Sup Forums tech stories

Tell me your dumbest tech related story. Something everyone can appreciate the rage in. Anything from helping a dumbass college roommate to helping your co-worker or even someone at Best buy.

I want to read your best, funniest stories.

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warosu.org/g/thread/S56466635
rinkworks.com/stupid/
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I freelanced for a rich family and fucked the wife in their massage chair in the ass.

man you're living my dream. I miss anal

I have tons of retarded IT co-worker business stories. Exactly why I said fuck IT and went for programming. One of the best is this hippie retard I worked with.

warosu.org/g/thread/S56466635

Hired to help out in the IT department of some company. IT manager shows me the server they have. One server, with 6 x 128Gb drives for a total of 768Gb.

What was the server used for? It was a print server. I just pulled put 5 drives and made a RAID file server for the office.

Oh yeah, this was in 2005, so 768Gb was considered quite a bit of storage space.

Another fun story I have is this place that wanted me to put 8 drives in raid 0 because they only read the first paragraph of raid on google and chose performance over mirroring (raid 1). server controlled our main application for the entire business. anyone want me to type it out?

you can shove anything you like up your ass, user.

Beat me to it.

yes
do it

Yes.

Only somewhat tech related, but I went to the bathroom at work, and saw some guy's feet under the stall facing the wrong way, then the flash of a camera. Someone was obviously taking dick pics.

So I leave and camp out in the nearby break area to see who it was, and it was our IT manager, this like 50 year old actually autistic ass guy who you'd never expect had even seen a vagina.

God speed, you glorious bastard. Put a baby in her, for me.

Walk into any apple store and you'll have writing material.
I was watching this Chinese student asking the "tech support" guy in the apple store to tell her her password because she forgot it and couldn't get into her laptop. He didn't know what to say...

>software everyone uses to login is windows/mac based, points to a public IP which is what this new server will be assigned (shitty I know but it's proprietary and they did not have ptp vpns)
>organization very much has more money than sense, it's an IBM X series that shipped with 8 drives
>application will not need more than ~20GB, but it needs to be fast. supports all raid levels up to and including 5
>bring server from other room and they see it has 8 drives. they start talking in terms of windows as in how "Oh it will have 8 drive letters that will be cool" because they don't know that raid even exists
>explain how we need to go with raid, and raid 5.
>"you always have to make everything more complicated"
here we fucking go
>Fine, if you think I'm making it up, go google "raid levels".
>two days later we have our little raid talk.
>"Well blah blah blah we etc etc, Raid 0, maybe, maybe, Raid 1 etc, several benefits, etc raid 0? raid 1?"
>Why are you not including raid 5 as a choice?
>they bring up whatever the first result in google is explaining raid
>Okay here's raid 0, and raid 1. Scroll down and read about raid 5. It's basically both at once.
>"you always have to make everything more complicated"
>glosses over raid 5 essentially non-reading it just to pretend he read it to "satisfy" me
>"yeah we are gonna go with raid 0 because it is performance and we need performance"
The server would not even let you choose anything besides raid 5 with that many drives. thanks IBM. For those who don't know, choosing raid 0 with an increasing number of drives is exponentially retarded because if just one fails, your whole array is gone.
>it still shows up as one drive which is what they were expecting
>quit
>months later idly talking to someone from another department
>they had a drive failure and server starting blaring beeps
>overheard IT person saying "oh we need to replace this drive as quickly as possible and can't help anyone else today!"

None of what I can tell you would be funny, it would horrify you to your fucking bones. Gist - people are fucking stupid.

>it would horrify you to your fucking bones.
And what if I find that funny?

1
2
3 4

My grandmother was browsing facebook and had one of those "your computer has been blocked" popup sites show up that looks like a microsoft site. Where you cant close the little popup.

Instead of just asking me about it like she does with everything else. She called the number.
And had some pajeet named John on the phone, had her install teamviewer, ran a bunch of .exe's that stole a bunch of information off the computer.
Showing her "windows errors" that was just disabled security options, and then opened a fucking notepad file and typed out "protection plans" ranging from 120-600$. And i shit you not she was talking about spending 600$ on this shit.

