Americans have to "come out" as atheists to their parents

>Americans have to "come out" as atheists to their parents

>Americans must obtain a so-called "fancy booze licence" from their local sheriff to consume any alcohol other than Coors, Budweiser or Miller

>Americans are encouraged to become obese, as the extra fat serves as protection from gunfire

>Americans are implanted with a special microchip at birth which sends a moderate electric shock through their bodies every time they acknowledge that they lost in Vietnam

>Americans refer to the metric system as "The Forbidden Knowledge"

>Americans are shot dead by North Korean border guards in their dozens annually during attempted guerilla attacks waged with the intention of "getting revenge for Pearl Harbour"

>Americans who find themselves in the presence of Israeli Jews must perform a "submission hoedown." This involves a highly choreographed dancing performance demonstrating the American's subordinate position to the Israeli. The hoedown ends with the American loudly proclaiming "YOU DA BOSS, YEE-HAW!!"

>Americans refer to Type 2 Diabetes as "The Burden of Manifest Destiny"

>Americans visiting Auschwitz are frequently reprimanded for attempting to restart the ovens for usage with their reheatable Holocaust-themed packed lunches

>American babies are "vaccinated" with shrapnel in order to ward off mass shootings

>Americans have formally petitioned the Oxford English Dictionary to change their definition of snow to "God's refutation of the falsehood of global warming."

>American children are required to undergo the "McDonald's Initiation Ceremony" on their fifth birthday, where they are taken to their local McDonald's and must ritualistically consume every item on the menu before reciting all the advertising slogans in chronological order

Nice meme flag. I'd rock one too if I was from a shit hole.

>The first known report of Amerimutts comes from the Spanish missionary Hernando de Luna y Arellano, member of the jesuit mission of Ajacan, in the current Florida. A kind and religious man, he suffered a crisis of faith during his mission in the Americas, before returning to Spain and dying in his birthplace Toledo. The forensic report written by his personal doctor states that he died while screaming the words "el monstruo" incoherently. After his death, a piece of paper that seems to describe his encounter with an Amerimutt was found among his belongings, the contents of which are reproduced in its original Spanish in the following post. (cont)

>"¡Oh, Santa Maria Auxiliadora, a ti me encomiendo, pues mi espíritu se halla sumido en el más profundo de los pesares! Quiso el fatal de los destinos que mis pasos se encontraran con una de las mas abyectas criaturas del diablo, cuya forma detallaré a continuación como aviso para futuros viajeros de aquestos lugares. Sirvan, pues, mis palabras como guía para rehuir a estas bestias.

>Paseaba por la bahía de Santa María, contemplando dichoso el bello paisaje del lugar, cuando de un arbusto cercano surgió el feo ser que nos ocupa. Su piel era de un sucio color cobrizo, más oscuro que el de los indios que habitan estás tierras. Extrañas marcas y símbolos adornaban su piel, la más distinguida de ellas una especie de letra eme de color amarillo que lucia en su ancha frente. Medía unos siete pies de altura, siendo su envergadura considerable, como de jabalí o cerdo en matanza. Anchas narices y unos ojos diminutos y separados adornaban su grotesca faz, que parecía retorcerse y deformarse con extraños caprichos. Vestía ropaje harapientos adornados con varias rayas blancas y rojas y estrellas blancas en fondo azul. A primeras pensé que esta criatura era no más que una extraña especie de macaco que los nativos habían disfrazado a modo de chanza, mas mis pareceres cambiaron cuando la criatura habló. (cont)

>En el momento en el que la bestia abrió su enorme boca, todo sonido alrededor cesó. El graznido de las gaviotas, el bramido de las olas golpeando la costa, e incluso el sonido de mi propio aliento fueron ensordecidos al instante. El bello cielo azulado tornose negro y la luz del sol se extinguió. Una ponzoña se extendió por los alrededores, pudriendo y matando rápidamente la frondosa vegetación del lugar. Tras una eternidad, el monstruo pronunció las siguientes palabras:

>"whiter then u mohammed"


>La voz de la abominación se oía desde todas las direcciones y desde ninguna, la sentí en mi mente y en mi oidos. Tal fue la intensidad del encuentro que sufrí un ligero desmayo y tuve que ser socorrido por Fray Cosme, que achacó mi descompostura a una simple insolación. Desconozco del origen de las palabras que pronunció aquel siervo de Belcebú, pues no parecían propia de la lengua de los nativos del lugar, o de ningún lenguaje cristiano, mas al oirla se instauró en mi persona un pesar que me impide continuar mi labor religiosa en estas tierras. Retorno, pues, a España, con esperanzas de limpiar my espiritu."

>Hernando's mental health deteriorated quickly in the ship back to Spain, and he died shortly after arriving to his country.

>WHITE?? I CAN SMELL YOUUUHGGGG MUHAMAD!

It's calling out for me now... I don't know how much longer I can hide. It caught my scent on the wind an hour ago and followed me home... The Mexicans warned me about going beyond the Old Wall...

>You... you aren't white... I'm white..

I can hear it shuffling around in the dirt outside the basement, it's been drawing closer now... the smell of faecal matter is overpowering. I cover my hands with my mouth and go dead still. Fear is beginning to overcome me.. I'm so fucking scared...

>Ahmeeddd... Ahmeeddd, here Soros shill...
>AAHHAHGGHGH FOUND YOU

It spots me. I bolt up and try to make a run for the door to the basement - but the thing moves too fast. The darkness is illuminated by searing red streaks that burn malevolently from it's eyes. It lets out a deafening shart, the sound is pierces my ears like stilettos. I am sprayed with red hot and sticky burgershit. Stunned, I try to regain my bearings...
Suddenly, it is atop me, I'm screaming and thrashing against it but it is just too strong. It grasps my head with both of its jet black, clawed hands. Oh god, the smell....
>NOT WHITE NOT WHITE NOT WHITE
It's mouth contorts and opens wider than I thought possible, my screams are pulled out of me... I can feel and see my white genetics being drained from my body. The pain is unbearable. My heritage and chromosomes are irreversibly corrupted... my lips are beginning to thicken... my hair begins to fall out. It is taking everything that means to be me out of my mortal form.

This is the end. My worst fears are realised, pressure begins to build in my bowels as the last of my European phenotype is taken from me... the pain is almost unbearable. I try to block the pain out but it overcomes me.
I am sharting now too. I will never be the same again. As my underwear and trousers fill with my last meal.
I have become El Goblino too.
Pray for me.

Take your fucking meds before mom finds out.

...

so true

...

/thread

...

Spilled my fucking coffee lmao

But you are from a shithole you shartskinned nigger

what is the original?

Damn, right down to the hairy legs of the goatfucker. Grade A meme right here, saved.

accurate

>meme flag

>”YOU DA BOSS, YEE-HAW!!”

I can confirm
This is all true 100%

The bickering between EU cucks and Amerimutts is so god damn hilarious.
Let me settle it for ya'll from an objective standpoint
Americans: The lords of retardation.
EU: The lords of cuckoldry.
>means you both suck copious amounts of cock, black or otherwise