in beverly hills
It's not even rich. VPs earn 150-160k starting. That's how much I'll be making if I place LA/NY Big Law at 26 years old. It's a good wage, but bottom tier for a finance position at a major bank. When you factor in NY living expenses, his salary is quite mediocre. It's ridiculous that he's trying to act like he makes anywhere near a million. My father was executive level at CITI's wealth & asset management firm before retiring, and he was taking home around 750k before taxes, and probably a nice bonus, but I don't think he ever broke a million.
This is all assuming that this isn't a pathetic LARP however. Tell me OP, do you frequently fly around in a private jet?
pls respond how do I make a bajillion dollars I just wanna be super rich what's the secret also I wanna die because i'm a failure in every way pls help
>pls respond. I basically have no education and am 25 years old. is there any hope for me? All i wanna do is make millions and millions of dollars.
Everyone wants that. Go to community college for two years, transfer to a top 25 college.
But you're not gonna do that are you? You'll think about it and fantasize about it, but wont do it. That's what separates haves from have-nots.It takes a lot of courage and stress to graduate from working class to an economic organizer.
Ah so basically hedging.