How do I get the literal smell of shit out of my chair?

How do I get the literal smell of shit out of my chair?

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strawpoll.de/88erf5e
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take the sponges out and wash them
if you cant, throw it away

Febreeze the fuck out of it, put it in the sun for a week. Outside.

Or stop pooping in it.

Soak the chair in garlic. You know have a chair that smells like garlic instead.

Vinegar.

Shower you fucking degenerate.

>leave chair outside
>shit smell is gone
>now smells like cat piss
>covered with bird poo

Are you one of those people who does not wash their butts after going to the bathroom?

Perhaps you can be more hygienic, yes?

Wash or wipe clean? Do you mean using wet wipes or a bidet?
>tfw this is why i take a shit every 4 days

>Do you mean using wet wipes or a bidet?
Yes. And soap too, if convenient/at home.

If a bird shat on your hand, would you wipe that shit off with a dry tissue, and consider your hands clean enough to eat with?

do you eat food from your anus? because i eat food with my hands sometimes and that's a big part of why people clean their hands more thoroughly.

start wiping your ass boy.
if that dont work start showering after pooping.

>How do I get the literal smell of shit out of my chair?

sorry, i'm not the OP. i also wear pants and wipe thoroughly, so i had no idea that this whole thing was a problem for some people.

I guess soap does literally nothing and we should all stop using it right?

what? that's not what i said at all. did you misquote or something?

i said i wash my hands with soap because my hands touch food and stuff. my anus doesn't, which is why people don't put that much effort into cleaning it after every movement.

are you retarded?

Im not OP so I just shower after I take a shit, usually at night.

>If a bird shat on your hand, would you wipe that shit off with a dry tissue, and consider your hands clean enough to eat with?
The problem is I doubt most people have the time and wipes at hand all the time so you really can't blame them but OP either doesn't thoroughly wipe his ass or doesn't shower often.

wet wipes weren't popular for post-shit cleanup until relatively recently when wet wipe manufacturers convinced idiot consumers (i.e. Sup Forums users) that they're not really clean unless they wipe with a dry cloth followed by a wet wipe. it's an environmental mess, too, because a lot of pipes aren't really made to handle wet wipes.

the point is you should be able to get your ass sufficiently clean with dry toilet paper. if you're having trouble cleaning your ass, you might be able to bridge the gap with wet wipes, but you'd definitely be masking a bigger problem

You stop your chair from smelling like shit by showering regularly and wiping thoroughly.

The real issue here is that you must smell like shit in order for the smell to marinate into the chair. Prevention is always better than a cure.

>the point is you should be able to get your ass sufficiently clean with dry toilet paper.
You may change your mind if you try a bidet. You can get much cleaner than just dry-paper-wiping your ass.

Yeh this is the best way of doing it. Poop before shower, every evening/night.
I have a problem that sometimes i have traces of poop in my butthole after pooping, if that makes any sense. No problem if its a solid brick movement, you dont even need to wipe if you get one of those. But if its a loose bastard i feel the poop traces in my butthole and just have to shower.

Poo in loo

you're not understanding what "sufficient" means.

Use a fucking bidet and then dry your ass, you fucking savages.

Your POV/reference of what is "sufficient" is different from mine.

okay, but that's totally different from what you said earlier, and my definition of sufficient is "not staining my underwear and not smelling like shit".

you might consider some higher bar to be the bare minimum, and that's fine, but the OP clearly needs help getting to what i consider sufficient, since he's leaving a shit smell in his chair. so before you insist that he install a bidet and all this retarded additional shit, maybe he should work on just wiping his ass properly.

Have you considered not shiting in your chair?

Let's not get crazy now.

>that's totally different from what you said earlier
You are right. I apologize. Please let me rephrase to include both notes:

You may currently believe that dry-wiping is sufficient. I do not. I would say that if you tried using a bidet, you would also change your mind, since your will experience a new level of cleanliness/hygiene that makes your previous experience seem insufficient by comparison.

>before you insist that he install a bidet, maybe he should work on just wiping his ass properly
I doubt that OP is going to the toilet, then walking out without attempting to clean himself at all. I am making a reasonable assumption: That OP is already using toilet paper, but it is currently not enough.

>I doubt that OP is going to the toilet, then walking out without attempting to clean himself at all. I am making a reasonable assumption: That OP is already using toilet paper, but it is currently not enough.
but the whole point is that he could wipe with dry toiler paper and get his ass clean enough that he wouldn't be leaving shit smells in his chair. it's unnecessary to do more than that. once he's gotten these basics down, he might bother to go further and try wet wipes, but he's missing the basics.

this is like someone telling us he's peeing a little bit every few minutes throughout the day and he needs a more absorbent towel, and all of us actually giving him towel suggestions. he needs to learn to control his bladder. this is stuff a child should have learned, but he hasn't and now, because mods won't delete shit threads like this, we have to do it.

fire........
I should know , that's my chair.
burn it.

I want to add something that is gross, even by Sup Forums standards: I heard that some people (Burgeristani, to be specific) are obese enough that they cannot actually reach around to wipe. If OP is of the "my BMI is the same as my father's age" variety, a bidet would be much easier than trying to wipe with toilet paper.

