This kills the progfag

This kills the progfag.

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Wait, why does he not like prog again?

This kills the Kanye fag

the same reason anyone else would? because it sucks?

I don't like prog either. It's incredibly boring and has like 20 minute songs.

mmuh art rawk punks4life

More like
>muh simplicity! muh rock n roll! muh poptimism!

Christgau hates most artsy punk music.

he only likes back2basics punk rock from the streets of NYC

So basically, a guy that calls himself the Dean of Rock Critics says that progressive rock is pretentious garbage.

Nice.

>panned countless groundbreaking rock albums
>praised countless bland pop albums
>"Dean of Rock Critics"
Top kek

But he gave "Red" an A-, "Selling England" a B,

In one of his columns from the 90s, he said (paraphrasing):

"In my opinion, U2 always put on too many airs to suit my taste. They're a working class band with pretentions behind their humble origins. I will say part of my preferences are generational--the music I grew up loving in the '50s was fast, short, and funny. There's a kernel of truth in the somewhat specious notion that punk rock was '50s rock-and-roll revisited. Many critics in their 30s who came up with the AOR of the '70s, which was long, slow, and somber, probably see things in there that I never will and U2 were at the tail end of the AOR era in their soberness and wide sonic expanse."

>go read his prog reviews
>all of them are le witty and funny banter that doesn't actually explain why the albums are bad

He's an inconsistent, contrarian fucker. If he doesn't like prog/AOR, then he shouldn't put the Beatles in his top 5 artists of all time since they were a major ingredient in that. I can also name any number of LZ/Rolling Stones and shit, even Aerosmith records he gave Bs and As to all despite them doing the very things he complained about like huge 5+ minute tracks and slow, dirgy songs.

This entire post is retarded

Kill yourself, painfully, and slowly

>Christgau hasn't reviewed your favorite band that he would certainly hate
>Scruffy likes them
Feels great desu family

a lot of people who don't like prog like red though

Scaruffi is a hack, a meme, he will never be taken seriously like Christgau, who is arguably the most important music critic of all time. Scaruffi built his name by bashing The Beatles and Elvis and being a BBC cuck in general. (Why can't I marry a 12 year old!) Christgau while he has some opinions I disagree with, is respected and has good reviews.

Also he says he was born in the wrong generation to appreciate metal, however he's always liked hip-hop which came well after metal.

Man, just admit you wouldn't like metal even if you'd been born in the 80s-90s. My brother, he was born in 1993 and he's never liked it.

This. Plus his New Wave reviews are spot on. And this is coming from a ProgFag.

He likes Discipline, I've got no beef with him

His reviews are good when it's an artist he personally likes. On the other hand, his attitude to artists he doesn't like is totally childish and unprofessional for a professional critic.

>so-called "Dean of Rock Critics"
>can't be bothered to write a review longer than a bomb emoji for 90% of his current reviews

I notice Christgau has a problem with depressing songs and only likes upbeat, good-time-fun stuff. He said now that he's old, he likes Leonard Cohen because he presents a fundamentally optimistic view of old age.

And he seems to have an issue with "First World problems" suburban white boy angst.

Christgau is at least funnier

than Scaruffi, I mean

From the 91 Pazz & Jop Poll:

"As for metal, well, that's generational and more will come. Many of the younger guys who grew up on 70s AOR can appreciate it, but it's like Balkan girl groups--I'd be a fool to enjoy everything. To that end, I preferred the knee-jerk sexism of Use Your Illusion I to the asshole existentialism of Use Your Illusion II. I found myself putting James Hetfield out of his misery inside of 5 plays. Life is short and I felt it getting shorter with every song."

ONLY POSEURS HATE PROG

PROG ON

which is fucking ridiculous because he himself is a suburban white boy and even suburban white people need an emotional outlet and have issues

fucking nazis everywhere man

Boomers need to die off already. Punk Rawk Isn't that revolutionary

Because it's too good for him to feel smart while liking it.

I hate this dude more than Scaruffi. The fact that he dislikes prog so much really discredits him.

His favorite band is the New York Dolls, which is basically AC/DC but worse because people treat them like they're actual art. Some of the most repulsive music I have ever heard.

That applies to all of his reviews, including the positive ones

Yeh he even admitted as a teenager, he didn't like Elvis all that much because his fans were the football jocks/motorcycle greasers who used to kick his ass in HS.

Punk never claimed to be revolutionary though. The 70s punks were trying to recapture the back to basics garage rock that had been buried underneath the bloated stadium rock excess of that time.

