>1
>2
>3 4
Gets me every time.
Tech illiterate people stories thread
paste it
u asked for it senpai
everytime
thanks
>open the command prompt at school
>normies think i'm hacking
>they tell the teacher
>i get suspended and lectured that hacking is illegal
that was in 7th grade.
in 8th grade, i used a batch file to delete system32 on every computer in the lab and never got caught
...
NO
Shit love lives. Where is Maki?
...
I'm a volunteer basic computer skills tutor. Need I say more?
Just figuring out how highlighting, cutting and pasting text is a headache.
Bruh, how old are you?
Why?
i will never get it
You sound like you're a baby boomer who hasn't touched a PC in forever or something.
...
I meant my student. He has problems with manipulating text.
Why would I be a tutor if I couldn't do that?
...
Oh.
OH.
Damn, that was one hell of a brainfart.
My bad.
>Go help some people in a charity group.
>They recieved a donated computer (an old D530 HP) for simple office tasks but it don't work.
>Ask them why, they tell me it won't start and some weird screen appear.
>Tell them to let me check it, room is full with old people from the board and this cheeky 20-something years old cunt from administration that say "it's broken so it's better to toss it"
>Turn on, BIOS checksum blabla...press F1 to continue and configure settings, set it back and then it boot windows fine.
>People already think i'm some sort of hacker for making it work
>The bitch tell me to turn it off, pull of power cord, connect it again, same error happen.
>"See, you didn't fix it"
>"Ok, just wait a moment", i went to a nearby store, got a CR2032 and came back.
>Open the case (tool-less, easy as hell to dismount), the cunt and the rest start to freak out thinking i'm breaking it.
>Pull out the mobo battery, they are almost chimping out saying i was an asshole and literally "breaking it out of rage"
>Put on the new battery, boot it, reconfigure BIOS, everyone silent because "how the hell does that still work".
>Still enraged, the bitch say that was just the good quality of the pc, pull out the power cord again and reconnect it.
>Nothig happen, it boot right into windows just perfectly
>Rest of people there think now i'm some kind of computer jesus
>See the slut is still salty with a butthurt face
>Say in loud voice "that was simple, each time it powered it cleared the BIOS because the CMOS battery was empty and the system warned you when at post to reconfigure as checksums mistaken it for a corrupted BIOS, it's something common with old computers"
>shit was like talking in chinese to everyone in the room.
>some grandpa that was there watching told her to deal with it as "the kid knows his game".
I don't like to be an asshole, i mean no one know about everything, but those illiterate priggs just trigger me.
>be top hacker of anonymous
>normies still think they know more than me how computers work
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>some grandpa that was there watching told her to deal with it as "the kid knows his game".
I loled.
There's a guy at work who tells people he's a hacker and always has some bat script running so his second monitor looks like a cheap matrix rip off.
He's such a 1337 hacker that he applied for a developer role and got rejected so applied as something else.
I've fixed lots of things for various people and thankfully never ran into such pricks. Usually people roll out the red carpet and completely trust my word on everything.
Which actually makes me more nervous to be wrong.
>Brother's Iphone 6 lolbends
>Cracks the screen, half the touch screen doesn't work all the time
>Brother is able to get into it a few times to do things
>Tell him to stop fucking with it and back it up as soon as he gets home
>He gets home, dad grabs it from his hands
>Starts fucking with it
>"Well, its fucked"
>Tosses it on the ground
>CrackingIntesifies.wav
>Fucks up the touch screen it starts hammering the pin login screen with random combinations
>Bruteforces itself into total lockout mode in less then 2 seconds
>Pretty impressive actually
>It also fucked up the charging port that's been replaced a billion times
>Essentially has a brick that wont unlock unless connected to Itunes
>It can't connect to anything because the port simply doesn't work
I had some hope we could get Apple to replace it for free but not after that.
