Joke thread! Post jokes from your language and try to translate them in english

Joke thread! Post jokes from your language and try to translate them in english

>Finnish, Swedish and Norwegian were on a desert island. The island tribe leader said that they need to collect with dozens of fruit and bring them here. Norwegian brought ten apples and the manager said: -Put all the apples in your ass, Norwegian got stuffed 3 apples and failed, he was killed. Finnish brought tens of beans and conferred him the same fate, he was stuffed in three beans and he was killed. In heaven, Norwegian Finnish asked: -How could you fail, even if your job was easy? Finnish replied: -I saw the Swedish picking watermelons, and I started to laugh.

>Finnish, Swedish and Norwegian roaming by about who is the longest in the sauna. The Norwegian was ten minutes and came out. The Swede had fifteen minutes and came out. Finnish man had been two hours in the sauna and the Norwegian shouted: "Finnish you can come out already, you've won the race." It Finnish replied: "Yes, I would come but the balls went between the benches."

>Finnish, Swedish and Norwegian competition to see who will be able to swim across the Atlantic. First, the Norwegian swim five meters, said, "I can not any more," and drowned. Then the Swedish swam ten meters, said, "I can not any more," and drowned. Finally, the Finnish swam five meters from the beach on the counter, said, "I can not any more", and swam back.

>Finnish, Swedish and Norwegian
What is the variation of this in different countries? Here it's an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman (which is the original version that other countries copied).

Lost.
It really varies, but usually, it is Russian, American and German.

Achmed and Mehmet are stopped by a tourist in Istanbul. He asks: “Hi do you speak English?”. Achmed and Mehmet look at each other, not understanding what he meant. The tourist also asks: “Parlez vous Francais?” and said the same thing in many other languages. The tourist then leaves not getting an answer.

Mehmet turns to Achmed and says: “I think it is time we learn a new language”.

Mehmet: “What’s the point? Look he knew 5 languages but still couldn’t explain what he wanted”

There's an autistic joke that's popular on imageboards:
"A man bought himself a hat and this hat suits him."

Here it's Swede, Dane and Norwegian

Bump

Classic

When folks saw Hodja sitting by the lake and stirring some yoghurt into water, they asked him what he was doing. Hodja said " I'm adding some starter into the lake to make yoghurt."

"It's impossible to turn the lake into yoghurt. It won't happen."

Hodja says: "What if it happens?"

classic af

Russian, German, and Pole usually

>what the tree that gives niggers?
>the scaffold
the delivery is better in english para ser honesto familia

Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila

Wut?

It's the story of two eggs in a pan.
One says : damn, it's hot in here
The other one says : oh my god, an egg who speaks

Two bakers one ran away

the finn swam the whole way except the last five meters then he said he can't any more and he swam all the way back

a jew goes to his rabbi and says 'help rabbi, my son went on a trip to israel and became a christian' the rabbi says 'that's funny, because the same thing just happend to me, let's pray and see if God can help us' they pray to god and he tell them 'you're never gonna believe what happened'

Did you hear about the sami that was so low he was afraid of the reindeers?

-What 3 things did the sami bring when he moved?

-His kids and horny wife

ha

Du måste.. gå tillbaka

>Swen never joined them

That's racist ;_;

kek

the futon blew away

Cannibal natives in the jungle capture a German, American and a Slovak. The tribal chief tells them:
"I am a merciful chief, so I will give you a chance for freedom, but you must complete one task. Everyone will get 2 glass spheres and if he shows me something I haven't seen yet, you will be free". The natives put everyone into their own shack and give them a day to prepare. On the second day, the chief goes to the shack with the German, and asks him, what is he going to shoe him. The German puts the spheres on the ground and they roll around on the ground, on the walls, even on the ceiling. The chief says:
"Very nice, impressive, but I have seen that before. KILL HIM!"
After that, he enters the shack with the American and asks him the same question, waiting for his show. The American throws the spheres into the air and they fly and blink with colorful lights. The chief is enthusiastic and he says:
"This is good, really good, but unfortunately, I saw that before too. So KILL HIM!".
Finally, he enters the shack with the Slovak, but after half a minute he gets out and he lets him go free. The other natives ask him: "Why?".
He shakes his head and says:
"I swear, I have never seen anything like this before in my life. He lost one sphere and broke the other one!"

my life :')

-doctor, i feel bad
-then remain standing

:bump

English, French and Italian.

In Brazil there's stereotypes for the major states, Carioca (thief), Gaucho (faggot), Mineiro (retarded), Paulista (cuckold) and Baiano (lazy). So we use them instead of countries.

