*knocking*

>*knocking*
>open door
>"Good evening, are you user? We have a search warrant for your eIectronic devices."
How wouId you react and why?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=CiBI0yrtHUo
youtu.be/GLxaVFBXbCk
reddit.com/user/time2leave1212
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Detonate suicide vest

youtube.com/watch?v=CiBI0yrtHUo

Thank you for the kek, user.
Could I get sauce with that?

"Well, go right the fuck ahead, occifers! I'm glad that basically the best you can do when it comes my encryption keys in this jurisdiction is to ask nicely."

>occifers
Sir, are you intoxicated?

I know you want my info, fbi. Wanna read all the emails i sent to microshaft about their shit OS? Sure ting.

Heh, what kind of fucktard would have incriminating stuff on his local computers anyway?

Obstruction of justice, nice! Enjoy that decade in prison.

I sure as fuck ain't.
And in my jurisdiction all they can do is ask nicely. That's about it.

The Core.
A movie of the "so bad, it's good" variety.

The fact that you've encrypted your files says everything they need to know. And remember, you just admitted to it. So now, not only do they have permission to search your devices, but they are almost certain they'll find something. "If you had nothing to hide, why'd you hide it?"
So if you actually said this, I doubt they'd STAY nice.

>Obstruction of justice
you keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it does

Go ahead, waste your time.

...

>So now, not only do they have permission to search your devices, but they are almost certain they'll find something.
He's saying that encryption keys are protected by the fifth. So they can clone your drive but they can't force you to give up a key. This isn't exactly set in stone (there have been district cases that rule that a suspect may be forced to give up a password or virtual key), but they'd probably still have to give you derivative immunity rights if you they did make you cough up the key.

Not exactly. Some district court cases have ruled that encrypted keys are not protected speech. You will get derivative immunity, but there is no guarantee that a virtual key is protected by the 5th. Also, you just immediately lower suspicion requirements by acting like an asshole in this context.

If you have a belief that your property may be seized under a warrant and you destroy your computers, that's destruction of evidence. That's obstruction of justice.

I’d probably start getting depressed because currently replacing my laptop, HDD, flash drive, SD card, and phone is like three months pay

They don’t give that shit back

They either give it back within 10 minutes to a week or you never see that shit again. Most of the time, they'll just drop an encase on your drive and give your shit back. They could indefinitely hold your shit forever, but it kind of looks bad when they do it.

>They either give it back within 10 minutes
If I have nothing encrypted, cooperate, offer them something to eat and let them quickly go through my files at my house I could have it back within 10 minutes?

Max?

Allahu Akbar desu

Imagine you're going through the border, and they want to grab an image of your laptop. They'll take it, make a hash table of your drive, and give it back to you. If they get a warrant while you're at home, they'll probably seize your laptop and do the same thing. You'll typically see the laptop back quickly unless you get charged with a crime. Basically, you'll get your stuff back as soon as the investigation period is done and you're cleared. If you don't see your shit back a week after it's all wrapped up, it's probably gone.

No.

They have nothing to lose, unlike you.

Thanks for using a tripcode so I can filter all of your posts

And that's not okay.

(You write like a Buzzfeed article and probably start sentences with the word "so...")

Fair enough, officer. So, once you're finished executing your search warrant, could you do me a favor and come back with a warrant that also covers seizure? You know, because otherwise unless you find something while searching my hardware on the premises, you can't actually take anything with you. I'm sure your superior officers wouldn't be too pleased if you came back empty handed. Also, when you do return with a warrant that covers seizure, could you write me a receipt for each item you remove from the premises? Just so if I don't get it all back after your forensic techs find nothing incriminating I can submit the appropriate forms for reimbursement if any of my devices are lost or destroyed in the process. While you're calling to get a judge to sign off on that new warrant, do you want some tea? Coffee? Soda?

>Tfw I'd never have anything incriminating stored locally, and it's all remote in countries with no extradition treaties with my country

The fact that they've got a warrant is the bigger problem than how you deal with it.