I feel a little bit better knowing he got his ass kicked in high school.

do you think christgau has ever liked a black metal album

"I was never an Elvis Presley fan when I was a kid. In fact, I couldn't stand him. As it happened, I heard 'Don't Be Cruel' three or four times before I learned Elvis was singing it, and once I had admitted to myself that I was hooked on that song, it was no real sacrifice to extend my reluctant enthusiasm to 'All Shook Up.' But I never understood the excitement over 'Heartbreak Hotel'--I considered the Stan Freberg parody exceedingly witty--and refused to even listen to 'Hound Dog' or 'Love Me Tender.' Can it be that I was the only American under age sixteen who wasn't shaken by that seismic pelvic power? Bob Dylan lived for Elvis, and I thought he was just another greaseball.

Of course, he really was a greaseball, which was why I didn't like him--he reminded me of every rock who ever threatened to beat me up. All of his musical contemporaries were faintly comic, and most of them were black. They had no real connection to me. I loved Jerry Lee Lewis's records, but I wasn't really shocked, much less inspired, when he married a cousin who was younger than I was--that was the kind of thing crazy people from Louisiana did--and I laughed and laughed the first time I saw Fats Domino on television, because he was wearing what looked like high-top basketball sneakers, dazzling white, with white crepe soles an inch thick. Elvis was different. Like a lot of straight and scared-shitless adolescent males, I must have been jealous of his effect on girls, and perhaps I gained some cachet in my own mind by dissenting from such blanket popularity. But it was simpler than that. He was real, almost like guys I knew, and he frightened me a little."

are you on fucking meth?

a) this is one of their worst songs
b) on one of their worst albums
c) and they suck as a band in general

i can respect scaruffi as a reviewer. this guy isnt even good at reviewing shit though...

And Christgau never liked AC/DC much outside of the Maximum Overdrive soundtrack.

In The Court of the Crimson King [Atlantic, 1969]

The plus is because Pete Townshend likes it. The same can also be said of The Crazy World of Arthur Brown. Beware the forthcoming hype--this is ersatz shit. D+

wrong so hard he's wrong about albums he's not even being tasked to have an opinion

prog is 100% ERSATZ SHIT

The Wall [Columbia, 1979]

For a dumb tribulations-of-a-rock-star epic, this isn't bad--unlikely to arouse much pity or envy, anyway. The music is all right, too--kitschy minimal maximalism with sound effects and speech fragments. But the story is confused, "mother" and "modern life" make unconvincing villains, and if the recontextualization of "up against the wall" is intended ironically, I don't get it. B-

He's not alone. Frank Zappa also hated Elvis and said 50s doo-wop was better and more listenable than Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin's entire discographies.

twitter.com/rxgau

>he has a twitter

what a faggot

My favorite:
Lateralus [Volcano, 2001]
What am I supposed to say about the latest in meaning-mongering for the fantasy fiction set? That they are not as good as King Crimson? That I do not like my Billy Cobham comp even less? That this is not progress? That I am not a virgin? All of the above. Plus I never liked Crimson much to begin with. C

Has he ever live-tweeted his experience listening to a rap album. I have to know the thought process of a man that actually enjoys listening to Soulja Boy's work.

Twitter didn't yet exist in 2007 when he reviewed that album.

Twitter was founded in 2006

So it was just brand new and about 10 people used it back then? I don't remember a single mention of Twitter existing before the current decade.

Reminder that he gave a Janet Jackson and a Black Eyed Peas album a better grade than all but one Pink Floyd album.

The difference being Scaruffi has better taste.

A Farewell To Kings [Mercury, 1977]

The most obnoxious band currently making a killing on the zonked teen circuit. Imagine a power trio Kansas or Uriah Heep with the vocals cranked up an octave. Or two. D+

Close To The Edge [Atlantic, 1972]

What a waste. They come up with a refrain that sums up everything they do--"I get up I get down"--and apply it only to their ostensible theme, which is the "seasons of man" or something like that. They segue effortlessly from Bach to harpsichord to bluesy rock and roll and don't mean to be funny. Conclusion: At the level of attention they deserve they're a one-idea group. Especially with Jon and Rick up front. C+

