Tech illiterate people stories thread

>"hey man"
>"as you know computers more than me.""
>here we go again
>"you think"
>"watching tv over computer"
>?
>"affect my"
>"megabytes?"
not even mad

He asks you if his poorly compressed videostreams take up that much bandwidth that the whole data cap would vanish in one night.

>"hello computer is of frying"
>what
>"it fire"
>"bugarooni pasta"
>¿¿¿
>"oh ok"

>"AAAAAAAAAAA"
>AAAAAAAAA
>"AAAAAAAA"
>AAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAA

At least he's not literally illiterate like you.

...

apology for poor english

when were you when computer dies?

i was sat at home eating curry when pajeet ring

‘computer is kill’

‘no’

here's one that happen few minutes ago
>"did you text my little sister ask for nude"
>"no I used whatsapp not text"
>"she is 12. i'm calling the cops you fucking rapist"
fucking tech illiterate people

>get call
>"jes of friending, can you solve?"
>the fuck
>he wants to take cooling off his computer and make food on it

>when you wake up and have no (You)s on any of the 3 machines you post from

you were so close to the quads friend

desu wasn't even going for it, but thanks for the (You)

>bugarooni pasta
>mfw

kek smiles upon you and grants a gift

...

>me be
>ring papa
>"fixing my computer!!!"
>pls no.jpg
>I turned it off
>?!
>okay

kek amirite?

>Be a day trader.
>Made nearly 300k a year working from home
>Neighbour knocks on my door in the middle of my trading day
>HAI, U NO COMBUDERS RITE?
>Uhh, yes, i guess, why?
>DIS IS MAI 2 VRENDS, DEY HAB COMBUDER PROBDEMS
>Old couple looking at me blankly
>Uhh ok... i'm quite busy right now, but uhh what seems to be the problem
>OH I WAS WUNDERINK IF I GUD BRINK MY COMPUDER TO YOU TO HAD A LUK AD IT ITS ACTING SLOW
>Uh... i'm not really in that line of work
>BUD U NO COMPUTERS RITE?
>Listen, I'm really very busy, you should try a computer repair shop
>OH U CANT HELB OUD A NAYBURR? M-Kay...
>I have no idea who these good people are, but no, I work form home so please respect that i'm in the middle of my work day
>OH OHKAY SARRY.

Fucking twats.

>i need to mount a sql server database backup on my laptop what do i need to install?
this, yesterday.

What accent is that supposed to be

>norally hashoped prementen capinbloude brousness
>gestagm deress expelianties matery chanly avocks inforn
>gishaving sothed wrigate syncess bertraturn troupembates
>convers
>blipmeramming lantens snompted resistaredine elialityphott codisaucked
>bordions asphon bricompts haustented trammens snappe prously vulnuthes somebart broonion scincizes logreedominary jamaniorting hoodmastic
>"pagentlers"

>mfw

Retard speak

Whatever accent you have, fucking poo-in-loo

If you don't mind me asking, how'd you get started with day trading? Like how much money did you start out with, any tips or anything?

>Like how much money did you start out with, any tips or anything?
>>/biz/

>Dispatcher for a small Cable TV contractor.
>It's pretty dark here, if you know what I mean.
>They constantly run into problems with our ICOMS web system.
>"I can't get this crap to load! This computer is BROKEN"
>I know that if I don't solve their shit they'll just sit on their phones all day and complain while the rest of us do all the work.
>I know she probably fucked up one of the web instructions in order to log in.
>Clear her browsing history.
>Everything works.
>"This website is showing me a weird screen i've never seen before!"
>clear browsing history.
>"My database window isn't popping up"
>Clear browsing history.
over and over again. This is my life.

Other common problems include Monitors that need to be rebooted to work, adjusting screen resolution, and educating others on how to Copy+Paste

Manditory

thanks for the share

Never seen it before?
Here's part 2 then.

I didn't realize everyone in IT did the same shit as me.

...

>Working technical support for large enterprise software company
>Open new ticket
>"I can't see the side bar any more and I can't figure out how to get it back. We've restarted the servers, but it's just not showing up."
>Call customer, start webex
>Can you please move your cursor to the left side of the browser, click and drag to the right please?
>Problem solved, ticket closed

And that guy was probably making $80k+.

Fag

>"hey man I want a good smartphone"
>buys an android phone

AAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA yourself

Nice

...

>accent

God damnit

I love my motherboard.

...

what

One time I got a call saying that one of her applications wasn't working, so I went and remote into her computer. It turns out that said application was just an Internet Explorer shortcut on her desktop with the wrong url. I simply changed it and she was so amazed like I did a magic trick or some shit.

She didn't sound like an elderly person, how could someone be that computer illiterate in this day and age?

It must be uncomfortable to write on your dick for a album cover. Did someone else do it for him?

Fuck

The ending was heart warming but the whole thing really made me cringe

I don't get it, there are only 2 legit results when googling "bugarooni pasta" and one is from this fucking thread.

