You come home to this

>you come home to this

What do?

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nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2016/04/28/suspect-who-wont-decrypt-hard-drives-jailed-indefinitely/
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Laugh at my neighbour and celebrate that finally the stench of week old piss bottles from next door will go away.

360 turn to airport.
live in china for the rest of my days

Run back to your car like a wet pussy!!!

i dont own cpus
id ask them where they found those cpus they are carrying

Turn around 360 Degrees and walk away.

Realise I am using terrible old dell hardware and an hero immediately.

Fucking CIA niggers, put my stuff back right now!

Kek

Attack. No FBI in my country.

Assuming it was my countries I'd just be pretty mad they're taking my shit. I don't do anything illegal so there's no worry. I have read a lot of the time even when you're found to have done nothing wrong ever you have trouble getting your shit back which is fucked.

AM I BEING DETAINED?

Flee the country.

>What do?

Nothing. I keep all my drives encrypted in case my computers are stolen. Given the amount of financial and personally identifiable information people tend to keep on their computers, full-volume encryption should be standard practice to subvert damages from theft.

As for the FBI, they're perfectly welcome to waste its time and resources trying to brute-force my decryption keys, only to find there's no incriminating content on my computers to begin with. Just don't forward me the bill.

i do this too but i keep encryption key written in a notebook somewhere in the house
i assume fbi would find that too
or would they? idk how they operate no fbi in my country

Become an hero.

please be bait

Laugh as they drop the PCs and get to the ground because the battery backed timed popcorn machines inside the PCs are going off.

Then ask them for a warrant because I have done nothing and get a nice paycheck from the FBI for new hardware because they fucked up.

>put on my fbi jacket
>hop into car once they finished putting everything inside
>drive away

Kys

Ask for their Warent and then laugh my ass off as they find nothing even remotely illegal and lose their case

Greet my colleag-

I mean, go oh noes!

Turn the fuck around and make my way to the airport.

There may still be enough time to flee the country.

Yeah they're not gonna spend time, effort and money on brute forcing when they could drug you and hit you with a lead pipe until you tell them your password is R4inB0wDasH13

Call the cops. FBI has no authority in my country

Time to hunt some FBI niggers

Call the cops. FBI have no jurisdiction in my country.

This

hope they like animated horse porn. Cause they're the proud owners of several tb of it now.

Wonder why they're carrying two computers when I only have one computer in my house

"OK guys, just put the towers in the living room, I'll take care of the rest."

Wow, those guys from "Find, Buy & Indulge" are really so much better than amazon. I'll give them a good customer review.

You've been framed.

They monitor everyone and have backdoors everywhere, if they say you have CP it no longer matters if you do or don't.

First mistake is they unplugged every thing
All my drives are encrypted
>good luck

and to everyone saying
>dey just going to hit u till you tell them the password

That is why the very first thing I would do is inform as many people as possible that the FBI
took my computers and possibly me into custody.

As much as everyone here thinks the FBI is going to torture me, it becomes increasingly
hard to do when everyone knows that the last people to see me were the FBI

also
>implying I have anything illegal on my laptops
>not securing your digital life

They can hold you indefinitely until you give them your passwords, so enjoy rotting away for the rest of your life either way.

nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2016/04/28/suspect-who-wont-decrypt-hard-drives-jailed-indefinitely/

open fire

I'm not hillary clinton or one of their corrupt partners

That sure would be unfortunate.

Remind myself that Clinton will be prosecuted and that leaving the country will help prevent me from committing suicide via two shots to the back of the head.

kek

How much u get paid to shitpost on /pol, Sup Forums and /x/?

It's
>turn around 360 degrees and moonwalk away
You goddamn casuals

...

>>/f/acebook
>>/t/umblr

Scream "AMERICANS ARE ROBBING MY HOUSE" so the whole neighborhood can take out their AK's and shoot Amerifats who are fucking around in the wrong country.

>FBI have no jurisdiction in my country.

lmao, yeah dude, the US can't get you bud

kek

Laugh because they grabbed the wrong one as my real computer is in the hidden room

>not knowing how to link boards properly

reddit detected

Get elected president.

Onii-chan, you've been downloading unlicensed anime that no western anime businesses have bought the rights to yet!

You should be paying upwards of $100 to import the Japanese Blu-ray releases that only contain three episodes per disc.