Spiderland [Touch and Go, 1991]
Out of Squirrel Bait by Hunglikealbini, a Trojan horse. Extolled for their multipartite songforms and, da-da, dynamic shifts from soft to loud, as well as their intimate knowledge of mental illness, these guys look like unassuming alternative types and in real life may be same. Their sad-sack affect fits right in. But musically--structurally, as one might say--they're art-rockers without the courage of their pretensions. And if you promise not to mention their lyrics they promise to keep the volume down. C+

Leftoverture [Kirshner, 1976]

Q: How do you tell American art-rockers from their European forebears? A: They sound dumber, they don't play as fast, and their fatalism lacks conviction. The question of humor remains open: Impressed as I am with titles like "Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat" and Leftoverture itself, I find no parallels in the music. D+

It's Hard [Warner Bros., 1982]

Tommy's operatic pretensions were so transparent that for years it seemed safe to guess that Townshend's musical ideas would never catch up with his lyrics. And it fact they didn't--both became more prolix at about the same rate. This isn't so grotesque as All the Blind Chinamen Have Western Eyes, but between the synths and the book-club poetry it's the nearest thing to classic awful English art-rock since Genesis discovered funk. Best tune: "Eminence Front," on which Townshend discovers funk. Just in time. Bye. C

...

Hybrid Theory [Warner Bros., 1999]

the men don't know what the angry boys do ("Papercut", "Points of Authority") **

wow what a fucking cuck

The Money Store [Epic, 2012]
Nobody comes out and says Skrillex-as-Unabomber or Skrillex-sans-fun because Skrillex is uncool. But that's what it is: aggro keyboards by Andy Morin d/b/a Flatlander, spitfire raps by MC Ride d/b/a Stefan Burnett, and crazed drumming by Zach Hill d/b/a you-know-him-from-Hella. Hill gets the attention because you (may) know him from Hella, and also because he's always been a hyperactive math-rocker who carries many slide rules. But the key to this triad is Morin, known if at all as one of Hella's engineers. Excoriating as Burnett and Hill are, the real abrasive is Flatlander--the shrieking trills that attack from above toward the end of "The Fever (Aye Aye)," the armored vehicle gone haywire that is "System Blower." As for what exactly Burnett's so mad about, the booklet that comes with the physical is a great help, and anyway, why ask? In case you hadn't noticed, the title's a metonym for postmodern capitalism. A-

Run the Jewels 2 [Mass Appeal, 2014]
Peace to Killer Mike, Bing his Ferguson speech please, but I've been around too long to let a corticosteroid abuser like El-P get in my face about right and wrong ("Crown," "Angel Duster") *

So he's just like Kurt Cobain whining how jocks beat him up in school and he hated meathead rock like AC/DC and GNR ever since.

>christgau gave Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water a 7

I can understand why Scaruffi gave Significant Other a 7 but Chocolate Starfish? a 7?

Astro Lounge [Interscope, 1999]

surveying the world temporarily from an orbiting vantage point ("Then The Morning Comes", "Satellite") **

hahahahaha

the wall gets a B but slint and yes get a C

colour me triggered

same

Wow, way to shit on people's childhoods. He's gone too far with these.

Superstar Car Wash [Metal Blade, 1993] :(

A Boy Named Goo [Metal Blade, 1995] :(

Dizzy Up The Girl [Warner Bros., 1998] *bomb*

Tonight The Stars Revolt [DreamWorks, 1999] *bomb*

Funkadelic [Westbound, 1970]

Q (side one, cut one): "Mommy, What's a Funkadelic?" A: Someone from Carolina who encountered eternity on LSD and vowed to contain it in a groove. Q (side two, cut four): "What Is Soul?" A: A ham hock in your corn flakes. You get high marks for your questions, guys. C+

>ersatz shit
NEVER FORGET

Henry's Dream [Mute/Elektra, 1992]

Cave's admirers crow about his literary virtues--a rock musician who's actually published a novel! and scripted a film! about John Henry Abbott, how highbrow! Then they proffer dismal examples like "I am the captain of my pain," or the bordello containing--what an eye the man has--a whalebone corset! (Whalebone is very literary--it hasn't been used in underwear since well before Nick was born.) If this is your idea of great writing, you may be ripe for his cult. Otherwise, forget it--the voice alone definitely won't do the trick. C

...Baby One More Time [Jive, 1999]

Madonna next door (". . . Baby One More Time," "Soda Pop"). *

Nevermind [Geffen, 1991]

After years of hair-flailing sludge that achieved occasional songform on singles no normal person ever heard, Seattle finally produces some proper postpunk, aptly described by resident genius Kurt Cobain: "Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, solo, bad solo." This is hard rock as the term was understood before metal moved in--the kind of loud, slovenly, tuneful music you think no one will ever work a change on again until the next time it happens, whereupon you wonder why there isn't loads more. It seems so simple. A

His reviews are 2edgy4me.

