This kills the metalfag

This kills the metalfag.

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friendly reminder that BoB is the superior 1966 album

Metal won, dude.

Punk died, itt proved internally and sustainably and conceptually impossible.

Just as leftism is proving impossible.

Get over it.

I wonder what he dislikes more. Metal or prog.

You know what else needs to be killed? This shitty fucking meme, that's what

From reading some of Christgau's columns, it seems that he dislikes these genres because they promote escapism and encourage you to retreat into a fantasy world instead of confronting the real world's problems.

Still gave Back in Black a B tho

Only a B- and since when are AC/DC "metal"?

Lol, as if punks have political solutions.

As if redpilled, hardened metalhead types wouldn't be much better protectors of society (as members of the military, they often are)

But this is one Marxist aesthetic fallacy: that art needs to constantly be rationalistically dwelling on economic realities or some shit, while Metal taps into deeper, primal, interior drives that actually more accurately speak to the life of people, culture, and their real feelings and concerns. Do working class people, after all, want to watch movies about dreary Marxist studies on work relations, or do they want to watch so-called 'escapism' that speaks to their actual feelings? Oh, right.

\He didn't like folkies and hippies back in the day either for same reason--they had a deluded belief in pastoral escapism.

Again, as if getting in touch with a good simple life, and the land, isn't what life is all about.

I swear, I fucking hate Marxist-informed intellectuals like him. Absolutely despise them to my core. Nothing... NOTHING to salvage there.

holy memes batman

Duh, beach boys suck ass

Life is a meme. And you're the joke.

where's the joke in meme?

truth

"Me, I swore off acoustic guitars for life the first time I ever heard Joan Baez hit a high note. Even after exempting country blues, I couldn't make this vow stick--I respected Pete Seeger and couldn't resist Bob Dylan, and there was no denying the occasional unplugged rightness of reformed folkies like Jim McGuinn, Neil Young, and Jerry Garcia (not to mention that of the Beatles and the Stones). But I blamed folkies for much of the sentimentality and gentility that cropped up in rock and roll in the late '60s, and by extension distrusted the counterculture fascination with "authenticity" as well. Folkie artiness rather than Sgt. Pepper I regarded as the true font of rock pretentiousness. It was folkie alienation, I thought, that induced white singers to caricature blacks instead of adapting the rhythmic and timbral usages of blues to their own deliveries. And it was folkie nostalgia (in the face of a stubborn oppressive present) that dispersed the counterculture's political potential down the garden path of pastoral escapism."

How to make music Christgau likes. It must be (check one):

1. Catchy
2. Loud
3. Left-wing
4. Optimistic
5. Songs are under 3:30 in length
6. Helps if the artist is from NYC

Metal is the music of the working class, punk is the music of whiny First World problems lefty college students.

The Backdoor Wolf [Chess, 1973]

There's more artistry in this 63 year old's large intestine than passes through Sunset Recorders in a month. You think Steve Stills could come up with something as clever as "Coon in the Moon" and turn it into an ironic cry of pride? The Wolf hasn't been in this fine a form in years. Suggestion--get rid of the electric piano. A-

Discovery [Virgin, 2001]

These guys are so French I want to force-feed them and cut out their livers. Young moderns who've made the Detroit-Berlin adjustment may find their squelchy synth sounds humanistic; young moderns whose asses sport parallel ports may dance till they crash. But Yank fun is much less spirituel, so that God bless America, "One More Time" is merely an annoying novelty stateside. The way our butts plug in, there are better beats on the damn Jadakiss CD. C+

Beach Boys fans are so cancerous. They are *almost* as bad as Grimes fans. If you dare say that Pet Sounds isn't a 10/10 GOAT album, they will rage like a toddler who is denied his ice cream.

anyone disputing that Pet Sounds is a 10/10 is objectively wrong, though (or not male)

He's not a big fan of European rock and dancepop.

>Just as leftism is proving impossible.
WE DID IT REDDIT

How would they be objectively wrong?

Why doe this kill the metalfag?

He also seems insecure about metal's "tough guy" image, like he resent it for some reason

More like the prog fan, he has a hate boner for prog and I don't fucking get it.
Yet he thinks fucking nikki minaj is better than Camel.

BAKA 2bh

Yeah he didn't like ABBA either and I do notice from listening to Yuro dancepop is that it has a colder, slicker sound than the American stuff, probably because of the lack of black rhythms/influence.

no one likes you

Oh, that's easy to explain.

robertchristgau.com/xg/bk-aow/presley.php

He got his ass kicked by jocks in HS and has an everlasting resentment against tough white guy music.

Nah, I think metal is what kills him on the inside. He has like an entire section of his website dedicated to his bias against metal, and yet he continues to review metal albums, too, all usually going something like "yeah this shit is cool, but ultimately we know metal is just posturing it up". I think metal has beaten him into submission if anything.

