I got a jury summons today Sup Forums. How can I make this fun...

I got a jury summons today Sup Forums. How can I make this fun? I have no idea how the process for this whole thing goes.

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answer jury selection question in the spirit of a fiscally conservative but socially liberal niceguy, then if you actually get to be juror, go full hardass even if a hung jury has to be declared.
be THAT GUY.

i did jury service a couple of years ago
it was a pretty interesting experience
i don't know why some people bitch about doing it
just go along and hope you get picked for an interesting trial
oh and don't forget to claim your expenses

happened to me a couple of years ago. I went in and sat down with a bunch of people ended up doing nothing for an hour then we went home. showed up next day and they let us go after 10 minutes. I got 10 dollars or so out of it. Excellent waste of time.

It's your civic duty.
If you're employed you get the day off.
Last time I had it, the pay was $12.50 a day. So there's that.
Enjoy!

Bring a little bit of coke on. During the recess go to the bathroom and do a few lines. It makes being on a jury a very enriching experience.

make sure not to get kicked out and obstruct the trial by any means necessary. hell, give us the information so we can fuck with it. please.

This sounds like a very wise thing to do.

White = automatic acquittal

Black = guilty

Now go be a good little juror user.

Don't know. The times I've been called, I knew the attorney and the other one got cancelled

Bring a copy of, "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder" by Michael Savage to read if you want to get out of it.

I'd rather be a juror personally. Apparently most trials are boring but I'd still enjoy the chance to try to contribute to the system. Remember that you can decide whatever you want for whatever reason and the judge is only there to help explain the process to you, not bully you into doing something that you know to be wrong.

don't be a sperg and redpill people effectively

It's your duty to help uphold the rule of law, which is what divides us from the uncultured savages who never had the ability to create a lasting civilization.

You go in, do your best, and help to see that justice is served.

If it’s a black person, even with overwhelming evidence be the guy that won’t concede, like
Or if it’s a white guy vice versa.

I've always wanted to unironically do jury duty. Black guilty, Brown guilty, yellow guilty, white trash guilty, white aquit.

Jury duty is not fun. Bring a book.

Pay attention to all the dumb mother fuckers you get to watch walking around the courthouse. Duh

One thing you don't do is say you're a racist. They figured that trick out years ago and won't dismiss you for it. The one time I got summoned, it was a civil case against a hospital. I didn't want to be there, so I told the judge and the attorneys "Well, he's suing them, so they must have done something wrong, right?" I didn't get picked.

The defendant will probably plead guilty the day of the trial.

Always happens.

So like....what if you are actually racist?

Go in black face & say guilty when roll is called

listen to moonman full blast

Then it's a win win

Keep asking questions about how death sentences work. Then casually ask if the defendents black.

Or start going on about jury nullification.

I’ve had three summons
1 got out for cause I was paying for classes on the days they wanted me.
2 defendant didn’t show
3 same as 2
It’s boring, but a civic duty. Bring something to read. At least a 300 page book.

Do your fucking Civic Duty you cunt and show up. If he's white and only hurt minorities and no one else, he's innocent, any other color convict and convince the jury to give max sentences. DO YOUR PART!

All bullshit aside, I didn't mind it and it is pretty cool to check out, just can be fucking boring.

Okay. So here is the real answer.

Show up with a book. Some places still prohibit electronics in the court.

Get prepared to sit around all day. There is a good chance the trial you'll be on the jury selection for is dismissed before you all have to be involved.

Otherwise, just go on there. Answer questions honestly (lying during jury selection is a crime.) If you're smart, you'll be dismissed.

If you still wind up getting selected, well... you've learned something about yourself.

I got summoned once when I was like 18 but I sent a letter in requesting not to cause I was in high school. Haven't heard back in over 10 years, kinda bummed.

I'd take it seriously and try to do a good job. Be a good citizen, it'd be a good thing for your psyche to be a part of serving some justice. Not often you get to do that, all we get are happenings.

Get a sharp outfit to wear
>fun stops there

show up with wicked B.O.
always have one hand in your pants pocket on your dick
walk around with that open-mouthed soyboy happy face
nod like a retard whenever anyone says anything to anybody
tell the Bailiff he's looking good. ask him if he does squats
sashay like a fruit over to your seat
whisper "FunkyColdMedina" as you spin 360 on one foot
be seated
break wind

do your civic duty and serve. You dont deserve to vote if you make an excuse to not serve, citizen. What state? a lot of states have made it much harder to make up an excuse to serve.
Depending on area you are going to see some lepers. like worse than the Dmv. When I went there was a homeless looking dude in the waiting room that smelled like he had 2 loads of shit in his pants.
Courts are very strict about what the jury can hear, all the evidence has to be legal and premissable, and everyone gets to argue about it. What I am getting at is there is ALOT of waiting around. you might be called into a jury at 9am or 2pm. you will exit and enter a lot. lot of sitting around.
Also remember jury nullification is an important power. DONT ask about it, they will tell you it doesnt exist. But if you happen to be in some bullshit law case, like the defendant was fishing in peru, and it was legal in peru, but America decided it was illegel to fish that type of fish and arrested you when you got home (real case) hang jury that shit. Or some bullshit accessory case, hurrdurr he was nearby a crime, innocent that shit. Remember to think! alot of people are never told they can use their brain

>got summonsed for jury duty
>they tell me to check in online to see if/when I have to show up
>I never actually get called in
ah, the NEET life is great

That's a guaranteed way to get on a jury in Cali.

