Today I will continue the South African stories series. Today’s topic is surreal South African experiences. Some of these will be light hearted stories others will illustrate just how fucked up this place can be. All are welcome to share.
Previous breads if you want to catch up:
>SA crime stories
archive.4plebs.org
>Stories of the stupidity of blacks in SA
archive.4plebs.org
>Stories from SA high-schools
Other urls found in this thread:
thesun.co.uk
twitter.com
this an amazing idea
>/zombiestories/ general
>be me walking dogs Sunday morning through pine plantation.
>popular spot for hiking and dog walking but today the path is quiet, and the Labradors are having a great time running between close knit lines of trees chasing pine cones I throw for them.
>Labs start to indicate they hear some shit and run ahead, they run off in a fairly relaxed state, no hair raised no growling, whatever they hear is intriguing – not a threat.
>I round the corner and immediately start to question my sanity. The Labs are sitting quietly next to each other staring off into the forest and I can hear church hymns softly meandering through the trees.
>The labs and I have noticed, and are transfixed by, a group of 30-40 black members of the Zion Christian Church that are holding their Sunday service in the comfort of nature 100m off the path amongst the swaying pine trees.
>The congregation is dressed in all-white robes like pic related.
>I notice the labs are perfectly relaxed, in fact they are no longer panting or excited, they are just staring as the pastor takes his position sitting on a log before the congregation.
>I would normally expect a group of 30-40 blacks in the forest to evoke extreme protective protocols from the labs but they are not only relaxed they seem to be experiencing the same feelings of peaceful content that I am experiencing.
>Eventually we walk on from the scene and I question my understanding of God, the intelligence of dogs and the positive effects of Christianity on Africans that I hadn’t noticed before.
Context for the next few stories. When I was 16 my family went to visit my Dad’s oldest University friend who lives on the edge of the Transkei on the wild coast. The Transkei was a Xhosa Bantustan (homeland) during Apartheid. It is very poor, very rural and very beautiful. My Dad’s friend (lets call him Jerry) grew up in the area, speaks fluent Xhosa and enjoys a chilled life of fishing, small scale farming and drinking on his family farm on the coast. Jerry’s farm is fucking remote, a 4 hour drive on dirt roads (if you can call them roads at all), there is not another white person in a 10km radius of the farm. Jerry has an intricate relationship with the natives of the area. His family befriended the local Xhosa chieftain and elders many years ago and they help in the community where they can. A small township sprung up in the area post-Apartheid. Crime, drinking and baboonery came with its development as black men fully abandoned their subsistence farmsteads instead choosing to migrate to the city and mines looking for cash work. The more based natives reject this life in favour of their more traditional agricultural way of life. Jerry refuses to hire or work with township blacks believing them all to be lazy or thieves or both. The following few stories are about life in the Transkei on South Africa’s wild coast.
Forgot pic for Transkei scenery
>Arrive at Jerry’s farm on Friday night, tired from the journey we head to bed early. Jerry tells us his boy (term for young black man working for a white family) Bongani (19-20 y/o) will wake myself and my Dad at 5am to go fishing.
>Next morning we are getting ready while we watch Bongani get Jerry’s fishing equipment in order. He packs the bakkie (pickup truck) while Jerry sips coffee (made by Bongani). My dad sits upfront with Jerry in the bakkie while I sit with Bongani in the back.
>Bongani is all smiles and shakes my hand with a “molweni boetie” (hello small brother). I realise he cannot speak a word of English as he points out the beautiful rising sun to me while we drive 100km an hour down a dirt road.
>Arrive at beach from which we will fish. Bongani sets up all our rods, baits the lines and even walks out into the surf to expertly cast the lines beyond the breakers into a channel in which the bigger game fish swim.
>Jerry watches with satisfaction having trained Bongani in the art of service from the age of 12.
>Jerry is the first to lose his bait from the hook. Jerry remains at the water line and to our amazement he casts the line up the beach landing the hook and sinker within reach of the waiting Bongani.
>Bongani baits the hook and Jerry reels it in from the water line and casts beyond the breakers again.
> Over the course of the day I witness a level of service from the smiling Bongani that can only be described as colonial. He is there to tend to Jerry’s needs before Jerry can even ask and he is happy to do it.
>Jerry tells us Bongani is the only source of income for his family besides subsistence farming. Jerry pays him well because he is happy to work and has never caused problems. This attitude is sorely absent from many city blacks
(1/2)
That night while eating the fish we caught (some of which went to Bongani’s family) Jerry tells us a story about Bongani that was an eye opener for me.
