>You wake up on a small remote island.
>Yuu don't know where you are.
>On this island you have a fully charged laptop with an 8 hour battery.
>There is a satellite internet connection that stays connected for 10 minutes every hour.
>No food or fresh water.
How do you get yourself rescued?
Call for help via Internet, duh.
I think the idea is that you don't know where to tell the help to go to rescue you, because you don't know where you are.
Who is this "help" you're calling?
Daniel playing CoD on Discord?
So? The satellite knows where you are.
>geolocate myself
>post my coords to social media/get the word out
>first 10 minutes probably goes out by then
>next hour
>google how to painlessly kill myself with only saltwater, sand, a tree and a lithium ion battery
>geolocate myself
how?
Duh, through the satellite dish.
>Get software for managing the satellite hardware
>Find out what time it is, using the sun for rough estimates and then using a clock try to fin a fine time for the device.
>Look at the map of satellites above you.
>Get a map off the internet of their trajectory
>Pinpoint yourself by what satellites are above you and with your time
This probably takes about ten minutes so, I'd leave the device alone on sleep mode or some shit. And think about how you can get a message across.
In the meanwhile without internet.
>make a video of your surroundings
>Record a distress video, ask for help ASAP and give every bit of information you know about your identity.
>Maybe mess with the video compression to make it compact enough for upload, so you can at least have the low quality one online, just to lower the total file size.
Internet is back
>Contact family with the video through the most direct service
>Probably try to get as much attention with the videos as possible by using social media to contact emergency services
>Then look around for some botany book about edible plants and get a PDF of trapping
You get the idea of what's next.
>Try and stay alive for long enough to
>How do you get yourself rescued?
fuck that. I have the means to say my few goodbyes through the internet, and then I can die in peace, without any chance of interference by those who regard forcing people to be alive as an imperative moral good.
So much this.
boards.Sup Forums.org/g/
take photo of self
post it on /bst/
"help lol"
I round up all the tribal national geographic bitches in the area, get them to be cam whores, and have them talk the stupid cucks watching them into funding a rescue expedition. Problem solved.
>send an email to the north pole
>ask santa for shotgun and a boat
>wait for christmas
>shoot myself
done and done
>windows 10 laptop
>open lid
>"Would you like to install this update?"
>no option to not install it
>spend last fleeting hours of life watching windows install a 10mb update
go to disney.com
can't ask my parents for permission because desert island
kill santa
>go to Google maps
>get location
>tell my friend thru fb and send him a screenshot
>die because no one cares about me
Eat the laptop
>laptop runs nonfree software
>throw it in the water
>satellite dish probably runs nonfree software
>throw it in the water
>probably some hidden surveillance device in the tree running nonfree software
>throw it in the water
>sand probably has nanorobots running nonfree software
>throw sand in the water
>water now has binary blobs
>start throwing water until I realize I'm drowning and then die knowing I did my best to fight the botnet
Satellite can't give exact location because it covers very large area.
Depends on how many satellite links you have.
Realistically you are going to have 4+ links at any given time, more than enough to easily and accurately get high accuracy coordinates.
GPS isn't magic, and given you already have satellite equipment for data service, you have enough to get your coordinates.
Getting the coordinates is the easy part. How the hell do you get in contact with anyone who gives a fuck? You are most likely going to be a write off. Unless you have connections or are extremely valuable you will just be forgotten and left behind.
Tell /k/ there is an Island with no government.
I'd literally just call 911 over voip and say I'm Julien Assange and I'm trapped in a island and that I'd give up everything I knew about the rest of the worlds secrets and would go into govt custody if they saved me.
By the time anyone realizes i'm not assange Ill be gucci.
hm... hm.....
some time ago some Russian hackers used satellites for their target. Authorities "tracked" them to 3000km area. Doesn't sound very accurate to me.
Also:
>10 min connection each hour
doesn't sound realistic
You go and make Sup Forums proud boi!!!!
By the time they realise you're not assange you'll have spent 5 years in gitmo
Who cares I'd still be alive.
stop delutional OP
I will let google knows me better. then call for help.
Look up illegal piza
wait for fbi to show up
gis.stackexchange.com
dtic.mil
10 Min is more than enough time to dump your coordinates using a process called trilateration.
So you have GPS coordinates though, what now? Normies don't have any planes or helicopters, who are you going to contact, your parents, the police? It's not like you can call up 1-800-USGOVERNMENT and ask them for a helicopter ride.
>make thread on Sup Forums with timestamp
>get rescued within an hour
Wait for night, check major stars to see if you are in southern or northern hemisphere.
Compare night sky with almanac. Use my knowledge of navigation to calculate my position.
Send coords to friends,family and rescue agencies.
Probably first tell friends on social media I'm on an island and no idea how to get off it, voip call some sort of police force.
Google how to find out where in the world I am and if that shows nothing, approximate the time and figure out where the sun currently is, then idk I guess figure out what temp each place in the world along that latitude is and try to give as much of a description I can to someone I know.
I stick the satellite dish up my ass and produce unbelievable loud fart, summoning rescue.
Alternatively go to pornhub and jerk off until I die.
>not sticking the laptop up your ass and jerking off the satellite dish until pornhub dies
Post on reddit "Currently lost on an island AMA".
Just claim to be a terrorist or somone controversial.
what is gps
This. You can use three satellites to triangulate your location and call for help. Exactly how GPS works.