I'll post again the story when I was at an IT internship
>be me
>work mostly consists of basic stuff, installing software, hardware replacement, etc
>the guy that works with me calls me
>hey user, you'll be dealing with this, this and this
>one of the things was a win7 install onto a laptop alongside with basic software and a paid antivirus (G-data)
>timeskip 2 days
>hey user, this client wants you to go to his home because he has pc problems
>k
>walks there
>may i come in, desu
>yeah come in
>sits in front of laptop trying to figure out stuff
>hey arent u feeling hot user, want to take your shirt off?
>n-no
>client has shit ton of torrent malware sht
>also has 2 new antiviruses
>clean up this shit
>sir you have 3 antiviruses at the moment, imma uninstall 2 of them
>uninstall this one.. it's ugly as all fuck
>but you bought this for 50€ 2 days ago
>its ugly
>...
>stuff done, about to leave
>hey you like this painting?
>yeah its kinda cool (heh... actually i was planning to sell it, but kept it)
>a woman i fucked gave me it, you can take it
>mfw
>k
>goes back to IT shop and show painting
>user wanna leave it at the shop?
>no its my gift gtfo
Seen this story before, original OP? But it had less data
>>hey arent u feeling hot user, want to take your shirt off?
Yeah, I'm the original OP, just wanted to put some more details to this version.
Also pic related is the painting that the client gave me.
Nigga that's gay.
lol i got recommended to the IT guy at my school for something similar in8th grade or so, i explained it to him and we bonded by hating on normies.
good times, we rofl'ed together when i put personalized (and persistent) prank hotkey scripts on all the teachers' machines during the last week of school. he "wasnt available" to help.
I know that feel. People who just seem to click wrong with you and distrust you and fight you every step of the way. Shit sucks.
Try explaining ports and secure connections to these fucks. It's even worse because you'll get "but it is connected to the internet" and you have to explain "yes, but the door it needs to open is locked."
Or trying to explain why their processor could possibly get hot.
>family ask me to fix their phone, pc, tablet, etc
>google the problem they describe to me
>follow instructions on screen
>user, I think you are fixing it wrong
>since you know more then me, then you fix it
>they stay quit
>their phone, pc, tablet is finally fixed
>wow user, you could make money by doing this
>ok then, pay me
>i can't, I need my money for something else
shit painting, but top tier story behind it. would take it to the grave if it were me
>didn't get it for yourselves
why?
>I'm your family, I don't need to pay, silly user*
FTFY
Kek, i dont wonder he gave it to you
nigga that's actually pretty gay
>girl at work hands me her laptop
>''user you're good with computers, fix it?''
>turn it off
>turn it on
>give it back
>''wow user you're a life saver
She wanted your D. You failed user.
She probably left a whole folder of nudes on desktop just so you'd see them. You dun fuck it up m8.
>dad buys a new laptop
>he puts all his programs and documents on a cd
>user this new laptop doesn't work. i can't use anything.
>checked the latptop and saw that the files were missing
>checked the cd and saw that it was all shortcuts
Oh wow.
EVERY FUCKING TIME THIS MAKES ME MAD
>do IT work for country clubs
>some country clubs have us visit their old retired members and help them with their issues
I can write a book with all the stories I have.
>grill flirts with me at school
>tell her I know tech shit
>ask for help about laptop
>says she has no internet
>turns out she had no internet in her house
>she tells me internet is free and all devices work on it
>me like wtf
>tell her internet isn't free
>she loses her mind about internet
>doesn't know how to use basic computer
>ask me for help constantly
>tell her I can't help her anymore
>she flirts more with me for tech help
>asked around for nudies
earlier..
>co-worker made iphone 5 unusable by dropping it on the floor and shattering the screen
>offer her to repair it for 90€ with a self-repair kit which is easier than lego technics
>proceeds to visit the technician and repair it for 160€ due to the warranty won't cover the phone anyway
>co-worker made s6 phone unusable by restarting phone during software update, it started bootlooping
>offer her to repair it via flash
>she starts a new contract to get a s7 phone whilst the s6 is still due for atleast 7 months, then goes to alman abdil and sells it for 150€.. resell value is starting at 300€ on craiglist derivative
>mfw
>my time is worthless
>the post
all she wanted was you dick, not your knowledge
not really tech illiteracy but,
>work with mostly women
>they all have the latest iphones
>omg get an iphone user
>why don't you use an iphone?