> 2 years ago Bongani arrives almost 2 hours late for work which is very unusual for him. Jerry is pissed but notices the boys demeanour implies something is wrong
> Bongani explains to him that he awoke to find his bicycle was stolen from his homestead by township blacks in the night. He is late because he has had to walk to work.
>Bongani has walked 10kms to ask Jerry for the day off so that he can go and find his bicycle in the township. He explains, with Jerry’s permission, he would like to leave immediately to complete his mission by sundown.
>Jerry is sympathetic having had odds and ends stolen by township blacks in the past. With the local Chieftains help the items are usually recovered.
>Jerry tells Bongani he will give him a lift to the township and help him if he wants (help by brandishing the family shotgun).
(2/2)
>Bongani shakes his head. This is something he must do himself, but he accepts the lift to beat sundown. Bongani explains he must go home first though for reasons he refuses to explain. Jerry eventually obliges.
>Jerry drops off Bongani at his homestead and chats to the local village elders, who are overjoyed to see him, while he waits for Bongani to emerge from his family home.
>After 30 minutes Bongani emerges looking like pic related. He is sporting this exact loadout: knob kerrie, larger shield and short stabbing assegai. He leaves his two longer throwing spears at home.
>Jerry realises Bongani is about to drop a fuckin warrior’s reckoning on the township. He is going into battle with those of his people that lost their way.
>The weapons and regalia are family heirlooms passed down from father to son for generations having possibly seen battle against the Zulus (who knows)
>Bongani hugs his proud mother goodbye and steps back into the bakkie.
>Jerry recalls this as his most surreal car drive, sitting next to a young Xhosa man in full battledress who is about to meet with the enemy.
>Bongani is solemn and quite on the journey to the township - its possible he may not return.
>On arrival he thanks Jerry and jogs into the township on its one serviceable road, Jerry watches the locals shout warnings between each other and flee into their shacks upon seeing Bongani as he heads for the seedy part of the township.
>A few hours later Bongani returns to Jerry’s farm smiling again. He is riding his bicycle. He works a half day for Jerry in full battledress and leaves at sundown singing a song of victory to himself on his bike ride home.
>Nothing is ever stolen from Bongani’s homestead again.
Forgot pic again Ill stop being retarded now
Please keep going.
Wow, that was a gripping story, serious. I enjoyed, thank you.
>Jerry’s other employee is Cebisa (Christian name: Mavis), a black “mama” like pic related. She is in her 60’s, she is fiercely loyal to Jerry’s family having worked for them for more than 45 years and is considered part of the family.
>She speaks good English, takes no nonsense from anyone and often scolds other lazy blacks and township blacks, she also engages in savage Xhosa banter with Jerry (kinda like a female Uncle Ruckus).
>Mavis lives in a large room on the property. She got access to this arrangement a few years after Jerry’s father led an initiative in the rural village trying to teach the black adolescents to swim.
>Mavis was the only girl who showed no fear of the ocean and really took to the lessons. She went on to develop an uncharacteristic love affair with the ocean and was rewarded with a job of nanny and domestic for her courage.
>On Sunday morning we see Mavis return from the coastal bluffs just beyond Jerry’s property.
>She is dressed in a tight granny swimming costume, the costume has hemmed splits down the sides from which her fat rolls bulge. She is also sporting a pair of sandals, swimming cap and diving goggles.
>She is carrying a bucket containing 5 large crayfish (lobsters) which she rushes over to show Jerry. “big ones todey mistah Jerry, how many you want?”
>Jerry selects two and pays Mavis R60 for the pair which we will eat that night. She will sell the rest to Jerry’s white neighbours about 12km down the road.
>Jerry explains Mavis has been making extra money from crayfish for years now having learnt how to dive for, and catch them, from Jerry’s father.
>Jerry explains how she roots amongst the kelp for the crayfish, when she catches them she curls their legs together under their tails and slips them between her fat rolls and costume with their long spiny antennas sticking out the side of the costume.
>She has fat roll slots for a maximum of 6 large crayfish.
>Mavis, the extremely buoyant black crayfish-catching sea otter porpoise hybrid, is the strangest and coolest black woman I have ever met.
Jesus fuck man, that's insane. I'm from the snowy Midwest USA, and my interactions with blacks is usually just having to listen to them loudly complain about racism when something doesn't go their way.
A real insight into proper Africans. The base form of your burger kinds. A form closer to the archetype.
Stay tuned more to follow
>3 years later family visits Jerry’s farm again.
