Want to squeeze some juice

>want to squeeze some juice
>juicer requires non-free bags of juice
>tfw the botnet wants me to die of thirst

>A food tech startup that has raised $118 million in venture capital — including from some of the most prominent investors in Silicon Valley — is facing questions over its flagship gadget.

>Juicero charges $400 for a machine that presses juice from its proprietary juice bags and that requires a smartphone app. The problem? Users may be able to squeeze the bags for free using their own bare hands.

>But an individual close to the company told Bloomberg that Juicero is aware packs can be hand squeezed. The startup believes consumers prefer to use the machine, which makes the juice quality more consistent and requires less clean-up. The packs also include a QR code that allows the machine to track how much juice a consumer is making and which recipes they use most frequently.

bizjournals.com/sanjose/news/2017/04/19/juicero-juicer-machine-use-hands-vc-funding.html

youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/-i0UugILBJg
youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA
medium.com/@Juicero/a-note-from-juiceros-new-ceo-cb23a1462b03
youtube.com/watch?v=_og6nLYITfA
youtube.com/watch?v=viejY6UZ5Bk
youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

How to use it: youtu.be/-i0UugILBJg

This shit must be satire
tell me it's satire
FFS i want to nuke this company

There is just so much wrong with this.

Congratulations on getting capital for such a stupid idea though.

Can anyone find more of a teardown than just this picture?

juice quality is gonna be so consistent lads

$118M for this? People are beyond saving. There are probably a lot more shitty startup products which people will support for some reason. Ohh it has blinky lights and app, I better buy this.

Also that background music. For some reason every "technology" video uses that shitty xylophone background song.

>For some reason
cause apple did it

How could anyone possibly think any of this is a good idea?

>your juicer must be connected to the internet to make* juice!
>*by make we mean squish a bag, this retarded machine requires set up and internet connectivity to squish a fucking bag

Has science gone too far?

Ask (((Doug)))

who's the fucking target consumer for this shit, vegan who wants to 10 layers of packaging for a fucking glass of cold vegetable soup?

Knew it.

Casey Neistat

>implying it refrigerates the liquid coming out.

hey :3

u think he's jewish, huh?

Jesus christ how horifying. What kind of retard buys thus shit.

god his voice is so damn condescending
like hes out of a movie

>has raised $118 million
>for this
Sometimes I wonder why I am so poor.
Maybe I should throw my integrity away and become a hipster in the SV. Imma disrupt the standing desk market just watch.

>integrity
yep, that's reason why you aren't raking in the jew gold.

youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA
No juicier needed.

>that shitty xylophone background song

That's a marimba

>$699
>doesnt even play bluray

medium.com/@Juicero/a-note-from-juiceros-new-ceo-cb23a1462b03

>The first closed loop food safety system that allows us to remotely disable Produce Packs if there is, for example, a spinach recall. In these scenarios, we’re able to protect our consumers in real-time.


>tfw juicero shuts down your juicer remotely because they find out you've been stealing juice by squeezing the bags by hand

Tfw you pirate juice and the juicer rats on you to the juice police

>raised $118 million in venture capital
When does the bubble burst?

Video?

they aren't selling the squeezer. they are selling you the right to purchase their juice brand.

i know it's retarded, but that's how the free market works. as long as retards throw money at you, it doesn't matter.

i gues this shit is targeted to yuppies and hippies. for that market, this shit produces a lot garbage

i thought treehuggers were against it.

anyway, this product... i'm open mouthed how anyone would think this is worth anything

More like Jewcero am I right

How are bags non free fag? What preventing to modify and reuse it?

>i realize this if basically keurig and their shitty pods

why are those bags better than pic related
I dont fucking understand

Fuck dude, scary
I was just thinking up a scenario where all of our food is prepared on machines like this and I was locked out for using non licensed green beans

>Some dumb shits invested $118m for literally the Juice Loosener

Venture fucking Capital I swear

>everything about this

>san francisco
I'm not murican and you'll never see me set foot in that backwater third world country, but even I know enough about murica to know that with san fran it's always the same damn shit, all the gayest inventions, most unjustifiable rich "startups", and the biggest wastes of money

I think san fran is to the united corporations of america as brussels is to belgium, or eastern europe is to europe

why is the lottery better than saving money?
why is that you get to your destination quicker the faster you go?

just cause, user.

I don't get it, you pay one for the bags and then again every time you want to actually squeeze juice out of them?

>DRM protected juice

What a time to be alive!

How is the juice not refrigerated? And who tf drinks juice?

I don't get this. Do they ship the bags to you for free then ship you more once you return the empty bags, making money from the squeezer registering uses?

Do they sell the bags at a liss, making money ftom use registration?

No, you have to buy bags, $7 each.

