/brit/

emasculation of the janitor edition

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youtu.be/v24MQkmeBh0?t=383
reddit.com/r/videos/comments/4t9242/child_circumcision_an_elephant_in_the_hospital/d5fok8n?st=iqqtrgg2&sh=2db44aed
strawpoll.me/10768803
youtube.com/watch?v=oh2LWWORoiM
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

deshi basara

What's it like to get naked with a girl for the first time lads?

dunno

He's not going to like this one. I daresay his nut might even be damaged by it.

you're a fucking faggot to think about the caretaker's testicles

exceptional post

probably awkward

tfw

youtu.be/v24MQkmeBh0?t=383

who sent tim a papa johns?

Do you want to touch mine?

pack it in

>yanks

ah yes, let me cut a piece of my dick off so girls will like me

reddit.com/r/videos/comments/4t9242/child_circumcision_an_elephant_in_the_hospital/d5fok8n?st=iqqtrgg2&sh=2db44aed

Voting in this poll is mandatory

strawpoll.me/10768803

strawpoll.me/10768803

strawpoll.me/10768803

barracking and harassing my foes

might take a trip to edgbaston reservoir

anyone been?

>I've seen some vaginas that look like a hand got blew off by a firework.

kek

fine when you're an adult
awkward and scary when teenager

>searching for something on Google
>click on a forum link
>reading the thread
>see a forum member with 10,000+ posts
>"Permanently Banned" under their username

Evokes a strange feeling tb︃h. Like you know that that person spent weeks of their life reading and posting on that forum and then they had it all taken away from them by some overzealous mod who took a grievance to some post they made.

Yeah the user might have asked to be banned but that's less likely.

bender

FONT

Memorable client of the day turns up wearing a suit kind of balding with glasses says he is a teacher and looks the part. He was really quiet didn't say much but seems nice has a shower and before we get down to it he starts talking about his wife and kids for some reason I really didn't wanna know.

Starts saying his wife doesn't love him and they stay together for the kids this big long sob story meanwhile I'm just trying to get the condom on him so we can get the booking going. What he was doing wasn't bad it was just that he kept talking saying how his wife is all the names you can think of and then "You know what I want don't you, you really love it" tries to pull my hair a bit too hard in the process until I tell him off. Mostly I was trying not to laugh.

What I did laugh at is after he gets done he sits down on the bed and takes the condom off himself and just holds it in the air looking at it not saying anything for a couple of minutes so I go to bring the bin over and the wet wipes sit next to him and pop a hand on his shoulder and then he starts crying asking if I think he's an idiot. At this point I cracked up.

>Tim's coke nail

oh dear oh dear

RARE
A
R
E

Love the gf lads.

Especially when she does my laundry.

anxiety about impotency or your period

gay edition

just got out of the shower

kys

I've had a meeting with an amazing duo of sales reps on Friday.

>deathly pale, very skinny man
>looking very anxious and unable to maintain eye contact
>brown combover
>suit two sizes too big for his frame with narrow peaked lapels
>brown-tinted thick spectacles
>tiny unbuttoned collar
>ENORMOUS Windsor knot on tie, maybe one fourth of it fit between the collar
>wide tie with colourful WW2 planes scattered over olive background

>huge, grey-haired fatso
>very wide, very yellow grin with a couple of teeth missing
>suit with very wide open lapels
>french cuffs
>cufflinks with Batman logo
>bottom button in shirt unbuttoned
>fat, hairy belly visible through the hole
>wide spread collar
>itty-bitty knot on a very narrow plain red tie

They looked like they've just walked out of a very silly sketch but I managed to remain stone-faced.

Then the fat one opened the meeting by spending five minutes telling me that even though he voted for Brexit he personally has nothing against Polish immigrants or me in particular (I'm Polish).

They knew their shit though.

absolute adore this gimmick, keep it up

poofs

didn't read any of this lmao

the janitor has his testicles intact and knows how to get around

i usually just dream about losing my teeh. or just a slightly different version of the previous day, makes it pretty hard to determine what's real

>faux leather placemats

pleb central

>kys
Kill yourself

by the way janitor has great abs has a big dick

I draem my cock is detachable, like a click on tie

kys wasteman

any london lads here

anything interesting I can do tomorrow

my poo always looks different to the poo of porn stars in scat porn

they always look like they have soft, light brown, squishy, wet poos, long and thin sometimes

meanwhile mine look quite dark, solid, rock-like, like logs even

*kyses you*

what sort of retard doesn't inspect their cummies?