>His 2 sons are also there visiting for their university holiday. They are a bit older than me and take me hunting pigeons and fishing. (Think Texan/Southern good old boy types)
>Lekker.jpg
>While fishing they smoke fuckin massive joints of shitty local weed and just relax on the beach waiting to catch something and chatting.
>Offer me a toke but I don’t want to have to go back to family and evening braai as the red-eye Jedi so I decline and drink some beers instead.
>While fishing they explain how they came about the massive bag of weed they have brought to the beach.
>They are both canoeing enthusiasts and when they have holidays they visit their father and then go on trips together canoeing down remote rivers in the Transkei.
>On one such trip they canoed past a massive weed plantation tended to by the rural blacks who often grow weed as a much-needed cash crop.
>Very few rural blacks smoke it themselves fearing the spiritual effect it may have on them and their connection to their ancestors.
>They were too early in that season and the plants were all immature. They vowed to return next year and grab some green plunder.
>They returned the next year under the cover of darkness, went full Rhodesian commando with black face camo and snuck into the plantation via the river to claim their prize.
>Half way through pulling out some of the plants, the black rural boys assigned to guard the plants were alerted by their dogs and chased them through the field with throwing spears in hand, thinking it was blacks from another village come to steal their crop.
>When the guards reach the edge of the field they expect to have cornered the thieves against the rivers water.
>When they reach the rivers edge they realise they’ve been robbed by whites as Jerry’s sons are already making their escape on their canoes (with about 3kg of weed each) laughing to themselves as the guards shout insults at them.
Damn. Over here, crayfish are like...little mini freshwater lobsters we call em crawdads too. I used to go under a little bridge in a really rural area surrounded by corn fields and catch them. There was a small bootleg t shirt shop that sold bait, and I gave them to the white owner who was married to a skinny Mexican woman. He used to give me 5 cent pieces of gum in return. Looking back, that store was hilarious. They made the shittiest quality t shirts with a silk screened Tommy hilfiger logos on them, and they lived in a camper next to the shop. We were such fucking hillbillies.
My grand father ran a small trading store in rural SA
>Tea company has lucky watch competition
>Buy box of tea and if you find a watch a winner is you.
>Blacks come and buy 6 months worth of tea boxes hoping to win snazzy watch
>Grand father weighs each box before putting them on the shelf
>collects 3 watches
>The luck of the Irish
>Stories of the stupidity of blacks in SA
oh holy shit my fucking sides. half my family lives in SA and i never tire of hearing these kind of stories.
That is heartwarming
>>Bongani hugs his proud mother goodbye and steps back into the bakkie.
>>Jerry recalls this as his most surreal car drive, sitting next to a young Xhosa man in full battledress who is about to meet with the enemy.
>>Bongani is solemn and quite on the journey to the township - its possible he may not return.
>>On arrival he thanks Jerry and jogs into the township on its one serviceable road, Jerry watches the locals shout warnings between each other and flee into their shacks upon seeing Bongani as he heads for the seedy part of the township.
>>A few hours later Bongani returns to Jerry’s farm smiling again. He is riding his bicycle. He works a half day for Jerry in full battledress and leaves at sundown singing a song of victory to himself on his bike ride home.
>>Nothing is ever stolen from Bongani’s homestead again.
I laughed my ass off, but to be honest, that's not a bad urban loadout.
How do I visit your land without getting raped and eaten?
is this supposed to make me like them lol?
you're country literally has a babyrape epidemic what the fuck is this shit
We are going to more serious territory soon friends.
It sounds ridiculous but makes total fucking sense.
Come to Cape Town dude.Seriously beautiful city with so much to see and do. Theres crime everywhere but if you have a good head on your shoulders you'll be fine
(1/2)
>be 13 y/o me walking 2km home after rugby practice for primary school.
>Notice smoke rising from the township on the edge of town. A fire has broken out amongst the shacks.
>Start to notice the blacks that are walking home from work are distressed and walking uncharacteristically briskly.
>Notice more and more blacks working for whites in the neighbourhood are leaving their duties early, exiting the properties and walking/running back the township as quickly as possible.
>They are calling friends or relatives in the township to check where the fire is in relation to their hovels.
>Get home and go outside onto balcony that has a view of some of the township across town. Thick black smoke is rising from a large fire. Helicopters cant water bomb the shacks because they are so densely packed.
>Fire trucks cant get deep enough into the township because the blacks build their hovels on top of one another without any oversight or forethought for infrastructure like wide enough roads and running water.
(2/2)
>Government cant evict them to build infrastructure without being labelled anti-poor. Also no money and incompetency.