>In a supermaket in galicia, a man is found dead by hanging in front of the dental products
>in his hand, a note wrote by his wife that reads
>"Manolo, buy some Odol2, if there is none, Colgate"

There were a dog and a cocodrile crossing the street, they exchanged glances and the cocodrile said:
bye flea bag"
and the dog repiled:
see ya hand bag"

How do you sink an finnish uboat?
You swim down and knock, whereupon the finns will open and say: I can assure you we aren't as stupid as the norwegians!

Two finns, Nilsa and Pinnka, went to a swedish bar.
After a couple of beers it was time to pay the tab, whereupon Nilsa went up to the bartender and said;
"I drank two and Pinnka four"
"Then you only need to pay for two, because you dont have to pay to pee." the bartender answered
when he returned to Pinnka he said:
"What luck you have Pinnka, you didint have to pay"

A norwegian have bought a new car and brags:
Now i'll always be first in the traffic jams!

How do you save a drowning norwegian?
Throw a stone to him

Here it's Swede, German and Danish

In 1940 the Führer tried to call up Paris, but it was ocuppied.

Woops it's actually not. It's also the scandi countries.

Okay, well shit, just found out we use both.

American, Swedish, Saudi and nigger were in aeroplane.

American threw one million out of plane and said:
>we have this too much

Then Saudi threw a barrel of oil out and said:
>we have this too much

Then Swedish looked at nigger. Nigger got frightened and said:
>dont even try

In Southern Jutland perhaps. I always hear it with Scandis.

S

H

Underrated. Thanks kike!

A Mexican, a nigger and a Jew walk into a bar

The bartender says, "get the fuck out!"

So he put it up him bum?

none of these are funny

>paulista
>cuckold

Better leave the imageboards, no one outta here knows about this stereotype.

One day while God is flying over Africa he seems very happy about how beautiful the continent is and decides to grant 100 Africans a wish. So he lines up 100 Africans and asks the first one what he wants.. After some thinking the African shouts "I WANT TO BE WHITE".. afterwords God grants him his wish and the African guy breaks out in tears out of happiness. The other Africans marvel at his new skin color and also decide to become white. God seems happy because he has made so many people and asks the last African why he laughs at everyone like a retard and the African answers "because my wish is to turn everyone black again"

A Dutchman, German and Belgian have committed a terrible crime and are to be exectued by firing squad. The Dutchman is up first but does not feel like dying so when he stands in front of the squad he suddenly shouts 'bears! behind you!', the soldiers are startled and turn, the Dutchman runs like hell and gets away. Next up is the German and he thinks he can get away as well, when the soldiers line up he shouts 'there's a tiger!', the soldiers again are startled and turn. The German runs and gets away. The Belgian is up and he also does not want to die, so he thinks long and hard on what he will shout, then he's got it and when the soldiers line up their arms he shouts 'fire!'

A german, a frenchman and a Finn go on a safari in Africa. They're walking
through some bushes, and suddenly they come across an elephant. How do they react?
The german thinks to himself: "What a big majestic creature, i wonder what i could do with those tusks..."
The Frenchman: "I wonder what that thing tastes like",
And the finn thought to himself: "I wonder what this elephant thinks about me..."

Literally autism, but we do laugh about it

>german
>""""humour""""

you can always leave the thread and watch a seth rogan film

Is the punchline "Jewesses are whores"?

Oh and then theres this one..

Three americans walk in to a wallmart.
SHART

...

I don't get it

Gringo(American), Gallego(Spanish) and Mexican.

Lolno.

It refers to our talent for breaking and loosing things (truth, I lost my eardrops today and I kinda broke our scanners cover).

New much?

>The United Nations decided to conduct a world-wide survey. So they sent a letter to the representatives of each country with the following question: "Please, with all honesty, give your opinion on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world".
>The survey was a huge failure. Why? None of the European countries knew the meaning of "scarcity". The African nations did not know what "food" was. The Cubans and the North Koreans were puzzled and asked for elaboration on the meaning of "opinion".The Argentinians and the Frenchwere not familiar with the word "please". The Americans had no idea what was the so called "rest of the world". And the Brazilian congress is, to this day, debating what exactly is "honesty".

Enough of these unfunny """jokes""" let's hear some ACTUAL JOKES from your countries.

Here is a classic piece of Finnish COMEDY GOLD.

>What food can you eat both on earth and on moon?
>Hot food

A romanian shepherd was sitting on the grass near a fountain when he sees a man walking up to the fountain.
-Don't drink the water man,it's poisoned!,said the romanian peasant
-Nemtudom,nemtudom
-Well then,you can drink it,but make sure to drink it very slowly.

>How do you make four gay guys to sit on one stool?

Why are gay male flight attendants never late for a flight?
>They get their shit packed the night before.

...

underrated