Try and stop me, Japanese FBI imouto

Laugh at them because they're unable to lift the damn thing up
My pc is a little heavy

That's so cool. I need one, but first i need a house.

...

Too bad. The have pretty good pub grub.

any encryption suites out there with duress passwords?

It's usually not worth the effort or legal fees to fight for getting the hardware back.

>battery packed timed popcorn machines
kek

>THEY TOOK MY JOB

>disks are fully encrytped with a 128 character randomly generated password
>dd if=/dev/random of=/dev/sdx before OS was evem installed
>encrypted usb stick that contained passwords to encrypted disks "disappeared"

Good luck with that, FBI.

>PC boot screen looks like it's infected with crypolocker
>PC set to nuke itself if encryption password is entered incorrectly

>>dd if=/dev/random of=/dev/sdx before OS was evem installed

This guy knows his shit

>female body inspectors
Why pictures of female bodies on my computers are of such interests to them?

>"How do you do, fellow agents?"

360 turn would make you stay at the same position

There's a fucking protocol where somehow all my internet history was leaked and they found that time when i watched Cheese Pizza and later i dissapear from the internet and the world for about two years and i destroy fucking everything and that copypasta with green arrows, and such.

>Dell desktops

Laugh hard at my neighbor's shitty computers

I'd do a 720

Config a nuke key, write the key in a post-it, save the post-it in a drawer, w8 until they insert the key in the bootloader, laugh

you

Am I free to go?

I am a sovereign citizen. You have no authority. Desist at once. I am a sovereign citizen. [repeating intensifies]

"thank god they didn't take away my pissbottles"

and you call your country a democracy

what happens if you are in jail so long you forget your passwords?

You will never get out.

but if you don't have any recollection of the thing you were put into jail for in the first place, how can they keep you in for information you don't have? this sounds like an abuse of power and goes against the spirit of the law.

welcome to the United States

most [politically educated] people don't, anymore. the rest vote for candidate H or candidate D of the same system.

Pic related

me on the left

No, CIA is the one that beats the information out of you.
FBI just shoots you.
NSA doesn't need the password, since they already know everything you have on your hard drive.

>NSA doesn't need the password, since they already know everything you have on your hard drive.

Fear of shit like this happening is why I have two icy docks in my machine. Whenever I leave home, I pop out the drives and take them with me.

Keep driving
Empty my bank accounts
Make a new life in Vietnam

Actually fuck that
I don't have anything that would get me more than a few years anyway
I'll just take the prison sentence and spend all my time eating and learning for free

I only like bbw milf and granny porn, so I know I'm OK.

Just write the encryption key down in a way that only you can decode.

So if your key is
Niggers&Jews

Write down
Dindu&GreatestAlly

>Dindu&GreatestAlly
>GreatestAlly
>Greatest
>Ally

Yeah, right...
youtu.be/JzanpnJwd1A

That's why you just get a check worth several times the hardware

All my important stuff is on my laptop which is full disk encrypted and I usually have with me most of the time.

However I have a desktop hooked up to my TV with an external 4TB where I keep all my movies, unencrypted. They could probably throw me away in the slammer for 2000 years for all those movies alone.

Thank God for VPN's though.

laugh because they didn't get the drive taped inside the air vents

i'd turn 360 degrees and walk away

...

*starts the van*

You can be quite certain they would clone the drives before trying that. Something unclonable would need to be involved.

A smartcard, I suppose? A java card with effaceable storage programmed to securely store a key and a duress password. Bootloader talks to card, sends it the password which has been entered. Card responds either with the key if the password was correct, an error if it was wrong, or silently erase the key if it was the duress password.

Actually it would be best if it rejected the duress password twice and on the third attempt said "Too many failed attempts, wiping". That gives you a plausible reason for the setup, deniability, and also saves you if you screw up and type the duress PW yourself.

Call Harvey Specter

...

My encryption key consists of a specific pattern of numbers combined with letters from the titles of the books I own on my bookshelf. I designed an algorithm to choose them. I have no kids and my wife doesn't read so they won't get messed up, and I sure as hell don't know it by heart. Anyone comes to my house I rearrange my books and its lost for good.

Pretty neat I think

Oh hi honey, I was bored so I alphabetised your bookcase. Enjoy!

Yeah, that's a good story to tell the cops, while actually knowing your password.