I have procrastinated learning programming for over 4 years...

I have procrastinated learning programming for over 4 years. My effort in the last two years of my engineering degree I hated was non existent. I procrastinated so hard and only just graduated with an acceptable grade. Not even group work could stop me handing in utter shit.

After graduation I worked in wagie part-time jobs (I am too ugly and autistic to be good at graduate job interviews) and told myself every day "Tomorrow I'll take advantage of my huge amounts of free time and learn maths, programming, and read more books!" Nope. Never happened. Two years of my life pass, I'm now working in an outwardly respectable job but hate myself just as much, procrastinate doing anything worthwhile in my free time, procrastinate giving up coffee and junk food.

I have epiphanies and hope every evening. I wake up feeling doomed due to laziness and ugliness. I tell myself I'll use my jealousy of the Chads and Staceys and bitterness at society as a motivator but I deeply give no fucks (at times).

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Cool story bro

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user, I...

>learned to program at 12
>this utter trog still hasn't managed it despite trying fo rseveral years as an adult

>I have epiphanies
no you don't, you have weed epiphanies where you think you understand everything but it's just utter bullshit, if you had real epiphanies it would actually change your life

>Two years of my life pass, I'm now working in an outwardly respectable job but hate myself just as much, procrastinate doing anything worthwhile in my free time, procrastinate giving up coffee and junk food.
I've (And I am) been struggling with math for what I believe are at least 15 years.
I can't do simple stuff, therefore I can't move on with my life for various reasons (I love programming but I need the hell out of math to get anything from it) and I feel the same as you.
One day (months ago) I asked for help on /sci/ and some guys gave me a hand after I told them my story. One guy in particular made me a list of stuff to follow between there and six months. I'm still struggling due to life reasons, but everyday I do something related to math and I'm trying to follow that plan as much as possible.

So, motivation is bullshit, stick to the plan and make it a habit.
Start Small.
30 mins a day
then increase
45
1 hour a day and so forth.
>I wake up feeling doomed due to laziness and ugliness.
>ugly
post photo or you're just another depressed user trying to vent off his shit.

Start with arduino, it is rewarding seeing your little amount of code actually do something. Its how i started and im doin pretty good

>I have epiphanies and hope every evening. I wake up feeling doomed due to laziness and ugliness.

Kinda like me.

Every night i have all this ambition and drive to do shit, but im tired. So i go to sleep thinking ill start working in the morning. Then morning comes and i dont feel like doing anything until night again.
Its like my brain and body are on different sleeping schedules.

>I've (And I am) been struggling with math for what I believe are at least 15 years.
>I can't do simple stuff, therefore I can't move on with my life for various reasons

Are you me

Sounds like severe recurrent major depression (ICD-10: F33.2) to me, maybe you want to see a psychiatrist, because if you have depression, then shit is treatable through SSRI medication and/or cognitive behavioral therapy. Also do some workout, get some sleep hygiene, do positive activities, find friends, get a social hobby (sport, dancing whatever) to meet new people. You're not alone, but no one is going to help you unless you do the first step and seek out for help. Sup Forums is not the right place for counsel. Go see a psychiatrist. Wish you all the best, bro.

BE URSELF

Install Gentoo

Just be like any other Sup Forums user, blame Indians for your troubles.

t. Pajeet

k

Is that Jordan Peterson?

t. NEET leech

He didn't sort himself out

>epiphanies and hope every evening
I have that for the last 14 years
It doesnt get better

These are good resources for programming exercises:
projecteuler.net
uva.onlinejudge.org

rip ;(

I know what you're talking about, always thinking I'd start working very hard "some moment in the near future".

I feel like jogging really started improve the muscle that is discipline, I'm noticing some improvements. Setting limits for myself how much unhealthy stuff I can eat makes me feel more disciplined as well.
Also define smaller goals, like read the first 20 pages of a book, smaller tasks are easier to initiate.

Fuck you. Don't rain on my umbrella.

Get the fuck outta here. I'm serious. If you stay here, you'll just get bitter and madder about the world. Nothing will improve.
Cut this site off from your life first. Your general thoughts will become positive and you'll feel more "active". Then you can start changing things about your life.
Never visit here if you are depressed. There is nothing to be found here except more depression, cynicism, misanthropy, which you are possibly feeling right now and they'll get reinforced.
Seriously. Get. The. Fuck. Outta. Here.

clean up your room!

youtube.com/watch?v=BBR5v89L6gk

youtube.com/watch?v=QUAZDfND_dE

all jordan peterson memes are really bad, but he is actually right. Just do something. Doesnt even matter what you do.

this one is not related, but one of his best imo:
youtube.com/watch?v=cGkQil14LPQ

Do it right now, faggot. One hour a day.

Learn C in 24 hours: aelinik.free.fr/c/

>Respectable
Look young fella, you gotta stop hating yourself and accept yourself as you is. If you're a lazy gamer then do be it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. People are gonna autistic screech at you your whole life about what you should be doing. You gotta learn to shut that noise out.

>be a self resenting loser man it's cool I'm sure welfare will keep you alive ditch that useless drive to be a better person that's for other people not losers like yourself
whoa deep

me too op
I'm slowly getting better but no amount of mental masturbation searching for motivation has helped me cure the fact that im just a lazy cunt.
slowly getting better though

where the fuck did you go for your degree that you were able to graduate as such an incompetent piece of trash?

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OP has a "respectable" job though. That guy is just telling him it is ok to be a square peg and you shouldn't want to be round if yor are not. Also the quest for endless self-improvement in society is masturbatory at this. You will never be even close to perfect and you should accept it.

Also if Chad & Stacey are real to you then your perception of the world is fucked.