>Firefighters do their best to battle the blaze but hundreds of shacks go up in flames. For some families this is the third time their shacks have burnt down.
>All those blacks leaving work early were trying to get back home to save their shit and protect their hovels from packs of criminals that go looting during fires amongst the chaos.
>Those that lose their hovels are forced to stay with the burnt-out husks or risk another squatter building a hovel on the spot they once had.
>After the fire the government promises to implement measures to prevent further fires (for the third time). Serviceable roads, running water and other amenities are promised.
>No action after months, and in the face of growing resentment for lack of government gibs, city officials give up and provide fire victims with basic building materials to rebuild their hovels.
>2 years later another fire starts in the dead of night. It burns half the township down. Our family awakes to the very faint distant sounds of screaming, sirens and gas bottle explosions as the worst township fire yet rips through the hovels.
>repeatasnecessary.jpg
>He is going into battle with those of his people that lost their way.
He showed dem de way
I mean, can I walk around with a gun? I'm a fat spic that wants to visit your strange land, but I'm pretty sure they'd eat me for speaking spanish and thinking I'm a wizard or some shit.
I also want to drive across australia and not get eaten by abbos.
How do I get issued short shorts and a FAL when I land? Can I like, bring my own firearm?
I got a couple stories about this ghanan guy in my military unit if interested.
Here's one
>talk to super short ghanan guy
>Hey man, I collect camo, I know you are from East Africa, but do you have any friends near ZA or Zim?
>Ghanan guy looks at me from the side of his eyes. "I goddah cahpo frayns neah day AHrea, whah you need"?
>I'm looking for some Rhodie camo. The old shit from the bush war.
>Ghanans eyes get really wide and starts to talk alot with his hands...like he's trying to flick a booger or something
>"Noooooo Wheah I comb from inah Afrika, you cahnnoht jussa go BUY dah cahmo". Why you wanna Rhodesian cahmo?"
>I just collect it man, it's rare here.
>"I tehyou what..you tehk mayee nohmbah, ahey can maybe hehp you."
>"How much mahnee you got?"
That get.
>What did KEK mean by this?
Youll be fine dude. Keep away from the townships (easy they are always outside town)
Dont leave shit in your car. Absolutely nothing. Dont flash cash, jewelry or electronics around, keep your cellphone in your pocket when walking around (only necessary in bad parts of town or late at night).
Watch yourself when out drinking. Making friends as a tourist is easy.
I mean, you say that, but the news I see coming out of Rhodesia is insanity.
thesun.co.uk
I think you just hired a hit or some shit.
>How much money is robbing some old bush wars veterans house worth to them
Quick question: are blacks overtly racist over there? Seems like the govt is completely fucking discriminatory towards whites. To the point of it being criminal.
Also there seems to have been a clear loss of economic power there, and a sharp uptick of violence post-apartheid. Are blacks at all aware of this? Or do they just want to watch the place burn as long as whites don't control anything?
Lol nah, it's just an example of how interactions go with him
SA and Zim are not at all the same. Well I mean they both Africa but yeah SA is light years ahead in terms of development.
smoke some weed
>Family goes on holiday to Kruger National Park
>choose to do a 3 day walking experience, walking through the wilderness with two park rangers as guides. Return to safety of home base each night for braai and beers.
>Rangers are two older black guys who have worked in the bush their whole lives. They worked as “boys” for white rangers during the Apartheid days.
>Each night the rangers tell a few stories of run-ins with wildlife. They have had to shoot a charging male buffalo and a charging hippo on separate occasions during these walking experiences.
> Also faced off with a pride of lions that resulted in 3 German women crying and pissing themselves, fortunately the rangers kept them from running which would have got them all killed.
>Last night of the holiday the older ranger tells us stories of when he was a ranger on the North East side of the park before he became a tourist orientated ranger.
>Hunting poachers and turning back illegal immigrants from Zimbabwe and Mozambique trying to walk into SA – the African shithole of milk and honey.
>Its basically impossible to determine who is a poacher and who is an immigrant, pursuing them through the bush is also basically impossible.
>The rangers resort to sitting on hilltops with binoculars trying to spot blacks walking in the park
>When they see poachers/immigrants walking in the park they fire .303 rounds over their heads to scare them off (pretty sure some shot at them as well). Eventually anti-poaching teams were formed to specifically hunt poachers.