I unplugged the router, picked up the phone, told the guy to go fuck himself for taking advantage of old ladies, and proceded to be screamed at while i unraped her computer.
I later find the entire fucking network had these .exe's ran on them, so all my windows laptops and my fucking server were compromised. I spent two days getting every trace of that shit off, had my IP changed, and continually got bitched at the entire time by my grandmother. Before i showed her the file the guy was building that had all her fucking bank account info and social security number on it.

Lo an behold, a few days later, her bank account is empty, her credit card is maxed out, because after i FUCKING TOLD HER TO CHANGE THE SECURITY INFO she didnt. So I, who changed my bank password, pins, had my credit card canceled, didnt have any problems, she lost 14000$ because she thought she knew better than i did.

I dont care how much of a dick i am for it, but im not giving her the laptop back. I dont give a fuck, its a threat to me at this point. Because she refuses to learn how to use a computer.
20 Years, my first computer was a Gateway with windows 95 that she used to own. 20 YEARS and she still doesnt know how to not do this kind of shit.

Old people are unsavable, no amount of effort can you do will unset them from their ways. They are hard coded when it comes to phone numbers. Scammers know this very well which is why they have the phone number.

you need to cut yourself off from them, or install ubuntu. also if you have to be with them, put them on a wireless vlan.

reason why is they will also blame you once they realize the money is gone. because you touched it last, that's all they'll remember and then weeks later they will put that together with their cleaned out account.

>bitched at
there you go. Just want to make sure you know - she probably trusts the scammer more than you.

>20 years
old people view this as a positive thing, they think they're unique and cool for *not* knowing a technology. they've been fighting it at work for 40+ years, they aren't going to change. we still need printers and paper because old people still don't get it. They also get together with other old people and circlejerk about it and you can't fight that. even if they are on their own they will call another old person and circlejerk about it.

i once saw an "it" guy who was setting up a modem/switch/router stack take a bit of cat5 that was coming out of the front of a patch panel plug it into the back of the same port on that patch panel. i looked at him and said "bro... what in the everloving fuck are you doing?" he looked at me and in all seriousness said "im running a loopback." we never let him touch another piece of gear again until we had the chance to fire him.

Oh, one more thing. block ad domains, on the router if you can. I've blocked google ads and it's saved my ass countless times from my retarded family. Reason why I suggest the router is because they won't think to check there, and it will work even if they bring in a new device. you can do it in any os, windows hosts for example. if your router does not support this you can use opendns.

That's management for ya.

Old people are the worst.

>Be working at school in buttfuck nowhere
>See computer on the floor, they're throwing it away because it has a virus
>I tell them I'll keep it
>Pop in a windows 2000 cd and reinstall OS
>Meanwhile grandma's computer is acting up
>It's like 10 years old and has every toolbar you can imagine
>Even that fucking purple ape
>I never told her because I know better
>She decides now would be a good time to realize this is a problem
>Obviously it was because the virus transferred to her computer through the monitor
>I try to explain this isn't possible, but she's confident this is what happened
>She takes it to a computer repair shop and pays a fortune for some guy to copy all her files and reinstall windows

What if it was a guy he was sending them to

lol I was hoping someone would get the joke for me

that's why I said "something everyone can appreciate the rage in"

We want to see it

good fucking god user. I feel so bad for you. Then again, my mom knows I'm ok with computers, so does my dad but they treat me like I'm 12.

I decided to install VM ware on her computer for a copy of Windows 7 for myself. Why? Cause I didn't want to partition the drive. Later on, I finally told my mom I did that, she 1/2 lost it I guess. After I started to explain what I did she didn't mind so much. But the issue is that my step dad uses her lapotp, which he bought and I find it funny, whihc I'm not sure if he knows yet. But I did leave a notepad next to it, under the comodo box on the desktop. You can't see either of them without moving Comodo.

