ITT: jokes from your country translated into English

"Hitler gassed 6 million Jews and one clown."
>"What clown?"
"See, nobody cares about the Jews."

>"Hey, how's life treating you? Do you have a job?"
>"No, I have been unemployed for 5 years"
>"An you aren't looking for anything?"
>"No way! And lose my experience?"

"Excuse me, ma'am, what have you got dripping over there?"
"Where? Where...?"
"That's what I thought"

The CIA decides to infiltrate a Soviet university, so they send their best agent. He comes back in a week, his cover blown.
-How'd they get you?
-Well, when everybody was getting drunk, I was studying.
So they send another agent. He comes back in a month and says:
-Well, everybody was drinking, and so was I. But everybody skipped the lectures, and I didn't.
The CIA send a third one. He comes back in half a year.
-Well, everybody drank, and so did I. Everybody skipped the lectures, and so did I. Everybody passed the semester, and I failed.

During the Soviet time, an Estonian goes to the polling place, prepared to vote. He is handed an envelope and told to put it in the ballot box. But instead of following instructions, the Estonian starts to open the envelope.
“What are you doing!” yells the Red Guard monitoring the elections.
“I just wanted to see who I was voting for,” replies the Estonian.
“You imbecile! Don’t you know this is a secret ballot?” says the Red Guard.

Stalin's sunbathing naked on a beach, lying face down. A dog comes by, sniffs him, and starts licking his balls. Stalin mutters without turning his head back:
-That's a bit over the top, comrade.

Czech, American and Russian fly by a plane and decide on playing a game. Each one of them pulls out a hand out of the
window and has to recognize his own country.
First goes American: "Now we are above America, I can feel cool and moist breeze of ocean in my palm."
Second goes Russian: "Now we above Russia, my hand is frozen."
Third goes Czech: "Now we are above Czech republic, someone stole my wristwatch."

blonde suspects her man is cheating on her with a brunette. decides to get a gun and sneak home early... and sure enough the man is in bed with a brunette. blonde loses it completely and points the gun at her own head threatening to kill herself.. the man says "pls no, pls don't do it".. the blonde replies "oh shut up already, you're next!"

indian bloke, arabic bloke, an and aussie bloke are sitting there talking away.
the arabic bloke smashes his schooner throws it up in the air and pulls out an ak47 and shots it to smitherins. bartender asks "mate why did you do that?", arabic bloke says cause in arabia we've got "so much sand we dont need to drink out of the same glass twice".
indian bloke thinks "yeah i'll have him", smashes his schooner then pulls out his little peashooter and smashes it too, glass goes everywhere, cause in india we've got so much sand we dont need to drink out of the same glass twice.
while this is happening the aussie bloke is just kicking back, with his schooey sipping it, smashes his schooey, puts it down on the bar, then pulls out his .22 and shots dead both the arabic bloke and the indian bloke. the bartender says "woah woah what did you do that for?", the australian replies "because mate, in australia we've got so many illegal immigrants we dont need to drink with the same cunt twice".

based ex bloc humour

"why do norweigans crawl in the store"
"to find the lowest prices"

What is this picture about?

I don't get it

kek

probably a pun in his language

Doubt it (since I got the joke)

I know it probably has to do with pussy but I still don't get it

"I once challenged the video program named 'Escape from gays to gain a million yen($10k)!'."
"That's surprising. And did you successfully run away?"
"I captured three."

"why do jews have such big noses"
"air is free"
might be universal

a competition was made to determine who is the biggest man from across the world

the first task is to wrestle with a bear and cut it's ears off

the second task is to fuck a black belt karate champion chick, who will actively fight you


so, an american enters

the bear eats him

then a russian enters after a fierce struggle he exits barley alive with the bears years but is too damaged to try it with the karate chick

then the bulgarian enters, after much horrid noises from the bear pan he exits unharmed and asks

alright that is done, now where is that karate chick I am supposed to cut the ears out off ?

How many times do Burmese people laugh when they hear a joke?

Three. Once when they hear the joke, once when it's explained, and once when they understand the joke.