>They also patrolled the border and on many occasions they find half eaten immigrants/refugees who have fallen victim to lions, or other predators in their efforts to reach SA through a protected wildlife sanctuary
>#buildthewall
Overt racism is not something you see on the daily from blacks or whites. For whites its expressed when we see the country slipping...a remark or conversation between friends. Its expressed in jokes and anecdotes and recalling of events. Its among peers, in private behind closed doors basically. Of course it boils up into public life from time to time.
I think many blacks express racism the same way whites do. But societal resentment is on their side. There are a section of blacks are are vilely bitter about the past and live their lives accordingly.
Most blacks have no agency in society. They lack the motivation or means to express themselves or try make change for better or worse. The economy is a story deserving of its own thread. As for violence...I dont know if things are better or worse since Apartheid.
I've noticed Afrikanerposting has greatly increased recently. What gives?
>be me 2008. Xenophobic violence erupts across SA as local blacks take out their frustration of being societal failures on immigrants/refugees from Zimbabwe, Malawi, Congo, Somalia, Nigeria etc.
>Zimbabweans and Malawians are generally harder working, more honest and better educated than local blacks, they snap up jobs as a result (if they have work permits).
>Local blacks form lynch mobs of extreme baboonery and run rampage through their townships beating up and killing immigrants, burning their shacks and businesses.
>Violence spill out of the townships into cities as local blacks extend their rampage of looting and destruction.
>Violence develops into a national crisis and eventually the army is deployed to the worst affected townships to quell the xenophobic insurrection.
>Local township also suffers from xenophobia baboonery. Cucked Jehovah witnesses allow foreigners to shelter in their church to avoid violence.
>Mob learns of this and marches pic related style to ravage the Jehovah lords house and its foreign black inhabitants. I get to witness police on kaffir-mob action from friend’s house that has view of the church.
>Police from out of town respond to the threat as by this time everyone is on high alert. And small local police force needs back up
>Cops that arrive are a mix of based older Afrikaners and black officers.
>They open fire on the crowd with rubber bullets and tear gas. Kaffirs all panic and scatter dropping their machetes, sticks and clubs as a police Nyala (APC type vehicle) arrives and deploys water cannon.
>Friend and I go out to see the aftermath and to just get a sense of what we witnessed. Overhear two of the Afrikaner officers chatting to each other.
> “Net soos die ou dae boet” (Just like the old days bro) “Ya, behalwe vir die keuse van koeëls” (yes except for the choice of bullets”
user, I honestly love your stories.
> Police show on Danish TV
> Based Vlado, coolest cop ever, is sent on exchange in South Africa to see how they deal with drug crime
> At airport, getting a rental car
> Black guy handing him the car gives him stern warnings
> "Don't stop for anyone!"
> "Don't make eye-contact!"
> "Lock the doors as you as you get in the car!"
> Based Vlado is like, "wut???"
> "Criminals will open the door, shoot you and steal the car"
> And thus Vlado drove into Johannesburg in a car with locked doors because carjackings were common and lethal in the Rainbow Nation
Ah thanks for the answer. That's the way it is here really. I mean, unless youre anonymous and online. Then, you see a certain section of blacks and whites that hate each other. But yeah, mostly we all go along to get along. After about six beers in a room full of your family, thats when all that shit comes out.
kek
If you drive a VW polo in Johannesburg you are at risk.
Most popular car in SA so massive parts market.
A hijacked vehicle is usually driven to a chop shop and stripped for parts within an hour or two
On the way the thieves rib open the dashboard looking for tracking units.
Tracker companies have to have insane response times or cars just disappear.
They recover a lot of the vehicles actually very successful industry
Fucking brutal I dig it
Thanks bro
>be me visiting Johannesburg for work related trip
>go out for drinks with two old friends that live in Sandton area. Get a bit tipsy and head home to airbnb.
>Driving when suddenly blue lights of JMPD (Metro cops) behind me.
>Metro cops are notoriously corrupt in Gauteng province. By contrast in the Western Cape you will be jailed for offering most cops a bribe.
>Standard bribery for these Johannesburg Metro jokers is R20-R50 depending on their mood and your race. Real cops in Gauteng can also be bribed out of small offences but their rates are a bit higher at R100-R200.
>Motorists will often get the cash ready in the process of being pulled over and leave it on the dashboard for the officers to find during license inspection (to avoid them seeing inside your wallet).
>Pull over and Metro cop approaches window. “Hello seh show me dat license pleaze.”
>Hand him license after polite greeting.
>”Ok your license is ok but we know you are drinking! You mus wait here so we can get de breathalyser but eish (oh no) you know tonight I don wan to wait, Im very hungry…”
>This is the indication that its time to pay up for the officers evening meal - likely KFC.