If something fucks up my mom's PC or I some how manage my Vbox, at least the other side of the PC is fine.

But the amt of times I've tried to explain to her how to use a computer, I'm still baffled at how dumb my 53 year old mom is (24 btw). My mom thinks that every PC I touch gets fucked up. No, it's cause she's the type that clicks on ads too. I have explained to her over and over how to use her $600 FB machine but does she listen? No. I know more about her own PC than she does about the fabric she's wearing.

My grandmother was the same way, but all she did was use her computer for AOL.
TILL 2014 MY GRANDMOTHER USED WINDOWS XP WITH AN AOL EMAIL FROM THE LATE 90S I SHIT YOU NOT

Speaking of Ubuntu
>Be walking home
>get a call on my phone
>"Hallo? Thees eez a cahl frum Weendohs. Ah yew ahwear thaht weendos updayts eez off?"
>"Do what?"
>"Aye see he-ya thaht yoor cum-pee-ootr's updayts ah off"
>"I'm sorry to say, I'm not stupid and I run Linux Mint."
>*CLICK*

I got another call like 2 weeks later and I ran as long as I could and recorded part of it.

I have a feeling this is a stupid question, the fuck is a loop back?

>be me
>at guys house
>tells me his computer is running slow
>Looks at it
>oh yeah it's fucking toolbar city with Mayor Bonzi Buddy
>tell him to give me an hour, I can make it werk
>finally finished
>he didn't care if i reinstalled XP
>So fuck you I did
>2 days later
>"user WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY PURPLE MONKEY FRIEND?!"
>"He is Malware."
>explain what malware is and what that mother fucker does
>"I DON'T CARE! GIVE ME BACK MY PURPLE MONKEY FRIEND!"
>literally does it
>2 weeks later
>"user MY COMPUTER IS INFECTED WITH EVERYTHING AGAIN!"
This happened for almost 2 years on and off and I made 20 bucks everytime. He became my sushi ticket basically. This guy uses yahoo search and says "I don't trust google" LITERALLY WHAT?

>6th grade
>computer lab
>pissed off that day for reasons I can't remember
>threaten to hack the computer I'm at
>don't know shit about hacking
>do nothing
>next week later
>in homeroom
>teacher gets a call on phone (teacher was also school IT guy)
>sprints out of the room
>comes back in two minutes later with a smoldering desktop
>psu erupted during the first grade class
>starts screaming at me that it's all my fault
>mfw still don't know to this day if he was serious or not

I work at geek squad, most of our clients are old people who are willing to drop $150 to have a driver repaired. If they knew how much our prices butt fucked them we would be out of buissiness.

This is why I don't charge that much when people ask me to fuck shit

>sophomore year
>in computer class (touch typing/ basic ms word)
>teacher is a total nu-male, is 700 feet tall and 1 foot wide
> he probably weighed 20 pounds
> first day of class and he starts ""teaching"" the class about computers
> "When you turn your computer off, your hard drive loses the data stored in it, but it is still in the RAM"
>WHAT.wav
>I raise my hand
> he calls on me and I tell him in a polite manner that he is fucking wrong
>he gets mad at me and says "no, i'm right, I TOOK A CLASS FOR THIS'
>tell him to go google it
>he gets pissed off even more
>he walks up to me and holds the power button on my PC and shuts it off(school computer)

The guy was a total idiot, he quit a year later.

in a 101 class (required to take no matter what, cannot test out) in college many a year ago one of the test questions were wrong. It was fixed later but it stuck with me because it was so funny.

>What is ROM?

>Read Only Memory
>Right On Memory

Right on, memory!!!!

Then cream his asshole, for me, you glorious, gay bastard

This is a nice thread

I like technology, but I wish I knew more about it, unfortunately I was born stupid.