Then do this.
Never mind. Forgot the earth wasn't flat for a second. You'd need trilateration as said by:
>search 9 minutes on pornsites for perfect porn including skimming through vid etc
>find vid
>connection discontinued
stream cod for 10 minutes and wait for the swat team to show up
>Unless you have connections or are extremely valuable you will just be forgotten and left behind.
What? I would contact friends and family. They would pool funds if necessary and pay for my rescue. I could also just pay for it myself, electronically, depending on the cost.
>Thinking your friends and family care enough about you to raise millions for an intercontinental rescue mission in the middle of the ocean.
I meant that it's not realistic that internet connection is up only for 10 minutes and somehow you get 10 mins each hour. That would be pretty shitty satellite system no one would put in space.
Just contact someone from UN, tell them your name, country, address, give contacts of your friends and family, so they could contact them and confirm that you're missing.
I very much doubt that UN would leave someone to die.
>I very much doubt that UN would leave someone to die.
Order a power generator off eBay and prostitutes off Craigslist and spend the rest of my days on the island.
>mfw astronomylets can't calculate the geographic location just by measuring the sun's height and knowing GMT time
One measurement alone will suffice to limit the search area to a circle. Incorporating climate data limits you to a few parts of a circle while a second measurement some time later limits the search area to two points on the planet. One if you take into account that the Sun seems to be going "the other way" on the southern hemispgere. Incorporate info about visible satellites and you're golden. For maximum precision, spend first 10 minutes downloading a database of satellites and checking the visible satellites, immediately after perform a measurement and perform first calculations with estimates, next connection window contact your country's government, the nearest governments and UN. Sometime later perform second measurement and you know everything about your position. Next window, pass exact information to the nearest government (geographically), your own and to UN. Oh, and family if they're people who care and who know what to do.
Then start sparing your laptop batteries, only using it on communication windows.
I'll shitpost until one of us(laptop or me) dies.
Triangulate my fucking position using 3 satellites then call for help, you idiots
>use sun to figure out Cardinals, map in sand for dark
>Do not turn computer on
>At dark, wait until eyes have fully adjusted and draw as much of a star map as I can in the sand again and commit as much to memory as possible
>In the morning turn computer on, Google current star maps and open them in a billion tabs so I can still use them if my internet goes out
>After some careful analysis post my approximately whereabouts to all social media, including this shithole, and wait
traceroute motherfucker, do you know how to use it?
>what is gps
Something that requires a receiver which you don't have on this island
>he thinks traceroute is going to give any useful data whatsoever when using satellite internet
Your very first hop is going to be to a fucking satellite dumbass
>he thinks it takes millions to rescue somebody whose location is known in the ocean
it takes about $1000 of fuel for a local fisherman to get to anywhere on earth within the tropic of cancer
>needing star charts to know where the points Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn are
Pathetic
>waiting for night
>waiting
>when you don't even have water to drink
Also:
>figuring out cardinals using the Sun
I hope you know how to handle a sunset that does not happen exactly in the West Cardinal, ie what happens 363 days a year
>whose location is known
No
>try to log in a few times into the FBI
>wait for Navy Seals to hoard in
Not hard.
See or find a flaw in my reasoning
Frankly all you need the Internet for is communicating the need for help and making sure you have the right time and date, taking time equation corrections will help too I guess
>develop schizophrenia
>write an OS commissioned by God in 7 hours and 50 minutes
>use 10 minutes of battery life left and internet to stream about my schizophrenic nightmares
>wait for 8 chan to bail me out
kekt
>reading comprehension
use the time of sunrise to calculate your longitude and my measuring the ratio of a stick and its shadow at noon to calculate your latitude. this should give you an approximate geolocation within which there will be only a few islands of the particular size of your own island.
then get your senpai to pay a nearby fisherman to come pick you up
most remote islands are in the pacific, its a big old place but it helps with knowing who to contact.
use my first internet burst to email uk foreign office (and maybe the media), ask them who to contact (probably australians)
assuming i woke in the morning, and I have my watch I wait for when the sun is highest in the sky to estimate my longitude
go swim for a bit when internet goes off
while internet is on, shitpost some more
swim some more, but I don't want to exhaust myself, so
when night falls, contact necessary parties again and send them either a low-res png of the night sky and my estimated latitude
then I just try not to die of exposure or hunger while somebody comes to pick me up
>waking at sunrise
guess I should add "record time of nightfall" to
>halp, I am a white person of the west and my ship crashed SOS
and you get rescued, christ why is this so hard for you fucks.
Go to Sup Forums.org Sup Forums
Make this thread
Wait as anons do the thinking for me while I swim and goof around
>post cp on 4chinks
>claim to be an isis high rank
>claim to have secret soviet missile codes
>call someone a nigger on social media
>set social media profile to heterosexual
>wait for the UN troops to arrive
>spend rest of your life in Guantanamo Waterboarding Resort
>draw he will not divide us on beach
>upload to pol
>saved within an hour
use the stars to figure out where i am and then send a message to my dad the non-gay sailor to swing by and pick me up
What's the point really? I'm just weirdly formed stardust that eats other stardust to stay alive. Some decades later, I'll die and worms made out of stardust will eat through my brain and process all those proteins containing precious memories into literal chemical waste. Might as well die on that island.