I know that all too well...

I got it once, woke up to the bailiff or whatever calling me saying they didn't need me.

make sure the nigger gets the chair

OP, this. B.S. in Legal Studies, not a J.D., but I know my shit. Listen to this user. Help create a better justice system, and a better U.S. by using your brain and do not be afraid to use jury nullification.

How di I voluntierr for jury doty

> Never got called in
> Then I did
> Go in some morning
> They gave the option to postpone so I did, right there
> Next date approaches
> They don't need me

That's how it's done. Just keep postponing until they say you aren't needed.

T H I S

Go in dressed as a Nazi.

Simple.

Sit through the whole trial and then break a whole heap of rules at the end and cause a mistrial

I wish I could get a jury summons. I want to be a juror on a murder trial. I want to know what it feels like to hold someone’s fate in my hands.
But I hear that prosecutors prefer brainlets to be jurors

lol. Id be gurning my tits off.

Take a knee when they call your name.
Refuse to move.
Refuse to be part of a corrupt system
Claim to be a sovereign citizen
Tell them unless it breaks the 10 commandments it shouldn't be illegal.

Just wear pro Trump paraphernalia.

If he’s white refuse to accept he’s guilty force a hung jury, if he’s black mexican or Muslim refuse to accept not guilty do everything you can to convince your peers to vote guilty if they refuse be the only hold out and force a hung jury

>be THAT GUY

Are you from /tg/?

user if you want to get out of it just play dumb and say retarded things like "Well he must be guilty or why would we be here?" and you'll get dismissed.

2 words
Jury nullification

Try to get on a jury. It might be a firearms violation or tax evasion or some other bullshit.

If you have advanced degrees in STEM, they will release you from the jury pool immediately. Otherwise, tell them you are alt-right or left libertarian. Lawyers hate both of these groups because they are hard to trick into returning the verdict they want.

>be called to jury duty every two years (eight times so far)
>jury duty is for two weeks, so i get put on two cases every time (over in a week)
>it's always an aborigine being accused of raping his daughter

I'm sick of my civic duty, and fucking hell the amount of retardation on every jury panel completely evaporated my faith and trust in humanity. These people have the power to put you in prison, and most of them are completely insane.

If it's a drug case, make the prosecution prove the legitimacy of the law under the Constitution (Article 1, Section 8 delineates what Congress can pass laws regarding; so it'd either be there or in an amendment. Don't accept "because it's the law" [you're questioning the legitimacy thereof], or "Tradition!"* as answers.)

Argue for Jury Nullification no matter the crime if they are guilty. Be an anarchist.

I fucking dream of the day I could Jury Nullify a Costa Rican banana prosecution. My one and only chance to send the most powerful human force in world history packing.
>prosecute your own fucking citizens for some obscure foreign law.

you should just do your civic duty. or drag it on as long as possible, while sucking as much tax money up as possible. see if you can make them put you jurrers up in some hotel until you come up with a decision. all the while enjoying court paid room service

I got one the moment I turned 18
>barely got my car, haven't even driven downtown yet and not really used to my city
>first thing in the morning sleepy as shit, fucking cold morning temperatures
>40 minutes to get downtown
>have to pay to park near the building like a cuck
>sit around for an hour until they decide to get things started
>wait for two hours until they decide if I'm chosen or not
>literally do nothing but sit, they even allow "lunch breaks" and give you a map of all the restaurants in the area as they're deciding
>if you're not chosen be stuck in traffic and get home in 1 1/2 hours
>if you're chosen you're a fuccboi and essentially get to do it all over again

12 angry men that shit

I work on contract hourly. $50/hr. I value my free time much higher than $12.50/day as a result.

Be the hero OP, you could be the one to save an innocent man from some roasty's rape accusations.

If you are any type of professional, who knows shit about any type of shit, you will not be selected.

If you serve currently or have served honorably in the military you will not be selected. For far too many sailors and soldiers, it isn't true, but the thought is that we have an actual understanding of a constitutional court, due process, and your Common Law right as a juror to stand in judgement of the law as well as the alleged lawbreaker.

If you hold serious moral convictions and speak honestly about those deeply held beliefs, you will not be selected.