>you don't have an iphone? that's so weird
The only acceptable reply:
"iPhones suck, like most all of you..."
Wow, good one! Can I use this??
honestly she was probably just looking for an excuse to trash it and buy a newer machine
I've seen it happen all the time, there was this one bitch in particular at my old company who was stuck on an older machine (like everyone else because the hardware budget was pretty tight) and she was constantly trying to break it without it looking like it was her fault
eventually she figured out that if she wiggled the VGA output around and left it in a certain position it would stop working until you nudged it back
at that point I got fed up and told her she'd trashed the thing, so I set her up with an ancient Dell laptop with 512MB of RAM and a Pentium 4 running XP and repurposed her machine for a new hire
shit ran like a sack of bricks coated in molasses
she complained until I told her that unless she wanted to buy a new machine out of her own pocket then she was stuck with it until we have the budget for a replacement refurb
pretty sure she learned her lesson after that, didn't have any more problems
kek
oh, and by "older machine" I mean a Lenovo Thinkcenter with 4GB RAM and a second-gen i5, not at all a crappy system
>My mother asks me to fix her slow PC.
>scan it
>Find over 9,000 issues
>Ram running at 1/2 speed
>HDD 99% full
>Delete 4 virus software tools
>CPU was running at 85C
>install a hyper 212 I had 31c load
>OC that single core celeron to 3.5ghz
>Shit was actually very fast for what it was.
Ended up making her a i3 system a few years later.
color 0a
:1
@echo off
cls
dir /s
goto 1
Here you go, any script kiddie's wet dream.
>brother
>dad
>imeme 6
this board is 18+ only
Or, you know, just
color 0a
dir /s
Sure but make sure to credit me
I have a very similar story
>~15 years ago
>friend burns a game to a cd to give it to another friend
>tries running it from the cd and it works fine
>brings it over to the other friend
>game doesn't run
>friend calls me to check what's wrong
>he burned the shortcut
is the puddle kill?
Probably fake though
I make them buy me some icecream.
Got similar story:
>7th grade
>to get A in IT classes we all have to bring USB flash drives with simple websites on them
>pc fried so I finish the assignment at my friend's place
>friend is an IT illiterate normie so I make one for him too
>mommy says the tendies are ready so I had to leave without saving the websites on the flash drive
>call him on the phone and ask if he saved them
>yea sure user lol it was easy
>next day he brings the stick
>my turn to show my website
>teacher plugs in the flashdrive
>user why does your website take only 1kb of space
>what
>site won't open
>file has .lnk extension
fucking tendies
You must be 18 years of age or older to use Sup Forums.
>mom iphone is crap switch to samsung
>lol no samsung is cheapie apple da best
>goes to a "tell your stories" thread
>only posts "I have stories"
>"the kid knows his game"
>but user, if you have target fps is above 144, your monitor will have a hard time keeping up!
>he thinks a 144hz monitor can ever render 160fps
>proceeds to """lecture""" me that a 144hz also has "trouble" rendering below 60fps
FUCK NORMIES WITH THEIR ALL ASUS GAMING RIGS. SO FUCKING TRIGGERED
This story is obviously made up.
Android phones don't get OS updates.
>HT Geek Squad Agent
>get a redo on my board for another agent
>his market an hour away from my store
>he approved this with my leadership
>call the guy to see if I can resolve the issue over the phone with him
>no answer
>leave him a message
>call him once a day for the next three days
>no answer to any of my messages
>I have no idea what the fuck the issue even is since he just told the 1-800 number that it's not working and needs another agent out there to fix it now
>drive an hour away to the separate market's store
>get some more details
>he lives two hours away from that store
>drive the two hours
>he's not fucking home
>park outside his fucking house for thirty minutes praying he comes back
>he doesn't
>drive back home
>next day I see his job appear on my board again as a redo
>he complained that I was out there, but didn't fix the problem and made it worse
>They didn't let me even in, and how was I supposed to know there was an issue outside?