The only story I can remember right now was setting up a keylogger at a friend's pc that sent the text files to my email, i did this to get his Netflix account.
It just werkd

God, i wish I could've landed a job in IT at my company during the glory days in which the people hired actually did IT computer work. Now it's all contracted out to outside company who's people do the glory computer work and the actual company IT people is all management/ IP phone system guru's.

trying to post on /adv/ on my x220, true story

never mind I got it

>Implying I have a choice.

yeah i know, I've talked to Geek Squad before and they charge WAY to much. they can cause they know they can get away with it too

You wouldn't

Fine I will give you a summary

I will have to be a bit vague
Most recent - 3-4 weeks of going back and forth with a customer who keeps asking for their surprise rush office networking/phone/system build one piece at a time. Each piece a surprise(obtw) to us, and also has the customer acting as if we were told about any of it, and needing it done right then. They also decided that they would not bother consulting anyone about the local build out and did all of the local engineering in the worse possible manner, which broke any ability to correctly install some of the gear ~$10k before we even got on site. (which might be funny when the building engineer or inspector sees it and rips it out on the spot and fines them.)

That is the gist, and it doesn't even cover how stupid the customer interaction was for that.

And a loop back can be a few things - It can be a manner to test an interface or cable. Or on a networking device it is an interface with no physical presence that you can bind services to such as BGP.

Glory? What the hell do you think IT people do?

Protip - we patchfix stupid. You go spend 473 hours on a single vendor software issue that NEEDS FIXED and tell me if you feel any glory. Just a heads up - The issue is that the vendor software is a documented broken piece of shit, but dont worry - they will blame your system (which is completely standard and by the book) and the CEO/COO/CTO will not listen when you try to convince them with hard concrete evidence it is the vendor's fault because the vendor gave him a great deal and might actually be sucking someones dick.

You will eventually find a work around, and in about 6 months to 3 years they will patch it, so don't worry.

Oh yeah, feel that glory.

Yep.

IT is great when your client understands that you do NOT support whatever shit software they fell for buying. Had a client who understood this and when their software exploded, he was chill and only called up to notify and asked that we should make the call to that company in case they try to make up some BS story that we could see through since we manage their server.

That was one out of about 60 clients. This is why IT is a shit job even if it pays well. Even the most retarded normie understands areas of cars for example the dealer isn't responsible if you throw sik mawdzzz under it and then they fail, but when it comes to PCs it is always your fault. You can get them to sign a contract and it will be your fault. I'm not going to be part of a job where almost a third of the time it's relying on the client's ability to understand that if they go out and buy some shit software, we'll install it for them but we aren't going to help when it explodes.

Problem is this software is their entire business so if it isn't working, they might as well not have a server, and you are instantly thrown to the curb in their eyes. Even when the client blames you after they've specifically signed a contract saying that they can't, you really have no choice but to just say - Fuck IT.

Software companies "support" policy is just to say "o its ur IT company we never seen that b4 bye" (and they have), so the first 30% of every time this happens, is just going back and forth as you check 1001 things and the server says it's fine. Fuck IT.

Might as well type out that story before I go to bed, how the fix for this one wasn't anything to do with the computer.

>Shit-tier document management software integrated into ms word 2007 and 2010
>uses paradigms from the 90s wherein every time you need to save something, it actually prints it to a special folder
>print driver on the server eats itself every 12 days, during business hours, entire company is down for this time
except they aren't because I remoted in during downtime and watched employees do this
>types out 1+ hour long document
>hits save (print)
>crashes, fucked, gone, employee screams
>"So what do you do when this happens?"
THEY JUST TYPE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING OUT AGAIN AND HIT SAVE HOPING IT WILL WORK. AND IT WILL JUST CRASH AGAIN. ALL FUCKING DAY.

this is what I came up with
>The READ function of this shit-ware still works, problem is the WRITE (save/print) function.
>Do not type this shit out in the program plugin, it will be gone, you will get pissed. Open the document you want (read) and copy-paste it to another word window. Now type the changes you need and save it on your desktop.
>in 3 hours we will call the front receptionist and she will let you know it's back.
>Then what you do is open the document again like normal, and copy-paste your changes you made. Hit save. If it crashes, you aren't screwed now.
>over the course of 3 months when the server fucks up, I teach everyone in their company this on a per-person basis.