There must be a reason that it was granted, and I'm willing to bet the reason isn't arbitrary in most cases.

>"alright smartass, face the wall and put your hands behind your back"
>"but..."
>*gets tazed*
>*gets handcuffed*
>*gets cp planted*
What do?

Nice try, but a lot of us don't live in America.
They have no probable cause.

>NEETs time is more valuable than that of several agents/cops

Just because you have nothing to hide doesn't mean they have nothing to find

>Nice try, but a lot of us don't live in America.
Neither do I.
>They have no probable cause.
They can still plant shit.

What, all of them? Hope they brought a big enough van

>good thing i have gay furry porn lined up for a situation like this

What the hell happened to all the /fucko/ threads on Sup Forums?

>GET OFF MY PROPERTY STATISTS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

>35 posts in
>still no "furiously masterbating and ejaculating right on the swat guy's helmet when he breaches the door"
furchon ples

bump

Laugh and say their guns are shit and mention I carry better stuff. Then as they cuff me, let them find every electronic device I have. I tend to hoard. So I have a pentium 233 laptop. my smallest hard drive is 20 megs. I have floppies and tape backups. Over 60 computers (many dont work or there for shits and giggles) and 3x in hard drives. Now that is not getting into old phones, flash drives CD file backups and old mp3 style players.

You know what, thinking on it. Tipping them about myself would save me a ton of time and money on recycling all that shit.

You brilliant bastard. Getting yourself swatted then never reclaiming the shit they take.

You gotta call the legal department of my employer for these two machines. The rest is all yours.

Because I have nothing to hide.

Start a business, get a bunch of PCs, melt the gold from the CPU/RAM/whatever. Stack them everywhere. Once a year call feds about wrong doings on a server farm there. They come pick up the rest of the parts. You keep the gold.

What's the backstory on gif related?

sure. recommend closing the sadpanda tabs first.

I would ask them to hurry the fuck up and return it fast because I get bored without it.

>protected speech.
>protected by the 5th.
Tell me more Mr Internet lawyer.

>Let them in
>They take everything (99% of which is encrypted)
>Call my lawyer
>Let lawyer hash it out for $1,000/hour
>Sue the police for wrongful search and seizure. >Anything they tried to charge me for, I press charges for slander and defamation of name
>get a high six figure, or seven figure payout of tax payers dollars

Nice try. I'm a sovereign citizen.

>*gets shot*
>"O say, can you see..."

Colombian (or was it Venezuelan?) madman BTFO'ing statists trying to stop his narcotics trading immediately after they violate the NAP

Dear god you're retarded

Even though this reads like an ironic post, I fully understand a man who takes these kinds of actions. Daily reminder that drugs should be legal and statists should be BTFO when they step on your freedoms.

No clue. I asked the same thing first time I saw it and never got an answer.

Sucks that they'll see my /d/ shit, but I'd let em in. Don't have anything to hide

but i dont live in america

>We have a search warrant for your electronic devices.
Please show me the warrant then.
Because I know it's bullshit, there's no evidence about me relating to criminal activity to justify a warrant.

the situation is even worse for you then

>nothing to hide nothing to fear
I would call them faggots, then call my lawyer.

>getting literally BTFO and then falling down stairs
sucks to be first

that triggered me, fuck I gotta go clean up files, folders, encrypt, backup, etc

end of the year cleanup/backup time lads

They're not fucking with my smart fridge. I'll take a bullet before they see what I've been doing with it.

Ask them to see the search warrant and then watch them take all of my copies of space jam

>that triggered me
why?

if my hdd/laptop went kaput for whatever reason, either someone stole it, had it taken away, died, corrupted, etc I literally don't have a recent backup since like 4 months ago and I've worked on stuff that I wouldn't want to lose, so Op's post made me anxious about losing those 200+ lines of SQL code for work that I would literally hate to do again

you want to search my machine?

go right ahead

This scenario would never happen to me. American cops shoot first

Bummed, I guess. I have lots of porn, all legal but not "legally obtained"

noice

>"P-Please allow me a moment to contact my lawyer."
>run script via phone which unmounts all volumes and logs out all users

It doesn't matter how you're going to react, they're going to shoot you as soon as you open the door.