Good luck, OP! Fuck something up!

If you want to get out of being picked and scream you hate niggers or something do they put you on a list somewhere?

This is the only good time to show your power level early and often.

i'm a freelancer too, and i get paid more than that
i also "value my time"
but i also value interesting life experiences

Fucking this

Tell them you intend to nullify. They’ll kick your ass out so fast it won’t be funny.

You might even be on trial next.

I hear you, user. I have to report to jury duty two weeks from today, and it's inconvenient as hell from a work perspective

I did once know a military member who served on a jury, yet he was so blatantly fucktarded you could hear and feel the wind as it whistled through his ears. I bet neither lawyer objected to his presence as they felt he'd get lost in the proceedings and vote with the crowd. I really should have stranded that fucker in the middle of the desert.

they will tell u what the case is about and ask you questions in the actual room. for example if its a DUI case just say u have strong feelings about it cuz your close friend was ina dui(make something up or if u have a friend who was involved even better) and make it sound like u cant make an unbiased decision.

Where you at, user? You might be with me lol

You're not allowed to talk about the trial with the other guys on the jury or even watch the news about it etc.

youtube.com/watch?v=JChJz4k3oNE

Just tell them that you hate niggers

Cant you guys turn down that?

>burger fags from Sup Forums get jury duties

Fuck this world. America is lost kek.

Being charged with truancy and figuring out that it was a civil law and not a criminal one was bretty interesting to me as a young man. I argued that I wouldn't finish school anyways, and had my mom agree to pull me out of school. As long as we could prove homeschooling, there was nothing for the prosecution to prosecute. The superintendent was a dick and didn't let take a GED until my class graduated though. Same guy put me on the student city council out of 300+ elementary students not even 7 years before. Even had me over to his house during school hours once to talk about it and ate dinner at KFC. Wasn't molested btw. Did get a cool shirt and to sit in some city meetings though, 8.5/10 experience.

Did it once. Got bad headaches. Next time a summons came, wrote on it I had IBS and need frequent bathroom breaks.

do what i do.

if he/she is white and seems like a decent person
>innocent no matter what
if he/she is black/jewish/mexican
>guilty no matter what

if you're hard headed enough, they will let the nigs life get ruined just because they want to go home

There is no making it fun.
You show up, you prove you're not an idiot (they want the dumbest, most impressionable people possible for juries), then go home cuz you're not qualified.

Guy I used to work with told them he was an alcoholic and they told him to go home

Don’t forget to teach your fellow jurors about “jury nullification”. Just don’t tell the judge or attorneys; they hate it

they only want stupid people who believe the dindunuffins

My 1st time: I answered every question without interest. I clearly didn't want to be there. I dressed normally. This is exactly the goy (((they))) want to pick because you can be easily swayed, so they picked me.

My 2nd time: I didn't shave, I barely slept, and I wore a bright Disney t-shirt with cargo shorts. I "acted" really autistic as well. They didn't pick me.

Use this knowledge wisely.

>I was merely acting

The non-white is always guilt

Answer the interview questions truthfully and I'm sure you'll be removed from the juror pool immediately

Just say you hate whatever race the defendant is. Immediate dismissal. Racism is not illegal

>Racism is not illegal
Wrong. They can hold you in (((contempt of court))) and fine you or put you in jail. It's bullshit, I know.

>i don't know why some people bitch about doing it

Not everyone likes being a slave.

>Hurr, muh civic duty!

>Civic duty

Cuck.

ezpz way to get out of jury duty is to refuse to take any oaths that require you to "consider only the facts as they apply to the law"

They're basically trying to trick you into voluntarily waiving your right to jury nullification. Refuse to do that and either the prosecutor or the judge will dismiss you in a heartbeat.

DISCLAIMER: Hardass judges may try to intimidate you into doing it anyway and it may not be worth the headache

Path of least resistance to getting out of jury duty: If you're ever asked if you get compensated for Jury duty by your employer, say you don't. You get put on the bottom of the list and will likely be let go before you enter jury selection.

Vermont. The chance of it being an exciting, high profile case is pretty much zero

Fuck up moortugal you’re responsible for brazil

youtube.com/watch?v=uqH_Y1TupoQ

how does one get kicked out?

Try to get on the jury ofc.
How do you avoid that? Pick up newspaper or friends talk about it and words get to you. Walk by a shop with tv on...? on the subway with the news on?

Is it possible to never get called for jury duty? I’m 31 and never ever gotten any sort of summons to serve as a juror.

they typically pick it up off of voting registration. so if you don't vote, you won't get picked

Yeah, if it's a big case you're not supposed to expose yourself to the news. It's typically accepted that you're going to say at least a little bit to your family, and so your family can censor the news for you to make sure you only read or watch things that aren't to do with the trial. That's mainly for bigger stuff that would actually make it in to the news, though. Most trials are small stuff.