>two weeks later, software fucks up again.
>Nobody from the company calls us. We only get a few emails to our support e-mail address letting us know it's fucked again.
>someone from our business calls them to make sure their phones are not down.
>They aren't, they are doing my contingency process.
>3 hours later, software is fixed. They get the call and all login and upload their changes.
>No calls from them the rest of the week

Feels great

You got lucky.

Had one where the software is microsoft office and the issue is something stupid like a few of their contacts were sorting in a slightly strange/different manner all the sudden one day for no reason.

There are some types of clients... They will take something like that as the end of the times and something that must be fixed at all costs. The guy working this one spent like 200 hours with microsoft on it, and it didn't get fixed until a patch months later. No amount of explaining or proof or trust will convince some clients.

>wife

wonder why "she" asked for anal

Less painful than the support bill.

She didn't

About the same thing when I call my ISP about them throttling me and I'm like "Look mother fuckers, I KNOW you're throttling me, stop it"
And they go "We don't know what you're talking about nor have we heard of this" derp!

Don't give me that shit. You know you're doing it and you know you're not allowed to say anything cause it's against the policy. This is why I hate those companies. I pay for 60mbs (whatever) and I BETTER get them

...

>feet facing the wrong way
whats the right way?

Ya know, I have to hand it to Apple. They have made the most idiot proof company when you think about it. They have idiots with decent jobs come to them and buy a computer. Honestly, I'm more jealous of a person that can buy a computer that costs that much vs owning a mac in general.

I had a GF a few years ago, her dad is a GIANT mac fag. He uses it for work. So he got his son, and his 2 daughters apple everything. So when I would go over I had to use her mac to check social media. I told her how bad macs were (this is when I absolutely hated mac. OSX doesn't suck they just cost too much). Her dad was meh with me. But that's another story. Another reason why I miss anal. her ass was nice.

oops I got off point:
>Be apple
>Make OSX on everything
>tell everyone that it's amazing and show off features
>tell them for 100 bucks they will fix shit for you
>replace it of course
>idiot buys a mac
>only looks at porn and gets on social media and some articles on some random news site maybe youtube
>drips his mochiota vanilla chai on his mac
>*ZZZZZZZZZZT*
>crashdid
>"EEEEEPLE! HALP MEH CAUSE I DUN DID MY MAC IN!"
>"Sure user, that will be 100 bucks, take it to the mac store. They will swap the SSD and some other shit and give you a new one by the end of 2 hours"
Can you imagine, the tech support alone, is like the best for them? They prolly have people calling them all the time to Team Viewer everything for them all the time

You do know that the person you are talking to can't even talk to the people in charge of that, right?

The only person you will talk to are the PS farm they use to create tickets, the more shit you give them the less likely you are to get anything done. Yeah, they will pass you to a "manager" even, and also "engineers"

Even with a carrier with whom I can actually interact with the engineers - I will only ever get as far as the first tier. Hell, even our rep within the company can't get past that level.

1 selfish bump

rinkworks.com/stupid/
a page of computer stories much more believable than "not always right"

Grandmas are awful and smell bad

Have a gud wan which is fairly recent. Requires a bit of background.

>mother managed to break pin from charging port on her laptop
>completely jammed inside the ac adaptor head
>asks me to fix it
>now have a $1000 ded ultrabook which needs a new charging jack soldered onto mobo
>decide to cut off ac adapter head and replace with generic one of same dimensions
>solder new jack and put laptop back together
>plug in
>smellslikefire.gif
>turns out ac adapter uses some proprietary shit for voltage regulation and replacing the head didn't cut it
>laptop still ok, current limiter kicked in because it detected short
>mother goes off to pc repair shop of the ONLY consumer electronic retail chain in the country
>put sticky note on laptop asking to plug in oem charger while laptop is open so can spot problems
>guy refuses
Here's where it gets gud

