2018

>2018
>his house isn't smart yet
How does it feel to be a troglodyte?

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>living in a botnet

if you mean i haven't turned my house into a botnet, then yeah you're right

yup i updated my windows 10 refrigerator in time

I have a bus system in my house so I can control every light and the music on my soundsystem with the click of a button.
I have an electronic door lock (with backup key when the ups fails).
I can send a text home to start the oven or the washing machine so it's done when I'm home.
And of course, I have a couple cameras which store locally and send video files to a vps when they detect movement.

so what the fuck do I need a bin I can talk to for?

>not having a smart house
>being a fucking tool

pick one

>breakers
check
>electricity
check
>water
check
>sewer
check

Smart enough.

Take that back, you just hurt my House's feelings.

>deck out domicile in smarthouse gear
>company that makes gear kills the mothership server due to being assholes or going out of business
>can't even turn the lights on
Can't wait.

>How does it feel to be a troglodyte?
Really good, gladly I never fall for fake needs.

I like Tech but come the fuck on. There are limits. I don't need a smart home. I can use the damn remote just fine the way it is to control my TV/Cable box/Dvd player/and Streaming media player. Just like I can get up and turn the thermostat up/down or off. I'm not a lazy fucker like some people. I don't need an app to lock my doors or tell me to buy "whatever" when it's low.

>tfw I never get owned by a smart toaster that'll never receive a single update after it leaves production line in chinkland.
>tfw I never have my identity stolen by a smart toilet plunger.
woe is me.

...

> 2028
> be
> torrent shit
> all of a sudden all the lights shutdown, fridge locks, and doors too
> only PC remains on
> user, please pay 500 bucks as fine for downloading content from an illegal source. U til then all of your appliances will remain on lock down.

Yeah I will enjoy my smart house!

youtube.com/watch?v=YJg02ivYzSs

>breakers
>check
OK
>electricity
>check
If it's coming from the grid, it's botnet. Off-grid is stupid expensive though.
>water
>check
He doesn't have his own well. Botnet by meter readers
>sewer
>check
He doesn't have his own septic system

>tfw my smart home gets hacked by some russian and is now my toaster doesn't work because it's mining cryptocurrency

>tfw my toaster drops a keylogger on me
>tfw my fridge gets roped into a Russian botnet and is used to influence American elections via Social Media
>tfw my toilet was hacked and now hackers have pictures of my butt hole and are threatening to sell them to people unless I send them bitcoins
>tfw garage door gets hit with ransomware and won't decrypt so I can put my car in so I have to get a new ones
>tfw my microwave runs proprietary code so I can't even heat up a hot pocket
>tfw the botnet wants me to starve

>Oy vey, why haven't you installed spy-- I mean-- '''''security''''' cameras in your home and connected your refrigerator to our adware botnet? Are you a Luddite or a caveman?

>Botnet by meter readers
They are mechanical...
>it's botnet.
We are speaking of smart houses, not botnet

Newer meters can be read remotely.

fpbp

All mechanical ones were replaced with wifi digital ones where i live

>tfw home network is compromised
>IoT devices beyond fucked
>smart fridge collects data on when it is most & least used, turns cooling off during least used hours, back on when people are around
>smart thermostat gradually increases heat so people don't notice it is getting warmer
>smart washer adds bleach to every load
>IoT cameras send info about face and body type to be used in Deepfakes porn

Yeah sounds real neat

>painter's tape
label makers are not expensive

this. Anything "smart lol helpfull" is just a gimmick like that google home shit that listens to you 24/7 (also helps getting your house fucked by the gov and black hat hackers in)

You think thats bad
NOW PAY UP

His house watches him masturbate to animie

>tfw ransomware encrypts my microwave while I'm heating up some pizza and I can't stop the timer because the microwave isn't modular and is built into my house and it catches fire and generates so many microwaves that they collapse into a micro blackhole, swallowing myself, my dakimakura, my thinkpad, collection, my pizza and my battlestation into a dimension of pure agony having to audit Poojeet Javascript
>tfw I should have listened to Stallman

>2018
>knowing every connected device on my network is fully patched
i dunno user, how does it feel to be botnet?

Smart homes are for disabled people and the olds who can't think so good anymore.

Which are you?

>Toaster has DRM and only toasts bread once you enter the key

If course it listens. It listens for you to say "ok Google"

>have to buy the DLC to toast for more than 1 minute

HOW DID IT COME TO THIS

What's it like to not value your time and energy?

>tfw dumb home

i dunno what's it like to be too fat to get up and turn off your lights?

>can no longer buy houses
>you can only buy licenses to houses
>decide to pirate a house
>comes with russian botnet
>literally just a russian roommate you're stuck with

>you can only buy licenses to houses
>doesn't know what a mortgage is

Because I already own my home and everything in it, and it all works properly. It's a case of, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." If my fridge or thermostat or some shit stopped working, I might look at getting something "smarter" but until then I'm not going to waste my money.
That said, I will never, ever have smart door locks. Every system gets broken eventually. Will you be hit before the manufacturer patches the exploit? Will they patch it at all? Nope, a physical key in my pants pocket is all I need.

>a conveyance of an interest in property as security for the repayment of money borrowed.
The home's still in my name. I own it. The bank just has the ability to force a sale of it to recover their money if I stop repaying the other 50% I had to borrow to buy it.

honestly sounds like the bank owns it to me friendo, also have fun with property taxes

Even if you could make the argument that they own part of it (they don't), I still own more. At purchase it was a 52/48 split.
It's more like pawning something than anything. You're offering up collateral in exchange for a loan. That collateral can be forfeited if you don't repay the loan.

Mortgages eventually get paid off.

As far as property taxes go.... I mean, at some point ownership is a concept we have to accept. Yes, in theory the state or another entity with sufficient force can take property away from anyone, but in practice that's not how things generally play out.

>Go home
>Had to go walking because your car is updating
>The Biometrics door has dust and does not recognize your firgerprint. Locks for an hour
>Wait and enter your house
>Security camera follows you
>Try to open refrigerator
>Can't
>The screen shows up a bunch of Russian text
>Go to service room
>Get a call from the surveillance company because you don't usually enter that room at that hour
>Can't wash your clothes because your washing machine needs to scan branded detergent before washing
>Ask Alexa to buy more proprietary detergent instead of just walking 5min and buy some
>Go to kitchen
>Sign in with facebook to activate your $400 PJ sandwich maker
>Decide you use pre-toasted bread because you don't like how mushy the machine does it
>Toaster is mining bitcoin, have to reset it
>PJ machine detects that you are using pre-toasted bread, revokes your guarantee and refuses to work until you contact the company
>Go to your room after eating only a piece of toast
>"Alexa, turn on the lights"
>TV turns on the sports channel showing a fight
>"Alexa, turn on the L-I-G-H-T-S"
>Light turns on
>Go to bet with robo-wife
>Or at least the lifeless machine, as the OS left you long ago
>"Alexa, Turn of the light"
>nothing
>"Turn OFF the Lights"
>nothing
>"Turn off the lies"
>Nothing
>"Tune of the lives?"
>Lights turn off
>Hug robo-wife
>fail on un-locking her, after three tries Alexa calls the police
tfw Efficiency to the max

>all that wifi
>cooking your brain

Having smart devices are useless unless there is a robot that will operate them. What's the point of having a washing machine that turns on if there isn't a robot to load and unload it.