>HARD MODE: NO RYM REVIEWS
nme.com
Worst reviews you've ever read
Cooper Price
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Sebastian Torres
pssht its probably not that ba- *open link*
>Fuck off the real world. Fuck off illness. Fuck off the train. Fuck off newspapers. Fuck off other people. Fuck off music you have to think about. Fuck off the recession. Fuck off five-a-day. Fuck off Poundland. Fuck off Twitter. Fuck off music that’s in a hurry. Fuck off trying to know everything about everything then forgetting it all anyway. Right now, fuck off anything that isn’t the woozy Washed Out/How To Dress Well/War On Drugs glory that is DIIV – blissed-out bringers of woozy rock’n’roll who aren’t into the everyday, the mundane, the normal, but are into (sound the bullshit alarm!) “dreams of aliens, affection, spirits and the distant natural world”.
Holy fuck
Jonathan Bennett
Cameron Gomez
pitchfork.com
Can't beat this.
Bentley Sanders
>EP
Brody Gutierrez
I legitimately thought this was parody the first time I saw it. It still shocks me.
Cameron Williams
>"Egyptian Song"
kek
Jordan Hill
Probably any Robert Christgau's reviews.
Brandon Gomez
THE FACT
John Hernandez
Just pick one of these
Tyler Wood
Juan Cooper
NME reviews are almost universally shit.
nme.com
Aaron Scott
Jesus Christ. For me, it's an 8/10.
The album is not that bad, but it's not that great.
Colton Collins
Can anyone find that pitchfork "review" that was just a video of a monkey weeing in its mouth?
Noah Bell
Jet - Shine On
Nathan Perry
Thanks mang.
Landon Flores
THAT THE
Joseph Hughes
wait is a great fucking song to be fair. can't believe they got a fucking nine though. should've been a 6,5-7.
Adam Robinson
>Funk-metal turned into something completely different, halfway into the decade, withe the advent of Korn. Jonathan Davis embodied the post-yuppie pessimism at the turn of the century, and made a career of focusing on the anxieties of disaffected teenageers of the middle-class. Thus the tone of Korn (1994) was bleak, and, while not as aggressive as other funk-metal bands, it had few rivals in terms of dramatic tension. It was only fitting that Life Is Peachy (1996) and Follow The Leader (1998) were confused and insecure albums, compensating a lack of songwriting skills with an emphasis on mood swings and claustrophobic atmospheres.
Owen Brooks
That album is fucking boring trash. If you want good AM listen to their first album.
Jackson Mitchell
For me the really good AM are their two first albums.
Carson Ross
>I have become the middle-aged butt of the joke. Who are the kids listening to this? It's so loud and angry and quite frankly it scares me. I think I'm going to lie down and listen to Joni Mitchell.
What's wrong with white people?
Jose Price
Shit cat
Nuff said.
Jacob Martinez
pitchfork.com
maybe it's cause I've not heard the album but I don't get it
Xavier Hall
I like that review, it's personal, honest, a fresh take
Juan Moore
The debut LP from Australia's-most-likely is a joyous ode to sampling, weaving a dense web of gathered sounds into a collection of grooves both contemplative and danceable. Since I Left You is filled with so much of the sound that inspires DJs: forgotten disco, warm funk, French-pop, droll spoken-word, syrupy strings, and proto-hip-hop loops. And every one of the album's 18 strung-together songs is complex beyond belief. Luckily, the album has an easy-going air that lifts it out of the realm of smart-guy assemblage and into sexy, summery territories.
Keep in mind this was a 6/10 review and they said nothing negative about it
Christopher Ortiz
Fabulous beats, absolutely, only . . . sorry, I know this is esoteric, but . . . Freddie Gibbs is to Rick Ross as Ryan Bingham is to Luke Bryan--"realer," but not therefore worthier ("High," "Broken") *
Isaiah Hughes
What a whiny bunch of hipster faggots in the comments.
Christopher Bailey
Fantano on any punk album
Jaxon Carter
pitchfork.com
See also: every other p4k review
Matthew Ward
>It might also be the greatest record of the last decade.
Jesus Christ, has this person even listened to any other record released this decade?
David Green
>easy-going
>summery
>nothing negative
Anthony Watson
Meant for
Cameron Robinson
I HAD NEVER SEEN A SHOOTING STAR BEFORE.
Kevin Murphy
The Warning [EMI America, 1984]
Heavy metal's excuse for existing is its status as the generic expression of a white-male-adolescent underclass, but these five devotees of "the American work ethic" from an affluent Seattle suburb buy none of that--they're into selling. They woodshedded for two years, avoiding the seamy bar circuit in their pursuit of the rock and roll dream, which is of course a big contract. And when they got it they gave two weeks notice on their day jobs like the second-generation managers they are. What EMI paid for was the operatic tenor of Geoff Tate emoting "fantasy" lyrics over hyped-up new-metal tempos, and if you think the brand name panders to sexism and fascism, you're free to set up picket lines for as long as the First Amendment remains in force. D+
Joshua Richardson
Blood Sugar Sex Magik [Warner Bros., 1991]
they've grown up, they've learned to write, they've earned the right to be sex mystics ("Give it Away", "Breaking the Girl") **
Andrew Cox
Queensryche are nothing but a cheap, manufactured Iron Maiden ripoff with a Dickinson impersonator singing.
Nicholas Long
Since I Left You [Sire/Modular, 2001]
using bits and pieces of dumb crap, which is ecological, to make smart crap, which is less so ("Frontier Psychiatrist," "Close to You") **
Who gave this man a job?
Nicholas Roberts
The Kid A review of pitchfork is ridiculous
I agree it's a 10 but it's so pretentious
James Watson
Thats what it was originally called, dingus
Brandon Watson
Interesting.
Brayden Reed
Load [Elektra, 1996]
The good thing about being old is that I'm neither wired to like metal or tempted to fake it. Just as I suspected, these Johnny-come-lately-meet-the-new-boss-same-as-the-old-boss-es can no more do grunge than they can double ledger bookkeeping. Grunge simply isn't their meter. So regardless of what riff neatniks think, this is just a metal album with the tempos slowed and the songs shortened, which is good because it concentrates their chops, and bad because it means more singing, which they can't. C+
Andrew Watson
the bald guy's review of worlds
Ryder King
Hampus's review of "The 2nd Law" was top cringe, though I don't suppose anyone here remembers Hamps.
Cooper Thomas
So their objection begins and ends with track lengths? Pretty much what I'd expect from Rolling Stone.
Austin Parker
i thought that review was pretty decent desu, kinda shows there's two completely different positions one can take on the record and that it's overall kind of difficult to say anything meaningful about it.
Cooper Ross
Classic. Honestly, I'd take this over most of their other AE reviews though. At least this one was entertaining - the one for elseq was pretty dull and apathetic and Exai's was just plain bad.
Anthony Ramirez
I know you said no RYM reviews, but this one is too embarrassing not to show
Nathaniel Hall
tinymixtapes.com
I love PRODUCT and I hate being associated w/people like this
Connor Peterson
Same. I like it cause it's well-executed pop music with interesting sound design, not this pseudo-intellectual bullshit.
Julian Adams
You know what? That's the best review ever. Not kidding or being ironic.
Camden Robinson
Which one? They are all exactly, precisely correct.
Joshua Roberts
Still the most pathetic thing I have ever read.