>says he can't open laptop in store because insurance
>claims he has masters in electronic engineering and he'd never dare try something so stupid like i did
>scares her with claims of laptop will definitely catch fire, the battery will explode if he touches it etc etc
>quotes $500 to send laptop to be fixed NOT INCLUDING PARTS
>tries to convince mother to buy new laptop
>he fails and then tries to get her to buy universal adapter
>fails again, mother knows she better call me
>lol over phone when she tells me, quickly search the adapter guy offered her
>full of comments saying doesn't work with asus (her laptop)
>Obviously wouldn't, it's not got proprietary faggotry I described in post it
>order a fucking oem adapter that costs a fortune
>plug in and it werks
Masters my ass, I am halfway through mine so I know that guy was chatting fucking shit.

So annoying there isn't anywhere to fix shit in the entire damn country unless you find an independent goy working in his basement.

>7722
>greentext
>actually good story
Comfy post, thanks user.

>didn't install linux on tech illiterates computer
>didn't set up adblocking
>living with your grandma
so you're under 18 and tech illiterate then?

I stopped offering one-time fixes to the old fucks a long time ago. You want it fixed? 1yr ts plan + get some shitty antivirus to hopefully stop even 1% of the obvious ads that are raping your computer every time you want to know what restaurant Mario Lopez is driving his Kia Sedona to.

I seriously fucking hate old people and anyone who says they're 'computer-stupid' or 'computer-illiterate'.

Quick Story
>I think i have a virus user
What's going on with the computer?
>it's rly slow and keeps telling me to update but i dont want to
Updates are usually important, sometimes there are security fe-
>I don't care about updates, i just want to do my work.
Ok, let me take a look.
>ctrl+shift+esc
>uptime is 30 days
>win10 build 1511
>norton + mcafee installed
>literally tons of malware
Well ma'am the computer looks fine to me, I think your internet connection may be a bit slow at home. You should definitely call your ISP.
>oh my god it fucking figures, i have comcast and they suck. Their customer support is awful and I always get stuck -- etc etc.
>bitches about a couple other things
>Can't you fix it right now?
We can take a look at it, but it'll probably take 2-3 days, and since you don't have a protection plan--
>WHAT HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO WITHOUT A COMPUTER FOR 3 DAYS [...]
Ma'am you also have the option of returning the computer since you only purchased it a few days ago.
>WHY WOULD I RETURN THIS IT HAS ALL MY FILES ON IT AND I CANT BACK THEM UP THIS SHOULD JUST WORK
If you'd like to have it repaired we can have it cleaned and optimized to make sure it's running as fast as possible in 48 hours, since you don't have a protection plan or a support plan with us, the repair is going to cost around $200
>ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I HAVE TO PAY TO GET THIS PRODUCT FIXED I JUST BOUGHT IT I NEED A MANAGER


I fucking hate this job.

>few days ago
>month of uptime
Not to mention
>literally tons of viruses
>literally

I've heard the "computer stupid" one before, the first time I heard it I was silent for like 10 seconds. I can understand the use of the word computer illiterate, it means you admit you eventually need to learn this, but computer stupid? why don't you just say "I've given up" instead.

I don't understand how this meme started, you had to learn how to use a phone and a car, rotary dial was shit and they picked that up. There's also a bunch of typewriter shit they always tell me about that was supposedly complicated. I can see the complaint for modern cars with too many buttons but they can figure out how to start it and drive/park etc.

try going to any business and asking for a job and saying "oh you don't understand, I'm phone stupid" or "car stupid".... um... don't call us, we'll call you? but everyone is old and then they actually get hired and then don't do 1% of their job every day because they spend the entire time psuedo-griping about the computer

the absolute worst is when you're trying to help someone over they phone and they give up before it's even out of the box and keep spouting computer stupid. Sometimes we would ship someone a computer back and they'd have to set it up and we would do pic related. Well dude, if you actually listened to a word I said, you would know you are NOT going to electrocute yourself (WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET THAT INFORMATION), and that all of your "plugins" are unique and COLOR CODED.