>I explain that I know the drill, but as I just got into town I have not drawn any money. Explain that I have had a few drinks but that Im fine to drive.
>Officer is annoyed at this situation. Now he might actually have to wait to play out the charade with this reasonable white man with the chance of me blowing below the limit.
>He sucks his teeth but then he sees some change in coins near the dashboard. He motions for me to notice the coins along with a “give it here” hand gesture.
>Think to myself is this guy for real as I hand him the coins.
>He smiles, says “thenk you seh hev a nice night” tosses my license through the window and speeds off to pull over the next person.
>mfw I get out of a DUI with bribe of R13 in change (even gave him the coppers)
Same. I'm all for it though.
>Be me
>Backpacking alone around southern Africa in 1998
>After 3 months and no issues I arrive in the Transkei
>After spending the night in a lodge near Port St. Johns decide to head off towards Mthatha
>About 3 hours into the hike see a black girl coming the other way
>Say hey, she spits in my face
>About an hour later notice 3 or 4 black youths trailing me
>3 -4 becomes 10 - 12
>They stay about 500 metres back but begin shouting insults and threats
>Check my phone, no signal
>Pass by a township or settlement of some kind
>12 -14 becomes 30+
>They're whooping and smashing bottles now, I hear the words 'kill him' several times
>Pick up truck coming the other way, stops, driver is black
>Looks at the mob, looks at me and say 'jump in, quick'
>I jump in the back, the mob starts running towards us
>Driver does a 180 and we tear up the road, they got to within 5 metres of me, but we leave them behind
an hour or so later he drops me at a deserted service area just outside Mthatha, burnt out motel, petrol station all smashed up. Driver tells me the bus won't be here till tomorrow afternoon. I thank him, and say goodbye.
I spent the night in the back of the only vehicle
there, an old beaten up VW camper with 2 flat tyres, it's owner an Italian had been here for 3 days waiting for someone to come with new tyres, he had a pillowcase full of weed and I had whiskey, we got wasted. My Italian friend looked very nervous, at about 10pm he turned out the camp light and said 'shhh when is dark they come
about 11pm they came, 4 vehicles all blacks, all drunk and they had guns, they spent a few hours shooting motel windows, doing donuts and dancing to bongo drums, we hunkered down, stoned, drunk, paranoid and fully expecting to die for several hours, 3 times they shot in our direction, but they never approached the van, eventually they left, we calmed down and the following day I caught my bus and left the mad paranoid Italian alone, I wonder if those tyres ever arrived.
I think we lurk a lot of the time.
Steal weed from niggers ?
I’ll share a few bizarro world workplace experiences. Truly, diversity might not be our greatest strength, but it certainly is a source of amusement.
>be me
>one of a handful of whites in my department
>one of the black staff members is also a lay preacher
>decides that he wants to start a prayer meeting in the tea room
>my office is directly across from the tea room
>prayer meeting is pretty loud and annoying, but we’ve got to be tolerant to their cultcha
>prayer meeting devolves into exorcism sessions
>crowd grows to massive size
>whooping, wailing and general bedlam
>nobody can concentrate on their work
>boss is old school Anglo
>still speaks of the Bantus, but clings to his job because retirement is close
>after ignoring numerous complaints, he has to begrudgingly intervene
>asks in-house exorcist to cease the exorcisms
>exorcist says that there is nothing in the HR policies that says he can’t
>exorcisms continue while the matter is escalated to head office
>HR bigwigs intervene
>thank fuck no more workplace exorcisms
I'm imagining a a tactical quick response team tearing hell to recover Mr. Jacobs VW.
This lady sounds amazing. Tell us more Auntie Mavis stories.
So do the Christians still believe in their ancestors watching them and that little monster that rapes people in their beds too? Like is it a hybrid of traditional culture, or do they give that up for Christianity?
I bet she can cook like a motherfucker
This thread just needs a discord chat tbqh
Holy fuck.
That pic and my sides are now acquainted. A mate in Johannesburg had his VW stolen from his property at 3am.
>Cellphone ringing wakes friend
>A call at 3am in SA is usually not good news.
>"Hello sir Im calling from Car Tracking Company Inc. Unfortunately your vehicle has been stolen, I can also inform you one of our teams has recovered the vehicle undamaged."
>They try be as efficient as the criminals
Most of the African churches combine traditional African religions with Christianity. So Christianity gets entwined with traditional folklore. The biggest of these is the ZCC, which OP referred to in one of his posts. They worship in the open, usually in a park.