>my job board has a six hour along car drive with who knows what; and seven other jobs that will take a minimum of nine hours too
>attempt to call again
>no answer
>speak to leadership and told me other agents will pick up my other jobs throughout the day and I just need to go drive
>get there
>old dude in his 70s
>his issue is inside house...a remote
>it won't work
>he never charged it
>took the power cord out of the wall from the thing's base, because it's a wireless remote
>explain to him that just because it's a wireless remote, doesn't mean it's also powerless
>SO IT NEEDS POWER TO WORK!?
>Yes. I needs power. So like you've been doing by putting the remote in the base here to charge, just leave the power cord in the wall and it'll work.
>SO YOU LIED TO ME
>No, I haven't. And I'm leaving now.
>I want to speak to your manager!
>Call the 1-800 number and they can make him drive up here tomorrow.
>YOU DON'T THINK I WILL
>I hope you do
>He did.
>Manager didn't go
...
tearing
>do tech support for friends
>new asus laptop wont boot
>what_have_you_done.jpg
>her startpage was changed
>she wanted google back
>she found system recovery
>than panic shutdown pc -.-
>great.jpg
>boot with linux usb
>try to read out recovery 4 win key because no sticker/software cd
>doesnt work
>Google laptop
>only win 8.1 driver available
>oh fuck it
>install elementary os with firefox & ublock
>nice work user looks nice and no porn in Internet
>getting grilled cheese for payment
She synks literally everything with google. Pictures, contacts everything -.- . She only needs a fucking Browser and bought a brand new asus laptop..
>actually driving the hour to the other store
>actually driving the two hours to the old guys house
>doing both when you know a trip is distance x 2
>doing it a second time
How much do they pay you?
Do they reimburse you the gas price plus time and stuff?
I got one like this, but replace the 6 hour drive with nightmarish Boston traffic and parking
>woman calls, problem with her computer
>can't get on the internet, ergo can't do it remotely, can't seem to work out the issue with her on the phone
>too late to go out and do it that day, so I set her up for early morning the next day
>call her up to confirm 30 minutes before
>no answer
>whatever, she's pretty old, might still be asleep or something
>drive out to her place
>it's an apartment in Charlestown
>no parking anywhere nearby
>circle for half an hour, finally spot a guy leaving and nab the space (all the while some cunt is honking at me, presumably because he wanted it too)
>walk 15 minutes back to the apartment
>knock
>no answer
>hang out for a bit, knock every few minutes
>call her from my cell, nothing
>fuck it
>head back to base, report
>apparently they've gotten like 10 calls from her
>she says she saw me come into the building but that I never knocked or anything
>verify the number with mine, everything checks out
>she calls again
>wants me to come back
>this time it takes me over an hour to find a parking spot
>probably could've walked there faster
>finally get a spot, walk 15 minutes, etc.
>get to the apartment
>knock
>call
>nothing
>call base
>tell them that if she calls again I'm at the door but nobody is answering
>eventually things are straightened out
>she lets me in
>I explain, she makes me coffee to apologize
>flip the wifi switch on her laptop
>problem solved
>go straight home since it's 9PM
fucking hell, I HATE working with old people
at least she was nice about it, but some of them can get pretty nasty
things that never happened: the post.
I do tech support for a cable company. Can agree old people a shit.
>fucking hell, I HATE working with old people
>do tech support for grandparents
>always clean out shitware
>grandma installs it
>blames my tech illiterate grandpa out of embarrassment
>I know he deosnt do it
>clean out their shitware one day
>clear all system cache options in ccleaner cause fuck it
>it resets the firefox zoom and window location and size
>go there a week later
>actually says to me "weve got a bone to pick with you"
>I don't clean their shit out that much any more.
I'm the only reason those computers even work still.
also nice stories, would be nice to keep them coming so I have something to read tomorrow.
title haxxor
They only paid me 17 an hour. I was one of the lower paid techs, but it was average for newer employees. Everybody else had been there for years and years. One of which was there for over 20.
And it's an hourly job. I was paid for driving there and back in a company car using a company card to pay for it all regardless of getting no work done.