What even.

trips don't lie

>trips
hello, newfriend!

My girlfriend is the fucking worst. I have a ton of stories about her but this is the most recent one.
>girlfriend has iPhone 5s
>"honey my notifications are broken I need a new iPhone"
>what you mean? Speakers broken?
>"no, I just don't get a sound when you send a text
>gives me her phone
>do not disturb is on
>turn it off, send a text. It dings
>"omg thanks honey! You're the best"
I'm actually not sure if she's seriously that stupid or if she does this shit on purpose to get extra attention from me.

>I've been working on this project for weeks, I set up a SQLite DB and started looking into flask. Can't get html, Ajax and autolab tango
>The installation step by step isn't clear enough.
>Documentation showing multiple examples got my dick stuck in a ceiling fan

Spent 3 separate days, 2hrs each on the project & got get everything set up and working just missing a script to interface the flash server with the tango server

>My girlfriend is the fucking worst. I have a ton of stories about her but this is the most recent one.
>>girlfriend has iPhone 5s
>>"honey my notifications are broken I need a new iPhone"
>>what you mean? Speakers broken?
>>"no, I just don't get a sound when you send a text
>>gives me her phone
>>do not disturb is on
>>turn it off, send a text. It dings
>>"omg thanks honey! You're the best"
>I'm actually not sure if she's seriously that stupid or if she does this shit on purpose to get extra attention from me.
Literally your average iPhone user.

...

mine is similar, I think it's more adorable than frustrating.

>girlfriend has large chinkphone
>complains that it's slow and unresponsive most of the time
>"my apps don't open when I click them, look"
>she presses and sure enough, it doesn't open
>I try it and it works
>phone doesn't seem hot but I check through her settings to see if any apps are hogging ram
>her internal memory is about half free
>everything seems fine
>open apps in front of her and they work
>give phone back
>she does the same thing and it stays on the homescreen
wait...
>I realize the base of her thumb is resting on the edge of the screen and causing a touch to be detected there
>no edge rejection software
>have to teach her how to hold a phone she's had for 2 years

When people that consider themselves "tech literate" I intentionally search for google on google, click on the scroll bar, click on "search", don't use Tab to hop between entry fields, don't use Tab to auto complete, sometimes I even use nano. It's so fun.

same, the better you get, the worse you pretend to be

huh, good to know that i'm an advanced power user then

Phahahahahaha oh wow

Being literally illiterate means you cant write or read.

>Being this autistic

>be with my older brother at home
>hes using the printer
>starts pressing down on it with both hands for some reason
>loud crack sound
>printer doesnt work anymore

Nice, did you ask him why he did it?

>whatsapp
pleb

Dude just write a script and deploy it on all the machines to do this automatically.

>/biz/

illiterally

What are those Adobe Reader meme?

Sleep is for the weak

I hope I'm not too late

Answering the door was your first mistake.

I luv u motjerbard

tech illiterate is a thing you idiot

K

Kek

To be fair I used to think you could click Sell too. I assumed the company that is being traded had to buy them, or something. Its because they make it seem like that in the movies.

well he isn't all wrong. You can typically sell your stocks at the current trade price to the "Central" of the specific stock market. For example, in Germany and Luxembourg, any stock you offer at the current trading price is automatically bought by Clearstream (i don't know the details, but they apparently run daily stock operations in DE and LU. Before they were called Deutsche Börse Co.)

>Hey user, so you're in code club right?
>Yeah?
>So what do you do in programing? Like... look at ones and zeros right?
High school was cancer.

He must be really really good at his particular Jon

...

Step on a crack, fag

>Tech illiterate people stories thread

As tech illiterate as it gets

Nope.

MY ASUS, NO!

...

what the fuck are you even talking about?

Very nice

Not in IT but my old manager thought he knew everything about computers, one day a work colleague asked him if he could fix his keyboard, it's typing US layout not UK, 'sure' he says, 'bring the keyboard in and I'll take a look at it for you', I don't think he fixed it.

adfadfga

...

Wew

He is decyphering what the normie was asking OP

>>what you mean? Speakers broken?
You're the tech illiterate, kek.

stay with me, motherboard!

don't you understand normies? it's not that complicated

sounds like a Slav

Duuude whyyyy

Please no

Hey at least he acknowledged that programming is different than what he usually does with a computer, thats a lot for a normie, most think its the same as it support

@57554441
Weebs confirmed for total attention whores.

Ask "what do you mean?"
It forces them to think about what they are asking and attempt to rationalize it.
Correct any false impressions they have.

They are now wiser to the operation of their computer and will have less stupid questions in the future.

...

shit can't risque it

It can also be used to refer to a person who cannot read at their age level. It's often used to describe adults who read at a middle school level (or lower). Certainly the original meaning is for people who cannot read or write at all, but there you go. Language is a tricky business.