Dear South African Whites,
Come to Hungary. Start anew here. You need a new home and we need new people.
Sincerely,
A Hungarian.
yes
Yeah they blend the concepts I think. Ancestors are in heaven watching with God. The tokoloshe is a demon from hell and so on.
kakposting of hoop.
Geen hoop?
Kakpraat.
>Backpacking alone around southern Africa in 1998
What in the literal fuck were you thinking
Prys van dokket vernietig vir klein oortredings was mos altyd 2 of 2.2. Bbaar met die slegte eko het dit gedaal 1600 toe.
Vir bloedwerk of diefstal dokkets so voort.
Omkoopprys. Bedrag om om te koop, geval met slegte ekon.
>SA
Yes.
I backpacked all around the world, young and looking for danger I guess, Colombia was the worst, nearly kidnapped there, SA was sound as fuck, that was the only time I felt scared dude, just shows how fast things are deteriorating, would never do that now.
>Be me final year of university (one of the last based universities – only about 10-20% blacks)
>Witness the beginning stages of the #feesmustfall student protest movement.
>Students across the country “protest” against university tuition, arguing for free university.
>As if there’s enough white tax money to pay for them to drop out and fail courses after government thieving.
>Protests conveniently erupt just before exam assessment period.
>Protests are a nice way for black students to avoid writing exams and failing. Also a great opportunity to undermine the government for more gibs.
>Based university protests start out pretty tame compared to other universities with more blacks.
>Bunch of coloured, black and a few liberal whites stage a sit-in at one of the universities administration buildings.
>Fuckin forever alone limeycuck sociology professor hands out baked treats to protesting sit-in students in show of support.
>Find out from another student he is a swallow with a Brit accent (swallows are Anglos that work in SA and holiday in UK or vice versa)
>University board is run by old school Afrikaners hence remaining based.
>They hire a tame private security company to forcibly remove sit-in faggots.
>20+ unarmed black security guys show up on second day of sit-in. They have no company information anywhere on their uniforms to protect the company from political backlash (I pegged them for the universities regular G4S guys).
>Forcibly remove sit-in faggots and remain on campus for a few weeks to ensure similar faggotry doesn’t occur again.
>I graduate that year as protests gear up a bit (students disrupting lectures and exams with baboonery, intimidating other students, holding marches etc etc).
Potch kampus?
Rhodes?
Maties if not C's included
Fuck all of that noise. I don't even go to Costco without my .45
Another tale from an African workplace:
>company decides to outsource their cleaning staff
>as the unions have a massive amount of power, they can’t fire the cleaners so it’s a retarded decision all round
>cleaners job titles change to something vague like assistants
>the ex-cleaners now effectively have nothing to do at work while the contract cleaners take over their duties
>we try to get them to do menial tasks, but this gets met with: Eish, thads noddin my job descreeption
>wonder what the fuck is in your job description
>ex-cleaners take over the tea room
>come to work, have tea and then pull out blankets and proceed to sleep in the tea room
>orc style with blanket over head, large ladies spread out on chairs with underwear in full site under their pulled up skirts
>numerous complaints ensue
>old Anglo boss has to once again tackle the Bantus while dreaming of his pension
>much sperging and chimping ensues
>accusations of racism
>HR flown down
>decision is taken that if they clear out the old broom closet, they can sleep there to their heart’s content
>daily orcs march in to their broom closet with bags of blankets and emerge at 17:00
>University of Colonial Tactics
>2016
>ground zero
>walk down from lecture
>cross road
>look left and right like good boi
>both sides being blocked by burning tires, bins etc
>as I stand there and watch see petrol cans being emptied on blockings
>keep walking
>such is life
Cape Town is fucking ugly. I never get why or what people think is beautiful?? Every time I see one of those videos showing how cool "Cape Town" is they never actually show Cape Town,just areas like Clifton and what not. Oh and btw, Cape Town doesn't count as Africa.
Seaboard and suburbs are great. Rest is normal SA, Joburg with smaller walls and even more cucked english
You shouldn't encourage spics to come to your homeland. It's bad enough with all the niggers.
You see boet, on an average it will lighten the tone.
Maties
I suppose we all a bit biased hey
Seaboard, suburbs and wine country are great and yes CT has an Anglo cuck problem
Blacks were not meant to work in offices in groups. Baboonery always ensues.
Bro tell them about the Rhodes must fall madness
Are all blacks bad or are some better than others?
I've never talked to a black person in my life, and ones I've seen seemed generally OK.