What is the largest rice?
Paris

How much vodka do I have to consume to start getting finnish jokes?

lel

Where the sahara desert?

In Africa. On this it doesn't rain. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Is 'Burmese and humour' in Asia like 'Germans and humour' in Europe?

A lady goes to the doctor with epilepsy and the doctor says: "The party is upstairs"

what kind of food can be eaten on both Earth and moon?
Hot food

no, it means we're very dumb.

"Grandpa.. Are Germans humans?"
- "Probably not, before war they were über-humans, during war they were animals, after war they were saints."

or everlasting joke about germans:

German comes up to the benzin pump, and starts pumping it into his ass.
Czech comes up to him and says:
"Das ist nicht normal!"
-"Nein!! Das ist super!"

>"Das ist nicht normal!"
>-"Nein!! Das ist super!"

lol

France, UK and USSR gathered an international meeting to determine the nationality of Adam and Eve once and for all.

The representative of France speaks first:
- Adam and Eve obviously were French because only a french woman would sacrifice an eternal life in Heaven to her man.

The British representative answers:
- With all due respect to my colleagues, but is a subject of no concern that they were British. For that only a true british gentleman would exchange Heaven for his lady.

At least, the representative from USSR stands up and says:
- All that I heard tonight is an obvious western propaganda and is a complete lie. There is only one answer to the main question and it is that they were Soviet. And I have a foundation for my words of not only one but three facts.

-Three?!, - the whole delegation starts rumbling and whispering.

- You heard me. Three. Firstly, they had only one apple for two people. Secondly, they had no clothes. And finally the main thing. Despite having nothing to wear and nothing to eat they still thought they live in Heaven.

lel

kek

a man enters a café, and then splatch

The joke only works in Estonian so no, Russia, I doubt you got it

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "ok ,we will build a bridge in the Sahara". The king of Belgium approves and so it happens; the Dutch build a bridge in the desert.

They became the laughing stock of the world. The king of Belgium is pleased and says to king Willem:"Ha ha that was funny, you can remove the bridge.

King Willem responds: "We can't, there are Belgians on the bridge trying to fish."

>"See, nobody cares about the Jews."
You just ruined the joke m8. Fucking krauts have no sense of humour.

How would Zizek analyze this joke?

With fists up his ass

I've heard this joke about Puerto Rico, New York, Paris, and Italy

we might have stolen it.. :^)

Does Sweden even have any Jews left?

*laughs nervously*

g-good joke Germany

aww

Burmese girls are some of the cutest I've ever seen, though

What's a Turk in a police car?
Always guilty.

>butthurt Porky

Where is the point ?

A bloke goes to his neighbour and sees that he is playing tennis. He asks him "ayy, I thought you were shit at tenis"

"I know, I found this frog in the backyard who can grant you one wish. You can go as well, if you want, but it's a little deaf so don't be scared to shout"

The bloke goes to the forg and shouts "I WANT GOLD". Then he goes home and finds a bull (in romanian, aur=gold, taur=bull) so he goes back to his neighbor

"Damn man, that frog really is deaf. I asked for gold and I go home to find a bull."

"And you think that I wanted to have a good tennis game?"

(tennis and penis in romanian have a similar pronunciation )

kek

My dad told me this one, but with a Cuban a Spaniard and a Colombian

What don't you eat of a vegetal?
The bed

We have that joke as
>A turk and a romanian are sitting in a car. Who is the driver?
>The policeman.

Hahahahaha.

chi

kek

ca

this joke exists everywhere we have it for lebs americans have it for black people, i've heard it always changing.

kek

(note: praporshik is a Russian military rank around Sergeant Major)

A praporshik with a 30-year experience didn't know he suffers from Turret syndrome.

