ITT post general tech terms and terms that are said in tech professions that make you want to kill someone

ITT post general tech terms and terms that are said in tech professions that make you want to kill someone
>daily driver
>ping - referencing messaging/calling someone
>calling people 'a resource'
>do the needful

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>Disrupt

>machine learning
>the cloud

>do the needful
Holy fuck every poointheloo uses that every time, so weird

>a new paradigm
>iteration

>ITIL
>scrum
>agile

Not so much a specific thing, but
>I'm a trendy mid 20's dude living in Silicon Valley and I'm fine with giving up every shred of information about myself so my Smart Toaster knows when to preheat itself in the morning
>So everybody everywhere should be too, or that'd be weird
I get companies shilling this shit. I don't get individuals that take it hook, line and sinker.

>calling people 'a resource'
Who the hell does that? I want to snap their necks.

I've literally never heard any of those. Have you tried not being an autistic retard?

>unix
And worse:
>*nix

ITT: autism trigger words

>agile programming
>scrum
>big data
>linux

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...

>currently rocking
>cutting edge
>bleeding edge
what's next? killing edge?
>neural network
>deep learning
>coding
>casting
as in variables. just because I don't understand the concept
>smart[anything]
>blockchain
>IOT
more like IdiOT heh
>technology shortened to tech
>headless server
just because I don't understand it
>linux pronounced as linix instead of li-noox
>gif pronounced as jif
>chiclet
sounds more like a small chicken, not a keyboard type
>Sup Forums shortened to 4ch
>women
women in general
>captcha
why is it so hard to pronounce?
>terminal
where are you flying? oh you mean that black window where you type text...
>RGB[anything]
>advertisement shortened to ad
>remove
you are not moving it again, you are deleting it

You're off your mrds again aren't you Steven?

>industry standard
>open sourced

>daily meeting to say what you did yesterday and what you'll do today

>killing edge

>available for windows, mac, linux and android

What low trust kind of career is that

>coding
>coders

web developer, it annoys the fuck out of me

Anyone in some kind of managerial position that wants to sound like they're above others. I hear this regularly at work, and have been referred to as a resource.

Most agile development environment have daily scrums. I have to do them too.

As for mine:
>people who ask you to message them by asking to "pop them up"
>"let's take this discussion offline" (even though the discussion takes place through online messaging)
> "A help desk incident was just filed. Will you be able to have a look at it?"

As for other things I experience at work that are not terms:
> People who stretch during daily scrum
> People who date others within their department
> People who think they're solving a problem by requiring everyone to fill out yet another fucking spreadsheet/form for everything you do

>neural network
>deep learning
Actual terms meaning actual things. It processes information by feeding it through a bunch of simulated interconnected nodes that take a bunch of inputs between 0 and 1, each times a scale factor, and outputs a number between 0 and 1 depending on the sum of inputs times scale factors, and a weight. Learning (training it) is the process of determining scale factors and weights based on a set of inputs and "correct" outputs for them.

>casting variables
Pretty simple, turns one thing into another. Cast a float into an int [ (int)myfloat ] and it chops off everything after the decimal point to make it an int. Cast one pointer type into another and it treats one bunch of data as if it was of a different type.

>chiclet
The name derives from pic related. It's a gum that was more popular in the 70s and 80s. Keyboards with shitty little rounded rubber buttons were mockingly called chiclet keyboards because they looked like a bunch of pieces of Chiclets gum.

>captcha
>why is it so hard to pronounce?
Say it like 'capture' but with a Boston accent, with an "uh" sound instead of the r at the end.

>4ch
Shortened that way because of the Japanese 2ch that it was modeled on.

>terminal
Technically "terminal emulator". A terminal is a piece of hardware with a keyboard and a CRT, that displays characters you type (if local echo is on), transmits them through a serial port, and displays any characters that come back. It's called a "terminal" because it's the far end of a connection to a mainframe or minicomputer that's many feet or miles away.

>headless server
Displays were called heads back in the 80s or so. It was a rarity to have 2 screens -- video cards only supported 1, and you couldn't have 2 video cards of the same type since they use hardwired addresses. But for instance you could have a 5150 PC with 2 heads: a high res MDA for comforably viewing text, and a CGA for graphics.

Headless is it has no displays.

I want to kill you

could literally jab a person in the eye with a pencil if they says the following:

micro manage[ment]
think[ing] outside of the box
cultural diversity
group think

What if you have a manager that is actually being too nosey and getting too involved in everyone's business? If you don't like the term micro-management, then how else do you summarize it?

lack of delegation skills

>micro manage[ment]
The correct pronunciation is "micro manglement".

>think[ing] outside of the box
I use this term to describe when my cat shits just outside the litter box.

>cultural diversity
It's a legit term that acts as a warning sign that the company values skin color more than competence. No matter your race, the quality of the code you maintain there will reflect that.

>group think
What else are you going to call it? The net IQ of a group will be the minimum IQ in the group divided by the number of people in it.

>*hug*

>>casting
>as in variables. just because I don't understand the concept
You don't cast variables, you cast variable types. The full term is "type casting".
All data on the hardware is just bytes, and there is no real way to differentiate them. High level languages use types to automatically differentiate between bytes of a float and bytes of an int. Adding a float to an int by adding the bits together would have a strange result. Thus, type casting tells the compiler "turn this int into a float".
It gets more complicated in OOP.

When you explain a problem to a customer and they say "sorry i'm tech illiterate"
Makes me want to stab them in the eye with a pen
>also when old people ask you to show them how to login to facebook, emails ect.

>"the Internet"
>referring to the web browser

>semitic
Brian, thats a fantastic thing to say, yes, very semitic
>antisemitic
Graham, don't you think it's rather antisemitic to suggest that Hitler was charismatic?
>zionist
I don't want to be a zionist about this but could you pass the Kosher meats over, please?
>heads up
Just a heads up, everyone, We are no longer allowed to pretend to be Jewish in meetings and from now on must not exclude muslims from the meeting rooms

>>group think
>What else are you going to call it? The net IQ of a group will be the minimum IQ in the group divided by the number of people in it.

A meeting

Groupthink is not a meeting. It's the phenomenon where group members tend to think alike and kill each others' creativity. This is why a design that's made by a committee is always lame and uninspired unless there's a creative leader who takes charge and directs the group.

>evangelist
It's funny that it's mostly used by hardcore Linux/FOSS advocates. Gives me the feeling their technology and its users form a sect or something and immediately drives me away from it. Disgusting.

>"the Internet"
>referring to the computer

>"the Computer"
>referring to the monitor

>people at my place finally understand the monitor is not actually the computer itself
>the next batch of workstations are iMacs
>people get really confused about this

I agree I hate that word. I always think of these guys that scream hallelujah at those gospel churches, pic related.