*blows you a kys*

>4 way junction of two dual carriageways with 50mph speed limits
>traffic lights out
>traffic everywhere, everyone honking

That was unnecessarily stressful

I sometimes have to stand up slightly because the majestic column is too tall to fit in the bowl with me sitting there.

Whenever I get drunk af, my shit smells like Calpol the next day. What does this signify?

castration anxiety

you're still psychosexually undeveloped, what id expect from a child

Imagine being a weatherman. You literally get paid to say whatever and no one even gives a fuck if you're right or wrong because everyone understands that the weather cannot be accurately predicted.

>you now remember jade goody

kek

>song about destructive drug culture and how it leads to an unfulfilling and hedonistic lifestyle
>gets remixed into a dance song that will no doubt be played in Ibiza clubs to Essex lads gurning their tits off and shuffling in hurraches

ah yes

Weather forecast is where they relegate shitty / failed journalists.

Having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that sitting around the house all day in my undies is all I'm going to end up doing for many years to come lads.

what song lad

>psychology bobbins

grazie luigi

>Imagine being a weatherman
Why though when I can imagine being the weather lady and having a VERY active sex life.

*powerbottoms you*

i have to poo standing up or my willy will get wet

that is evolution my friend

evolution

house every weekend?

I guess youtube.com/watch?v=oh2LWWORoiM

weathermen sometimes get harrassed on the streets for telling wrong predictions

...

I TOOK A PILL IN EBEEZAH

Why didn't peter hitchens want the eu referendum?

is this the ""dance""" remix

couldn't shuffle to this lad

Genuinely never seen a weatherwoman who I would not smash (or who isn't already pregnant because someone else has already shagged her rotten).

*go to my happy place*

What in the fuck is that specimen?

For years I have had a recurring dream about sucking my own cock

>telling wrong predictions
Bit more serious in Iceland though, people will have a right go at you, cause you didn't predict the volcano that erupted and wiped their entire village out.

No, that's the original

bit trannysexual music imo

If Mike Posner was really serious about the message of the song he would have knocked them back when they came to him for the rights for the remix.

But nah he bit their hands off for the money.

Well, from what I've gathered, blood can represent many things, no one seems to agree on it, and pissing in your dream just means you need to piss irl

First client of the day at the parlour, only rinsed himself in the shower, pissed in the shower, had black fungal toenails, slightly less disgusting fingernails, wanked him off for 10 minutes before noticing he had something crawling in his pubes....at first i thought he had crabs, but now know they were body lice. Fucking awful. I nearly scrubbed my skin off in the shower. Cried and went home.

what's the remix

if the tories were serious about it they'd tax the bankers the bonuses the 90%

well he hasn't had a hit in years he was probably running out of money

>unironically going to the type of club where people that shuffle go to

kekmao

You deserve it you wretched tart

are you a dude

there was a big volcano scare a few years ago. it was so hyped up that i almost felt disappointed when it didn't erupt

this Tbh the remix is bigger than the original now and he only had 'cooler than me' apart from that

>shuffling post 2014

this doesn't happen

> going out
very runty

No word of a lie I actually read an article about him before the Seeb remix song came out where he literally said that his financial advisor told him he had enough money to have the luxury of not working ever again in his life.

And that was all off the back of his one previous hit, 'Cooler Than Me'.

Exciting, somewhat awkward, clumsy, not as amazing as you thought it would be but still pretty fucking good

kill yourself nerd

Client books me for an hour (in a hotel) and does not disclose his condition - severe incontinence.

Turns up in a NAPPY saturated with piss and then looks crestfallen that I will not do OWO (room is reeking).

How I stomached it I will never know but I just got on with the very basics (it was a quiet day). When I stop (on the dot!) he then proceeds to put back on, the said drenched nappy.

>he's not ironically but sort of unironically into hardstyle

lmoa

Google says he's got about 4 million quid

I think I remember hearing about it, are there any settlements close the volcanoes, could a Pompeii like scenario happen again?

keep it up lad

have you ever had a client with a detachable cock

@889
hit a nerve, did I? Runt. Squeal for me.

THIS is Cameron's Britain

>he doesn't go to every Bounce By The Ounce event

lmaoing right now.

what is wrong some people

can imagine ribena getting something like this wrote about him if he went through with it