A praporshik is showing a brand new tank to the troops. He says:
-This is an extremely sophisticated vehicle. Private Ivanov, lift the tank!
Ivanov tries his best, but fails.
-Can't, huh? Private Petrov, go help Ivanov!
They try again, but the tank stands still, and one of them shouts:
-It won't bulge, comrade praporshik!
-Well, what the fuck did you want? It's 46 tons after all.

m8, I don't think that was the problem

Explain pls

a man wants to bake a cake for his son's birthday, asks his friend for advice
>well, i did one yesterday, want the recipe?
>sure
>so you need 1kg of sugar
>ok
>three eggs
>ok
>some chocolate
>ok
>flour
>ok
>salada
>ok...wait what ?
>That's how i did it yesterday
>ok fine, what else ?
>a bit of cacao powder
>ok
>a steak
>what the fuck man ?
>that's how i did it yesterday !
>*sigh* fine, what else ?
>vinegar
>...
>asparagus
>...
>brussels sprouts, blue cheese, old bread, vodka, aspirins, shampoo, the things at the back of your fridg...
>but it's going to be disguting!
>well it was disgusting yesterday

You just created this joke. Because it's not funny.

Bulgaria seems like it would specialize in rape and bestiality jokes

We have this game of changing stuff in compound words for the antonym

So for example you say
>Ger-many, Ger-fewy
>Nor-way, Yes-way
>Nether-lands, Upper-lands
>Sw-eden, Sw-hell
>Ye-men, Ye-women

Now that i look at it again i guess it's only fun in spanish.

a russian, an american, and a canadian walk into a bar

bartender says: i will give you drinks for free, but only if you answer what's 2+2

russian says: it's clearly 4

canadian says: it's clearly 4

american says: I dont know, I'm retarded brainwashed fucking faggot son of whore white male I wish mom aborted me so there was one less american white male in this world retarded whoreson

bartender pulls out a shotgun and shoots dumb american in face

Please stop posting, and breathing.

fuck off kike

Riisi = rice
Pariisi= Paris


Hot = Kuumaa (kuu=moon, maa=earth) so kuumaa means moon-earth

Can you explain joke plox.

I'd rather hang out with a Star than a Leaf. At least Stars have bantz.

A Sardinian becomes the oldest man on earth and national tv decides to interview him:

Ehi mr. Gavino today it's your birthday! How old are you now?

112 years old.

That's incredible! What's your secret?

Two glasses of wine every day.

Very nice Gavino! Can you tell us about the best day of your life?

One day one of my sheeps got lost in the forest and I found it with my friends, then we fucked it all together.

We can't say something like that on the national tv! Tell us about the second best day of your life then.

One day one of my cows got lost in the forest and I found it with my friends and then we fucked it all together.

Again mr gavino we can't say something like that on tv, what about the worst day of your life?

When I got lost in the forest.

Little Kalle went to the store to buy cucumber, liver and eggs. On the way home from the grocery store he was hit by a car. The driver came out and asked him: "Are you okay?" Little Kalle replied: "Yes, but my eggs broke, my cucumber was split and my liver flew to the fields."

This joke is told in English as well but with a different setting. Practically the same punchline and everything.

a traveler is hopelessly lost and very tired in the woods near tallinn
suddenly he sees a man riding a carriage his way
"hi there, can i hop on, i'm really tired and need to get to tallinn"
"fine, hop on"
"so... is tallinn far?"
"no it is not"
the man is relieved and decides to take a little nap
after some time he wakes up
"is tallinn far?"
"yes, now it is"

this joke doesn't make much sense at all, but everybody laughs at it

cute little hedgehog goes to the store
"hi, do you have sour cream?"
"yes of course, here you go"
the hedgehog then takes the sour cream and throws it against the wall as hard as it can
the clerk is visibly shaken
"why on earth did you do that for?"
"you know us hedgehogs, right? we're very mysterious!"

A man went to a store. Shovel.

Simple but funnt.

Funny*

- Knock Knock.

- Come in.

Are hedgehogs seen as mysterious, or is hedgehog maybe a local slang term that has a double meaning? Otherwise it's just not a joke.

knock knock
come in
shovel

hedgehogs indeed are mysterious, there's a whole lot we don't know about them

Laughed aloud, I love these type of jokes.

>WW2
>Autumn 39, Soviet troops occupy Tallinn
>Autumn 41, German troops occupy Tallinn
>Autumn 44, Soviet troops occupy Tallinn
>Autumn 45, Estonian secret service reports movements on the border

Kek

hello russia

This is like your local version of "going on a snipe hunt," right? There's no mystery surrounding hedgehogs.