Downtown jobs are awful. I remember having to park several blocks away in a tiny parking spot in my van, had to pull a 70" TV out of it and all my tools slowly not to hit the car right behind it and then wheel that shit to the top of a fucking building to mount it on a wall solo.
Then having to go back for other tools, because it was to be mounted in god damn stone instead of drywall.
>mfw this only lasts 3 seconds on my SSD
oh yeah, forgot to mention -
the second time I got a ticket since I was in reserved parking or some bullshit, even though it was completely unmarked
also this was during the fuckhuge snowstorm we had last year
>I was paid for driving there
Thats better, Ill be able to sleep tonight.
I worked at a shit retail job, they were opening another store in another state and wanted people to go stuck the shelves and set up steel racks and shit, was supose to pay extra money but they wanted to me to drive there in my own car and I think pay for my own gas, but they claimed id be put up in a hotel on them but I really suspected that Id get left with the bill.
Wound up passing on it.
wait, holy shit this must've been 2 years ago, that snowstorm happened in 2014
goddamn
You know a cable company called RCN?
Never underestimate the stupidity of tech illiterate people.
This is why you charge family.
Every single fucking time. $20 minimum. Only exception may be your own mother. This way they know their damn place and uncle Jeff won't bug you every damn time he clicks a fucking banner ad.
If you do good work, and you're cheaper than office depot (who charge $170 for a repair + a year of McAfee), then you're golden.
heard of them, never dealt with them
apparently they're a bit scummy even though they seem to offer decent prices
Holy shit, my boss had to did literally that today. We've been talking to this lady for a few days about her shitty Zoiper quality and she randomly can't receive calls. We tested everything and told her it was probably an internet or port issue, and she wouldn't stop arguing about how yahoo was up.
I'm and I do their billing and cable tech support. They're not too bad. Definitely good prices comparatively. No contracts and no data caps on internet either. People just piss me off because they don't pay their bill, so they get suspended, then complain about the restoral charge on their account.
Then the old fucking people who don't know what unplugging a cable box is. Or the motherfuckers whose TV is on the wrong input, but don't fucking know enough to try the other inputs.
>why their processor could possibly get hot
I just tell them it's such a complex circuit that it's effectively a mini toaster oven, most of the time they get it
In modern computers the windows key is in the bios or some shit.
also nobody, especially a female would say elementary os looks good.
If this story were true she would have freaked the fuck out and demanded you put windows back on there, but because you wiped the fucking drive while fucking up the install the recovery partition was over written. When you then tried to download the windows iso and install it, it would say some shit like "the key used is for the version of windows provided by your computers manufacturer" and not work.
You then download a cracked copy thinking your smart and it works, until the "hacker" that cracked it remotes into the computer and gets her facebook with all of her nudes and then he posts them on Sup Forums. Then when it circulates back to her, she assumes it was you that did it and immediately tells everyone that you're the one that violated her privacy and tried to destroy her life because she was mad that you fucked up her computer.
i fucking hate when retards do that
>its more expensive so its better
should be executed on the spot
>did this shit because Sup Forums recommended it
>they actually stopped cold turkey
It was beautiful. The next day I even overheard one of them complaint about the 50 dollars I asked for to have a look at it.
>Or trying to explain why their processor could possibly get hot.
Whatever you do, dont mention liquid/water cooling
>you watch in horror as grandma pours a grape fanta onto the motherboard
"Like this user?... Wait Why did the computer turn off?... user WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!"
but ElementaryOS is basically bootleg OSX
females would be all over that shit
>ElementaryOS
Fuck Im tired. I read that as Enlightenment.
going to bed now.
>mother has been using computers since 99
>5.25" dual floppy machines that make you run the OS/program off one disk and save to the other
>windows 3.1, 95, 98, 2000, xp, etc
>never touched OSX in her life
>actually works for company that makes OSX software
>one day put OSX on old thinkpad for the hell of it
>let mom try it
>"this looks like a little kid's toy user, is this what my company makes software for?"
>mfw
>since 89*