Richard D. James Album [Elektra, 1996]
Jungle sure has livelied up this prematurely ambient postdance snoozemeister. His latest synth tunes are infested with hypertime electrobeats that compel the tunes themselves to get a move on. And where once he settled for austere classical aura, now he cuts big whiffs of 19th-century cheese. He even sings. Hey, fella--I hear Martha Wash needs work. B+

ABSOLUTE MADMAN

Shout at the Devil [Elektra, 1983]

It's hardly news that this platinum product is utter dogshit even by heavy metal standards; under direct orders from editors who don't know Iron Maiden from Wynton Marsalis, my beleaguered colleagues on the dailies have been saying so all year, and every insult goes into the press kit. Still, I must mention Mick Mars's dork-fingered guitar before getting to the one truly remarkable thing about this record: a track called "Ten Seconds To Love" in which Vince Neil actually seems to boast about how fast he can ejaculate (or as the lyric sheet puts it, "cum"). And therein, I believe, lies the secret of their commercial appeal--if you don't got it, flaunt it. Follow-up: "Pinkie Prick." D

kek, I like Christgau

Kid A- "Dinner Music
Loveless- "Scalpel Against Bone"
Big Black- "Hitler Youth Rejects"
Death Grips- "Skrillex Sans Fun"
On the Japanese - "The Japanese is that they don't know the difference between a Ramones song and a Wrigley commercial"
Souljaboytellem.com - A-

Seriously this old man can go fuck himself.

Scaruffi is awesome

you said something that wasn't retarded for once. I hate you slightly less

Atom Heart Mother [Harvest, 1970]

Believe it or not, the, er, suite on the first side is easier to take than the, gawd, songs on the second. Yeah, they do leave the singing to an anonymous semi-classical chorus, and yeah, they probably did get the horns for the fanfares at the same hiring hall. But at least the suite provides a few of the hypnotic melodies that made Ummagumma such an admirable record to fall asleep to. D+

Judas Priest:

Meltdown [1970s]

Everything Rocks and Nothing Ever Dies [1990s]

Pyromania [Mercury, 1983]

Fuckin' right new heavy metal is different from old heavy metal. The new stuff is about 5 silly beats faster. And the "new" metal singers all sound free, white, and more-or-less twenty one. C+

Eve [Arista, 1979]
Musically, this is a step toward schlock that knows its name--a few smarmy melodies mixed in with the production values and synthesizer furbelows. Thematically, it's both sophomoric and disgusting--programmatic misogyny rooted in sexual rejections that were clearly deserved. Visually, it's sadistic--the three women on the Hipgnosis cover wear black veils that only partly conceal their scars, warts and blotches. What is it they stencil on street corners? Castrate art rockers? D

robertchristgau.com/xg/music/spice-spi.php

That's right. He thought the Spice Girls were better than Nick Cave, Radiohead, Yes, and a dozen other artists.

The Allnighter [MCA, 1984]

If there's a new way to go Hollywood, Glenn'll find it. His latest solo album had died a just and speedy death when the Beverly Hills Cop blitz reached "The Heat Is On," a more Eagle-worthy song, than anything on this smarmy piece of sexist pseudosoul, and who ever thought Eagleworthy would someday be a compliment? Then Miami Vice keyed an episode to "Smuggler's Blues," the album's only non-DMSR track--the anti-Soviet "Better in the U.S.A." doesn't count, because the main thing that's better seems to be making out. Bingo, certified gold. C

Al DiMeola

Meltdown [1970s]

He tries not to seem like a drone that only likes what is praised by other critics, but simply goes too far in doing that and bashes objectively good stuff.

>inb4 music is subjective

Well most "prog" bands do suck desu senpai

Would it kill him to actually explain what he doesn't like about the artist instead of relegating them to his shitbucket list like that?

>Taking any meme critic apart from Lester Bangs seriously

He liked all the albums you mentioned though....

Ten [Epic, 1991]

in life, misery loves company. in music, riffs work even better ("Once", "Even Flow") **

Stand Up [Island, 1969]

Fans of the group claim it's a great album. Me, I don't like the group. I consider it an adequate album. C

Why does he write such short and pointless, off-topic reviews? I mean, he sits through 50 minutes of an album and can only write that music loves riffs?