Sell juicer way over cost
Sell bags of juice way over cost
....
Profit

What is not to get? It is literally kuerig cups for fruit/veg juice

>buy juicero
>Turns out its fucking shit
>Install gentoo on it and order 1$ juice bags from aliexpress
>Alarm goes off and makes my chink mango juice for me as i wake up
>Just as i take a sip of my chinese heavy metal juice hear a loud bang
>Juicero commandos break into my house, kill my wifes son and dog, then arrest me
>Charged with copyright terrorism and sent to guantamano
>Forced to program windows 10 apps from ipad until i die

not even. At least the machine is doing *something*. You can't just buy and drink a keurig cup thing. You can just buy and directly drink from one of these bags. The machine has no reason to exist at all.

How long until someone hacks the machine and makes reusable bags to use your own fruits and vegetables?

The user would still have to buy a $500 kitchen botnet.

Yes but after that the user can disable the botnet and make juice with freedom.

>spending $500 on a juicer
Even up here in the economic shithole known as Canada I can get two actual juicers (i.e. real fruit goes in & juice comes out) for less than one glorifies bag squeezer. No botnet, no drm, and no stupidity. Sometimes I think Americans have more money than brains.

So is this just Capri Sun for morons with a shitload of money?

>250 USD for a juicer
>not just blending fruit in a 20 USD blender
Fuck off leaf.

Yes. Respect the pouch, respect it.

>juicer
It's not a juicer.

Yeah its a cold press.

>blenders are the same as juicers
youtube.com/watch?v=_og6nLYITfA
They operate on completly different principals.

No shit. It's a glorified bag squeezer.

How long until they start importing Canadian milk for their machine?

>pulp free
I never said they were the same, the pulp is good and provides fiber.

What's the point of it anyways. The juice will be spoiled because it's out of refrigeration. No one knows who makes the juice so there could be Listeria or E. coli in it.

The point is to appeal to the "modern hippie" type who need connectivity in everything and absolutely need modern everything. Basically people with too much money to give a shit about anything except for the environment.

Sure, I love my orange juice with pulp, but I simply said I could get two actual juicers for the price of the juicero. Besides, health freaks will put spinach, grass, and other shit into a juicer so they don't get pulp.

Verification cans are getting real. Holy shit.

>It's not a juicer.
You're right. It's a Juicero™ :^)

>I don't get it
JEWSER
E
W
S
E
R

What the holy fuck is this thing? White American suburbia: The Machine?

It's another one of these gimmick filled "LETS MAKE AN APP FOR THIS" idea that is all the rage in entrepreneur corners at the moment.

Pet water bowl? APP.
Toothbrush? APP.
Gym yoga mat? APP.

Of course it always has to be connected to the internet as well. Although it's funny that they have this for the yuppie market and has it use plastic bags.

What about...


...An app for an app? Am I a billionaire now?

It's hard to look more jewish than this

Browser and OS? I've been getting that same bullshit, though not nearly as bad.

Technically that's what that Chinese app is that is super popular. Let's you do so much shit in one ecosystem. And what Facebook is trying to get messanger to become.

So yes, you can be a billionaire

...

They probably convinced old rich idiots who know nothing about how the world works any more to raise that money. Probably a large part of it from relatives.

Does it even squeeze the bag from the top down so nothing gets stuck?

There's nothing to get stuck, it's a bag of pre-squeezed juice mixed with pre-squeezed pulp and some sort of sieve opening so the pulp stays in the bag

>First choose the Wi-Fi network you'd like your press to connect to
HOW ABOUT NONE?

Why not simply put the pack into the juicer without having to use a smartphone application? They have added unnecessary steps into the use of their product.

Good things came out of eastern Europe though. Can't think of a single good thing about Brussels. Or Belgium.

if you're already buying a pre-packaged juice product


why isn't it already juiced in the package?

The bags have unique codes read by a scanner on the juicer
If it detects your bag is expired or has already been used it won't let you press it

To make the device serve a purpose.
If it were already juice, you wouldn't need the 400 dollarinos thingy.

they're not even wrong, people prefer similarity and consistency over quality or even quantity in food

why do you think starbucks burns all of their coffee and sells their smallest size for $3 and is still in business

>why do you think starbucks burns all of their coffee and sells their smallest size for $3 and is still in business
A venti (large) coffee at Starbucks is $1.75

it is

>yfw the non-free pizza meme thread is actually reasonable for once

youtube.com/watch?v=viejY6UZ5Bk

This was all I could think of reading OP.

That looks reasonable by comparison

>tfw came in here to bitch but was pleasantly surprised

There's always a market for stupid people.

So it opens a pouch for you?

Hang on to your shekels when he comes into the room.

>raised $118 million in venture capital

no fucking way

>rubs hands canadianly in expectation of additional maple syrup tokens

It was a scam. They insinuated the bags contained fresh fruit and vegetables.

4chanx with old captcha enabled maybe?

I wish the no javascript one worked again. Haven;t checked if it works.

I think I'll stick to water, thanks

...

>A fucking camera that's used fucking once for setup (y u no use usb)
>Wifi that's used never
>youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE
>Yippies, filthy yippies everywhere

Why is the whole world going retarded?

I think this shit is exactly what infomercials are for the elderly.

I fully expect to see people on Sup Forums buy this, then berate those who haven't to be "poorfags."