Would my 20TB of anime get me in trouble?

Ask to see their fucking badges. It's not hard to pretend to be a cop.

Just buy a black vest, a gas mask, black pants and a black shirt. Now you can raid drunk kid halloween parties like some kid I knew did.

"fuck off pigs"
*spit on the guy's face*

Did you buy it?
Does it contain sexual images of minors?
Which country?

You must some iceberg dude to be so chill to ask for their badges while 10 AR are being pointed at you

Press the red button.
youtu.be/GLxaVFBXbCk

Sure, let me just call the police departament and ask for confirmation...
Aaaand sure, you indeed do. Here, please be careful handling them. If you need anything, please let me know.

?

Holy shit I have not noticed the Hansen before

You won't find anything actually illegal, but well i got the number of a great counseling therapist if you guys need it.

I haven't done anything worth shooting at me for.

Like, ticket evasion and piracy. They're not even going to draw their glocks.

>therapist

I'm not interested.

reddit.com/user/time2leave1212
>I guess I could try to walk or hitchike to a warmer place, but I just don't have the energy. So I've decided that I'm just going to let nature take its course and I'll freeze or starve to death here. I'm okay with this.

Here in Russia it'll be like:
>*knocking*
>*destroying your door*
>"you are fucked up"
>pic destroys your anus

You'd have to be violating some kind of law just by pressing that thing, right?

Finally some people who will my appreciate my curated collection of futanari hentai ova.

Troll them by having BBC cuck and gay porn jpegs in literally every folder
>"Have fun crawling through all that shit!"

>Good evening, are you user?

No

don't murica swat literally breach doors and throw flashbangs just because someone called and said there's illegal activity going on?
holy shit why didn't anyone just told him about loli

>loli
Same shit would've happened if he talked about 2D.

>have 20TB of anime
>put as much BBC cuck porn as you can inside the anime videos
>wait until the cops come along and say "HEY WHAT'S INSIDE THESE VIDEOS user"
>say nothing and watch as expert steganographers have to spend literal months using every single technique they know of to search through your anime collection
>smile in court as an "official from a US Government Agency" says that "his agency" looked through all of your anime and managed to recover 200 GB of BBC cuck porn
>bask in the knowledge that even NSA can't detect the sissy porn you embedded inside your drive's firmware using an algorithm that turns all of your BBC porn into sissy porn on the 2nd wednesday of every month

reminder

CHECK THE DOOR FOR HEAT

user isn't home at the moment, I'm his brother.

Destroying your own shit is not illegal. You haven't been charged with anything yet. You are not aware of any investigation and they can't prove otherwise.
Retard

Don't forget to stenograph goatse into the cuck porn, and put tons of cuck pictures in individual encrypted volumes.

>don't murica swat literally breach doors and throw flashbangs just because someone called and said there's illegal activity going on?
Irrelevant to me, but they probably breach doors. Look up SWATting videos if you want to check.

Not a damn thing.
When it goes to trial, I would attack the way they obtained the warrant and defend my innocence.
Especially if the warrant says suspicious of A and then they arrest me for B.

Legal searches are FINE.
They make a case to a judge that they suspect I am doing something wrong, the judge agrees and I am searched.

What I don't think is fine is when the judge is skipped.
And the search happens without my knowledge. Maybe they even survail me until I do commit a crime.
I see surveillance as a form of punishment.
Parents do it to their children when they misbehave. Courts do it to criminals.
I haven't done anything wrong, why should I be surveiled?

>We have a search warrant for your eIectronic devices.
Thank you for filing the proper paperwork, officer. You may proceed.
>calls attorney immediately after the officers enter