>he's missing the basics
How? HOW? We are talking about someone wiping his own butt. This is not a difficult skill that requires years of learning and experience to master. Even if he is an orphan who grew up in the jungle, how long would it take to learn to butt-wipe-till-clean once he is re-introduced to civilization?

LUL at this thread.

>How? HOW?
Sup Forums in a nutshell.

But... but how? How can a man face difficulty in wiping his own butt? How? From where comes the difficulty?

i assume he had some social disorder that made it difficult for his parents to talk to him, and they wiped his ass for him growing up but never really managed to explain to him that he needs to wipe several times until there's no residue left.

this is like the difference between bunching your toilet paper and folding it. i suspect that if your parents were somewhat strict (like mine were), then you would've been taught to fold your toilet paper. or maybe you'd rebel and bunch. i don't fucking know. the point is that this is all learned, or if your parents are negligent then not learned.

>vivid imagery of Sup Forums taking a shit
I'm not going to sleep for a week.

>liking your ass licked out

Literally how gay are you mudslimes? fucking degenerate

>equating washing your ass with water with having it licked out
literally how gay, indeed

How the fuck did you even accomplish that?

you forgot your trip fail con

go lick out more little boys asses at the local asylum seeker camp you filthy cockroach

someone sure is obsessed with licking male asses

Ponder on the thought that it's a chair and not a fucking toilet.

Then go buy another one because its ruined

>bidets and wet wipes are for muslim child rapists
My fucking sides.

Have you noticed people avoiding you?

Use more toilet paper.

go and shower, pajeet

Might as well make a poll.
>strawpoll.de/88erf5e

>posting drawing of young underage boy

roflmfao get a load of this kiddy fiddler I bet you're not allowed within 500 metres of any schools or playgrounds.

you're not fooling anyone, fail con

Good threda

Interesting..

>)

>take a shit
>blast your ass with bidet
>wipe it
>so much moisness
>the condensation takes hold of my balls
>dew drops on my balls
>fresh af
>return to chair
>the moistness it still present
>the sweat/heat starts to boil between my asscheeks
>the shit-vapor transfers through my pantaloons to the chair
>the musky scent after 4 hours of continuous sitting

You clearly didn't wipe enough

>pantaloons
hahahahahhahaha
h
a
hah

ah
a
h
a

Should i wrap my hairy balls in a towel after taking a shit?

Would a warm towel be enough or do i have to use a hairdryer?

Christ is there a waterfall or something dripping down your ass? Just wipe more, or wipe better, or maybe lose a few hundred pounds, I dunno man

Sufficient in this context is wiping well enough so the chair doesn't smell

>muslim child rapists
Why the repetition?

Basically yes

My shits are usually tricky and sticky and the amount of pressure the bidet provides is barely enough so the amount of water wasted on my ass transfers automatically to my balls and thighs

The amount of paper on the toilet roll won't be enough to cover all of the areas of my ass

So i ask again
>Warm towel or hair dryer?

you have dietary problems dude. you should sort that out rather than worry about towel prep.

>mfw I've actually used a hair dryer to dry my ass
>I thoroughly cleaned myself and dried myself with a blow dryer after I fisted myself
>it fucking works

My current busy life doesn't allow me to eat normally, so i eat whatever i can get fast

Instead of solving dietary problems let's solve the moisture problem of my ass

>My current busy life doesn't allow me to eat normally, so i eat whatever i can get fast
sure, tell us about how shit dribbles out of your anus as fast as your fast paced lifestyle.

I shit three times a day atleast
Although i wipe good, the stink from the sweat amplifies the scent of shit aswell

Or is it just mold?

Thanks

I probably will take a blow dryer to work with me
Is a normal hairdryer ok or does it have to be something special?

can you tell us about this diarrhea–paced lifestyle you lead that prevents you from eating shit all day long?

I basically work ~16 hours on guard duty on behalf of military, although they supply ok-ish foods there but i'm never around to eat these foods so they provide me vouchers for foods i can pick up at certain places

So micky-d's and burgur king's are my choice to go because it takes me less than 5 minutes

Tomato sauce.

Buy a comfortable Steelcase chair that won't absorb your farts like I did. Most comfortable chair on the market.

>now you can't differentiate between rust and shit

what a deal

>steel
>Most comfortable chair on the market.
You must have a bath-tub's worth of lard cushioning your ass bones.

What? Is this English?

Padding just compresses your soft tissues in uncomfortable ways. Same principle applies to bike saddles: any serious rider buys something with as little padding as possible and lets their sit bones adjust rather than padding for short-term comfort.

The chair I posted has just enough give in the sitting surface to be supremely comfortable while allowing your sitbones to do their thing without extra compression fucking things up.

>bidet
I can't be the only one who doesn't get this. I tried one when I was staying at a friends house (he had no toilet paper either so I had to use it) and it just feels like instead of wiping it off and leaving it in the bowl, now I am just spraying it all over my backside. Literal poop water splashing everywhere. It's like when the water from the bowl splashes back up at you, you just feel germs all over you. Dry wiping / wet wipes is the cleanest way (barring a full shower after a shit which is what I do but that's easy since I only poop once a day or so in the evening and I'd shower then anyway)