This is my favorite review of an album ever:

This is my favorite review of an album ever:

"Talking Heads? More like Talking Fags."
-Vice magazine (this was probably around 2005)

Other urls found in this thread:

pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/11617-partie-traumatic/
pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/9464-shine-on/
personal.cis.strath.ac.uk/murray.wood/astral.html
pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/4981-the-best-little-secrets-are-kept/
twitter.com/AnonBabble

oh my god i just tried to google this, did google like just now fuck with their layout? every result looks like an ad god why

pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/11617-partie-traumatic/

Has any one band ever had their career so thoroughly annihilated by a single publication as these guys?

The left margin is too wide. It makes me uncomfortable.

i don't get why they want to keep making the page look more and more desolate

I hate Christgau but this is my favorite review:
>Pure Guava [Elektra, 1992]
It's to the half-credit of these Bucks County wise guys that the studio amenities of their major-label debut impel them toward fucked-up sounds, which come hard, rather than fucked-up songs, which they write without thinking (and how). But I don't buy the claim that they'll do anything for a laugh. Ever since they went on about pussy for nine minutes (good idea) in a Princey blues-minstrel drawl (bad one), I've assumed they were the kind of rec-room gigglefritzes who enjoy a good nigger joke when they're sure their audience is sophisticated enough to enjoy it. And to be perfectly honest, I don't hear one of those here. C+

only a libcuck could write something like that

fucking kek more of these please

lmao what

Yes.
pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/9464-shine-on/

Nah, Jet's audience and Pitchfork's audience were different. Jet was catered to a niche they kept them going past that review.

Black Kids never stood a chance.

"Talking Heads? More like Sporking Heads."
Me, just now (do not plagiarise from me)

Talking Heads? More like Talking Speds!!

Jokes aside, I think this is the greatest music review ever written.
personal.cis.strath.ac.uk/murray.wood/astral.html

"No"
-Review of Yes

Pitchfork's Shine On review is still the funniest thing ever

>tfw he died too young
>tfw we'll never get another reviewer this based, considering rock's golden age is over

pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/4981-the-best-little-secrets-are-kept/
The most underrated P4K thrashing. That ending is GOAT.

Millions Now Living Will Never Die [Thrill Jockey, 1996]
Obviously not stupid, which I can understand means a lot to them after their troubled childhoods, these guys are the class of the American post-rock cough cough hack hack movement ptooey ptooey. But I would direct their attention to the British band Mark-Almond, a now forgotten jamming unit that achieved real sales and a measure of hip around the time they were born. Not that I necessarily think these "eclectic," consciously unspacy, all too unhurried soundscape improvisations are destined for the same degree of obscurity. Patterns of culture have changed, and in a boutique economy, this shit, like all other shit, is probably here to stay. Still, there are surer roads to posterity. Best moment: the lead bassline, lifted directly from "Poptones" (by PiL, kids). B-

wtf Christgau

>Autechre records are purchased solely by bald men in expensive anoraks who would masturbate to a car alarm if it was re-mixed by a German. This impenetrable curtain of misanthropic noise - released with an accompanying three-track DVD that features a squabble of hopelessly pretentious video "interpretations" - is typical of the menopausal electro-manglers' dogged refusal to bow to convention and produce anything of interest to anyone not either a) bald or b) German. It bleeps. It skronks. It krrraaaanks. But mainly, it blows like a ruddy awful hurricane. Remember, kids; if it sounds like a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank, it's because it IS a festering hillock of tune-shy bum-wank. Avoid as you would a bald German.

this and the one where Ian Cohen writes in jive are the goat p4k reviews

pitchfork never does funny/edgy/memey shit like this anymore. what happened?

Lmao what Cohen review is that, his old ones where he got to shit on people were golden but I'm not sure I've ever seen that one

What a gem he is. I swear, he's gotta be fucked up 24/7.