Be American

>Be American

>Wake up and roll out of bed, which takes great effort, as 70.7% of adult Americans are overweight (cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm)

>Waddle into the kitchen and wake myself up with a nice big glass of corn syrup, before turning on the TV to watch the NFL. However, not much of the game is actually played while drinking the cornsyrup, as under 6% of a televised NFL match is actually spent playing the game (sportsgrid.com/real-sports/nfl/pie-chart-actual-football-watching-nfl-game-vs-replays-commercials-etc/)

>A lot of the players are brown, as only 63% of Americans are white (nydailynews.com/news/national/percentage-non-hispanic-whites-hits-all-time-63-article-1.1371772)

>Waddle and roll into my oversized SUV -which I've never taken off road- and drive to work

>accidentally crash into the back of a police vehicle, but don't damage it because American police drive IED proof MRAPs.

>the police -who wearing military uniforms- get out and immediately shoot me. This doesn't surprise me, because American police shot 92 times more people than the police in the People's Republic of China did in 2014 (thefreethoughtproject.com/police-kill-citizens-70-times-rate-first-world-nations/)

>Go to hospital, but first have to pay thousands of dollars to get there (articles.latimes.com/2013/aug/23/business/la-fi-healthcare-watch-20130825)

>Receive extremely poor care in the hospital, when compared to other first world countries, despite outspending all them all (commonwealthfund.org/publications/fund-reports/2014/jun/mirror-mirror)

>The nurse is nice enough to wipe away the shart for free though

Other urls found in this thread:

pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/plea/interviews/mcspadden.html)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States)
hrw.org/news/2007/12/15/us-federal-statistics-show-widespread-prison-rape)
cdc.gov/hiv/statistics/overview/)
niceme.me
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

>get better through some miracle and go to court.

>Receive plea bargain which I feel that I have no option but to take. I remember that 96% of federal cases are resolved through plea bargains (pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/plea/interviews/mcspadden.html)

>only get four consecutive life sentences, which is rather light for the American justice system

>I am amazed at how big the prison is, but then I remember that 2.8% of American adults are under correctional supervision (both incarceration and on parole) and that this percentage exceeds every other nation on earth (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States)

>In prison I am sexually assaulted, as is 4.5% of the prison population every year (hrw.org/news/2007/12/15/us-federal-statistics-show-widespread-prison-rape)

>As the United States has such a high prevalence of HIV -well over 1.2 million Americans, a rate far higher than other first world nations, are infected- I contract the lethal virus. (cdc.gov/hiv/statistics/overview/)

>I die and require an extra large coffin, although this is not unusual in the United States.

>The NSA spies on my funeral

niceme.me

You try WAY to hard.

>because American police shot 92 times more people than the police in the People's Republic of China did in 2014
At least we have good food.

>get better through some miracle and go to court
you forgot to praise jesus you fucking godless commie

woah i hate USA now

OP you made me laugh
Here's a funny video

the mindset to create a thread like this and to reply to is something i'd like to do away with

never liked you anyway

we hate you too, thats why we left

God damn, it must've taken you ages to check all those webpages since your internet is so shit

Congrats on the persistence

damn, mexican cartels are dangerous

Oh shit, I forgot your well deserved yous
I'll give myself one too

poo peeland haha

>mfw I'm a fit 5'5" 199(muscle) and your words don't hurt me

hahaha nice!

thanks man!

Outstanding posts.

...

Good thread.

At least I don't live in
Oh wait
What country are you from again?

...

New Zealand.

new zealand trying to beat us at our own game

>be New Zealand
>pee on kiwi

>5'5
Kill yourself

>tfw 6ft

Shart through the Marts and you're to blame, burger
You give Walmart a bad name

A Burger's bile is what you like to smell
It promises you heaven then puts you through hell
Chains of fat, got a hold on thee
When Shopping mall's a prison you can't break free

You're a loaded bum, yeah
There's nowhere to run
No-one can contain your poo, the damage is done

Shart through the Marts and you're to blame
You give Walmart a bad name
I play my part and you play with poo
You give Walmart a bad name
You give Walmart a bad name

Amerisharts utterly BTFO ITT and they desperayely trying to damage control now.