How autistic are you that you can't read a story without dissecting it to find inconsistencies? I dont fucking know how long the computer was on, i looked at the uptime and it was a big fucking number. Also if the word ''''''literally'''''' triggers you, you should literally jump off a bridge

another problem I had at every IT business I've ever worked is that people straight up use you as a way to get out of work. They sabotage their own modem and router and call their boss and say "oh the internet is down we can't do anything".

Phone conversation went like this
>We need to reboot your modem. It's in the maintenance closet.
>>Okay I'm there... I see it and hey I'm not going up there...
>So get a ladder?
>>Okay I have a ladder and I'm up here but I can't find the modem now
>What?
>>Okay I see it, so it has "3 plugs"
>Can you tell me what each "plug" looks like and if it is actually connected
>>Ughhhhh this is sooooo complicated
>>Fine it looks like the biggest one (power) is disconnected
>WHY is it disconnected?
>>Ummmm I don't know?
>So... connect it back?
>>I can't find the modem now I'll call you back
>>Hangs up

then they'll lie and call their boss and say "omg X from our IT company was a total ass to me on the phone!" and it will come back to you a week later. In this case they were too far away for us to drive out to and it was actually cheaper in terms of restoring the productivity of the office to pay the $135 fee for the ISP to drive out since they were local and just plug it back in

exactly to the left and right of the toilet

How did installing shit on you grandma's computer 'compromise your server'? You'd need a password to access that wouldn't you?

>white people

They have ac jacks as cables or daughter cards for the past 5 years now (except probably ultrathin laptops) exactly for this reason, because people push them off tables one time and then it's worthless. also why all laptops have the ac jack on the side down, and never the back.

>DC

Old people are fine with technology. As long as you install Ubuntu then they are able to do anything they try and at the same time can click on ads as much as they want.

It's worth what they are willing to pay.

Great thing to put on the cv. "Saved x amount of work hours by making computer policy changes"

The computer WAS his server.

I imagine a conversation between a Pajeet and Tyrone.
>Hello, er computah is aut of deit, pleaze, du...
>Wat dem racis mudda fugga said, yo ain't shittin on me my computer is fire no fucking niggas ain't calling it outa date!

Not trying to be a contrarian but just letting you know, the big problem nowadays is browser plugins. You have to disable those too, because malware is platform independent now. exactly why mozilla is radically changing the way plugins have to be accepted.

More modularity would have been very nice. Pretty bad that the power is not a daughter board but it did take a short circuit all the same so props for quality components.

>sik mawdzzz

Hello dreamcast717

The trick they use is that those """tech support""" guys that pick up the phone are pretty uneducated and actually believe the shit they say. Other day we got charged for usage back in september and the support guy was like "oh it takes some time for usage to get calculated" like motherfucker dont bullshit me cause i know the big monopoly isp you cats piggyback off of track your usage every millisecond.

>i'm bad at conveying what i mean
>then i got called out on it so i threw a spergy shit fit
Everybody else is always the problem, isn't it?

>TFW you would love to live with your grandmother
>TFW you wish she was still alive so you could hug her
fuck you user

Daily reminder to always, ALWAYS charge for your work. Even to family members. Mothers *may* get a pass.

Keeps those moron uncle's from abusing your expertise and calling you over every little fucking thing. $20 a visit shits them up quick, and you're still cheaper than anyone else.

I don't charge my family for computer troubleshooting stuff, but they pay for my house so it's kind of my "job".

Most people don't care what it costs, they honestly have no desire to do it themselves.

I used to work in IT at a university and I created a program where I would hold workshops and offer tutoring for free so students could learn anything from virus removal, basic maintenance, building a desktop, whatever. I ran the program for 3 months with advertising and only 2 people took advantage. The rest were happy to just not learn anything and have some IT person do everything for them.