Except around bus stations, McDonalds and Burger King ones, they really seem trashy.
Why didn't the apartheid SA government enshrine the constitution with a solid 2nd amendment before they gave it over to the baboons? Fucks sake, wish you guys had a fighting chance.
My friend worked in Liberia as a crew member for a documentary. He told me how everyday this guy would tell him stories in exchange for a cigarette. Everything from the chimp island and his dad and uncle gunning down people trying to loot them in the civil war.
Apparently this guy and his work were the only things he liked. Apparently a group of people tried to rob the camera crew three times. He said his time in the streets of germany was barely better. One of the females got groped while filming b roll. But the crew leads make them get rid of footage that may promote "racist tendacys" if they involve PoC.
Negro orcs are not human
>University of Colonial Tactics (U of Cape Town)
>circa 2015 (Year Zero of the BLM)
>Statue of Evil man at UCT, C J Rhodes - killed many Afrikaners but hey, his land was given to build the place. Hes a poes but let him have the statue.
>A white man? on MY CAMPU?
>no
>something must be done!
>Some random black throws a bucket of his shit on the statue
>this creates a huge movement around racial sensitiviy and radical kak
>thousands of anglos and coloureds join, most blacks too
>shit
>they joined after he threw his shit at the statue.
>they take the statue down
That is the most positive thing that i have ever
Read.
>You are like small babby
>South Africa
>Film crew gets robbed while broadcasting
>robbed live on national TV of camera, cells etc
>Blacks decide to chimpout over lack of government provided toilets to their hovels.
>Cannot provide a semblance of infrastructure for themselves.
>Life is gibs
>After weeks of chimpout protests they change tactics
>Gather weeks worth of shit in plastic containers.
>Take said shit filled containers to the airport
>I always laugh at the thought of them catching a kaffir taxi with their shit and the driver being like meh T.I.A
>Spread shit over various areas of the airport before cops arrest them
>We India protest now
>Similar shit based protests take place at universities over the course of #Rhodes must fall and #feesmustfall
>.303 rounds over their heads to scare them off
haha that would do it. I have a nice bush tattoo from a .308
>T.I.A
That's actually a thing they say?
>jailed for offering most cops a bribe
>Be me
>6 Double brandies
>4 Tequila shots
>Drive home
>Rolls car IN FRONT of my insurance company
>Wow car is still drivable
>Drive it home past cops 3 O' Clock at night
>Don't do shit
>Park car in garage
>"Yeah that looks fine"
>Go to bed
>Get woken up at 8 am
>"WTF DID YOU DO TO THE CAR"
>Still fucking drunk
>Forced to go to police station
>Stuttering when talking to cop
>Alcohol breath
>"Yeah had a minor accident"
>"Did you drink?"
>"No"
>Oh ok
>Insurance pays everything because they couldn't prove I drank anything
Nah not really
>Start working for company with offices down the road from kaffir university campus.
>Protest action start to heat up. Violent clashes with police, destruction of university property etc etc.
>Hear sirens and baboonery down the street from office building. Students are facing off with police, stoning vehicles, stoning the facilities and police and even trying to set cars and engineering faculty on fire.
>Colleagues look out the windows for a few minutes to gauge situation. Not that bad after more police arrive to disperse Kaffirs.
>move our cars off the street to avoid damage and get back to work.
>Just another day in SA boet.
>Next day we hear a different kaffir campus had its library burnt down. Colleague notes, “Its probably the first time the library has been used.”
>Maximumkek.jpg
And another tale from a multicultural workplace:
>monthly personnel meeting
>militant useless black fucker raises the issue that the whites aren’t doing their jobs
>why is he always snowed under while we don’t seem to be
>eye rolls ensue from white staff members who already know the answer
>whythefuckdoweworkhere.png
>workload audit ensues
>finds that the white staff all do roughly double the work that the black employees do
>matter dies down for a few months
>personell meeting
>dese whites dey not do dere jobs
>wash rinse repeat
Based Bongani.
I remember this on the news.
I was in secondary school.
My friends and i made jokes about the local blacks and we laughed our asses off.
Based Bongani.
When I was at university here in botswana, i talked about this with my colleagues.
We wondered to ourselves during the discussion, what the fuck was that all about?
Since when did Rhodes ever oppress the blacks, and coloureds and other races of SA?
Did he not control rhodesia?
This sjw kak is so retarded.
I'm going to visit, not go full Colonial Kurtz. Jesus man. Why the white man gotta think the first thing to do is to fuck all of the baboons? :D
Laughed my ass off.
What the fuck?