>this obsession

Shart through the Marts and you're to blame, burger
You give Walmart a bad name

A Burger's bile is what you like to smell
It promises you heaven then puts you through hell
Chains of fat, got a hold on thee
When Shopping mall's a prison you can't break free

You're a loaded bum, yeah
There's nowhere to run
No-one can contain your poo, the damage is done

Shart through the Marts and you're to blame
You give Walmart a bad name
I play my part and you play with poo
You give Walmart a bad name
You give Walmart a bad name

...

I was going to say that's not American, it's Mexican; but then I realised there isn't a difference

>getting so into it you write walls of text nobody will read
wow, feel sorry for the non-americans of the earth. we are god's sane people

good posts

bad posts

>clicking all the posts
pure
unadulterated
autism

bad post

bad post

>>As the United States has such a high prevalence of HIV -well over 1.2 million Americans, a rate far higher than other first world nations, are infected- I contract the lethal virus. (cdc.gov/hiv/statistics/overview/)
Is this true?

>New Zedland """""banter"""""

hey, I was present for the pozzed Lucio main

>their conversational functions have now reduced to a simple binary of good or bad
>they now babble it incessantly like children
and we get shit for our mental care.

We are not a first world nation. We are a proud brown/black developing nation. Embrace it and ignore this freak's whitewashing of our proudly diverse culture

Note: I was calling the racist Australian a freak. Not you senpai.

low quality posts

D-DELET

...

It's all true. We are 3rd world. Stay away.

>American walks into room
>IM A FIRESHARTER, TWISTED FIRESHARTER starts playing

>american sharts on the battlefield
>"it aint me" starts playing

...

SHART

IN

MART!

>int
bad posts

what's your btag ausmate?

Australian bants a bit weak today. Too much fact checking

hahahaha btfo by new zealand how does it feel poopees

haha y downt u tell us dood ahha bet u at the rugby

great post OP

thanks

the poonited states will NEVER recover

Holy kek, never seen a raging tribal before. Did seeing burgers living a comfy life triggered you that hard, island nigger?

But then again, burgers are also actively going in this thread to defend their cunt like it's mattered so carry on

...

...

>Vietnam won the war

Oh hot damn, buttmad alert

If those are the only good pics you can find then work on your google-fu kiddos

Also hey, we are technically not an insignificant little island sucking off to our bigger cousin like a parasite :^)

>See's kiwi bantposting
>Murican posters are retarded enough (as usual) to take the bait

You are expecting fragile American ego to know better and ignore this? Lulz

Responding to you with pictures of why your country is shit (which is pretty easy to do for Vietnam) doesn't equate to being butthurt f.a.m

And it's actually pretty nice living on an irrelevant set of islands, especially when I remember that I could live in a massive hot, stinky, over crowded, communist jungle that has China (and used to have the fucking KHMER ROUGE) as a neighbour :)

>Responding to you with pictures of why your country is shit (which is pretty easy to do for Vietnam) doesn't equate to being butthurt f.a.m
The thing is, those are low effort pics, anyone mad that they just got called out by fucking 'Nam can always look up:"VIETNAMESE AGENT ORANGE VICTIMS" to fuel their raging tantrum

>And it's actually pretty nice living on an irrelevant set of islands, especially when I remember that I could live in a massive hot, stinky, over crowded, communist jungle that has China
The fact that you still assume we keep our political status exactly just as we were in the '90 show just to the extent why I'm wasting my time trying to come up with a witty and insulting comeback
And to answer you back, no we live in cities now, which are like this HUGE place with BUILDINGS (in case you don't know what a city is)

>(and used to have the fucking KHMER ROUGE) as A neighbour
Keyword being:"Used to"
Because we wiped out the rouge ourselves, which you didn't know and I can't blame you since I don't normally expect tribal savages to be civilized and well-educated :^)
Also it's *neighbours you illiterate dip

See you tomorrow mad zealanders, keep the thread warm for me :^)

Keep bumping it pls

Need sleep, love you, bye

...

>all this ameributthurt

I am laughing my lmao ass off.