>Be me
>Work in IT for university, am IT for a ~350 student dorm
>Give students my cell so they can get help
>Usually network or printer issues
>Get text from 11th floor room, all girls floor
>Show up and see cute, kinda mousey girl
>Her roommate is the one who needs help
>Fat black girl named (no shit) Shanequia
>Says her printer wont work
>Error light flashing
>Out of ink
>Tell her she's out of ink and to go buy some
>She has no idea where to buy it, or why she needs ink for a printer
>"Can't I just print this with the old ink until I get the new one?"
>Tell her no, and she can use a school printer until then
>Her roommate gives me a ,"I hate her dumbass" look as I leave

Another I recall
>Get text from girl who says her laptop is hot and slow
>Show up a while later and knock on door
>2 bleached blondes, complete sorority ditz types
>She says hi and leads me to her desk and starts talking about her laptop this and that
>Find myself looking at a blank desk with a mouse, but no laptop
>Notice part of the desktop is very warm, whatever
>Ask where the laptop is
>She opens the top desk drawer and pulls out a macbook pro
>It was running in the drawer the entire time
>She had routed the charging cable to the drawer
>Never turns it off, just closes the lid and puts it in the drawer
>Have to explain to her that electronics produce heat and need cooled

I have more if anybody wants.

>be me
>eastern europa
>IT security company
>only people who get promoted here are cocksuckers or asslickers
>new 'top engineer' comes to me to ask me a question
>hi user, can you help me with this code, how do I insert a button and a image into a webpage
>sure, user, let me see what you wrote so far
>he shows me TEST inside webpage.txt file
>silent enrage
>tell him how to do it
>he go back to his office
>2hrs later here he is again
>but user, how do I open it now?
>coworkers sitting in front of me having a giggle
>one guy yells, 'And this is why our country is falling appart'
>everyone laughs
>we never saw him on our floor again

do it.

i wish i understood this, i may actually understand

How do you know when your ISP is legitimately throttling you versus just having shit QoS or outages? Serious question since I suspect my ISP does this sometimes.

i had a program some time ago but I can't remember the name of it.

y-you too

>you can shove anything you like up your ass, user.

Well, there are a few things you might not be able to shove up your ass....

>need cooled
made me chuckle for some reason

>Weird Fact about Jupiter #8: If desired, you can in fact, compress jupiter, and then shove it up your ass.

I loved those two posts. You started explaining why you hated macs, but then you got sidetracked when you started reminiscing about anal with your girlfriend, and drifted off thinking about her nice ass. Then, later, you remembered that you had been in the middle of a rant about macs, and you continued on with it. And you did it all in a totally genuine, non-ironic way.

that makes literally no since directed to me.1. I miss my ex partly
2. I have ADHD pretty badly. Had it since I was a kid.

>USED WINDOWS XP WITH AN AOL EMAIL
nothing wrong here

XP was supported till 2014, and i bet youre a gmail faggot that was sucking dicks for invites as soon as it launched, and pirated an early copy of windows 10 because you are always on the forefront of new tech

The schwarzchild radius for Jupiter is 2.2m according to google, so no you cannot fit it up your ass unless your ass is 2.21m wide

>Gmail
The only reason i have a a Gmail is cause I have an android and a youtube acc. I don't use it as much as I should prolly
>windows 10
No thanks im on 7

Why are you so angry pal? Wanna talk it out?

Could have been taking shit pics

SAVE BUMP

When someone has Bonzai Buddy installed on their PC, you know they are beyond salvation.

I made a mistake and gave family a pass. Luckily, my sister has dropped all computers and just uses her iphone, but the parents are another story. In 2013, I still had to fix their Windows XP machine. Eventually, somehow, the SATA cable broke. I just told them their hard drive died, and that it would be cheaper to just go and buy a 300 dollar laptop than it would be to replace the hard drive and get a legit copy of Windows that was still getting supported.

They got a Windows 10 laptop, and since I ditched Windows after 7, I tell them I just can't help them anymore, even though I'm pretty sure I could figure out any problems.

I'll never stop being mad.

You are the problem, dude. You're behaving like an autist.