Bitches prefers Mac, and here's why:

Alright Sup Forums, 2 years ago I ended my relationship with my ex and literally became a isolated NEET, shitposting on Sup Forums all day and night, barely getting passing grades on university, didn't even kiss any girl all that years.
A year ago I made the best decision in my life, and bought a 15 inch Retina MacBook Pro®. That's when my life started changing.
With the Mac I really got into iOS development, it's really fun and easy, I started learning Swift and it's simply great, everything just works, and my self-steem started increasing exponentially.

One day, I was at StarBucks developing an iOS App, and a qt girl talked to me. She asked "are you gay"? I said "no". Then we kissed.
The next week I met with her at the mall and we watched Mowgli, it was really fun, I kissed her at the end.
Then she said she's studying to enter a CS university, her dream is to become a game developer. That moment I realized I finally found the woman of my life, she's my 3D waifu, and she's the girl I want to pregnate.

All of that thanks to Apple's great piece of engendering, the MacBook® really changed my life. Thanks Apple!

Is this a new pasta?

No.

2 poos have been deposited in your loo.

Now this is some quality bait!

10/10, would read again

Thinkpad user here, I can confirm the backdoor is real.

Apple really won, it's all over Sup Forums.

delete this

You're only a youngster on the path to technologic transcendence. I, on the other hand, have become a grand master after 30 years of devotion: women spontaneously fall on the ground, shivering and moaning, when they witness my Gentoo install.

Welp, most people spontaneously fall on the ground, shiver and moan in pain when they see Gentoo..

Haha what a moron!
You didn't have to waste so much money and time on that macbook and learning swift if you wanted women. All you had to do, was install arch linux and rice it up. Even 10/10s can't resist that!

Hmm.. perhaps

No, that's ridiculous!
Let me name a few quotes, after 10/10 hot as a thousand suns women see my installation, and stare.
"Oh wizh4x, you make me so wet and aroused, won't you compile-time optimize me?"
"Your computer is sooo configurable, *bites lip*, will you emerge me?"
"Root! Root! Escalate me! Root!"
"Dispatch your config inside of me, I will merge."
"I don't know your make.conf, but you USE="magic" on me!"

Hey everyone, let me tell you why Apple™ and its MacBook® brand of computers are the best. I cannot stop you from having a differing opinion, since it is perfectly legal to be wrong. But I can tell you what happened to me.

I was still a virgin at the age of 56, and I used Windows. I was overweight, ugly, smelled bad, my clothes were dirty, and I had an Android phone too. No one wanted to have a relationship with me, I had no friends, and my family disowned me. There were several job interviews that I went to that went no where, since they asked me to demo my skills, and I would pull out a Thinkpad instead of an Apple™ MacBook®. It was tough being an unemployed loser, but that all was about to change.

On a cold Saturday night, I was trying to get some sleep, but the newspapers I was covering myself with had gotten wet in the rain, and the park bench was very old and broken, and some of the wood was digging into my body. As I alternately dozed off and woke up in discomfort, I had a dream. The dream that was to change my entire life.

In the dream, I was sitting down and feeling quite blue, when the ghost of Steve Jobs® came to me, and poked me in the back. "You were meant for more than this, old man", he said to me. "What are you talking about, Steve®?" I replied. He sat down next to me, looked me in the eye, and said "This. All of this. The virginity. The homelessness. The jo- I mean the careerlessness. The android phone. You deserve so much better."

"But what am I supposed to, Jobs™? I cannot get work, and therefore I cannot buy superior hardware to improve my lifestyle."

"Sin now," said the man, "and repent later." He gave me one final hard poke in the back, the took out a pair of cymbals. "You have my blessings. Go!" And then he clapped the cymbals together, hard.

I woke up to the peal of thunder, as the rain intensified above me. Rubbing my sore back, I knew what I had to do.

I picked up a brick with rounded edges, and walked in the heavy rain towards the nearby Apple™ Store®. Heaven above forgive me for what I am about to do, but I was going to change my life for the better.

The glass of the Apple™ Store® was smashed, I dashed in, picked up the first two unsecured packages that I could find, then I dashed out. They had security cameras? I had Steve Jobs® blessing, and hopefully his protection too.

I ran. Oh Steve, how I ran! I ran for what seemed like an eternity. I ran until I was exhausted, and could run no more. Barely breathing, I stopped and hid in dark alley. After resting for a while, I peeked out to see if the alarm had been raised, or if the police had been summoned. But no, there was only the rain, and the thunder. A hundred yards back, I could still see the Apple™ Store® that I had burgled, with a large jagged hole in the glass. I was safe. The packages were in my hands. The deed was done.

Come morning, I went to a mall, and sold my Thinkpad ($35, nice resale value, when compared to Apple™ MacBook®) and my Android. In the two packages that I had pirated from the Apple™ Store®, I had found a Macbook® and an iPhone. I bought a razor, and soap, but I saved the remainder of the $$$, and pirated a new shirt and jeans.

I shaved. I bathed. I put on the new clothes. I put the iPhone in my pocket, and I felt 20lbs lighter. I _looked_ 20lbs lighter. I remember reading on a tumblr blog that obesity is a social construct, and that I had laughed when I read it. Now I had the evidence that it is true.

Now Sup Forums, you may now believe me, but that day my life changed. It was like a rebirth, or a reincarnation. I had walked into the mall a decrepit, fat, smelly, neckbearded Windows user, and walked out a manly, macho stud. I looked better, I smelled better, I was more confident than I had ever been when I had had an Android phone, and I felt GREAT! Noticing a Starbucks nearby, I felt drawn to it. I headed there.

At Starbucks, I ordered a latte. Sitting down at a table, I took out my Apple™ MacBook®, and nearly cried. The intuitiveness, Sup Forums, the creativeness, the sheer bliss of a unified ecosystem! My God! Where was all this all my life? I started reading about programming, and how to develop apps for the iPhone using Apple's Swift. It was... it was just great, Sup Forums. It was the best day of my life.

The waitress came with my latte. She was a real qt. I knew I looked attractive when she asked me: "Are you a homosexual?" I smiled at her, and replied "No, not at all. And even if I was, that would have changed after meeting you." She laughed. I laughed. We talked. We kissed. We went home (her place, I had no place) that night.

Turns out that she was studying to get into Computer Science, and that she aspired to be a game developer. We have a loving relationship now, and I know I want to marry her, because I want no one else to carry my babies.

These days, I make iOS apps for a living, while enjoying life with my beautiful SO. When I think back on the Windows-using loser that I was once, I feel sad at my wasted years. I am proud of myself, and my success. In just 1 week, I made enough $$$ from my iOS apps that I could go back to the Apple™ Store® that I had burgled, and I fixed the broken glass, and paid for the items that I had pirated from them.

It is now time, Sup Forums, time to be mature, to be successful, to be attractive. Ditch the Windows machine you have, and the Android. Hop on over to the magical side. It does not matter how ugly or fat you are now... with Apple™, you can have a new lifestyle! Be the person you have always wanted to be!

Thanks to Apple's great piece of engineering, the MacBook® really changed my life. Thanks Apple!

>x220
>throttling CPU
Nigger stop posting bait.
I've been using Gentoo for years on an x220 and not even after a 10 hour compiling session during a full reinstall has it ever throttled itself from the 3.2GHz turbo or reached temperatures of over 85°C

I have a friend that fell for the apple gets you pussy meme. still just as beta as ever

Can't believe you still post on this board.

Can't believe people who know who falcon is still post on this board

Over the top, but a nice read.

>Can't believe you still shitpost on this board.
Here user I fixed it for you.

Kek