I don't get it.

Nice

you might find this interesting

>rus . postimees . ee/3226795/gorjachie-jestonskie-parni-ili-pochemu-rossijane-shutili-nad-urmasami

we have the same joke here
>tuga french and english are on a plane
>we´re in france says the french
>how do you know?
>i see the eiffel tower
>we're in england the english says
>how do you know?
>i see big ben
>we're in portugal the tuga says
>how do you know
>my wallet got nicked
there are shitloads of jokes that this premise of the tuga the french and the english
it's either the tuga who wins or the one who come put on top

cant lie this made me kek

From ex-DDR

>An American, a Russian and a Eastern German are discussing where the biggest forests are
>American: our forests are so huge, you go in at morning and won't reach the other side until night
>Russian: our forests are so huge, you go in at morning and won't reach the other side until next week
>German: pathetic, our forests are so huge, the Russians went in in 1945 and are still not out


>An American, a Russian and a Eastern German fly with a plane and discuss their countries
>American: Each American earns 1000$, he needs 700$ to live. The white points down there are our holiday homes
>Russian: Each Russian earns 1000rubel, he needs 300 rubel to live. The white points down there are our holiday homes
>German : Each German earns 1000Mark, he needs 1000Mark to live. The white points down there are our holiday homes
>Russian: With what money are you building those?
>German: I'd like to know that too

>A drunkard tells a joke to a stranger in a bar
>Do you know the difference between a beer and Honecker? Beer is fluid and Honeker is superfluous
>The stranger answers
>Do you know the difference between a beer and you? The beer stays here, but come with me

>Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies
>Honecker: I collect jokes told about me
>Mielke: I have a similar hobby, I collect the people who make them

>Stasi interrogates a Christian
>Is it true you went to church?
>yes
>Is it true you kissed Jesus feet there?
>yes
>Would you also kiss the feet of comrade Honecker?
>Sure, if he would hang there

>Honecker and Mao discuss class traitors
>Honecker: How many internal enemies do you have in your country?
>Mao: Maybe 20 million
>Honecker: Yeah, same here

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are in France just after the start of Operation Overlord, they have been cut off from their unit and seek refuge in a barn. Later that night they hear a German patrol coming round, so they need to hide.

In the barn there are three large sacks, so they all agree to try hiding in them. No sooner are they all in their sacks when the Wehrmacht burst in the door, they see the three sacks and view them suspiciously.

They approach the sack with the Englishman inside and kick it, quick-witted the Englishman says "woof" in his best dog impression, and the Germans shrug and walk to the next one.

Reaching the sack with the Scotsman inside they kick that one, and following the Englishman's example the Scotsman says "meow" in his best cat voice and the Germans leave it be.

Then they approach the sack with the Irishman inside, as with the others they kick it and the Irishman says "potatoes".

You find a lot of jokes about Estonians only because you look for them, we really don't have many, the only one I've ever heard is this one.
Examples of jokes in the link are just "insert any nationality/character/real person" that just happened to have "Estonian" in them this time

We've a similar one over here:

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian are on a cruise ship back from holiday, when an iceberg knocks into the ship. The captain manages to stop the ship from capsizing but it's slowly starting to sink and so the crew ask the passengers to reduce the ship's weight by getting rid of unnecessary luggage. The Indian man goes and throws all his clothes overboard saying "It's fine, we've got enough of them back home". Then the Frenchman goes and throws all his food and drinks overboard saying "Its fine, we've got enough of these back home". Then the Englishman goes and pushes the Indian overboard. The Frenchman is astounded and asks "why did you do that?". The Englishman laughs and says "dont worry its fine. We've got enough of them at home".

Two people are in a DDR prison and tell each other why they are there: The first: "I'm here for two weeks because I insulted Erich Honecker." The second: "I got 10 years for watching Erich Honecker through a telescope during a parade." First: "Why is this forbidden?" Second: "I forgot to remove the rifle that was attached to the telescope."