WHY CAN'T I KEEP ONE (1) GODDAMNED PHONE FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS WITHOUT IT BECOMING A LAGGY PILE OF DOGSHIT UNLESS I...

WHY CAN'T I KEEP ONE (1) GODDAMNED PHONE FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS WITHOUT IT BECOMING A LAGGY PILE OF DOGSHIT UNLESS I ROOT IT?

WHY

the iPhone 6 doesn't have this problem

Just root it. Inb4 you were retarded enough to buy a phone that can't be rooted.

S5's still work fine

because you are using lagroid. where the business model employed by google is forced obsolescence through sheer incompetence

My Nexus 5x , albeit rooted, doesn't have this problem

sounds like a problem with the apps you're using or something
only time I ever had something close was with shit tier launchers

My note 4 lacks this issue

Get a OnePlus or HTC phone next time. They are pretty easy to root too and both manufacturers support custom roms.

My S2(2011) works fine with android O, stop installing useless apps.

My iPhone is now two years old. I did have to replace the battery, but I'm hoping I can get another 2 years out of it.

Sure

Don't upgrade it. Problem solved.

Updates are a trick to give you shittier software to make you buy new hardware. Never fall for the upgrade jew.

My iPhone SE doesn't have this problem.

Why wouldn't you root it though?

My S4 doesn't have this problem except for the botnet.

because you're probably retarded

Because shitty devs. Everyone can learn to code, not everyone can do it right. We have too many shitty devs, and with that, comes terrible optimization, frameworks of frameworks of frameworks, and atrocious binaries.

Modern normie computing needs could be achieved by a Raspberry Pi. If you delegate video decoding, encryption and 3D to a dedicated chip, which really are the most CPU/RAM intensive activities, then a Game Boy can do it.
Because when the Facebook app takes 1GB of RAM to show blank screens with tiny tidbits of text and 8bit era sprite sized profile pictures and blue thumbs, well the issue is clearly software, not hardware.

My g3 is going strong for 3 years now, 4 shortly

Cretin.

Sadly, it's real.

>never get any security updates either

Just accept you'll have to buy a new phone every two years.
What else are you spending your money on anyway?
You have a job, don't you?

Did you compile it yourself?

My Moto G 4G (peregrine) doesn't have this problem

>To be entirely honest, the Android security updates on a whole are kind of bogus. They are just to make consumers feel safe; the changes to the repos aside from the kernel are so minor and theoretical that it's laughable. Once in a while, you may get a high risk vulnerability (like Dirty Cow or Broadpwn) but those are few and far between (and if they are in the kernel, I just add the patch and move along).
t. Android kernel dev

Install LOS. Don't install trash apps. Problem solved.

My unrooted S5 has been quick ever since I bought it second hand in 2015
I'm only replacing it because the camera is dogshit and that's all I really care about in a phone these days.