Well now that is just hilarious. The beta male jokes write themselves.

This explains the hateboner Sup Forums has for metal.

So did Kurt Cobain.

"I was pretty much the only person I knew that was into music. Most of the guys I went to school with were just interested in drinking, fighting, and chasing girls. I felt so different that I wondered for a while if I was gay. The whole experience left me with a seething hatred of the American macho male. I like being around women and homosexuals."

I guess we are both in the same boat

Master of Puppets [Elektra, 1986]

I feel at a generational disadvantage with this music not because my weary bones can't take its power and speed but because I was born too soon to have my dendrites rerouted by progressive radio. This band's momentum can be pretty impressive, and as with a lot of fast metal (as well as some sludge) they seem to have acceptable political motivations--antiwar, anticonformity, even anticoke, fine. But the revolutionary heroes I envisage aren't male chauvinists too inexperienced to know better; they don't have hair like Samson and pecs like Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's the image Metallica calls up, and I'm no more likely to invoke their strength of my own free will than I am The 1812 Overture's. B-

And Christgau gave Nirvana A's across the board. Every single album.

Body Count [Sire/Warner Bros., 1992]
Exploiting and burlesquing the style's whiteskin privilege from "Smoked Pork" to "Cop Killer," Ice-T's metal album takes rap's art-ain't-life defense over the top. Not only does he off pigs, he murders his mom--because she taught him to hate white people. Then he cuts her up, sticks her well-catalogued body parts in Hefty bags, deposits same all over this great land of ours, and suggests that listeners with parents on the racist tip follow his example. For Satanism he tangles with a voodoo queen and enters the "Bowels of the Devil," a/k/a the state pen. He wilds with Tipper's 12-year-old nieces, fucks his "KKK Bitch" in the ass when a rally gets his dick hard, and fakes an orgasm for good measure. And like any long-haired frontman worth his chart position, he sings a tender ballad--in which a coke fiend steals enough money to buy the best shit, then goes cardiac when he smokes it. A-

Right, see Ice-T is black so Xgau doesn't feel intimidated by him like he did with AC/DC and Van Halen.

>God I fuckin' love three dozen albums where a guy plays two notes for an hour and a half

Why does punk rock always seem to attract Tumblrcore nu males?

See, he can identify with Cobain.

Metal haters get fucked.

Was that about metal?

>Sometimes I miss those innocent young days when I thought this album title referred to some hot airplanes flying through the air. Just flying free like a breeze on the wings of the night of a dream and a prayer of a life ever after. But watching women piss has its nostalgic charm too, I suppose.

>IF YOU GREW UP IN A WHOREHOUSE!

>Eno at the outset of his career was a glam man who wore big gold makeup and robotic elevator shoes to the office every day, and his debut solo release certainly reflects this fashion obsession. However, behind all the fuzzed-out Sweet-style rhythm guitars, huge cock-rock guitar solos and campy light-in-the-nipples fluffernuttery, he was playing a magnificent assortment of Beatles-inspired pop music (the Lennon-out-the-ASS bitter piano attack "Driving Me Backwards" and exact Rutles replica "Some Of Them Are Old"), modern drone-tone pop rockers that any Flying Nun band would kill or die for (the title track driven by Eno's self-described 'warm jet guitar,' the hypnotic buzzery chime and celebratory vocal melody of "Needles In The Camel's Eyes"), and interesting takes on the music of his youth (the deconstructed Bo Diddley/carnival music hybrid "Blank Frank," the generic doowop ballad with ear-blasting jet engine guitar solo "Cindy Tells Me"). His songwriting itself was thus fairly traditional (though quite accomplished in the melody department!); it was the oddball production and loopy playing that planted this baby deep into the underground.

>Ahhh, I'll never forget the first time I planted a baby deep into the underground. You see, I was tending the garden when I mistook the neighbors' kid for a pumpkin seed. Next thing you know, I'm a MURDERER! And I'm MURDERING EVERYBODY IN TOWN!!!! ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! MURDER MURDER MURDER!!!! THEY'RE ALL DEAD NOW - THE WHOLE TOWN!!! So I started a record review site.

What do you think meal is?

>guy playing le epic 20 minute solo consisting of the same two notes played over and over at 230 bpm
>lylsotalented

What do you think metal is?

wtf I hate rap now

Wtf i hate Bernie now, i'm a #DannyTrumpeter

...

>droning this hard
Fuck off

>Punk died, itt proved internally and sustainably and conceptually impossible.

What does this even mean?
There are plenty of great punk bands running around

wew this ones off the handle boys

>this kills le right generation kid

>not like me! the true alpha!

Punk music can't be escapist?

The Misfits, Ramones, Stooges, Fugazi, Nirvana, Pixies, and on and on

None of these bands have fun bangers that don't really mean anything?

He's an asshole

>2. Loud

That's false, he's slammed Melvins and Dinosaur Jr., as well as metal, all of which is loud