ITT: we all live in silicon valley and work at some shitty startup together

ITT: we all live in silicon valley and work at some shitty startup together

Other urls found in this thread:

quora.com/What-are-the-top-reasons-why-startups-fail
twitter.com/AnonBabble

shut the fuck up im trying to think
i cant think in this obnoxious fucking open workspace
i have headphones on leave me the fuck alone
these headphones cant block the sound of my neighbor smashing away on his clicky keyboard

: gets in early and drinks coffee while playing some Doom to warm up for the day :
: Reads emails and tech news :
: Thinks about topics for discussion at the morning meeting :
Hey, morning!

>his
>xer

BRO LET'S SYNC UP OVER GOOGLE HANGOUTS

SOME FUCKTARD CRASHED ON THE 101 AGAIN AND MY COMMUTE JUST BECAME 2 HOURS LONGER

"Hey, user, our gross is pretty low this month between renting this converted portapotty in the valley and us continuously hiring interns for our LogOS Xperience program, so we can't afford to pay you this month - I hope that's ok! I'm sure next month will be better, we're gonna take off any time now!"

>I fucking hate this company I'm gonna hire a clickfarm to boost our numbers then tip off the investors

yeah that reminds me we'll need a code of conduct

Get brought into re-education meeting because you were being ableist when you called something "dumb".

quora.com/What-are-the-top-reasons-why-startups-fail

do startups still pivot or is that a 2012 thing

>20+17
>still using botnets

>founders believe begin Steve jobs love hipster food,had weird sexual fetish,don't have fucking idea about software or market target,spend time call them self founder,write medium articles and get in any hipster party,don't care about employs just want ultra cheap code monkeys works 100hr/wk,feel ultra stress, each fail company blame guilty to other and promise some massive successful for next Quarter,fail and keep fail, people start to found better jobs or burnout.

Some of you guys are alright. Don't go into the kitchen tomorrow.

3/4 of the office, Macbooks
1/4 of the office, holier than thou faggots with 6 year old Thinkpads.

Hey, what anime is your wallpaper from?

3/4 homosexual
1/4 men who get the job done and protect your freedoms while doing it.

Leverage agile frameworks to provide a robust synopsis for high level overviews. Iterative approaches to corporate strategy foster collaborative thinking to further the overall value proposition. Organically grow the holistic world view of disruptive innovation via workplace diversity and empowerment.

Bring to the table win-win survival strategies to ensure proactive domination. At the end of the day, going forward, a new normal that has evolved from generation X is on the runway heading towards a streamlined cloud solution. User generated content in real-time will have multiple touchpoints for offshoring.

Capitalize on low hanging fruit to identify a ballpark value added activity to beta test. Override the digital divide with additional clickthroughs from DevOps. Nanotechnology immersion along the information highway will close the loop on focusing solely on the bottom line.

Someone hosts all our project files on Arch and it dies

Mac users tend to be the most productive workers in their organizations. Probably something to do with valuing that productivity instead of spending time ricing out their desktop and getting into pissing contests over who can fellate RMS the most.

An investor somewhere in the world just got a boner and does not know why. All he knows is that he wants to spend money on something right now.

Stop trying to poach neck beards for your shitty hulu original comedy

20+17=37
????????

It's sad that this is my life.

>hey user, sorry we can't pay you again this month! But don't worry, I've added the equivalent value to your employee shares account so when we go public, you'll be rich!
>fuck, my landlord just raised my rent to $4,000 but hey at least I'm near the SFO BART station so I can still commute faster!
>hey user, remember when I told you we couldn't pay you in money? Well our sysadmin/HR rep/social media guru/Chief Diversity Officer just quit because xir couldn't pay their bills anymore, so we're promoting you!

yo, bucks run?

awoo~

>bro down and crush some code
>brogramming
>bro I can't wait to get bought by Google!

I want to pet that dog

Right, nobody ever gets into pissing contests with their Retina (tm) screens.

"No, I do not want to hear about last night's adventure with that tranny. I have work to do."

You're gonna have to come with me to the re-education office you transphobic bigot nazi white supremacist!
Did you even read the Code of Conduct?

This. I’ll go 10 weeks without pay sometimes.

"But...I'm not white!"

Printer's down again

Doesn't mean you're not contributing to patriarchal systems of oppression, cis scum!

I want you to die, pedo scum

GUYS WE NEED TO STAY FOCUSED ON OUR MISSION!

No longer should anons have to visit sketchy ass pornsites for porn. No longer should they have to search for sauce. Porn needs to change, porn distribution NEEDS TO CHANGE. I introduce to you... FapApp

FapApp reads videos, pictures, and audio files from the sites that you attach to your account. Add funds to your account anonymously using cryptocurrency, or anonymous purchases using our in-app store. If you're short on cash you can even earn some funds by answering user posted requests for sauce. What do you do with these funds? FapApp allows content creators to link refund protected paypals to their accounts on the site so you can give money directly to the people that work hard to make you cum! FapApp breaks new grounds with its crowdfunding feature called "FapFantasy" that lets users start pages for scenes and videos that they would like to see made. Freelance pornstars can then put together scenes themselves and fill the requests. Users then get to vote on the submissions they like the most and the funds are distributed to the pornstars based on what percentage of user votes they've received!

Here at FapApp we believe you should be able to fap, wherever and with whoever you want. The app is available on windows, linux and android devices. It also incorporates lobby based streaming and "peer-fap" meet ups. Most importantly you can be absolutely secure that with FapApp we take your security as our number one concern. Our application doesn't allow spyware, malware, or virus's to get in-between you and your fap. Fap for yourself, and fap for the future, with FapApp.

>FapApp reads videos, pictures, and audio files from the sites that you attach to your account
BOTNET

I think we should target Apple platforms to get the most users

They won't let us on the app stores I don't think.

>he posts to a thread and responds to himself

nice english, faggot

Don't bother me, i'm making the MSX port of the application.

Install Gentoo

story time
> be me from shitty 3 world country
> studying in usa
> joint some shitty startup because lol i'm broke , need money and fuck collage loan
> work as back end developer for start up i won't name , but it was add agency
> first day at job
> huge building with open space bullshit
> everyone uses imacs and chatting on slack
> CEO spends 5k for fucking coffee machine with vacuum coffee thing and other hipster bullshit
> there were couple people who can;t understand how git works
> CEO is basic dude bro
> front end group makes some hipster bullshit design that is fucking difficult to navigate and has lol so artsy colors
>and best off all half of your project was hosted on amazon cloud with basic security and nothing else
> sysadmin was typical Sup Forums tard with neckbeard and weir obsession with mechanical keyboards
> at least paycheck was good so