The guys in blue won

The guys in blue won.
How?

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1582_Cagayan_battles
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Portuguese-British ultimate allies. That's how

P.W.E
(Protestant/Portuguese work ethic)

That was hillarious

The guys in Green won.
How?

Elisabeth died.
Plus Friedrich II was a big guy. Prussia more or less single-handedly destroyed Austria/France.

fug

Map doesn't include Mughal Empire senpai

Britain was happy enough just blowing up your fleet again m8. Ask the krauts.

...

So in other words, brits are useless

I already know that, lad

He knows whats up.

they had prussia
Also how is this NOT a world war?

A*stria backstabbed us as usual.

no surprise, napoleon had polish legions on his side

Nah m8, just that while Europeans were busy hitting each other with sticks we were getting filthy rich shooting people with sticks.

I can nearly see washington geting #rekt there

We almost destroyed Prussia but..
Fuckin PRUSSIABOOOS

That's a big colony.

>Poland has fucked up Europe once again
I hate Hitler a little less now

BIG

but we won it

You didn't...

>AHHHH BRITAIN SAVE ME
>wtf Britain you can't expect me to pay for this it's not like I asked you to save me

s-shut up Portugla he has nukes, and as your oldest ally, if you piss him off he'll nuke us both

>tfw you'll never visit french louisiana

If I take it from you, will you die?

Elizabeth died and Peter III was a gigantic faggot pr*ssiaboo.

When your king looks this badass...

b-b-but we did but then our idiot emperor fucked up all

This is supposed to be WWI and WWI is supposed to be shitty Christmas war

By all means they did. And then their faggot pr*ssiaboo emperor signed white peace.

Technically he did. A new star was crowned during the war and he was a Prussiaboo. He switched sides and gave command of his army to Fredrick the Great. This was at a time in the war in which Austrian and French forces were in Prussian territory. It helped give him a second wind until that tsar was assassinated, by his wife, Catherine the Great.

>7 years after an Earthquake busted our capital and country permanently
>Sp*niards and Fr*nch get grabby
>British discipline and Portuguese bravery kick Spanish ass so hard that they never recover again

It would be EXTREMELY painful...

>Finland wants to visit your colony

HIIIIIIIIII

For you

>English general writes on his journal about how disorganised and badly maintained the Portuguese army is, and how little food they have
>Luso-English army is being organised by the British General after the salaries stopped being payed due to severe losses after the earthquake 7 years prior
>most of the Portuguese army doesn't have working guns
>they gather rocks to throw at the Spaniards/French on their way to the battle

>first invasion is through the North of the country earlier than expected
>army is still ready-ing near the Tagus
>peasants, women and children from trĂ¡s-os-montes defeat wave of 8000 Spanish/French soldiers
>they write a letter to the General and the prime minister saying that they don't need to send the army up there because they are doing peachy.

>second and third invasions are defending by sending smalls groups of Portuguese soldiers in very carefully thought out tactical suicide missions.
>the Portuguese volunteer to do them, since it's technically their war
>the Portuguese come back alive
>the English general writes in his journal about how brave the Portuguese men were, and how well they did under severe pressure and very little food
>the Portuguese prime minister writes about how tactically brilliant the general was
>everyone has a drink of Portwine and eats fish and chips.
>the English general is hired by the Portuguese crown to be the country's military leader until his death

>The french decide to do the same shit 50 years later with Napoleon, only to be BTFO again

Damn, that was indeed extremely painful

>throwing rocks at your enemies

Barbarians.

Also
>25K

wew lad, how?

fucking noice

We probably wrote "your wine and cheese sucks" on them, too.

>how
I mean, I did write it in green text, but it was mostly true. Portugal is sort of hard to attack, to be fair. The geography is a bit shitty for invaders.

Also, is this a dick-measuring contest now?

Why are crusaders so bad at not killing christians?

Well, I don't really have "impressive battles" saved on my computer, and I know Portuguese are tough af

desu, we won a lot of battles, but those battles were not so impressive (not 2K dead soldiers vs 19K dead enemies, for example) and we often lost more men than our filthy foes.

>killing muslims AND christians so muslims can't say you're Islamophobic

:^)

Yeah, it's a bit hard to have underdog battles when you're one of the biggest countries around. And you guys maintained war for huge-ass periods of time.

Every old small country around has had to prove itself once or twice, otherwise it wouldn't have kept existing. The Netherlands being another example.

A lot of what we did also needed outside help, mainly from the Brits, but it was mostly a luxury of being far enough away that we could opt out of major battles, and only pick the ones where we could actually and reasonably win. Most of our Indic battles were won by having slightly faster cannons (loaded from the back) and knowing how to use it to our advantage.

Everything turned into shit in 1578 when our king decided we could do it all and we lost our army in Africa. Ever since we've been tumbling from natural disaster to invasion to colony revolutions. Oh well. We logistically and realistically could've never have been anything better than a glass cannon, so it was fun while it lasted.

Do you have the portuguese vs samurai battle?

No, I only have the Spanish invasions, the Indian battles and the colonial war.

I'm not even sure which one you mean, desu. The one where we kamikaze'd at the Japs?

>Portuguese buttfucking Indians and T*rks

WTF I LOVE PORTUGAL NOW

I only remember their flag, it was black with white circles

The only one I remember were with some pirates, trying to raid a colony or something. Might have been spanish, I can't remember, but I love to know more.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1582_Cagayan_battles

I don't know it, but I'm looking for it.

Yeah, it might have been during the Iberian Union, since Portugal-proper never really had a lot of battles with Japan, just Portuguese under the Spanish crown, mostly.

The actual story of the battle is pretty neat:
>We got there and demanded free parking.
>They laughed at us
>We threatened them
>They laughed at us and circled our 5 ships
>We threatened them again
>They started loading their cannons
>We started going around the (2 or 3 layered) circle, firing cannonballs and crossbow arrows and destroying most of them. Since we had nimbler ships (we pioneered the lateen sail on large combat ships)

The thing with our cannons was that they were:
a) loaded from the back - which means you don't have to pull it to load it, nor climb on the side of the ship to load them. Theirs did, which meant they were 5 or 6 times slower, and the gooks loading them were being picked off by our crossbow men
b) positioned lowed in the ship, close to the sea level - which mean the bullets ricocheted off the water, and hit the lower, thinned parts of the ship, so they were going through them into the ones int he outer layers, and leaving them full of holes, which made them sink.

Amidst the chaos they couldn't get a hit on, and we got away with it. And so they finally agreed to let us park there. I have a book of impressive battles/military feats of the Portuguese, and I assume most countries had similar episodes. The people back then were just a lot fucking tougher all around.

Thanks, thats the one I had in mind.

>The people back then were just a lot fucking tougher all around.
Europe has become too nice it seems.

>people roleplaying and saying "we"

Kek how cringey can you get

Bros4lyfe.

>The Portuguese depicted as blacks
I-It's just a tan! (for real though, they were of German descent).